I carried on walking and made a mental note to find my mother, even though she can't see me it would still comfort me immensely if I could just see her and tell her I love her. Tears are streaming down my face faster than I can wipe them away and I don't know how to make them stop. It's not like I can just forget that I got stabbed to death, its not like I'm going to forgive my murderer, no, never. Thats when it hit me. I. Need. Food. I don't even know how long it's been since I've had food, it must have been at lunch yesterday, and now its 4am and I need my coffee and pancakes.

 Especially today. Today is the day that I am going to start the path to life. 

I scan my surroundings looking for a map to guide me to the cafeteria when I suddenly feel the urge to sit down so I wander to the nearest waiting room and sagged into the chairs. I guess I'm tired out which doesn't really make sense considering the fact that I'm technically not alive. I close my eyes and stare at the clock on the plain pale wall above the receptionists desk. It read 04:39.

I sat quietly for a few more seconds and rubbed my eyes, praying for darkness to swallow me up and send me to a few good hours to dreamless sleep. But of course that's not what happened. Instead I received the amazing gift of someone sitting on me. No, sorry, someone sitting through me. And no. I am not having that. I try to shove the person off but my hand just goes straight through them and I pull back in disgust, that was gross.

I gulp and stand up. If this had been a normal situation then I'm pretty sure this guy wouldn't have tried to squish me so I decided to let him off the hook considering the current circumstances. What would I have done anyway? Asked him politely to get off of me or would I have slapped him. I'm not sure, it's like I don't even know myself anymore...

I look either side of me for random people that may be at risk of walking through me and sigh in relief as I see no one heading directly through me. As I turn away to try and find the cafeteria a piece of white paper on the wall catches my eye, finally, a map.

I smile and imagine those pancakes and that steaming cup of coffee.

But before I can even take a step a woman rushes past me in tears, hand over her face, clutching something small and delicate in her hand, my bracelet. My mother. 

I can't do this. I need my mother. I can't do it without her. I can't bear to see her like this! Please make it stop...

I turn away and burst into tears, falling to the floor and watch her reflection in the glass window in front of me rushes through the door and vanishes from my sight.

Then I break down, my confidence collapses around me and I imagine how she is feeling right now. I'm the only family she has left. My dad left when I was three and she already lost another child in birth, there have been some extremely hard times. I'm all she has left and now I'm gone and I can't carry on. I just need to let it all out. I need to cry now not later, the pain will only get worse if I don't get the hardest part done now.

I clasp my hands over my eyes and spiral into darkness but there are no miracles to save me this time.