An-after the snap Tony can barely function and Steve asks why. They realise he lost the most important person to him

———————————————————

It was odd, usually in times of crisis, Tony would have to forcibly be torn away from his lab, force-fed food and water. But it was like Tony could bear to even look at his lab, let alone go inside. The team thought it was the lingering feels of defeat.

But it was so much more than that. He could go in there and not remember Peter. Peter and his stupid curly hair that he always combed back, but curls always broke free onto his forehead. Peter who always, always had a graphic-T on. Peter who's jeans Tony wasn't sure whether they were bought ripped or just ended up that way. Peter who giggled and whispered with DUMM-E in secret. Peter. Just, Peter.

Tony was a wreck. He just didn't do anything, sitting on one of the living room couches staring wordlessly at the floor. The team were curious about the quiet voice ringing around the living room at night when Tony thought they were sleeping. It sounded like a kid, voicemails. And suddenly they all had enough. Because now Pepper was starting to think Tony might actually kill himself if he didn't get off of that couch.

They all surrounded Tony on the couches, he didn't even move, like he was so deep in thought he didn't hear or see them come in.

"Tony. What the hell is going on with you?" Steve asked firmly. Tony looked up from the floor slowly, locking eyes with Steve for a moment before he shrugged weakly.

"Tony, your fiancé is sitting in your room crying her eyes out because she thinks you're going to die!" Clint said. Tony looked at him, tears that the team had never ever seen Tony shed gather in his eyes.

"Maybe I should." He said, voice hoarse and broken from disuse.

"Jesus Christ Tony, get off your damn ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself," Natasha said. So many emotions seemed to cross Tony's face at once, anger, sadness, grief, frustration, loneliness. Loss.

"I lost someone." He said quietly, a barely-there whisper that even Steve had trouble hearing.

"We all lost someone," Bruce said.

"This is different." Tony countered.

"Because you're Tony Stark? Look, we all lost someone-" Steve's rant was cut off my Tony jumping up from his seat.

"No! You don't get to tell me how I'm supposed to feel right now when I lost the one person that I couldn't bear to lose!" Tony shouted. Steve reeled back from the venom in Tony's voice, the tears spilling out of his eyes and landing on the plush carpet.

"Who did you lose?" Natasha asked softly. Tony fell back into the couch, covering his mouth with his hand, tears gliding over the rough skin on his knuckles. It made him think about Peter's knuckles, soft and unmarred. And that made Tony think about just how young peter actually was.

"My fucking son. And he didn't even fucking know it because I was too much of a coward to tell him. Too much of a coward to tell him how much I love him, or how fucking proud of him I am, or, Jesus how much I actually enjoyed his company, how much I looked forward to our stupid lab night where we were supposed to be updating his super suit and just ended up making fucking lightsabers. He's the only fucking reason I'm not dead in a ditch because he was the one person who no matter what I got out of bed for, who I found myself changing for. I quit fucking drinking for that kid." Tony said, voice bordering on a shout.

"But now he's fucking gone! And he's never gonna fucking know it! He's six-Fucking-teen! And he's just gone and there's nothing I can do about it. Nothing. And he was so, he was so good. There wasn't a bad bone in his body. You wanna know what his last words to me were? 'I'm sorry.' All because of this stupid fight we had a year ago. The damn kid was so focused on making sure everyone else was okay that he got caught up on making sure he was okay. And I was so useless, I just sat there, and I didn't even realise I was looking into his eyes for the last time.

"If I could go back and relive all those moments where I bit my tongue I would in a heartbeat," Tony said the last part deathlessly quiet. The room was tense and silent, until Steve cleared his throat.

"Bucky was more than my best friend. We were lovers, even in the forties. And we promised each other we'd always come back to each other but I'm not sure if we're ever going to get back to each other this time. And I can't go to sleep without thinking about the look in his eyes when he dusted. And he reached out for me. To help him. To do anything. To save him like I always did, but now I need him to save me and he's not here." Steve said, looking down at his lap where his fingers were twitching, hands shaking. Tony looked up at him, Steve was biting back sobs, biting his bottom lip so hard he was sure it was going to bleed.

"We're gonna get them back. We're gonna get every single person we lost back." Tony said firmly, eyes darting to every single broken person in the room. They spent hours, talking about who they lost.

————————————————————

Tony watched with wide eyes as Bucky ran into Steve's arms, kissing him hard. Loki slamming into Thor's front. Everyone was back. But no, they couldn't have brought everyone back but him, because that's not how it worked.

"Mr Stark?" Said a soft voice from behind him. And Tony thought he'd never hear that voice ever again. They'd spent two whole years getting the stones and getting everyone back and Thanos was finally dead. And standing there was sixteen-year-old Peter Parker, like Tony hadn't seen him dust in his arms.

"Peter," Tony whispered.

"That's him?" Steve asked, referencing the boy Tony had spent two years trying to get back. But also, Spiderman.

"Peter," Tony repeated, taking several staggering steps forward. Peter tore off his mask which retracted into his suit, his face breaking into a wide smile, tear tracks wet on his face.

"Mister Stark!" Peter shouted, running forward and standing in front of Tony, putting his hands on his shoulders.

"You remember when we were in space? And the big purple butt chin guy snapped his fingers? And I got all dusty? Well, I'm back! And the doctor guy did the portal thing, with his hands-" Peter was cut off by Tony pulling him by his arms into his chest, wrapping one arm under Peter's armpits and around his back, the other holding the back of his head in his hand, cradling him as close as he could. And sure it was awkward, but Peter was there. And he was alive, talking, breathing.

"Is this a hug? I didn't think we were there yet." Peter said quietly. Tony couldn't help but let out a sobbing noise, squeezing Peter in his arms. And he thought he would never miss Peter's rambling and chattering, but Peter was here and he was alive!

"You're alive. You're alive." Tony cried, Peter wasn't really sure how to react, just holding Tony as tightly as he could.

"Yeah. 'M here Mister Stark. I'm here." Peter soothed. Tony pulled back suddenly, taking Peter by his shoulders.

"Peter. You're here. I thought I'd never see you again. I thought I lost you. Jesus Pete, losing you was like losing myself and I can't lose you again. Never. Never again." Tony said desperately, placing on hand in the side of Peter's face and the other on his neck.

"I'm not going anywhere. Never again mister Stark. Never again." Peter said softly, he hadn't even realised he was crying until Tony wiped away his tears.

"Peter. I spent two years tearing myself apart because of all the things I never got to tell you. Two years. I'm going to tell you right now and you're gonna listen. You're gonna listen and you're not gonna forget." Tony said firmly. Pete nodded slowly, holding eye contact with Tony.

"I love you. So damn much. With everything that's left of my cold dead heart. And I have always been and will always be proud of you. You are best damn thing that has ever happened to me, Peter Benjamin Parker. I love you. So fucking much. So much." Toky said. Peter nodded, hugging Tony fiercely.

"I love you too mister stark." Peter said softly. Tony sniffled, shaking his head.

"Jesus Peter drop the mister Stark crap. I just spilled my heart out to you I think you and skip right to dad." Tony said. Peter nodded, laughing and sniffled.

"Yeah. I think I'd like that."