A/N: TRIGGER WARNING!! Thoughts and actions of suicide! 

Loud... It was so loud. Why was it so loud? He wanted it all to stop. Just stop! Why wouldn't it stop? 

"Please," Peter quietly cried, burying his wet fact into his cold hands, "Please, make it stop..."

But it didn't stop. Even at the top of the Brooklyn Bridge, the laughter and taunts and words all echoed in his head. He did everything he could to escape them; he hid his mind in his sleep, he buried himself in his music, in work, side projects, but it never ended.

He could see their faces every time he closed his eyes. MJ's smirk as she pulled Ned away from him at lunch, Ned canceling plans that they worked two weeks towards, Flash and Sam's taunts about how he'll never become anything in life, the way that Thor laughed when he agreed with Sam and said he would love for Peter to be his cook at McDonald's... Even worse than that though was the silence, two of the most important people in his life were deadly silent through it all. Loki and Tony were somewhere around the Compound, but Peter hadn't seen them in weeks. No messages passed through Friday, no dark figures waiting on top of roofs to patrol together, not even a response to any of the messages he sent them...!

Could Flash be right? Could he really be a nuisance? Had he finally annoyed Tony and Loki enough that they no longer wanted anything to do with him?

"No!" His voice broke as his hands moved to grip his hair, tugging harshly on it to pull his mind away from that topic. He couldn't think like that! They were just busy, and the other's always teased him like that, there was no reason to get depressed over it!

"But Loki and Tony have always made time for you before," A voice whispered in his mind. He couldn't deny it either... Even when they were busy, they would at least say hi through Friday. Ever since he had been beaten by that last enhanced, everyone had changed around him... Were they so disappointed in him for losing? Given, it should have been a relatively easy fight, the enhanced wasn't that strong; their power was a small shock of electricity that didn't even hurt that badly. It had just taken Peter by surprise when he felt it that he slipped off the edge of the building and left Loki to fight the man alone. 

Loki had seen him fail so utterly and horribly... No wonder he stopped talking to him. And Loki probably told the others and they were ashamed as well. "Who would want a failure on their team?"

The voice was right... They couldn't trust a failure to protect them... 

Thunder crashed overhead, the rain breaking loose and beginning to pelt him with the icy drops. But he didn't move. He couldn't. He was frozen to his spot at the revelation he just had. They couldn't trust him... Because what if they did trust him and he messed up again? What if he got someone on the team killed? Loki and Tony would more than willingly give up their lives to protect him if he failed again, and they knew it. What if they were distancing themselves to keep that from happening? 

"They could be dead because of you," That voice whispered. "Even your friends. A villain could kill them to get at you."

Feeling his breathing pick up, Peter ripped off his mask. He gasped for air, finding it more difficult than it should have been. He couldn't breathe. Why couldn't he breathe?

"You're too hot. You need to cool down."

He was hot? He couldn't really feel anything, all of his senses were numbed. But if his mind told him that he was hot, who was he to argue. He looked up towards the night sky, letting the rain hit him freely. But that seemed to only make it worse...

"The East River, that should be cold enough. Jump into the river."

Head slowly lowering to look at the edge of the bridge railing, Peter shook his head slightly. "No... No, it's too cold and fast... That wouldn't work."

"It will help. It will help everyone around you. Without you, they won't die. Loki, Tony, Ned, MJ, May... They'll all live long and happy lives if you aren't there to screw things up for them."

Gulping, Peter stood and slowly moved to the edge, looking down. It was so dark that he couldn't even see the water... He didn't want to jump, he was scared... But the voice had been harassing him for weeks now about it; seeing May's sleeping pills, or the knife set in the kitchen, all the chemicals in the Compound labs, whenever he swung through the city... No matter where he was, his mind pointed out all the dangerous things that could kill him. He tried to wash that voice out, but he was only so strong... It was exhausting.

He was tired.

He was so tired of it. 

Stepping closer to the edge, his toes just hanging off, he took a deep breath - though it didn't fill his lungs like he wanted it to.

"Do it." 

"I don't want to..."

"You're unwanted now, useless. You'll be doing everyone a favor."

He briefly wondered what would kill him, the fall or the water? His mind didn't stay on the thought long as he forced himself to take that last step over. 

He fell. The wind brushed his face and froze the rainwater to his skin. His heart hammered in his chest, trying to break free. He was scared. He was scared, cold, alone... He didn't want this.

As if answering his thoughts, his body was jerked to a stop, something catching his arm and holding him in place next to the bridge. He looked up, blinking the rain out of his eyes to see a familiar face with an unfamiliar emotion.

Loki was half hanging off the edge of the bridge, pure panic on his face as one hand struggled to hold onto Peter's forearm in the rain.

"Loki...?"

"I must say..." His grip slipped slightly, his hand tightening more, "Of all the things you've done if your life... This is not one of the best."

"No! Push him off, he's only going to make you feel worse!"

"I- I don't... Why...? Loki..." Peter was confused and suffocating. One half of his mind was happy to be stopped, to see Loki there saving him. But then the other part was raging inside his head at being stopped. He couldn't breathe and it felt like his head was splitting apart... "I just want it to stop..." He let out a broken sob, his tears mixing with the raindrops rolling down his cheeks.

"I know you do, child." Loki started to pull him up, "But this isn't the way to do that."

"No!" As if moving on its own, Peter's other hand snapped up and gripped the metal of the bridge to push himself away from the man that was in danger of ruining everything.

The sudden movement caused Loki's grip to slip to Peter's wrist, Loki cursing as he slid from the bridge slightly as well. "Peter, please... Let me help you. You aren't in your right mind now."

"He's calling you insane."

"It's so loud..." Peter closed his eyes and shook his head, his ragged breathing increasing.

"I know, child. I can make it quiet."

Looking up at him with hopeful eyes, Peter was about to give in. Loki could make it all go away, he always knew the right things to do to make everything better. He could help him...!

"So you're just going to go back? You're going to rely on him like the child he thinks you are? You'll get him killed that way... Even now, he's about to fall with you if he doesn't let you go soon. Look, he's slipping."

Peter's eyes locked on Loki's other hand that was holding onto the bridge with all his strength, trying to keep him on top of it. He was definitely slipping. If he didn't let go of Peter soon, then they would both fall to their deaths...

Slowly moving his eyes back to Loki's uncharacteristically scared ones, Peter felt a wave of coldness wash over his body. "I did it for you..."

"What?"

"I'm doing it for you. You and the others... You can't die because of me."

Loki seemed to recognize the look in Peter's eyes, his own widening as he held onto the boy's hand with all his might. "Peter, don't-"

Peter pushed against the bridge, breaking free of Loki easily. He closed his eyes, unable to let his last image of Loki be the desperate and sad vision that was on the top of that bridge. If his eyes were open, would he have seen Loki's mouth move in a cry of his name that was lost to the winds of the storm? Maybe even see a tear roll down the pale skin... Would the other's cry at the news of his death? Would Mr. Stark?

He could almost feel the dark water of East River rising up to meet him, the voice in his head whispering a mantra of crazed joy. Despite the joy in his head, every part of him felt terror as the end was rushing to him with no breaks. He found himself questioning again which would kill him, fall or water? Fall or water? Fall or water, fall or water, fall or water, fall or-

Something solid wrapped around his midsection, pulling his body against one much larger and stronger. His eyes snapped open, seeing wet, black hair flying in the wind of the fall. Turning his head slightly, he saw Loki's jaw locked and teeth gritting but it wasn't the pale faced Loki he left on top of the bridge... This Loki had blue skin and red eyes, ice chips flying around his face - ice?

Trying to turn around to see where the ice was coming from, Loki's free hand pressed Peter's head against his chest just as they hit something hard below them. Peter bit his tongue as he and Loki slid down a far too bumpy and cold slid before coming to a stop on the same cold surface below. It wasn't the water though... or maybe it was. It was cold. Was this the ice that was around Loki? He had turned into his Frost Giant form and created a way to save them both from hitting the river? But Loki hated his Frost Giant side, he never transformed unless he absolutely had to!

Was Peter so important to him that he would transform just to save him from death?

He clung to Loki's chest for a second more, the two of them just taking a moment to breathe and recover from the adrenaline from a fall of that size. Every fiber of Peter's being wanted to stay there, he felt safe there. But he pulled away, he needed to know why Loki would do something like that.

Before he could even open his mouth though, Loki's hand moved to Peter's forehead, gripping him tightly and sending a shock through his body. Peter was frozen, he couldn't move. He was just helplessly staring into Loki's angry red eyes. 

But then something inside in his mind snapped, he felt the recoil like a rubber band that was stretched too far. A searing pain shot through his head next and he couldn't stop his scream of pain. He couldn't help but notice an echo though... A second voice that wasn't his echoed in his head. 

He didn't know how long he was in pain for, it seemed to stretch on for eternity; but when it finally lifted, he sucked in a deep breath that gave him the oxygen that he so craved. His body slumped forward against Loki, too weak to hold himself up. He could vaguely realize that Loki's hand was rubbing his back slowly, his voice a dull murmur above him. He tried to focus on the words, struggling to concentrate long enough but somehow managing.

"-My fault... I should have noticed your suffering sooner. I should have realized that enhanced had done something to you. I am sincerely sorry, Peter..."

Peter wanted to reply, to tell him that it wasn't Loki's fault. He wanted to comfort Loki like Loki was doing for him. But he couldn't... His body was tired and worn and he couldn't even keep his eyes open. 

Loki's words slowly drifted from his hearing as Peter's full weight rested on him. Wrapped in those arms, Peter couldn't help but cave to the feeling of safety and belonging that filled him now that his mind was cleared. And as he drifted off to sweet and peaceful incongruousness, Peter couldn't help but think of how ridiculous it was for him to believe that Loki would ever want to have Peter out of his life in any way such as that... But at least he knew, no matter what his mind told him, Loki would always help him when needed. And for the first time in a long time...

Peter didn't feel alone.

A/N: Normally I hate depression stories, especially triggering ones. The closest I've ever come to something like this was Nothing Without This Suit oneshot I wrote for Iron Dad/Spider Son. But I've been going through so many ups and downs lately, I thought I'd try my hand at it. Lord knows it's been requested enough times. 

I was going to write a Independence Day story for Iron Dad and Spider Son today... but I hated how it was turning out so I scrapped it. Maybe I'll be able to fix in the future when my mind is more clear. But any case, to my fellow American readers, Happy Fourth of July!! Covid may be stopping us from going out, but we can still watch fireworks on youtube! XD I've spent the entire week listening to my patriotic playlist on Pandora and watching old videos from past years. Normally my city holds a military orchestra or choir for the Fourth before the fireworks start, but you can imagine why that's not happening this year... Last year was the Army Choir; growing up in both a military and musical family, it was absolutely amazing to hear.