Dear Patrick,

I hate you. I really, really hate you.

You broke my heart, that night.

I say broke, it felt more like you'd smashed it into little pieces, then ground it into dust with your teeth.

There hadn't been many times when I'd felt quite so alone. The bed was an island, and everything that lay beyond was unknown territory, an ocean of No Patrick. I'd pretty much resigned myself to just letting the waves lap over me until I became just another rock.

Maybe I was a rock, already. Opening my eyes seemed to require years of erosion, my head weathering away and settling on the sea floor, only to be rendered molten again by the pressure of the earth's core. You see, geography is useful, if only for metaphorical purposes.

Anyway, I lay there for a long while, a pillow hugged close to my chest, my eyes squeezed tightly shut, like if I rolled them far enough back into my head, they might unsee the last few hours.

It felt like days or weeks or months that I stayed like that; really, though, it was only about an hour. Maybe one of the worst hours of my life. Thanks for that, by the way.

Then the phone rang. It was such a fucking horrible sound, it wriggled its way into my brain and started to jab at the backs of my eyes. Cursing myself for not unplugging the stupid landline, I peeled my eyelids open and debated whether it was worth getting up for.

I had to, though. I can't leave a phone ringing, it's like the symmetry thing, I guess. I decided, when I cracked my bones off the bed and hauled myself down the stairs, that if it was you, which it most likely was, I'd just hang up straight away. The thought of talking to you right now made me ache and wince and crumble. Ugh.

It wasn't you, though. Instead, it was Joe's offensively cheerful voice which chimed down the phone at me.

"Hey, Pete!"

Flinching away from the phone, I massaged the bridge my nose. "What," I snapped.

"Uh...how are you?" His cheerfulness diminished, but not by much.

"Fuck off."

"Whoa, okay dude. Listen, can you come to my party tonight?" he asked lightly.

I groaned aloud. I'd completely forgotten about that. He'd been going on about this fucking party all week, yet I had no idea who it was for or what it was in celebration of at all. "No."

"Aww, come on, I know you're free."

"Look, Joe, I don't actually want to talk to you right now, okay?" I hissed, manners becoming secondary.

He sighed a little, and softened his tone. "Pete, I know what happened. And I'm sorry, truly. But can you please come to the party? You're on the guest list," he reasoned.

I was beginning to feel a bit sick. "Joe," I sighed slowly, "The man I was going to marry is probably currently having sex with somebody else. I'm not coming to your fucking party."

He was silent for a bit. "Uh...well, don't you think a party might take your mind off things?"

"Fuck off," I said again, feeling tears tight in my throat.

"But Pete -"

"Joe, Patrick is gone. I lost him, Joe, I lost him to her," I cried, trying and failing to stop my voice breaking up. "He's fucking her right now and he's holding her instead of me and I don't know what to do, Joe, I lost him, I lost him!" I started to sob down the phone, leaning my elbows on the kitchen counter and running my fingers through my hair.

"Uh...right,"he mumbled uncomfortably.

Usually, I would've tried to compose myself, would've been embarrassed crying like that to Joe, but at that moment it seemed like my whole world had been ruined. Which, I suppose, it had. So I just kept sobbing, hoping against hope that he might offer to come over and give me a hug.

"I...uh...right, well, listen, if you come to the party, I'll help you drink your troubles away?"

I waited for him to realise his mistake.

"Or, uh, not drink, no, no drinking, there's no alcohol here at all actually, I don't know why I said that, just, like, get over here and we can all help you, y'know, get through it."

"All? Who's even there? Is he there?" We both knew who he was.

"No, no, he's not." So he is fucking Charlotte right now. The thought made the tears come even faster.

"I don't wanna be around people at the moment."

"You don't have to socialise! Just turn up, that's all," he said. God, he must be fucking desperate.

I ran a hand across my face, smudging the tear trails. "Fine. I'll come. Just forgive me if I'm not the life of the fucking party."

He laughed a little, then coughed to stop himself. "Okay, dude."

"Your place, right?"

"Nah, not this one."

I screwed my face up. "I'm not going to some shitty club."

"No, no, it's not. I'll text you the address."

I was surprised I had any breath left with the amount of sighing I'd been doing. "Fine."

"Okay, cool. Can you be here in, like, ten minutes?"

"Ugh, I don't know, probably," I sniffed, past caring about anything at this point.

"Okay. See you then!" he chirped, then hung up.

I dropped the phone onto the counter with a clatter, and pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. Maybe Joe was right, maybe it would help to get out of this house, away from reminders of you. Even with my eyes shut, I could see everything; your unwashed dishes in the kitchen sink from breakfast that morning, one of your hats strewn on the couch, your blessed hot chocolate machine, still going strong after six years of relentless use.

It hurt. Everything seemed to hurt, even turning my phone back on and seeing my background photo; me and you, at the first show we played after the hiatus, the crowd screaming behind us, all of us drenched in sweat with huge smiles on our faces. You hadn't called or texted or anything. I wasn't sure whether I was relieved or disappointed.

Joe'd texted me an address which was vaguely familiar, in fact, increasingly familiar, as I began to realise I was tracing roads I'd been down a million times before. I ignored the growing pain in my chest, trying to focus on driving without my eyes filling with tears.

They very nearly spilled, though, when I saw where I'd ended up. It was a short drive, and it'd led me to a block of apartments. Your old apartment.

Slumping in my seat, I took a deep breath, cursing whichever one of Joe's friends had decided to live here, of all places. Don't cry, don't cry.

It was difficult though, because suddenly everything seemed to carry memories; you once parked your car in that one bay, we walked down that sidewalk, you always said you didn't like that tree 'cause from your place, it looked like it had an evil face in it. Then the bigger stuff, like that fateful spot of ground where I'd crouched over your breathless body and begged for your life. We'd had so many memories here, and now they were all worthless.

But I couldn't think like that. I'd end up curled in a ball again.

This isn't his building, it's a building. It has nothing to do with anything anymore. As I crossed the parking lot, I aggressively didn't think about you.

I started to wonder where the hell this damned party was; I couldn't hear any voices from the grounds, so I guessed it was inside. But Joe hadn't given me an apartment number, nor had he told me the code to even get inside the block. I felt myself relax a bit as I decided that that meant I could go home with a valid excuse for not showing up. I didn't really feel fit to be outside at all.

Fully prepared to half-heartedly push at the locked door and skip home, I shuffled up the steps and focused on keeping the tears inside my eyes.

But it was open. To my dismay, the door hung ajar thanks to the wooden wedge squeezed underneath it. It kinda looked like the one we have at home. No, shut up, stop thinking of him. It's a fucking wedge, they all look the same.

Though, as I sloped through the open door, I saw that it really did look like the one we had at home; there was that dent in the corner from where you'd hurled it against the wall after tripping over it for the billionth time, the red painted end bit which I'd always hated 'cause it clashed with every colour in our bedroom.

I convinced myself I was just seeing things. Or maybe there was a doorstop thief on the loose. Something like that.

Still, even though the door was open, I had no idea what room I was supposed to be headed to. I considered texting Joe, but then on the other hand I could just leave and apologise later. I could say I looked for hours and knocked on all the doors, but very unfortunately, I couldn't find the party, and had to go home and wallow some more. Boy, did I wanna wallow.

Then I saw the writing.

Across the lobby, sellotaped clumsily to the greyish white wall, was a piece of paper, written over in thick black pen.

Just keep going.

That was all it said. I felt my chest tighten a little bit as I realised whose handwriting that was, the round, detached letters and the sweeping letter tails.

It's not his. You just think it is, but it's not. It's probably just some kids messing about, it's not meant for you.

Although it was kinda strange that it was there, presented for me, right in front of my face. Maybe one of Joe's friends had written it, to tell me where to go.

I knew what it was telling me. Some part of me sensed that there must be something going on, that there'd been too many weird things in a row for them all to be by chance. I couldn't think about that, though, couldn't hang onto some fucked up hope that somehow everything would fix itself.

I think it was that part of me that compelled me to start climbing the stairs. I don't know what the hell I expected; maybe this was all Joe, maybe the party was on the roof and that message was meant for everyone going. Maybe it was nothing. I sort of hoped it was nothing. I was too tired and distraught and upset to deal with anything mildly stressful right now.

Not wanting to see your old apartment, or think about you at all, I walked faster, powering up the steps until I felt the draught of mild Chicago evening air on my face.

With weary anticipation, I pushed open the door to the roof.

There was no one there.

After all that, there was nothing, just the moonlight and the deep black shadows. I'd have laughed if I still had the capacity to do so.

Stupid. So it was just some kids.

At that point, I should've left. But I didn't. Some sadistic voice in my head thought it'd be a good idea to stay here a little longer.

I'd forgotten how utterly beautiful it was up here. It was so dark, I could hardly see my own feet, but the darkness only made the city below glow brighter.

It seemed like I was walking on glass, instead of concrete, as I wandered into the moonlight, where the place was bathed in light blue.

I leant my elbows on the wall separating me from certain death, and felt something in the pocket of my hoodie. The air rushed out of me as I reached inside and took out the little black box. I'd forgotten to put it back in the drawer.

And there was that hand again, sinking its fingers into my stomach and twisting. I felt everything all over again; my future, our future, like the city below, was far out of reach.

I never thought I'd be here, on the rooftop where we'd spent so many of our nights together, where we'd kissed for the first time, where we'd said I love you, broken and broken-hearted. I could still picture us there, together, you sitting beside me, cross-legged and smiling at the sky. All that was gone now.

Opening the box, gazing at the shining band of gold, I felt the tears again. In three days' time, it would've been on your finger. But now, your fingers were touching her, instead.

I thought about throwing it. Letting out all my anger and just hurling the box into the night, along with every thought of you. But I didn't. I couldn't, because I was still completely and utterly in love with you. Besides, it might've hit someone, and it'd caused way too much pain already.

So there I was, a stranger on the rooftop, quietly crying over an engagement ring. I must've looked like an absolute wreck. Although, that's pretty much what I was.

The wind was cold against the tear trails on my face, forcing me not to forget them. I couldn't stop now, anyway, the flood gates were already open, I'd been on the brink for ages and now I was breaking again. My ragged breaths seemed deafening in the silence of that place.

But it wasn't silent for much longer.

Footsteps echoed from the open doorway, hushed voices thrummed through the air. I jumped, instinctively shoving the ring back in my pocket, like it mattered that I hid it anymore.

I squinted at the doorway, trying to make out who it was, maybe Joe and his mates, maybe some new rooftop dweller who'd moved in now that you'd left.

The voices got louder, then one of them shushed the others, and there was only the sound of shifting clothes. I looked away quickly, wiping the tears from my face and considering running into the shadows.

Then someone said my name.

I whipped my head round to look at that someone, and felt ice spread through me.

"Patrick," I mumbled.

You were standing a few metres away from me, your hands clasped in front of you and your eyes trained on me. You were wearing a suit, a simple, perfectly fitted three-piece suit with a white shirt, shined shoes and a fedora placed on your head, your fringe delicately curled underneath it. The waistcoat showed off the planes of your chest, and the jacket flaunted your shoulders and the tie fastened round your collar made even your neck seem perfect. You looked gorgeous. If I'd been asked to define handsome, I would've presented you.

And it hurt so much. There I was, in jeans and a hoodie, my face probably blotchy and greyish, and there were you, James Bond in a fedora, bright and shiny and new. I cursed whatever stupid awards show had prompted this. You'd no doubt just gotten laid, anyway.

It was so difficult not to just throw myself at you. On any other day, that suit would be on the floor by now, and my lips would be on you. But I kept reminding myself of what you did to me. You weren't mine to touch anymore.

"Pete," you said quietly, taking a small step towards me.

I looked away, the fist in my chest clenched tight. "Why are you here. Go away."

"Can - can I talk to you?" you asked, your voice still soft as velvet.

"No," I snapped, trying to stop my throat constricting. "You've done enough."

"Please," you said, and I could hear you nearing me. "I wanna-"

"I don't care, Patrick," I spat, glaring at you and making you step backwards. "Whatever you want. Take what you want from the house, just do it when I'm not there."

"No, no, that's not why I'm here," you said, like that was the main issue.

"Well whatever you're here for, take it and leave."

"But-"

I felt the tears in my eyes again. "You slept with somebody else, Patrick! You betrayed every little bit of trust I had in you! You ruined everything, everything we had, does that mean nothing to you?!"

"Pete, please-"

"No, don't play the victim!" I yelled, starting to cry harder. "You fucked her and...and you h-held her instead of me and y-you probably haven't even broken up with her and...and I don't even know if you ever loved me at all, and I can't b-believe you've d-done this, you...you filthy liar...you h-hurt me so much!"

Putting my elbows back on the wall, I buried my face in them, letting the sobs ripple through me. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and flinched away from it.

"Don't touch me!" I shrieked, my hands in fists. "This is Joe's doing, isn't it? He wants us to fucking make up, well, it's not gonna work!" I yelled at the open door. "I'm through with him!"

You were staring at me with wide eyes, your hands now placed behind your back. "Pete, please, let me speak."

"No!" I cried. "I saw everything!"

"Please, just let me-"

"No."

"-two words," you finished, moving towards me again.

"What?" I croaked, glancing at the door and wondering if I could make a run for it.

"Please, just let me say two words," you pleaded, trying to catch my gaze.

I stared at you, my mind going through all the reasons you might be here, the reasons you were torturing me, turning up looking like that. It was difficult focussing on what you were saying since I was trying my hardest not to give in to you.

"Two words," I repeated slowly, wondering what you could possibly say with just two words. Not even I love you.

You nodded.

I let out a bitter laugh. "You think you can fix all this with two words?"

You bit your lip, and nodded again.

Sighing, I rubbed a finger into the corner of my eye. "Fine. Two words, and then I'm gonna walk out that door, and I never wanna see you again."

You shifted a little, but kept looking at me steadily. I took that to mean you understood.

"Alright. Two words," you said again, and I huffed at you to get you to hurry up so I could leave.

You took a breath.

"April Fools'."

I stopped dead. "What?"

You smiled a tiny bit. "April Fools'," you said again. "You've always been bad with dates."

Dates? What the hell?

That's when I realised what you meant. I looked at my watch, like it might tell me something, then pulled out my phone, squinting at the screen.

21:01 Mon, 1st April.

April the 1st.

I stared at you, confused and annoyed. "But...you...what? You...cheated..."

You shook your head, glancing at the open doorway. Three heads poked round it, grinning at me. Joe, Andy, and Charlotte.

My eyes widened at the sight of her, my stomach squeezing with jealousy. "You...you were kissing him, you were, I saw it, I saw you with him!"

She pranced onto the roof, the other two in tow, and smirked at me. "No you didn't. You saw me sitting on him, with my hands on his face."

"But...Atlanta..."

She shook her head. "Nope. We worked out a rough plotline beforehand, Atlanta seemed the most plausible, seeing as you weren't there."

"What?!" I nearly shrieked, my gaze flitting between all their lit faces.

Joe walked over to lean beside me on the wall, clapping me on the shoulder. "There's no party, dude. That was just an excuse to get you here. And do you really think, if Patrick was cheating, that I wouldn't've put him in hospital by now?"

I screwed my face up, unable to process all this. "But I saw them!"

"Nah, Pete, I barely touched him," she laughed. "Seriously, it was all for show, we didn't even kiss. All we were doing before you walked in was squabbling about whether I should take my top off or not. Mr. Prude over here was dead against it," she said, rolling her eyes at you. "Besides, I have a girlfriend."

Glancing between you and her, my mouth flapped. "So...so you're not...she's not..."

You gave me a kind smile. "I'd never do that to you, Pete."

"You're not cheating?!" I yelled, pointing a finger at you.

"No, Pete."

"You're not cheating?!" I screeched again, my mind running over the last couple of hours again and again.

You laughed a little. "Nope."

"You're not cheating," I said quietly, touching a hand to my face and letting my gaze drift to the floor. Then I collapsed.

I let out a huge rush of air. It kinda felt like I might pass out, but instead, I just sorta crumpled onto the concrete and pressed my face into my hands. Ohmygodohmygodohmygod.

I could feel you all crowding round me as the past couple of hours bounced around my head, and everything I thought I'd lost came soaring back to me. He's not cheating. I haven't lost him.

I felt tears on my face again, but they were different, because this time, the breaths were rushing out of me in disbelieving laughs.

"You bastards, you utter bastards," I cried, exasperated, "I hate all of you."

I heard Joe's voice close to my face. "Hey, you always pulled mean pranks on us. We figured it was time to get you back."

"I did tell them not to," Andy sighed, and I could almost hear the head-shake.

"Couldn't you just have put a custard pie in my face or something? Oh my god," I whined, waves of relief washing over me. "Fucking hell."

"I can't believe you didn't suspect anything. Patrick's a better actor than I thought," Charlotte said, giving my hair a ruffle. "I thought you'd twig straight away 'cause of how completely un-couple-like we are. I mean, did we even sleep together when we were real-life going out?"

"Nah, we were too awkward."

"And you were in looove with Petey here."

"True."

I felt my heart flip over. He still loves me. And then it dawned on me. I can still propose. I can still marry him. We can still have kids, grow old together. Everything's gonna be okay. That thought made me start sobbing all over again. But this time, it was with joy.

"Pete," I heard you say, gentle and close. Then I felt your fingers on my face, tilting it out of my hands and towards your shining eyes.

"I hate you," I said again, "You're a cruel man, Patrick Stump."

You just smiled, patting my shoulder and straightening up. Then you held out a hand, a beautiful, perfect hand that hadn't been touching her, that was still only mine to hold, and I took it, letting you help me to my feet.

"So that is our doorstop," I said suddenly, the part of my brain that'd thought so barking a ha! at all the doubt. "And that is your handwriting."

You nodded. "Yeah, we had to think of something quick when we realised you wouldn't know the code. And, and I wrote those specific words because-"

"Because it was what you wrote on our first date, of course I remember," I finished, beaming at you.

It was when you smiled back at me, your eyes full of love, full of everything I thought had vanished from you, that I broke down again. Grabbing you by your suited forearms and pulling you towards me, I hugged you as if I wasn't ever gonna let go, letting my head drop to your shoulder, breathing in your scent. Cologne, freshly laundered fabric, and Patrick. Fuck, you even smelt handsome.

"I love you," I mumbled at your collarbone. It was funny how quick all that anger and upset had melted away. You really did fix everything with two words.

You pushed me back a little, so we were almost touching noses. "I love you too."

Then you kissed me. It was just a brush of your mouth, somewhere between a peck and a snog, letting me suck lightly on your bottom lip, my nose bumping the rim of your glasses. It was sorta like being resurrected.

"You're still mine," I said quietly as we broke apart.

"Always yours," you breathed back, touching your mouth to mine once again.

"Uh...guys," I heard Joe say awkwardly, and we both looked round to see them all staring at us.

"You're so cute!" Charlotte chimed, her knuckles pressed to her cheeks.

Andy just rolled his eyes at us. "Again, sorry, Pete."

I smiled weakly, glad I was still holding onto you, or I might've just fallen over again. "It's fine. You just gave me the fright of my fucking life." It was only when I took my fingers from your arm that I realised I was shaking.

You obviously noticed, 'cause you took my hand and held it tight, bringing it carefully to your lips, letting me slide my other arm round your waist.

"Holy shit," I breathed, a little light headed, my emotions not really knowing what the hell to do with themselves. "You're all meanies."

You giggled, and I nearly passed out from happiness there and then. "I know. I'm sorry I put you through that. Good to know my acting isn't too rusty."

"Nah, you got me good," I said, more than a little impressed. As a former prankster, I do still appreciate a good prank. But it was still fucking cruel. "I literally hated you for a solid hour and a half."

"Well, that was sorta the point," you reasoned. "Because, uh, another reason we chose to do this was that, uh, so that you didn't suspect anything," you said, your voice suddenly full of meaning.

Casting a glance at the others, then the door, they each nodded, grinning at us before disappearing.

We were now alone on the rooftop. The shock had begun to fade, and I could feel the elation rising in my chest, the joy that you were here in front of me. It was kinda weird, 'cause I never really got my head around the idea of you cheating anyway, so now that it was all a setup, it was as if nothing had ever happened at all.

You pushed me away from you slightly, positioning me so that I was facing you, and suddenly my mind was back to where it was two hours ago.

"Can we go home now?" I asked, reaching my hands out to hold your hips. "Now that, like, you don't have to move out and stuff?"

"Uh, no, no, not quite yet, I-"

"Oh my god, can you imagine what would've happened to the band? We're literally just about to drop the album, management would've ripped you to pieces."

"Well, I-"

"No, Joe would've ripped you to pieces first. Then the fans, they'd have been next in line," I laughed, a huge smile on my face, unable to stop myself bouncing around in front of you. I felt kinda like a huge fluffy dog who's just happy at everything.

But you didn't look so happy. You took my hands from your hips and pushed them back towards me, smoothing your jacket down carefully.

"What's the matter? Are you okay?" I asked, blinking at you with wide eyes.

"Uh, yeah. Listen, um...as I was saying, the main reason I went through with this was, uh, so that you didn't suspect anything."

"Suspect what?" I questioned, finally turning my full attention to you.

Your gaze fell on mine for a few seconds, and I could see nervousness in your eyes. You took your hat from your head and clasped it in front of you. "Suspect...uh...this."

You dropped to one knee.

No. No way.

I watched with eyes wider than the moon as you reached into the pocket of your jacket, and pulled out a small, blue box.

"Patrick..." I breathed, my hands flying over my mouth.

You opened the box carefully, and I saw the glint of a ring inside it. Holyshitholyshitholyshit.

"Now, uh, this part isn't a prank," you said, smiling a little.

It sorta felt like someone was colouring me in with gold glitter pen.

"Pete," you said slowly, looking up at me, your gorgeous blue eyes steeped in moonlight. "More than anything in this world, I love you. I never thought I'd get this lucky, to, to fall in love with someone so kind, and, and so thoughtful, and so beautiful inside and out. Someone who's been there for me and, and looked out for me, someone who's also my best friend in the entire universe. So, uh, all April Fools' jokes aside, I love you. I know I already said that, but I guess it's doubly true," you laughed a little, a bashful blush in your cheeks.

At this point, I was ready to either pass out or explode. Instead I just kept shaking my head, my fingers pressed to my cheeks. "Patrick..." I said again, 'cause it seemed to be the only word my mouth was capable of forming.

"So, uh..." you said quietly, clearing your throat a bit, "Pete...will you marry me?"

Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod - my heart shoved my screaming brain out of the way, throwing confetti as it went, hurling a party hat into the hands of each one of my glowing cells.

The tears reached my eyes about the same time as I started to nod frantically.

"Yes. Holy fucking hell, yes."

Your smile lit up the whole of Chicago.

I was still nodding as I helped you to your feet, gazing at your fucking beautiful face and wondering how the hell I ended up here. "Yes," I said again, "yes."

Then it all got a bit too much, and I pulled away from you, prancing round the rooftop and fist-pumping at the stars. "Yes!" I shouted, so every one of them could hear it, then I ran to the side of the building and leant over the edge, yelling a "Yes!" at the ground. A dude walking through the parking lot glanced up at me, and gave me a thumbs up, which I returned with a grin.

"Oh my god," I smiled into my hands, vibrating with happiness and not sure what to do with all of it.

When I looked back at you, your cheeks were all red and round and your feathery eyebrows had risen in either joy or shock at my excitement. Probably both.

Then I flew at you, closing the distance between us and flinging my arms around you, cuddling you so tight I thought we might fuse together. And it was just so cool, because all I could think was he's mine. He's my very own special human and now I get to keep him forever and ever.

Said special human squeezed me back, giggling in my ear, breath warm across my neck. Remembering that you had lips, and that I should be kissing them right now, I pulled back and crushed our mouths together, feeling your tongue and the roof of your mouth and sliding my hands to your cheeks, tracing your jaw with my fingers.

When the kiss was finally over, we just sorta looked at each other, resting our foreheads together and touching noses. "Fuck," I breathed, watching your eyes crinkle up and your lips curve at the edges.

"Wait, wait," you said suddenly, shoving me off you and fumbling with the box in your hand. You took out the ring, and I giggled like a hyperactive schoolgirl as you caught hold of my hand and slipped the ring on my finger. "There we go," you nodded, looking proud of your handiwork.

It was beautiful. I guess all rings are kinda beautiful, but this one was properly wow-inducing. It's silver, with this channel of little diamonds either side, with a big diamond in the middle. "Thank you," I said, staring at it, not quite believing I was actually seeing an engagement ring, from you, on my finger.

"I, uh, it kinda reminded me of your smile," you said shyly, your hands behind your back.

I held the ring up next to my face and flashed said smile, my finger grinning along with me, and you giggled. That's when I realised. We're such idiots.

I began to laugh, rubbing my hands into my eyes and shaking my head.

"What?" you asked, looking worried.

"Nothing, it's just...oh my god," I spluttered, reaching into my pocket.

"What is it?"

"This," I grinned, taking out the box and opening it in front of you.

Your mouth dropped open, and your hands flew over the top of it, your eyes wide and flicking between me and the ring. "Pete...you were gonna..."

"Yup."

"And I made you think that..."

"Yup."

"Oh god I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry, I didn't even realise, I'd never have pranked you like that if I knew you were gonna do this!"

I beamed at you. "It's fine, you're just lucky I didn't throw it off the roof like I was gonna."

"Holy shit, oh my god it's beautiful, Pete, I...just..."

I nearly dropped the ring as you hurled yourself at me, and somehow this weird proposal was better than I'd ever imagined. And I'd imagined it to be pretty darn incredible.

"Hey - Patrick, hands...are trapped," I strained, trying to move my arms from where they were crushed against my body.

"Sorry," you grinned, stepping back from me.

"So, uh...Patrick, will you marry me?" I asked, feigning nerves.

"Go on then," you shrugged, giggling, your eyes so bright I swear I saw daylight in them.

You let me take your hand, and I just had to kiss it, because not so long ago I never thought I'd do that again. Also I'd kinda cursed your hands multiple times, and I felt I had to make it up to them. The gold went so perfectly with your white skin, a little halo for my little angel.

You did look like you might sprout wings and soar off into the night. We hugged again, even tighter than the last, and kissed again, too.

"There's, uh, one more thing," you said, holding up a finger and scampering over to the door. I saw you fiddling with something, then I heard a click.

And suddenly, the whole place lit up. At the foot of the wall, in the very darkest corners, where the moonlight couldn't reach, ran a string of little fairy lights, glittering and golden.

You smiled proudly and held your arms out as if to say welcome to my magical fairy world, then bounced over to me and grabbed my hand, pulling me into one of the corners.

Then I saw it. You'd piled a load of pillows and blankets against the wall and across the floor, the lights arching over it, and in the middle of it all sat a plate of pizza, and two mugs of what was most definitely hot chocolate.

"It's not exactly, like, a fancy restaurant, but..." you tailed off, ending with a shrug.

You didn't need to make excuses, though, 'cause I'd already flopped onto the blankets, rubbing my face against the pillows and cuddling them. This time, I didn't mind that they smelt of you. "It's perfect," I grinned, beckoning you over.

"It might be a bit cold," you pondered as you sat next to me. "It's been sitting here for quite a long time."

"'S fine," I slurped, already halfway through the not-so-hot chocolate. It was just the right temperature for me to down it in one go. "Wait - is this our hot chocolate?" It tasted exactly the same as the ones from the machine.

"Yep," you nodded, and I frowned.

"So how did you -"

"I waited 'til you left, then I nipped in with Joe and made them and wrapped them up in foil then we drove here and got the pizza on the way then gave the stuff to Andy and he said you were already up here, so I ran up the stairs and then yeah. He sneaked the stuff out here while you were curled up in a ball."

"Wow," I whistled, laughing a bit. "It was a real tight operation."

"Yeah, oh my god, as soon as you left the concert, it was like waaah!" you squeaked, waving your arms around. "We only had like an hour to get everything set up. Oh, Joe's got your stuff from earlier, by the way."

"Oh yeah," I said, remembering how I'd ran from that building in tears. It seemed so long ago, now.

You struggled with the cheese on the pizza, getting it draped all down your chin and smearing sauce round your mouth. Maybe less of a James Bond, now. "I called the landlord ages ago, told him the plan," you squelched. "He let me use the roof for tonight." You swallowed, finally winning your cheese-war, then blushed at my mildly horrified expression and pulled a tissue from your pocket, dabbing at your face. "He knows me as the guy who nearly died that one time."

"I forgot how amazing it is up here," I smiled. "I just had a restaurant booked. Which we can still go to," I realised suddenly, clapping my hands together.

"When were you gonna - ?"

"Thursday."

"Wow. Spooky," you grinned. "Wait, so - oh my god. You told your dad you were gonna propose, didn't you? So that's why he laughed in my face when I asked."

"Oh, and that's why Joe and Andy acted so weird, 'cause you were already gonna-"

"And my parents were really strange about the whole thing. My mum told me the reason she was sniggering at me was 'cause she was tipsy!" you shrieked, incredulous.

We both went silent for a second, looking around and finally making sense of all the weird stuff that'd happened.

"We're such idiots," you sighed, leaning your head on my shoulder.

"Yeah, but now we're engaged idiots."

You laughed a little, then, twisted to look at me. "We're engaged," you said quietly.

I felt like singing. "Yeah. Yeah, we are." I kissed you then, slow and careful, feeling the curve of your bottom lip, the heat of your mouth.

We ended up making out for quite a while, in between smile-lit conversations and slices of pizza, tracing each other's faces like we'd never seen them before. I discovered a new fascination with your ears, and you tried to style my eyebrows in as many different ways as you could think of. We couldn't keep our hands off each other, kissing and touching with the whole of Chicago at our feet, and the stars sprawled above us. It was hard to imagine ever being happier than this.

I could've quite easily stayed there all night, but we'd probably wake up all dewy, and I don't think I could take much longer with you being in that drop-dead gorgeous suit without tearing it off you. And, you decided to announce that you needed the loo.

Clearing up didn't go as quickly as it could've done, 'cause we kept accidentally kissing the whole time, and you got tangled up in the fairy lights and I wouldn't help you 'cause I was videoing it. And, even when we'd got all the stuff neatly wrapped up in a blanket, it was too good a view to waste.

We leant against the wall for ages, just watching the city, watching the lights dance in each other's eyes, thinking of all the memories we'd made in this place. With your head against my shoulder, and your arm wound with my own, it was hard to believe that anything at all could ever go wrong. You really are everything I need.

-

After hauling everything into my car, we drove off into the night, waving goodbye to our special rooftop haven, and winding the windows down and the roof too, feeling the wind between our fingers.

You even turned the radio up really loud, and we danced as much as our seat-belts would allow, singing to the expanse of purple sky above us and giggling between every word. Looking at you beside me, your glittering smile outshining every star, I knew how much better off I was with you, how I'd always been better with you.

-

It was sort of amazing, bringing you back across the threshold of our house again. The last time I'd been here, I'd been in pieces, hoping you'd never set foot here ever again, mourning everything we'd had. Now I realise that everything we had has barely begun.

"I'll meet you in the bedroom," you smirked as you took your shoes off, winking at me before scampering off to the bathroom.

I watched you with the stupidest smile on my face, wondering if my joints could handle the combination of the flirtiness and the suit. I didn't wait to find out; I powered up to the bedroom and flung myself inside, smiling again at the absence of the doorstop. I hadn't noticed that before.

Sitting on the bed, I stared at my hand, the ring on my finger, the way it caught the light. It was funny, looking at it, then seeing the messed up bed sheets and the tear-soaked pillows from earlier. Today had certainly been a roller-coaster.

I did not dance around the room with my ring finger in the air, or cuddle my hand to my chest and grin uncontrollably, that would've been way too sappy. And we all know I'd never dream of sappiness.

"Hello again," you chirped suddenly, poking your head round the door and watching me quickly stop dancing.

"Hello," I grinned, looking you up and down. My god, you're hot.

"Celebratory engagement sex?" you asked, raising an eyebrow and taking a couple steps towards me.

"Celebratory engagement sex," I nodded, nearly tripping over my own feet in my haste to get a hold of you.

You wrapped your arms around my neck and started to kiss me, our tongues meeting at the same time as our hips. Sliding my hands under your jacket, I ran them up your chest and to your shoulders, nudging back the fabric and letting you slip it to the floor.

It took a lot more time for me to get you naked than it did for you to get me naked; I was just in jeans and a jumper, but with you, there were so many damn buttons. It was only when I'd pushed you onto the bed and climbed on top of you that I managed to get your waistcoat off, finally getting a glimpse of your pearly skin through the fabric of your shirt, already starting to stick to you.

I was absolutely unable to resist you, that night. Not that I'm ever able to resist you, but then it just seemed like each one of your kisses were more potent, each movement of your body underneath me sending another I love you spilling from my lips.

We turned the lights out, mostly so I could see your perfect skin in the moonlight, your chest panting underneath me, your mouth hanging open as I placed kisses down your breastbone and sucked marks into your stomach. You'd always made the sweetest sounds; long, low notes in the back of your throat, high, wanton whines as I nipped at your hips and slid your trousers from your thighs, watching the muscles in your legs flex and stretch.

I never thought I'd get to take you like this again. To see you come apart underneath me, moan with every roll of my hips, thread your fingers through my hair and pull me close. Loving you like this is always like an out-of-body experience - or possibly a body is all we are, one body, intertwined and completely given to one another.

I remember thinking that maybe this was the best time ever; then you pulled me towards you, kissing me deep and slow, your neck arching off the sheets and your breath rushing out of you like water, and I knew for certain. Your legs were wrapped tight around my waist, your arms falling down beside you as your eyes fluttered shut, my lips still catching yours with every thrust.

Our highs hit us in a mess of hot breaths and blurred I love yous, my mouth against your neck and your moans flooding my ears. It occurred to me, as I pulled back to look at you, breathless and boneless, with your pale skin glistening, your lips pink and open, that you are the most beautiful creature I've ever laid eyes on. My beautiful creature.

-

It was a while before either of us had the strength to get up and clean up. We lay tangled together, letting our heads and our heart rates slow down, breathing each other in.

Eventually, I rolled off the bed and headed to the bathroom, returning with a flannel. You hardly stirred as I rubbed at you, your eyes barely open and your lips curving up slightly as you watched me.

When I came back, you were under the covers, making grabby hands at me before promptly flopping back into the pillows again.

I slid in beside you, helping you prop yourself up and cuddling you close to me.

"That was amazing," you said faintly, your eyes falling shut again.

"Yeah," I smiled, shifting so that you fitted against me easier, curling my arm around your naked hip.

"Fiancé," you breathed, as if that was my new name.

"I know," I replied, liking the sound of that. You're my fiancé now.

You wriggled around a bit, trying to get comfy, finally finding the right angle to rest your head in the crook of my neck. Your hand searched for mine, and we linked our fingers together, letting them rest outside the covers. Our ring fingers were the only part of us that wasn't naked.

It's kinda unconventional, I guess, each of us having an engagement ring. Not even nearly matching ones, either. But then, I s'pose we've never been that conventional. And where's the fun in matching, anyway?

"It's weird," I started suddenly, resting my head on your hair, "'cause, like, I never thought I'd be here. And I mean, like, in general. From the beginning. I literally loved you for, like, four years before, and you were always just that one thing I could never have. And, and I thought that, like, even if I did have you, I'd mess it all up. Which I did, a couple times. I literally messed up worse than anyone. But, we still ended up here.

"It's just weird," I carried on, "how, like, after all that, after every single shitty thing that they threw at us, we're gonna end up married. Like, I'm marrying you. I thought I was cursed or something, that I'd never be happy or settle down or whatever. And here I am, sitting here, with the love of my life, and I'm just...happy. After all that," I pondered, thinking of everything we'd been through.

From where I was, I could see your chest, moving slowly up and down, and I could see the thin, white scars. You wouldn't even know they were there unless you were looking for them. I could see the marks along your side, shaped kinda like bite marks, where that car had slammed into you. I knew if I lifted your face to look at me, I'd see the slight gap in your eyebrow, too. Shifting our hands, I could see the delicate white line across the veins of your wrist. I always make sure to kiss that one. The others too, but that one in particular.

"So I guess what I'm getting at, is, like, it's always been you," I continued, stroking my hand down your hip and settling it at the top of your thigh, "I dunno if I believe in that fate and destiny stuff, but when I look at you, I kinda feel it. Like, it's all gonna be alright. You're like that one song I could never get out of my head, and I just know that me and you are, like, meant for each other, I guess. You're unlike anyone I've ever met. I really, really love you, I love your smile and the way you talk and your eyes and your body and your music. And I love your soul, most of all. So...yeah, Patrick, it's always been you."

I sighed a little, wondering where all that came from. It felt good to say it, though, to just ramble at the air and talk through my train of thought. I kept stroking your skin, wondering if you'd been listening, or if you'd fallen asleep.

My wondering ceased, however, when I heard a little sniff.

"Patrick?"

You lifted your head to look at me, and I saw tears in your eyes. When you blinked, they rolled down your face, tracing shimmering paths down your pink-dusted cheeks.

"Are you alright?" I frowned, untangling our hands and brushing hair out of your face.

You nodded, wiping at your eyes and smiling at me.

I laughed a little. "Did I make you cry with my little speech?"

You nodded again, giggling through your nose and cuddling me closer. "I love you," you said quietly.

I kissed the top of your head and grinned into your fluffy hair, feeling the vibrations in your chest and through your throat as you hummed with pleasure.

"I love you too," I said back. Because I'm always one for stating the obvious.

-

I kinda can't quite believe it's happened. Finally.

We managed to find the energy to put some clothes on, after dozing together for a while, so now we're both cuddled up in our pyjamas, with the blankets pulled up around us. We are well and truly snuggled.

You're fast asleep. You've still got your head on my chest, and your hand curled in the fabric of my t-shirt, which makes it kinda difficult for me to move. I'll forgive you, though, 'cause you look so damn pretty. Your hair's all fluffy, I can feel it tickling my face, and your lashes are fanned over your eyes in perfect little curves. Every so often, you'll shift and sigh, cuddling closer to me like I'm there in your dreams, too. You're in mine.

We forgot to close the curtains, and through our balcony windows I can see the pink of the sunrise on the clouds, the same gentle colour as your lips. I did sleep for a little while, but I'm glad I woke up in time for this. It's sorta difficult to write with one arm around you, but over the years, I've got quite good at writing in awkward places.

It feels good to record this, get it down in words. I can't decide which is my favourite; written records or spinning records. Either way, whichever I write, they're always for you. I don't know if I'll write any more of these. Maybe if something goes horrifically wrong in the near future. But I don't think it will. I know I'll always have you, and if I have you, I can face anything.

And I'm so excited for us. Our wedding is gonna be the best thing ever, and you can bet your ass I'm gonna become a bridezilla. There's gonna be a colour scheme, a table-specific napkin design, and I'm gonna get you a chocolate fountain. And I'm gonna get you a white fedora. And then we can go on the most amazing honeymoon and have sex the whole time. But then, after, we've got our whole lives to live out. I wanna adopt a kid, who needs a home, and give it love and cuddles and teach it stuff. I wanna get old and grey with you beside me, holding my hand.

I swear to god, I've never been so happy to hear the words April Fools'. You always said you were gonna get me back. Damn, you can hold a grudge. And besides, if we had ended up apart, who would've got custody of the tree? Me, obviously. It's got a little blossom on it now. I don't care if you think I'm weird, you're just jealous 'cause I don't feed you Miracle-Gro every week.

Tomorrow, I'm gonna call up everyone I know, and tell them everything. My dad's gonna laugh so hard. And he's gonna be so proud of me. I never thought I'd have a proud dad. But for now, I'm just gonna lay here, with you in my arms, watching the sun rise. I can feel you breathing, in time with me.

I've been waiting nearly twelve years for this, for the right to say that you belong to me, and I to you. I remember writing, in the first couple letters, that no-one's ever made me feel the way I feel about you. And that's still true. If I'm a record, I've been spinning in your direction for, like, my whole life. Hell, the only reason I'm still spinning is you.

I'm gonna wrap this up now, tie the ribbon on our strange little story. I'll see you in the morning, when I wake up in your arms. Sleep tight, sweetheart.

I'll always spin for you.

All my love,

Pete.

-fin-