hiya, long time no see. i apologize for not updating since november, life got a little crazy and i decided to take a step back for a little while. so in that case, happy late new years AND valentine's day. here's a request from Posiden1234567

  It wasn't supposed to be like this.

  It wasn't that Rollan was entirely unhappy with where he was. He was surrounded by three good friends that made him laugh on a bad day. No, that wasn't the problem. It was really just Conor. Conor wasn't a bad guy or anything— quite the opposite actually. It was that he was too nice, too caring. He'd first began noticing this around the time he'd admitted to giving up the Iron Boar. Sure, Rollan had been angry at first, but once he actually understood... well, it was the most selfless act he'd ever witnessed.

  Then came the near death encounters along the way, as all heroes experienced in their lifetime. Half were absolutely terrifying, others thrilling, and somehow Conor— well, all of them— came out grinning. Then came the parasite. Rollan had  never felt so worried about a human being before. Splitting up only troubled him even more. If anything happened to Conor and Meilin in the caves, then he'd never forgive himself.

  Even after the Wyrm, Conor still managed a smile around them. An attractive smile.

  Rollan shook his head. Nope, not attractive. Just a pleasant smile, was all. The four of them were sitting across from each other, huddled over their breakfast. Abeke and Conor sat beside each other, and Meilin was just at his elbow. Every now and then, he bumped his elbow against hers and shot her an awkward glance.

  Although, he saved most of his glances for Conor, who was quiet this morning, barely picking at the food on the table in front of him. Rollan tore his eyes away from him, down into the oatmeal below. He wondered if it was acceptable to have stew for breakfast. More importantly, he wondered if it was acceptable to sit beside Conor and hold his hand under the table.

  Nope, not hold hands. Slap his back instead. Because that's what boys do. As a greeting. Yup.

  As Abeke and Meilin chatted about whatever they'd been doing before (Rollan wasn't exactly paying attention), him piping up only to add a comment or two, he studied Conor's movements closely. They were slow, careful. His eyebrows were furrowed as he analyzed his own hand, which gripped the spoon a little too hard. There was something off about him, and Rollan wanted to know what.

  And so, when Conor excused himself early, rigidly walking away, Rollan decided to follow. Obviously, he waited a few minutes before leaving, he didn't want to look suspicious. He had a guess as to where Conor had gone anyways, so he didn't think he'd have to ask around too much.

  When Rollan finally stood in front of the door to the Moon Tower, he paused to decide if he should actually knock like a normal human being, or crack the door open ever so slowly with a smile.

  He decided to knock.

  "You can come in," came Conor's voice, sounding less merry than Rollan had realized, "I'm not busy."

  Rollan pushed the door open, finding Conor on the floor, back pressed to the wall. A small ukulele sat in his lap, but it appeared that he had given up on it. "Hey," was all Rollan said for a moment. Finally, he added, "You didn't seem to be doing too well back there. I came to check on you."

  Suddenly, a smile pulled at the corners of Conor's mouth. "You're worried about me?" He laughed. "Aren't you sweet?"

  Rollan's face reddened. He cleared his throat. "Well, as your friend—" he moved to sit down next to Conor— "isn't that kind of expected of me?"

  Conor shook his head. "It's not expected of you," he mumbled in response, "but thank you for checking on me. Really."

  Rollan nodded, and a silence fell upon them. It wasn't comfortable nor uncomfortable; it was just silence. "You haven't told me if you're okay or not though," he reminded the other boy, bringing one knee up to his chest, the other far out in front of him.

  When Rollan thought that Conor wasn't going to respond, he finally opened his mouth. "It's just one of those days, I guess," Conor said, absentmindedly plucking at the strings on the ukulele. It was a tune without a melody, but it sounded just as sweet. "You know, when you're just sad. No reason to be, but you feel it anyway. That's okay though.. isn't it?" Conor glanced at Rollan at the last part, as if seeking confirmation.

  "Yeah," Rollan replied, holding his gaze on him. "It's completely fine."

  Conor seemed relieved with the answer, before he laughed silently. "I think that's enough sappy stuff for today," he said, but didn't make an effort to move after. Rollan sighed, finally looking away from him and leaning his head back against the wall. All of a sudden, Conor was no longer Conor, Hero of Erdas, or Conor, Summoner of Briggan the Wolf. He was just Conor, and Rollan adored every piece of him, from his rough shepherd hands to his awkward smile. They were all pieces to a puzzle that formed the boy beside him.

  "Do you want to go for a walk?" Rollan asked. He wasn't very eager at all to abandon Conor so soon. "I could use some fresh air. Oh, and Essix needs a place to land, which could either be on my head or my shoulder. It's a surprise everyday."

  Conor stood up with an amused grin. "I wouldn't mind. I'm sure Briggan wouldn't either. It's not easy to stay cooped up in a stuffy castle for so long."

  Rollan nodded in agreement as they left the quiet room, their footsteps echoing down the hallway.

  Rollan had decided quickly that this was not a smart idea.

  Every time their hands accidentally brushed, Rollan felt his face heat up or some kind of dissatisfaction deep within him make an entrance. Not because of the touch, but because it was a tease towards something he would probably never have.

  "Why do you keep doing that?" he heard Conor ask after a couple minutes of walking. Their previous conversation had just been about their training yesterday, but it had taken a wild turn into No Mans Land.

  "Doing what?" Rollan responded casually. He looked up into the sky, spotting Essix. Conor probably knew he was avoiding his gaze, but he didn't really care at that point.

  "I think you know what I mean," Conor hummed after a moment of silence. The truth was, yeah, Rollan did in fact know what he was talking about, but he did not want to talk about it!

  "No reason," he settled on. It sounded suspicious, but what else was he supposed to say? He couldn't spit insults at one of his best friends to make it seem like he hated them; that was awful. He also couldn't get on one knee and declare his love for Conor, so he found himself stuck in a rut.

  "You're a big liar," Conor snorted, but not in annoyance. Everything about him right then screamed amused.

  "You're not enough of a liar," Rollan shot back. Conor let out a loud laugh, one that made Briggan, who was many steps ahead, stop and turn around.

  "I didn't realize," the Euran boy mused. There was something attractive about Conor in that moment, and Rollan savoured every inch of it.

  Rollan didn't respond, staring at his feet as he walked. He'd occasionally get worried, because Conor definitely would be the kind to let him trip on a tree root without calling a warning beforehand. Especially right now.

  "Rollan," Conor said, halting. It took Rollan a couple moments to stop once he'd realized Conor had stopped moving. He wandered back towards him, muttering a, "huh?"

  "Would I be a liar if I told you I love you?"

  The question struck Rollan like a punch to the chest. Even with the hit, he did what he'd always done; roll with it. "You'd be a liar, definitely," Rollan responded. His throat felt tight, and he was afraid that the words had never even left his mouth, that he'd just imagined them and all Conor saw was a silent, shocked boy standing in front of him.

  "That's funny." Conor scrunched his nose. "I kind of thought you'd have a better lie detector in that noggin of yours, based on your backstory."

  Rollan's heart skipped a beat. "You're not lying?"

  "I can't lie. We know this."

  They did know that. Conor sounded even more suspicious trying to lie than he did telling the truth. Rollan felt giddy with delight, but also a hint of annoyance, which he appeared to wear on his face, based on Conor's quiet, "Uh oh."

  "I wanted the first move, you idiot," Rollan huffed in agitation.

  Conor shrugged. "You're a wimp."

  Rollan lunged at him. In the matter of a couple seconds, they were wrestling playfully on the forest floor, shouting challenges and letting out alarmed honks. After five minutes, roughly, the two boys backed off of each other, panting and laughing.

  "You're the wimp." Rollan wiped dirt off his cheek.

  "I'm the wimp and you're the idiot." Conor shook leaves out of his hair.

  Reluctantly, Rollan leaned forward, picking a leaf he had missed out of the other boy's hair. Conor let him. "That's fair."

  "Hey," Conor said quietly.

  Rollan looked up from his hands, which had returned to his lap.

  "I'm feeling better."

  "I'm glad."

this is the longest one i've written in a while and that is.... shameful. i gotta step up my game 🤨 also this is like slightly edited, not fully, so if u caught a mistake then don't mind that, ok