Okay, so it wasn't like Stephen walked into school thinking, 'today, I'm gonna steal a baby', but he didn't think, 'no stealing babies today' either.

And if Ethan and Maren hadn't hated each other so much, then maybe they'd still have theirs.

It was just lying there. If they really cared, they would've been on the lookout for people like Stephen, who's babies had been drowned in lemonade and possessed by demons on crack.

They were both just so distracted and Stephen was so desperate, that it just kinda happened.

The two were fighting, as usual, when Stephen struck.

Their backpacks were beside them on the ground in math class, the doll sticking out of the top of Maren's bag.

"My Chemical Romance does not suck! Their music is amazing and you can tell they put hard work into it! Into every album, song, ever-" Maren was rambling enthusiastically.

"Let me stop you there. They're just an emo band, that's it. They make my ears bleed. Or should I say, made?"Ethan droned.

"Too soon!" Maren cried and laid her head on the table in front of her.

"What kind of music do you like? I bet it's like, Drake or DJ.... what is it? DJ Kale? I don't know. Either way, that's not real music."

Ethan went quiet.

"Actually it's 'Khaled'." He said.

"That's what I thought. Drake may be more famous, but that hardly means he's more talented!" She cried.

"Actually I think it does." He mumbled.

The peak of the argument. The perfect moment for Stephen to strike.

He leaned forward in his chair and slowly snuck his arm to the top of Maren's bag. He grabbed the baby's arm and snatched it away quickly.

Success.

He quickly stuffed the doll into his backpack and picked his pencil back up.

He wouldn't lose that easily. He told Rain, and now he could prove himself to the loser.

"So his name will be Gerard!" Maren declared.

"He does not look like a Gerard. What kind of name is Gerard?"

"Yes! Just look at his face. Here, I'll show y...Where did you put Gerard?" Maren asked as she searched all the sections of her backpack.

"I don't have him. You were supposed to have him!"

Stephen pushed his bag farther under his desk.

"Well he's gone! I remember giving him to you before class."

"Well clearly you didn't. Good going Maren."

The bell rang, and Stephen bolted out the door faster than a college student hearing the words 'free pizza'.

********

"You stole their baby?" Rain screeched.

"Don't scream it dumbass!" Stephen yelled back. "I told you, I wasn't gonna lose. Not to the losers in our class."

"So what are we gonna tell them when they notice it's gone?" Rain questioned.

"They lost it, duh! They don't know ours died so as far as they're concerned this one's ours."

Both boys were quiet for a moment until Stephen interrupted the silence.

"Anyway, I think his name is Gerard." He mumbled.

"Like Gerard Way?" Rain asked.

"Yeah. But we need to rename him so they don't notice."

"Who's 'they'?" Rain questioned.

"Maren and Ethan." Stephen grunted.

Rain blushed and Stephen's heartbeat got faster.

"What? You got a thing with Maren or something?" Stephen asked, annoyed for an unknown reason.

"Something like that." Rain mumbled, too quiet for Stephen to hear.

There was another awkward silence. This time, Rain broke it.

"Dipshit." He said.

"Fuckface." Stephen retorted.

"No, not you. The baby. It's new name." He muttered.

"Oh." Stephen said, contemplating the new title. "Okay, Dipshit's fine." He agreed.

Why was Stephen being so kind to Rain? Wasn't he supposed to really hate him? Just yesterday he had been complaining to Hugo about how he would beat him up. Maybe Stephen was getting too soft too fast. Or maybe he just had to let it happen how it happened.

No. Rain was becoming too tolerable. Maybe he just had to do something to piss him off.

Didn't he say he had a thing with Maren? Maybe Stephen could mess around with her a bit.

Ya know, make him jealous and stuff. Not that he wanted Rain to be jealous, but just because, you know, he'd be mad and then Stephen could fight with him.

Maren had liked Stephen since 7th grade anyway.

Would it be a mean, heartless thing to do? Yes.

Was Stephen going to do it anyway? You bet.

********

The next day in math class, Stephen set his little plan into motion.

"Hey Maren." He said with a grin, turning to her in his chair.

"Oh, um, hi Stephen." She said with a blush.

Safe to say she still liked him.

"I was just wondering what you're doing this weekend?" He asked.

"Oh, well I was supposed to watch Gerard with Ethan but we lost him." She said sadly. "Why?"

"Are you free to hang on Saturdy? Maybe we can grab coffee? Starbucks at 9:00?" He asked.

"Saturday at 9:00? Okay! That's perfect! See you then." She said with a giggle.

Step one, complete. Now all Stephen had to do was take her on a date and lead her on for his own benefit.

*********

"How's Dipshit?" Rain asked Stephen at lunch.

Stephen felt his heartbeat get faster.

"I don't know, ask him." Stephen said.

"Are we getting together this weekend to watch him?" Rain inquired.

Stephen grinned and looked Rain in the eye, realizing that move was a big mistake once his hands got sweaty. He had never been so annoyed at someone that his hands got sweaty.

"Well on Saturday, I have a date at 9:00 so then doesn't work for me."

"With who?" Rain asked with a grin.

"Maren." Stephen answers smugly. "Did she ever date Ethan? They seem to have some bad blood."

Rain smiled and shook his head.

"No, I don't think Ethan swings that way to be honest." Rain said and looked down at his feet with a grin.

"How do you know?" Stephen asked, kind of glad they were speaking civilly.

"Just... got a good sense for things like that." He muttered. "Are you gonna eat that sandwich?"

"Nice subject change, and yes. Fuck you if you think you can have my food." Stephen grunted.

"So where's your date?" He asked.

"Starbucks." Stephen said.

"Okay, so I guess I'll see you after all. Are you planning on, you know, taking her home or can we watch Dipshit after?" Rain asked.

"I'm not a man-whore Rain. I'm not gonna take her home." Stephen said. He just thought it was important for Rain to know that, ya know?

"Fine then." Rain said as he stood up and left the table.

So Stephen sat by himself.

Until Hugo came along, of course.

"How's the boyfriend?" Hugo asked as he slid his tray onto the table and sat.

"I'm assuming you mean Rain? He's a dickface. But I got a date for Saturday with Maren." Stephen confessed.

"Hasn't she been chasing you, since like, seventh grade?" Hugo asked, raising one eyebrow.

Stephen nodded his head.

"What made you cave?" He asked.

Stephen shrugged.

"I think her and Rain have history. Gonna make him jealous." He said.

Hugo grinned.

"I was just joking. I didn't think you actually like him Stephen!" Hugo yelled with wide eyes.

"What? I don't! I just thought it would make him mad and then it'll be easier to hate him. I don't want to tolerate him, but he's just too easy to get along with." Stephen said, exasperated. "And he makes me so mad that my heart beats faster and I get sweaty. I hate it."

"Listen to yourself Stephen. You're going with his so-called-ex-girlfriend to make him jealous, so that you won't like him, even in just a friendly way. He makes you sweaty and your heart best fast. You so love him." Hugo moaned.

"I don't." He strained. "If I did, I think he's bi or something. He could have history with Maren, and he told Aaron I was a smoke."

Hugo grinned. "He said that?"

"Is Ethan gay? Rain thinks he is." Stephen asked.

"I never really thought of that. Makes sense though." Hugo muttered.

"What? Why?" Stephen asked, confused.

"He and Rain used to be really close, but then something happened between them. I don't think anyone knows what it is, but they just stopped talking."

"I'll ask Rain about it later."

"What makes you think Rain has history with Maren?" Hugo asked.

"Well you can't tell anyone this, but Rain killed Dumbfuck, so I stole Gerard from Maren and Ethan and renamed him Dipshit and now a baby that isn't mine is in my backpack and we're gonna get extra credit from him." He said, and took a deep breath. "So when I told Rain who's baby it was I had stolen, he got kinda flustered. So I asked if he had something with Maren and he said something that I didn't really make out, but I don't know. Just a theory."

"Or maybe he had something with Ethan and that's why he got flustered and thinks he's gay." Hugo said, biting into his hamburger.

"You actually think so? So I'm wasting my time by going out with Maren?" Stephen asked.

Hugo nodded. "Probably."

"Ugh!" Stephen grunted. "I need to go." He said, and stood up from the table. "Thanks Hugo."

"Say hi to Rain for me!"

******

So now Stephen was in his car, with Rain in the passenger seat. They were supposed to be driving to Stephen's house to watch Dipshit, but Stephen was just dying to know if their theory was right.

"Can we go?" Rain asked impatiently.

"Are you gay?" Stephen blurted out.

"What?" Rain asked.

"Okay so I talked to Hugo today, and he and I kinda came up with a guess about you."

"Yeah...?" Rain said with a nervous expression.

"Are you gay? Cause Hugo said maybe you didn't go out with Maren, but Ethan instead since when I mentioned it was their baby you blushed and I just assumed it was Maren so I asked her out but I don't know. He said you and Ethan used to be really close but something happened and he doesn't know what it was. So is that why you said Ethan was gay?" Stephen asked, taking a deep breath after.

Rain just stared at him for a minute.

"You thought I went out with Maren so you asked her out?" Rain said with a laugh.

"I almost pass out from talking so much and that's what you pick out from all that?" Stephen asked, annoyed.

"Okay, okay. Fine. So I used to like Ethan. That's how I know he's gay, yeah. He liked me too."

"So are you gay?" Stephen pressed.

Rain nodded.

"What happened with you and Ethan that made you hate each other?"

"Oh, I don't hate him. He just hates me. He kissed me a few times, freaked, swore me out and told me to never talk to him again. I don't really care though, I don't want to be with someone who isn't sure of himself, or of me, anyway. But Ethan was my first boyfriend so I was kind hurt at the time." Rain confessed.

All Stephen could say was, "Oh."