Season 3, Episode 2:  I Am Unicorn

Ownership of Glee:  FOX, Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk

= = =

Brittany is at Kurt's locker. She's looking at him and Violet.

"I really like your outfit. And I think you're like, fabulous and I just love everything that you do." Brittany compliments Kurt.

Kurt smiles. "Why thank you, Britt!"

Brittany smiles. "Okay, I really want to run your campaign for president. Out of all of the kids at this school, I think that you are the biggest unicorn."

Violet raises an eyebrow. "I'm sorry?"

Brittany smiles. "Well Violet, when a pony does a good deed, he gets a horn and he becomes a unicorn and then he poops out cotton candy until he forgets he's magical. And then his horn falls off. And, black unicorns - they become zebras."

Kurt nods. "Oh, that's - that's a terrifying story."

They leave Kurt 's locker and begin walking down the hallway.

Brittany shakes her head. "No it's not. No, okay, no. The point is, is that a unicorn is somebody who knows they're magical and isn't afraid to show it. You went through hell last year and you never forgot how special you were. And, I slept with a lot of people and I'm really popular so I think I could get you mega votes."

Violet smiles. "She's got a point, hon."

Kurt smiles at Violet and then turns to Brittany. "Then why don't you just run Brittany?"

Brittany frowns. "I'm not smart enough."

Violet gives her friend a hug. "You're smart in your own Brittany Pierce way. And we love that about you."

Kurt smiles. "Well Britt, I have to say that I'm flattered and really excited."

Brittany smiles. "Cool. Okay I'll come over after school and we'll work on your campaign posters. I got a lot of great ideas."

Kurt nods. "Great, great. I'll see you then!"

Britanny smiles to herself. "Sweet."

= = =

Will claps his hands once as the kids get settled. "Alright, New Directions. Big news. As you all know, Vocal Adrenaline came in second last year at nationals."

Finn smiles. "The only good thing to come out of that lost weekend." He says. Rachel lightly hits Finn. "Besides us getting back together."

Will smiles. "Well, the boosters at Carmel don't donate tens of thousands of dollars every year to come in second, so they fired Dustin Goolsby."

"So handsome." Artie comments.

Will nods. "And they're having trouble finding a new coach. It seems that no-one wants to take on that pressure cooker."

Tina nods. "That means they're vulnerable."

Will nods again. "Yes, and if we work hard enough, we can beat them. Which is why I realize that, umm, I can't direct the musical this year."

Rachel looks pale. "No, Mr. Schue, you can't cancel the musical. My New York dreams depend on it."

Will chuckles. "I'm not canceling it. I'm just not directing it. My sole focus has to be in here. Nationals, Nationals, Nationals! And it's not just me that's gonna have to focus harder this year. I've been too easy on you, so everyday after choir practice I am instituting a mandatory Booty Camp so that we can work on our dancing. Now, it's not for all of you. Just the people that I think need help. Like - "

Finn shakes his own head. "Finn."

Will smiles. "How did you know? And Puckerman, Hummel."

Kurt looks agitated. "I must protest."

Mike looks at his friend. "You kinda have one move, Kurt. It's like this sashay, and it's super distracting."

Violet smiles tensely. "He's got a point."

Will continues. "Jones."

Mercedes looks shocked. "What? Hell to the nizzy - no."

Will smiles. "You told me once that you were Beyoncé. You don't think she spends extra time in the dance studio? Mike Chang and Violet have offered to be my assistants and we start tomorrow and yes, Puckerman, it is mandatory."

Blaine smiles. "Mr. Schuester, would you mind if I dropped by for a little bit. I really need to catch up with you guys."

Rachel sighs. "Okay, Mr. Schue, I'm glad that you're so concerned with our special-needs members, but what about me. Okay, who's gonna direct the musical?"

Will smiles. "Ladies and gentleman, your co-musical directors. Ms. Pillsbury and Coach Beiste." He says. Beiste and Emma arrive. Rachel is biting her lip and shaking her head. "Now, Ms. Pillsbury did such a good job helping me out with Rocky Horror last year that I knew she could handle the job."

Beiste smiles. "And I'm here to keep the football guys in line and I've also talked them into playing the Jets."

Rachel looks unsure. "Mr. Schue, with all due respect to Ms. Pillsbury and Coach Beiste, this is crazy - they have absolutely zero experience in directing a musical."

Beiste shrugs. "Not true: In college I was in "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. I played the forum."

"The teachers at this school are already overworked and unfortunately a lot of them agree with Sue that the arts are a waste of time. Besides, they are gonna have some help. I have decided to include a student director this year." Will says.

Rachel smiles. "Mr. Schue, I'm honored, but Barbra was forty when she directed herself in Yentl so it's just, it's too soon."

Brittany looks at Rachel. "I hate you."

Will smiles. "I was actually hoping that Artie would take the job."

Artie looks shocked. "Me? I've developed my whole persona around conflict avoidance."

Tina smiles. "Come on, Artie. You've made short films. Directing is your dream. You can do it."

Everyone nods at Artie in encouragement.

Artie smiles. "I'm in."

Will smiles. "Alright. That's what I like to hear, buddy."

Everyone claps.

= = =

Brittany, Kurt and Violet are in Kurt's bedroom, looking at all of Brittany's ideas for Kurt's campaign.

"Okay. We're going to make 100,000 copies of each poster. And then, we'll give each student a swag bag full of this. We're going to call it Kurt Hummel's bulging pink funsack." Brittany says.

Violet's already onboard with Brittany's idea.

Kurt smiles. "I - you know I don't know what to say."

Brittany smiles. "That happens to me all the time. My lips move but only dust comes out."

"You know, I appreciate the enthusiasm but, you know what? It's just all wrong. I think it's just, you know, a tad too - " Kurt's cut off.

"Unicorn?" Brittany interjects.

"Bi. I feel like I might as well have a big neon sign above my head that says 'Bi diddy bi di bi bi bi.'" Kurt says.

Brittany smiles. "I mean, I'm gonna need a long extension cord but I love it!"

Kurt looks at her. "I'm joking."

Brittany smiles. "Well next time you make a joke nudge me in the ribs or like, honk a horn or something."

Kurt sighs. "Look, I don't just want to be know has Kurt Hummel: Homo."

Brittany shrugs. "What's wrong with that? Look - 99% of the kids at school are either freaks or closet freaks. The captain of the football squad - he gets the job, but he doesn't represent the people. That's why we need a unicorn."

"And I agree with the sentiment. I just want something, you know, toned down a tad. I came up with a campaign poster too. Okay?" Kurt says.

Brittany nods. "Okay."

Kurt takes out his campaign poster and shows it to Brittany.

Kurt smiles. "Ta-da! It's understated, yet elegant. Inspired, of course, by the classic Blackglama fur coat ads. Rumor has it that Judy Garland, down on her luck and thin as a baby bird, stole her Blackglama mink coat after her photo shoot. And it wasn't even lined yet."

Brittany smiles. "You should tell that story during your campaign speech. It's like...so unicorn."

Violet knows that she prefers Brittany's poster over Kurt's.

But she doesn't want to hurt Kurt's ego.

= = =

It's day one of Booty Camp.

Mercedes is sitting in a chair. "Listen, Mr. Schue. I am all for participating, but Shane says I'm more of a "park and bark," and I tend to agree."

Finn looks confused. "A what and what?"

"Park and Bark. I stand center-stage singing the notes no-one else can while all of you guys dance around me." Mercedes answers.

Will sighs. "Booty Camp is about all of you dancing, Mercedes. In unison. I mean, look at Vocal Adrenaline. When they're in sync - one big, terrifying machine - they're unstoppable. Mike, Violet, do your thing. Let's go." He encourages.

Mike and Violet step up. "The jazz square, the grapevine, the step-touch, the kick-ball-change, and pivot. We perfect these basics, we'll win Nationals. Grapevine to the right: 5, 6, 7, 8." Mike says.

Music plays, they being to dance.

Will nods. "Keep it going."

Puck talks in time with the beat. "I. Am. In. Hell."

Violet smirks as she and Mike continue to grapevine. "Keep up the smart-ass comments, Puckerman. It doesn't help you get anywhere."

Puck rolls his eyes. "Fine."

Kurt and Blaine are talking about whether or not they should audition for Tony. Violet's a little agitated because they're talking.

"Boys! Less talking, more dancing." She instructs.

"Yes ma'am." They reply.

Mike smirks. "You're still a badass."

Violet smiles. "I know."

= = =

Violet's standing backstage while Kurt gets ready for his West Side Story audition.

"Next!" Artie calls.

Kurt walks to centerstage after getting a good luck kiss from Violet.

Kurt smiles. "Hello, I'm Kurt Hummel, and I'll be auditioning for Tony, the male lead."

Emma smiles. "That's great, Kurt."

Kurt nods. "I'll be performing the seminal, and in my case, semi-autobiographical Broadway classic "I am the Greatest Star" from Funny Girl."

Beiste looks confused. "Isn't that a Streisand song?"

Kurt smiles. "I know what you're thinking, but I got written permission from the woman herself - Ms. Rachel Berry. And, I'd also like to thank Cashes from my dad's tire shop, for kindly constructing my audition scaffolding."

Artie nods. "Okay, whenever you're ready."

Kurt auditions with "I am the Greatest Star" while doing a series of acrobatics and tricks.

[I am the Greatest Star by Kurt]

He finishes to much applause from the directors.

Beiste smiles. "Beautiful, Beautiful."

Violet has to agree. Kurt's audition was indeed beautiful.

= = =

In the school hallway where Kurt is walking by himself, looking dejected. He sees Brittany and Santana putting up the unicorn campaign posters that he didn't like. He rips one off the wall and runs over to them.

Kurt looks angry. "This is not the poster we agreed on."

Brittany sighs. "The poster that you wanted gave me crippling depression."

Kurt sighs. "I wanted something toned down!"

Santana nods. "This is toned down. In the original, the unicorn was riding you."

Brittany looks upset. "I don't know why you're so upset. You're special. You need to embrace it. This is who you are."

Kurt sighs. "I'm not gonna win." He says. Kurt decides to go and find his girlfriend. "And stop putting up those posters!" He calls back as he walks off.

= = =

Violet looks at Kurt in disappointment when she hears what he told Brittany. "You completely hurt Brittany's feelings."

Kurt sighs. "I didn't mean to, but she made posters that make me look ridiculous!"

Violet shakes her head. "No she didn't. She was making posters that represent who you really are. And you shut her down completely? That's not cool with me or Santana. You really hurt Brittany's feelings, Kurt. I love you, but sometimes you need to think before you speak." She says.

Kurt looks at her, to see disappointment in her eyes. "Are you mad at me?" He asks softly.

"I can never be mad at you, Kurt. But... I'm extremely disappointed in you." Violet says. Kurt hangs his head down.

"Tell you what:  we'll talk about this after my audition okay? If I don't leave now, I won't get to audition." Violet says.

Kurt nods. "Okay. You still haven't told me what song you're auditioning with." He says.

"Because that's the key element of a surprise."

= = =

Violet walks onstage to audition for West Side Story. Kurt's standing backstage, anxiously bouncing on his toes.

"Hi guys! I'm Violet Corcoran, and I'll be auditioning for the role of Anita." Violet says.

Artie, Emma and Beiste smile. "That's wonderful! What song will you be singing?" Emma asks.

"I know people usually sing musical songs for musical auditions, but I'm thinking of doing something else. I was thinking of Evanescence's 'My Immortal.'" Violet says.

The directors look impressed with her song choice. Kurt does as well.

"Whenever you're ready." Beiste says.

Violet nods to the band and begins singing a powerful rendition of 'My Immortal' by Evanescence.

[My Immortal by Violet]

At the end of her audition, she has Kurt clapping backstage. Artie, Emma and Beiste are all cheering loudly from the audience.

"That was incredible!" Emma praises.

"Amazing!" Artie states.

"You were outstanding!" Beiste compliments.

Violet blushes and runs offstage, embracing herself in Kurt's arms.

Kurt kisses her face.

"Baby, you've got Anita in the bag."

= = =

After Violet's audition, she heads to Booty Camp.

"Alright, Finn. You got this, buddy. Come on." Will encourages while clapping his hands, in time to the beat. "Ha, ha, ruhaha." Will, Mike, Violet and Finn dance. Finn falls.

"You okay?" Violet asks.

Finn shakes his head. "I can't do this."

Will nods. "You can."

Finn shake his head frantically. "I can't!"

Will sighs. "Hey, who knows more about dancing? You or me?"

Finn looks defeated. "You."

Will nods. "That's right. Look, I know you can do this, and I believe in you."

Finn nods. "One more time."

Will smiles. "That's right. Here we go." He says and helps Finn get up. They do the dance again. This time Finn is successful. Everyone cheers and claps. Will hugs Finn. Quinn arrives and has noticeably lost her "bad-girl" look.

"Can I help you, Quinn?" Will asks.

Quinn smiles. "I heard this was for people who need a little help with their dance moves and want to win Nationals."

Will nods. "That's right."

"So I'm a little rusty. And uh, would it be cool if I joined in?" Quinn asks.

Will smiles. "Absolutely. Welcome back."

Mercedes smiles. "Get in here, girl. You've been missed." She says and hugs Quinn.

Violet's the next one to hug Quinn. "It's good to have you back Q."

Quinn smiles. "It's good to be back."

Will smiles. "Alright, lets line it up. Enough, enough. Alright, let's get in line. Booty Camp, here we go. Line it up." He says. He looks to Kurt. "Oh, Kurt..."

Violet's helping Quinn go over choreography for most of Booty Camp. Not that either of them mind.

"I told you Q... you can't break up the Unholy Foursome."

= = =

Kurt smiles as he walks to Brittany. "Brittany! Look!" He says and points to a poster. "You were absolutely right. I need to celebrate who I am and I am unicorn."

Brittany smiles. "Awww." She says and hugs him. "I love my happy, happy unicorn."

Kurt smiles. "Thank you."

Brittany keeps smiling. "I'm so proud of you."

Kurt nods. "So, what do you say you come to my place after school and we'll give each other oatmeal facials and watch Project Runway and you know, talk campaign strategy while sampling some of my zero-cal loganberry pumpkin torte, huh?"

Brittany keeps smiling. "Thanks, umm, but I can't. Santana and I are working on campaign posters."

Kurt looks confused. "Oh, umm, I already have them."

Brittany smiles. "No, for my campaign. I decided to run too! Cause, you know, the last six senior class presidents - they've all been guys and look where that's got us - you know, teetering in a double-dip recession. Besides, I'm also a unicorn. Maybe a bi-corn. Either way, I'm starting to believe in my own magic. Good luck, Kurt. I will see you at the debate. Kay?"

Violet walks up to see Brittany's poster. "Ooh, Brittany's running for senior class president too?" She asks with a smile.

Kurt's smile has fallen. "Yeah. And now I have to run against my friend for senior class president."

Violet gives him a peck on the cheek. "Could be worse. You could be running against me."

= = =

2714 words

Songs Mentioned/Performed
1. I am the Greatest Star - Kurt
2. My Immortal - Violet

This episode was pretty great!

Next update:  Asian F

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