An-SHIELD is experimenting with a new machine form HYDRA and Peter volunteers to be the test subject, the only problem is that they don't know if it triggers anger or a fear response

TW-Scenes including and alluding to molestation and domestic violence

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"So you need a lab rat?" Tony asked.

"Well I would call it that, but yes, we need a test subject." The SHIELD agent said quietly.

"I'll do it!" Peter said cheerily. Everyone turned to him and shook their heads. Peter sighed and waved his hands around.

"Well, you say that you can't tell whether the responses are fear or anger because you're using older peoples emotions mix. I have clear cut things that make me angry versus scared, and my vitals are more easily monitored because the hormones and chemicals are heightened because of my metabolism. Besides, it'll be cool to know what I'm really scared or angry about." Peter explained.

"Okay, well what your seeing and feeling will be displayed via hologram and the only way to get rid of it is to defeat the holograms. You'll have five scenarios to complete." The SHIELD agent said.

After fitting Peter out with the monitoring equipment Peter was in the middle of the room. He hummed a tune, a cheery smile on his face. The team waved at him through the glass, chuckling quietly at Peter who looked as happy as can be.

"Okay. The simulation will start, and we will be able to see everything in the room." The SHIELD agent said. Peter nodded and turning in a circle. And he saw him, Skip.

"Long time no see Einstein." He said slowly. Peter stepped back several times, his eyes flickering around the room for vantage points.

"Fuck you." Peter spat. Skip tutted and waved a hand, stepping forward and laughing.

"That's no way to meet as old friend Petey. Come on, give your old friend a hug, or maybe we can play that game we made up." Skip said. Peter narrowed his eyes and lowered himself into his natural spider pose.

"We were never friends." Peter sneered. He lunged and moved to land a kick on Skip's chest, only for Skip to catch his foot inhumanly fast. Peter cried out as his head and shoulder made contact with the floor, fear and adrenaline flooding his senses and sleeping into his blood. His heart practically beating out of his chest, his breathing picking up, like he was eight again. Skips hands sprouted smaller hands and fingers, slowly groping and gripping at Peter calf's and travelling down his knees and his thighs, squeezing and pulling.

Peter frantically pulled at the hands, attempting to frantically pull away, but Skip just chuckled and flipped him over onto his stomach.

"You can't get away from me Einstein. Just stay still and it'll be over soon." Skip soothed. Peter shook his head frantically, tears pooling on the floor as Skips hands wrapped around his shorts and boxers, tugging on them slightly.

"No! I'm not scared of you anymore!" Peter shouted, sticking to the floor with the tips of his fingers and pulling himself free. Skip chuckled behind him as Peter wrenched his legs out of his hands.

"Then why are you shaking?" Skip teased, taking a few steps forward.

"Because I hate you!" Peter shouted. Skip took a step back and blinked.

"You ruined my fucking life! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" Peter screamed, slamming his closed fists into Skip's chest, pushing him back with each hit. Skip nodded slowly, his body slowly disappearing. Peter took in a shaky breath, and wrung his hands, glancing up at the team who were staring in open-mouthed shock. Peter had never told them about Skip. He turned back around and stopped, Ben.

"Ben." He breathed, but it wasn't the Ben he liked to remember. It was Ben the night he died, with blood-soaked into his clothes and his skin. And when he looked down at himself his front was covered in Blood, his hands dripping in it. He looked back up at Ben with his breath caught in his throat, his heart beating slowly and staggered.

"Peter. You, you killed me." Ben said angrily, pointing his blood dripping finger at Peter. Peter stepped back and shook his head.

"No. No. I didn't." He said softly. He closed his eyes and shook his head frantically, trying to wipe the blood onto his shirt.

"You did. If you hadn't been a coward and ran out of the apartment, if you hadn't have been a child I would have never died. I should have never jumped in front of that bullet for you." Ben shouted, Peter shook his head.

"I didn't kill you. I didn't pull the trigger. I was angry, and I was dumb, but I didn't kill you. At some point or another you would have died, and I sometimes I wish I could go back in him and save you, but I know that that's not possible." Peter said, voice shaking with tears. There were hundreds of times where Peter had been told these things, but until now he didn't believe them.

"I was and am a child, I yelled and I screamed, but I never meant for you to get hurt, or to die. Because I love you, but you're gone, and there's nothing I can do about that, and there's nothing that I can do to about that. I didn't kill you, Ben. I didn't kill you." Peter said softly. Ben straightened his back and nodded slowly, smiling softly at Peter. The blood was gone now.

"I love you too. My Benny baby." Ben said softly. Peter nodded slowly and wiped his nose. Ben slowly disappeared just like Skip, staring down at the floor, clenching and unclenching his fists. When he looked up again Tony was started back at him. He took a step back and looked down at himself, he was in the first Spider suit.

"What were you thinking! You could have been hurt! Someone else could have been hurt!" Tony shouted at him. Peter took a step back, opening and closing his mouth, he couldn't get the words out. The ferry incident, Peter couldn't count the number of times he'd lay awake at night thinking of his moment.

"If someone had gotten hurt that would have been on you! And if you got hurt, I feel like that's on me." Tony said, throwing his arms up in the air. Peter took another step back, his voice ringing around the room from his memories.

"I just wanted to be like you!" It echoed, ringing around the room sharply, making him wince.

"And I wanted you to be better." Tony said, stepping back, his body multiplying and stepping out of the original, circling around Peter and surrounding him. Wherever he looked there was Tony's face.

"You could never be more than a kid from queens! No one wants a neighbourhood spiderman!" Tony shouted, all of the voices echoing and overlapping. Peter turning slowly in a circle, his hands limp at his sides.

"You could never be an Avenger!" Tony shouted. And that seemed to crack Peters shocked resolve.

"Jokes on you I already am!" Peter shouted back. The Tony's stepped back for a moment. Peter knew Tony would never say these things, but Peter was adamant Fony was thinking those things.

"You're nothing, Peter Parker," Tony growled.

"I am something, Peter Benjamin Parker." Peter said firmly. The Tony's stepped back again.

"I could never think of you as my son. You're stupid to think of my as your father figure." Tony growled. Peter's mouth fell open, his eyes flickering to the shocked team ok the window. Tony was shaking his head in the window, and Peter wasn't sure if it was because he agreed or disagreed.

"So be it. You'll always be an important person in my life, someone who I look up to and taught me to be better." Peter said softly. The Tony's nodded slowly, moving back into the original.

"You did good kid." He said, disappearing. Peter stares at the wall, his eyes glassy and calculating. He wasn't sure what was next. The next thing he knew he was under something, rubble maybe, or scaffolding.

"Bye-bye Spiderman." A voice said, and it clicked, he was under the building and Toomes was there. Peter was face down staring at himself in the puddle, just like that night he couldn't breathe and he couldn't move. He reached up just enough to tear off the old suits mask, throwing the goggles as far as he could. He stared down at himself in the puddle, his own voice from his memories echoing ring in the room.

"I'm down here! Somebody help me! I'm, in dying! I can't breath!" Past him shouted. Peter stared himself down in the puddle.

"Come on Spiderman! Come on Spiderman!" Past time shouted again. This would be the moment Peter would push the building off of himself, but then again he wasn't there anymore. The puddle him laughed darkly, looking like a video clip glitching and lagging.

"You're never going to get out of here. You're never going to tell MJ you love her, and you're never going to be something." Puddle him said. Peter was silent for a moment, wincing when the rubble pressed into his ribs.

"I already am something. I'm on my way to being Valedictorian, I have a 5.0 GPA average, I'm interning with Tony fucking Stark, and I'm a fucking Avenger." Peter growled, lifting his stomach off of the ground, pushing the building up slowly.

"And MJ?" Puddle him asked quietly.

"I love her with all my heart, and she knows that. Because I told her." Peter said firmly. Puddle him nodded and offered him a shy smile, disappearing with the building once Peter was standing. He didn't bother looking up at the team, knowing he'd have a hell of a lot of explaining to do.

"Why did you leave me, Peter?" Whispered a voice from behind him. It was May, and if he strained his ears he could hear his adrenaline levels beeping rapidly in the monitor room. He turned slowly, taking a few steps back when May came into view.

"Why did you do what you did?" He asked.

"Oh, honey I just wanted to protect you, to keep you safe. You were a bad boy Peter, you needed to be punished." She said. Peter blinked away the tears in his eyes. Not only was this terrifying, but also humiliating. May reached and slowly unbuckled her belt, pulling it out and reading it. Peter was practically stuck to the floor, watching in horror as she took a few steps forward. She raised the belt, and swung it, Peter only just managed to block the guts to his face with his arms, crying out at the familiar pain.

It happened quickly, more hits to his arms a torso, and then the delivering kick to his legs forcing his knees to buckle, bringing him to his knees on the floor. His breathing was ragged as May grasped a hand full of his hair and pulled his head back with it, forcing him to look up at her.

"I just love you so much honey, and I don't want anyone to hurt you." She said. Peter knew this wasn't real, that this was a hologram, but it was so so so real.

"Then why did you?" He said hoarsely.

"Because I love you." She said. Peter couldn't help but laugh darkly.

"You don't love me. You never fucking loved me. Because of you, I don't have a home, I'm stuck in a group home because you couldn't admit that you never loved me and put me up for adoption. You never loved me, or cared about me, or were there for me." Peter spat, metal strong on his tongue. The fake May's face twisted, her grip on his hair loosening.

"You're right. I never loved you." She said, dropping peter hair, causing him to sprawl out of his back on the cold floor. He rolled into his front, raising onto his hands and knees, looking up at the window.

"Fear. Definitely fear." He said shakily. Even though they were holograms they left very very real injuries, cuts, raw skin, welts, bruises.

"Are you sure?" The SHIELD agent asked. Peter responded by throwing up on the floor, the concrete floor cutting into his palms. He was crying freely, spitting onto the floor and breathing raggedly, struggling to get oxygen into his lungs.

"Someone get me a new set of clothes." He said after a moment.

"On it Underoos."

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After showering carefully, avoiding his already healing injuries and changing into his new set of clothes he sunk into the couch next to Bucky. He closed his eyes slowly, his Spiderman socks, (which Tony had gotten for him as a joke) his wash worn avengers pyjama pants and Star Wars shirt he'd stolen from Ned.

"So, are we gonna talk about what happened in there?" Steve asked hesitantly. Peter looked up at him and sighed.

"I kinda guess we have to, cause no ones gonna forget what happened in there." Peter mused, sinking into the couch and hugging himself slightly. Bucky got a blanket out of nowhere and handed it to Peter, who took it with a smile and wrapped himself up in it.

"How about we start with the first person." Natasha said. Peter nodded and stared down at the floor.

"Steven Westcott, but I called him Skip. He was my baby sitter, and he came over every time my aunt and uncle had late night shifts. He was um, well he was a child molester. He never, you know, did that, but he was bad. He used to make me take my pants and underwear off and he'd make me open my mouth and he'd put his fingers in my mouth and he'd jerk off." Peter rambled, hugging himself tightly. The team listened in rapt silence. Peter sniffled, wiping his nose.

"I had nightmares for years after my aunt and uncle found out, and even after he went to prison. And I had nightmares about him coming back and even as I got older being able to overpower me and being able to do what he wanted even with my powers. So that thing with the hands was what I always used to dream about." Peter finished, wiping his nose again. The room was silent as the team took in this information, nodding slowly.

"Jesus Christ, we never knew. I can't believe we never knew." Bucky said from beside him, Peter just shrugged.

"I don't tell people, cause I still haven't really found a way to cope with it. For years I saw a therapist but you know, it's still hard when I get to that point with a person where we hug or sit next to each other or just touch in general, cause I can't help but think about him." Peter explained.

"I remember when we first met and I tried to hug you and you froze," Clint said slowly. Peter nodded. After a few beats of silence, Wanda spoke up.

"You need to know that what he did to you was never your fault, and that no matter what we love you." Natasha said firmly. Peter nodded and sniffled again.

"And the second, your uncle Ben?" She asked.

"Yeah. He, he didn't say all of those things the night he died, but those were the things I told myself, no matter how often people told me that those things weren't true. But I guess I didn't really believe them until today." Peter explained briefly, he huffed after a moment.

"I guess the blood being on my hands was a metaphor," Peter said quietly. Wanda nodded and leant back into her seat.

"It's good you know that, because you didn't kill him. And you were never in the wrong." Rhodey said. Peter nodded, his face heating up when he realised he had to talk about the third hologram.

"And the third?" Tony asked quietly. Peter stared down at his sock-covered feet in humiliation. He shrugged, not really sure what to say.

"Pete, it's fine, no one here is gonna judge you," Tony said gently. Peter hugged the blanket tighter around himself.

"When my parents died I didn't really have a dad or a father figure. Ben was never my dad, but he was the closest thing I had to a dad, he taught me how to tie my shoes and talk to girls and how to put on a belt, and then he was just gone. And then you came into my life, and when I was around you it didn't feel like when I was with Ben, it felt different, it felt like how I remember my bio dad. And I didn't really realise that I thought of you as a dad until the ferry incident. And I disappointed you because I jumped the gun, and I guess that was the worst thing about that." Peter paused to swallow thickly, staring down at his feet again.

"And even though you didn't say those things, I felt like that was what you were thinking them because I wanted you to be proud of me, and I wanted to feet praise form you cause you're the closest thing I've ever had to a dad. So that thing in the room, it was that overwhelming feeling of not being good enough, and that echo of the things you've said to me that have shaped me." Peter said quietly. He heard a small sniffing noise, wincing when he heard Tony shift in his seat.

"I've always been proud of you." Tony said softly, Peter snapped just head up to look at Tony in confusion. Tony has tears in his eyes as he looked at Peter in the eyes, his hands clasped on his lap.

"Look, I've never been good at this, and I've never wanted to be like my dad, and I hope I'm not. Because I'm so proud of you, you have somehow taken everything ever thrown at you and overcome it. And for a long time, I haven't told you what I've wanted to because I'm a fucking coward Pete, and you have always been so strong and so much more than good enough. And right now right here in front of all of our friends I'm going to tell you all of those things I'm too stupid not to have told you earlier." Tony paused so that he was facing Peter fully and leant forward so that Peter was forced to look at him.

"I am so proud of the young man you are and so proud of the man you are becoming. You are strong, and resilient, confident, kind and so much more then what you define yourself as. And what day on the ferry I realised that you were so much more than a teenager I took under my watch and provided with technology and support," Tony paused to wipe his eyes, "You're my kid Pete, you're my son." Tony finished. Peter was frozen on the couch, his mouth hanging open and eyes wide.

"Wow. I can't believe this is real." Peter breathed. Tony nodded and slowly moved so there was room on the single couch for Peter to sit. He pats the spot for Peter, making him roll his eyes and stand up slowly, waddling his way up to Tony and squishing next to him on the couch, Tony responded by cuddling him to his side.

"You're sure this is a hug? No car door or anything?" Peter teased, Tony rolled his eyes and pressed a kiss into Peter's curls. Peter was loving the attention, living in a group home meant he was severely touch starved.

"Shut it Underoos, just let me give you a cuddle," Tony said firmly. After several moments Buck broke the silence.

"The fourth hologram?" He asked, Peter, look up at him for a moment, sighing.

"Well, Tony knows about this, because he accessed the plane footage from the night, but I insisted that he didn't tell you what really happened with the Vulture. Long story short, while we were fighting I thought he was misfiring, but he was aiming for the support beams of the five-story warehouse. He got out in time, but I didn't, and the warehouse fell on me, the only part of my body I could move was my head and my right arm, and I was staring down at myself in this puddle as I pulled my mask off and suddenly I was just Peter Parker, not Spiderman." Peter swallowed thickly again, Tony held him tighter to his side.

"And," Peter let out a deep breath of air, "And I thought about letting the building crush me. But then I thought about how I would never be able to do all the things I wanted to do, and that I'd never be able to prove myself. And I told myself that I wasn't gonna let myself die there, and I didn't. But I keep thinking back to that time and thinking about what if I did die? What if I didn't get to experience the things I have since then? What if I did just gave up?" Peter said quietly, he heard multiple intakes of breaths, gasps and small crying noises.

"Well, we are so so so glad and grateful you are alive, and that you didn't give up." Tony said firmly from above him. Peter nodded slowly and sniffled again, hugging Tony around his waist.

"And last, your aunt May?" Natasha asked quietly. Peter hurried his face in Tony's side for a moment, his body bent at an impossible angle, which Tony was used to by now. Tony rubbed his back, even he didn't know what that one was all about, and knowing Peter he had never talked about it in an effort for people not to pity him and not to look down on him. Peter pulled back from his side and sniffled, fresh tears making their way down his face.

"I knew it was wrong what she was doing, but I didn't reach out cause I didn't have anywhere else to go. She'd been doing it for a long time, when Ben wasn't looking, or when he was on business trips or on night shifts. When he died it just meant she could do it without people catching her. And she was smart, always hurting me there no one could see. She only got caught cause the new neighbour called the police and they walked in on her using the belt, like in the hologram." Peter paused to wipe his tears away with his thumbs.

"And for a long time I convinced myself that she did love me and that it was my fault, but I guess I kinda realised she never did. And I guess it scared me that she never did care but it was so easy for her to pretend to." Peter explained, propping his chin up with his closed fist.

"You said something about a group home?" Steve asked through the silence of the living room. Peter nodded slowly.

"Yeah, May was my last chance so when she lost me I had nowhere else to go and got sent to a group home. It's okay there, but lonely, and if I mess up at all I get moved out of state. Like if I break the rules like come home late or do things without permission, or get suspended or a call from the school." Peter said dismissively.

"That's why your hours as Spiderman have dropped." Bucky said in understanding. Peter nodded and shrugged.

"But if it keeps me off the streets I don't think I mind," Peter said with a hum. Tony narrowed his eyes at him and shifted so he could see Peter's face.

"I could adopt you." Tony offered. Peter looked up at Tony with knitted eyebrows.

"You could what?!" He exclaimed, Tony shrugged.

"You heard me."