An- Quote-"By god did he not want to die"

TW-Blood, injuries

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That night under the warehouse, Peter suddenly realised he didn't want to die. He considered letting the building crush him, he'd been looking for a way to finally end all the pain. He just wasn't good enough, he never was.

And I wanted you to be better

The line danced across his thoughts like a firecracker. He wanted himself to be better, he strived for better. But he was never good enough not to him, not to Mr Stark, not to May, not to Ned, not to MJ.

And I wanted you to be better

The building sifted and he cried out, the weight on his shoulders was crushing him, he crumpled, holding it with his back. He had always doubted himself, he never seemed to be able to be proud of himself. He barely ever slept anymore, he didn't have time for it, not when he could be stopping crime. And god Mr Stark believed in him so much, and Peter just wished so hard he was like Mr Stark.

And I wanted you to be better

But how could he ever be better than Mr Stark? He was Iron man for god's sake. Mr Stark believed in him so much, he took a chance on Peter, on Spiderman, and he blew it. He wasn't going to get another chance. The building was crushing him he knew it, he was going to die there. A piece of the metal scaffolding was piercing his skin, digging into his shoulder. He cried out again as his feet sunk more into the ground, bringing him to his knees. He suddenly realised he was screaming and crying.

And I wanted you to be better

And god, May. May. She had done so much for Peter. Her and Ben taking him in when his parents died, and then keeping him when Ben died. She even helped him scrub the blood off of his hands from that night. He was so broken he never realised May was too. The memories suddenly came rushing back of May crying through the thin walls, May hiding her tears from him when he handed her the bills. She was so strong. So much stronger than Peter was ever going to be. She could carry the world on her shoulders but Peter never could.

And I wanted you to be better

Peter took her for granted, he knew that. He came home to her screaming and crying because he had gone on patrol too long. Her angry and frustrated with him when he skipped school. Her frowning at him when he needed new backpacks. Peter couldn't help but feel like a burden, and a waste of space. May would just be better off without him.

And I wanted you to be better

Peter laughed bitterly as the line ran across his thoughts again. But the laugh dies out into sobs when he thought of his best friend. He had known Ned since they were knee-high, and Ned had never left his side. Not when Flash started picking on Peter, not when Peter lost his Uncle, not when Peter became Spiderman. Not when Peter tried so hard to push him away. He remembered the break down clear as day, Peter had told him they shouldn't friends, and Ned just stood his ground and insisted Peter was his ride or die. Well, now Peter was dying, and he knew it.

And I wanted you to be better

And then he saw MJ, she was just so perfect. Peter suddenly realised it was her he liked, not Liz. If only he hadn't been a coward and told her. If only he hadn't been a coward and stopped this before he had to die. But there he was, lying face down in the dirt, screaming and crying. But he didn't want to die anymore, by god did he not want to die. He wanted to kiss May on the cheek and dance on the kitchen tiles in his socks with her. He wanted to build more lego with Ned, and laugh about StarWars. And he wanted to be called a loser just one more time by MJ, he wanted to kiss her so hard he saw stars. He wasn't going to die today.

"Someone! Please! Help me! I'm under here!" He knew no one was coming. No one was ever there to save him.

"Come on Peter. COME ON SPIDER-MAN." HE screams at himself.

And I wanted you to be better

And I wanted you to be better

And I wanted you to be better

He pushed off the floor, dislodging the building from his back, pushing it off with a surge of strength. He staggered forward, the scaffolding had sliced clean through him, there it was, just there. He staggered toward the fire where Toomes had disappeared into. He dragged him out, vaguely aware of his ringing ears and flickering vision, and his body screaming for him to just die, but he was not dying, not today. Toomes screamed and thrashed in his grip, finally dying down when Peter tied him up.

And I wanted you to be better

And I wanted you to be better

And I wanted you to be better

Peter's hands were shaky as he webbed the boxes together, and even more so when he wrote the note, signing it with he famous 'Sincerely, your friendly neighbourhood spiderman.' He didn't even notice the blaring of the Stark Industries siren. The pole was still in him, he couldn't move his left arm anymore, he couldn't even feel it. He sunk to his knees, finally aware of his blood soaking his stupid suit, and his stupid hands. The note was covered in blood, it was stained red in his hands. He blinked away the tears, hearing a voice he recognised.

"Peter! Peter, can you hear me?" The voice said frantically. Peter turned his head to look at the person, his vision blurry and flickering.

"Happy? What are you doing here?" He said, his voice scratchy and quiet.

"That doesn't matter kid. We need to get you to the tower. You're hurt bad." Happy said, already picking him up bridal style, carefully avoiding the pole. He cringed as Peter looked up at the sky.

"Am I gonna die Happy?" Peter asked softly. He didn't want to die, he didn't want to die, he didn't want to die. The mantra was interrupted by Happy's fuzzy voice.

"You are not going to die Peter. You are going to make it through this." Happy said, climbing into the waiting car, which quickly sped off to the tower.

"Good. I don't wanna die. You can't let me die." Peter pleaded. They weren't going to make it to the compound, it would have to do. Peter hummed lowly, vaguely aware of someone trying to clean up the blood.

"I hate blood," Peter muttered. He tried to move his arms again, but he just couldn't.

"You have to stop moving kid. You're loosing too much blood. Do you know your blood type?" Happy asked, positioning Peter on the seats so he wouldn't slip.

"AB positive," Peter muttered, he couldn't remember why it was important. He just wanted to fall asleep while hugging May. He wished he had stayed at the dance, everything would have been different if he had never become Spiderman. He reached out for Happy grabbing his hand, watching as he smeared his blood onto Happy's hand. Happy cringed but squeezed his hand.

"Happy, I'm scared. I don't wanna die. I don't wanna go." He cried, tears slipping out of his eyes and down his cheeks. Happy realised he was crying, god this kid was so damn strong, and he didn't even know it. He didn't even know how the kid was still alive, let alone how he had gotten the building off of him.

"You aren't gonna die. We're gonna get you patched up, and you'll be home in no time." Happy responded, holding his hand tighter. Peter hummed, looking up at the roof of the car.

"You think May will make her lasagna?" Peter said softly, he wished he could just go home, and crawl into bed, and pretend this never happened. Happy couldn't help but smile softly.

"I bet she will bud, I'll tell her to make it myself." Happy said. Peter smiled, humming again, the taste of metal hot on his tongue.

"You should try it. She's made it since I was a kid. No one makes lasagna like May." Peter said. Happy ignored the tears slipping down his face, dedicated to keeping Peter awake.

"I would love that. Maybe we could get her to come over to the compound and make it for the team." Happy said, watching as Peter grinned.

"She'd love that. She loves cooking, always gets me to invite Ned and MJ over on lasagna night." Peter said.

And I wanted you to be better

And I wanted you to be better

"Is the team back together then?" Peter asked, he was starting to recognise the way to the tower now, he hummed, maybe he wasn't going to die.

"Yeah kid, Cap and Tony made up. Said something about how you said something that convinced him to. They're all back at the compound, Tony and Cap have been butting heads the whole time." Happy said, swiftly opening the door and helping to get Peter on the gurney.

"Course they are, Cap and Tony will make up though. They're family." Peter said softly, whining when he started to feel pain all over himself.

"Yeah kid, yeah they are." Happy said, swiping his card desperately, the whole medical wing was gathered in one room, they'd been warned about an enhanced seriously injured.

"You think Mr Stark with come and visit me?" Peter asked hopefully. He knew May and Ned would, maybe even MJ.

"I bet he will kid. He really cares about you. You know that right?" Happy said. Peter snorted, wincing when his body moved.

"Mr Stark doesn't care. I was never good enough, he wanted me to be better."

And I wanted you to be better

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Peter's eyes fluttered open slowly, and he was aware of the numb kind of pain all around his body. He was also aware of a hand holding his own tightly. He blinked, watching as the room came into focus. He wasn't in the tower med-bay, he knew that much. He could hear the beeping of the machines and the pumping of the IV. He didn't bother looking down at himself, he knew he would be covered in Bandages and maybe even blood. He turned to his side, stunned to find Tony sitting in a chair, sleeping, clutching Peter's hand like a lifeline. Peter rose an eyebrow, he remembered what happened, and the pain, and the blood, and he suddenly really really needed water. He whined, he wasn't able to move. He let out a frustrated noise, looking pointedly at Tony as he made another. Tony jerked awake and blinked at Peter. He jumped up and stood over Peter, who made another noise.

"What do you need kid?" He asked. Peter tried to croak out water as best he could, Tony seemed to have gotten it because he helped Peter drink out of a straw. Peter couldn't move anything but his head. He looked down at himself and realised why, if his limbs weren't in casts, then they were heavily bandaged. He then realised his arm was missing. He wasn't surprised really, he guessed that it hadn't really sunk in yet. He slowly put his head back down on the pillow. Tony sat back down once Peter finished drinking.

"You had us all worried. We weren't sure when you were going to wake up. You've been out for two months." Peter only hummed in response.

"Who's 'us all'." He struggled out. Peter could wiggle his fingers at least, that was something.

"May, Ned, MJ. Your whole class signed a card, most of them brought you flowers." Tony said softly. Peter hummed, reaching for Tony's hand which was resting on the bed. Tony didn't look bothered, he just took it again, squeezing lightly. The room was silent for a long time.

"How did you do it?" Tony asked softly, Peter looked at him confused, "I saw the footage from the plane, you lifted a whole building off of you, how?" He said incredulously.

"I don't know really. I kept thinking about all the things I wanted to do. To hug May one more time, hang out with Ned one more time, kiss MJ and tell her I like her. And I realised if I let that building crush me I wouldn't get to do any of that." Peter said softly, not even bothered he'd admitted his feelings for MJ.

"But how?" Tony asked desperately.

"You remember after the ferry?" Peter turned his head to look at him. Tony nodded, a look of understanding took over his face.

"You wanted me to be better. And I didn't get it, but then I realised that the reason you gave me a chance was that I never gave up. So I wasn't gonna give up again." Peter said. Tony had tears slipping down his face.

"You'll always be better than me."

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Peter hated that he couldn't walk around, luckily his healing took care of his broken bones enough that he at least didn't have to have pins in his legs. And some of the casts had come off. He could eat and drink on his own at least. It was still hard though, slowly learning to walk again, they said he might never again, not properly. May came to visit, she hugged the life out of Peter, and he cried so hard he pulled some of his stitches. He told her how much he loved her that day, she just nodded and agreed. Ned visited too, and Peter had never seen him so silent, but they were the same, Peter and Ned cried that day, and Peter told him how much he appreciates him. MJ visited him too, the first thing he did was kiss her, he was right, he kissed her so hard he saw stars. He wasn't embarrassed that Tony or May were in the room. He didn't really care anymore, he realised how precious everything in his life was. Besides, he managed to get a girlfriend out of it.

Peter liked to make a show of wheeing every time someone pushed him on his wheelchair. Usually, Tony just chuckled and rolled his eyes. May would shush him, Ned and Peter got in trouble for pushing him around too fast, although they wouldn't stay in trouble too long. Peter would constantly quip about his 'sweet' ride with MJ, earning a roll of the eyes and peck on the lips that always made him blush. When Tony said he was finally ready to see the team Peter hesitated, but he wasn't going to say no of course.

Tony was always careful with Peter when he wheeled him, which always made Peter frown. When Tony finally got Peter into the living room, he was being snarky.

"Come on old man, I'm not made of glass. I can handle a little speed." Peter said, making Tony roll his eyes.

"Maybe, but your aunt will kill me if you get hurt again," Tony said. Peter hummed.

"Yeah, we don't want that," Peter said, grinning at the team a little, who looked mortified. Tony went to help him onto one of the couches but Peter just waved his hand, "I can do it, I was practising with Ned the other day." Peter's grin grew when he managed to get into the seat successfully, sighing in content when he sunk into it.

"Good job Underoos, you're making progress," Tony said, moving the wheelchair out of the way. Peter rose an eyebrow at the team who was staring at him incredulously. Maybe he did look a little funny, covered in bandages, and in a tank top and short shorts. May insisted that he wore them as not to dislodge the bandages.

"What? These couches are so much better than the ones in the Med-Bay." Peter said. Tony sat next to him, jostling Peter slightly, who quickly settled himself.

"That's Spiderman?" Steve said incredulously. Peter scowled at him.

"Not anymore, I might never walk again," Peter said bluntly. He hated thinking about it, but it was the reality. Peter paled, realising what he said, "Sorry about that, I kind of hide my emotions with jokes." Peter said. Steve nodded, shakily sitting down on one of the other seats.

"Peter here wanted out of the Med-Bay," Tony said, patting him on the back.

"Only cause I've been in there for months," Peter said.

"You had company," Tony said.

"Like your good company," Peter said, grinning when Tony sighed dramatically.

"Wait wait, so your that freaky spider kid who stopped my metal hand?" Bucky interrupted, his eyes flickering over Peter's appearance. Peter nodded.

"Yep. Bet I could still stop it." He quipped. Bucky smirked and went to raise his hand, only for Tony to stop him.

"Nope, none of that. If he gets hurt I have to deal with his aunt, and no one wants that." Tony said. Peter nodded.

"He's right, no one wants that," Peter said solemnly.

"What the hell happened to you?" Sam asked incredulously. Peter shrugged.

"A bad guy dropped a building on me. Hurt like a bitch." Peter said, Tony side-eyed him.

"It did more then hurt you, you almost died," Tony said.

"That I did. But I'm here aren't I?" Peter said, grinning at Tony.

"That you are, but I'm the one who has to put up with you," Tony said, rolling his eyes when Peter leaned to the side to drop into Tony's lap. Peter grinned up at him and winked.

"You love me," Peter said. Tony sighed again.

"That I do Underoos," Tony said, covering Peter's face with his hand.

"If you don't move your hand I'll lick it." Came Peter's muffled voice. Tony jerked his hand away, scowling at Peter's smirk.

"If you lick me I'll spill all your secrets," Tony said, Peter rose an accusing eyebrow.

"I don't have any secrets, Tony," Peter said. Tony rose an eyebrow in retaliation.

"So do you want me to tell the team about what happened with MJ?" Tony expected Peter to blush, but he didn't. Peter rolled and turned to the team.

"I kissed a girl. There now they know. Wow, Peter kissed his girlfriend." Peter said, rolling his eyes and flopping back into Tony's lap.

"She wasn't your girlfriend when you kissed her the first time," Tony said, irritated.

"And? She was when she left the compound." Peter countered.

"She was crying though," Tony said.

"Because she thought I was dead," Peter said. The team watched in defeat as Peter and Tony continued to bicker with each other.

Over the next few months, everyone came to enjoy Peter's constant presence and joined him in crying when he started walking on his own. It happened naturally, Peter got up and started walking to the kitchen, then he froze, realising what he'd just done, he collapsed into Tony's arms and didn't stop crying for hours. FRIDAY sneakily sent it to everyone. They found themselves thinking of Peter as part of the family. And Peter was happy, he was glad he told himself he wasn't going to die that night.