Season 1, Episode 11:  Hairography

Ownership of Glee:  FOX, Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk

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Will has the glee club gathered in the auditorium. "Okay, guys, so first of all I want to welcome Ms. Hitchens and the Jane Addams glee club. We're all very happy to have you guys here. So, um, we're going to let you guys start us off. Let's see what you got." He says to the visiting glee club.

"Hit it." Ms. Hitchens tells her girls.

Jane Addams performs "Bootylicious."

[Bootylicious by Jane Addams girls]

New Directions claps for them but they seem overwhelmed by the performance.

The Jane Addams Academy Glee Club leaves, and Rachel approaches Will. "Mr. Shue, you seem concerned."

"What? No. I mean, they were great, but we're just as good." Will says.

"Mr. Shue, if I may. What they were doing was just all smoke and mirrors. It's called 'hairography.'" Rachel explains.

Will looks confused. "What?"

Rachel decides to further explain. "Hairography. All the whizzing of their hair around just to distract from the fact that they're not really good dancers. And their vocals were just so-so. Trust me. We've nothing to be afraid of."

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The next day, Will is talking to the students. "All right, guys. I did some thinking last night. I think I found our new number for Sectionals. We're going to do the title song from "Hair". Now, this show started a revolution."

"Wait, did they have mohawks back then? Like in the 20's or whatever?" Puck asks.

Finn nods. "Yeah, Mr. Shue, if we're going to do a song about hair, shouldn't we have more hair?"

Will smiles. "One step ahead of you. Here are your wigs."

Violet has no words for what he's trying to do.

"Mr. Schuester?" Rachel asks.

Will looks at her. "Yeah?"

"What are you doing? We are fine where we are. We don't need hairography. It's just a distraction." Rachel says.

Violet nods along to Rachel's statement. "I have to agree. This seems kinda unnecessary." She says.

"Look, I have to be honest. Those Jane Addams girls did freak me out a little. And I'm worried about our chances for Sectionals. I mean, we have to pull out all the stops if we want to win." He says and laughs gently seeing the guys in their wigs. "Looking great, guys!"

Violet feels like anything but great.

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Quinn walks up to Kurt at his locker. "Hey, Kurt, can I pick your pink brain for a second?"

Kurt looks at her. "Why hello, Quinn. To what do I owe the honor? I do believe this is the first time you've ever spoken to me."

"I'm sorry about that. Anyways, I have a proposition to make: A makeover." Quinn says.

"I'm in! Makeovers are like crack to me." Kurt admits.

"Uh-huh." Quinn nods.

Kurt smiles. "My suggestion...Spanx. Or a double-knit camisole with a control top for the baby bump. Also, babydoll dresses–dead giveaway." He says.

"Not for me, for Rachel." Quinn informs.

Kurt laughs incredulously. "Why would I want to do that? I admit I like a challenge as much as the next guy, but Rachel somehow manages to dress like a grandmother and a toddler at the same time. Plus I have... personal reasons not to like her at all." He says, not mentioning Violet's name.

Quinn nods in understanding. "My point exactly. You're as concerned about the glee club succeeding as I am, and she's a distraction. Look at her. She's wearing a pantsuit."

Rachel is wearing a bright blue pantsuit at her locker.

"Don't you think the judges are going to take one look at her and maybe want to knock her down a peg or two?" Quinn asks.

"And to think... I thought you were a dumb blonde. Deal." Kurt says.

Quinn goes to walk away but she looks over at Kurt. "By the way... you're not the only one who knows about how Rachel treats Violet. Just saying."

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For the next glee rehearsal, Will talks to his students. "Some of you, particularly the guys, have come up to me with some questions about hairography. One of our own has volunteered to walk us through it. She has got it down. Brittany, take it away." He instructs.

Brittany looks confused. "Take what away?" She asks.

"Show us what you got." Will restates.

Brittany has a moment of realization. "Oh. All right. So, hairography. It works best when you pretend like you're getting tasered. So you just move your head around like you're spazzing and stuff." She says. Brittany unties her ponytail and whips her hair around like a boss.

"Very nice." Will compliments.

Everyone is impressed. "Wow."

Violet smiles at Brittany, but she doesn't really like the idea of doing hairography in their Sectionals performance.

"You guys, it's like cool epilepsy." Brittany states.

The group — minus Violet — starts whipping their hair.

Will watches. "Come on, guys. Let's see what you got. Good, guys, yeah. Just relax and go for it, all right." He encourages. He sees Sue looking in from the doorway. He follows her as she leaves. The group continues to practice hairography.

"My neck, my back." Mike whines.

Violet rolls her eyes with a playful smile. "Grow up you big baby."

"When is the lying going to stop, Sue?" Will screams.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Sue denies.

"You've been spying on me and we both know it. You'll do anything to torpedo glee club. And it has got to stop!" Will shouts.

The group can hear Sue and Will yelling at each other and they stop and start gathering by the door.

"I resent that accusation, William. And one I understand you've been making to our friends at Haverbrook and Jane Addams. And it's an outrageous affront to my sterling reputation! That being said, fine, I have been checking up on you. Because I don't like what's going on in there. Do you know why I make each of my Cheerios wear her hair pulled back in a ponytail? Because I don't want to distract from her impeccable talent. You seem to be taking the opposite approach, Will. And that leads me to believe you know your kids don't have what it takes." Sue deducts.

"I believe in my kids." Will states.

"Well, maybe in the beginning, but not now. Now that you've seen the competition that threatens your very position at this school! You're going to get me an updated set list by 5:00 tomorrow. And if there's anything on that list that involves demeaning, fruity hair tossing, I'm cutting it!" Sue threatens.

Will looks angry. "I will not let you dictate my number choices. And you are not getting that list."

"Well, then I'm back as co-director." She says and walks off.

Will turns to his kids and sighs. "Okay, guys, from the top."

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On Monday, Will has invited the Haverbrook School for the Deaf to come and practice in the choir room. "Thank you all for coming. We are so honored to have you guys here. So, without further ado, I present the New Directions." He introduces. While talking to the deaf kids, Violet signs to translate her teacher's words.

Since Violet is uncomfortable with performing the number, she sits out.

The New Directions starts performing a "Hair/Crazy in Love" mash-up.

"Yes, so crazy right now. Most incredibly, it's your boy Artie. It's you're girl Mercedes. You ready?" Artie asks, impersonating Jay-Z.

[Hair/Crazy in Love by New Directions minus Violet]

At the end, there is scattered clapping from Will, Violet and Haverbrook.

Rachel frowns. "It didn't work at all, did it?"

Will smiles encouragingly. "No, it's just the rehearsal. It's still just a little rough, But we're onto something." He says and sighs. Now it's time for Haverbrook to perform.

Haverbrook starts performing and signing "Imagine" by the Beatles. Mercedes joins in and starts singing, Violet also following her lead, signing away as she sings. The rest of New Directions follows their lead and they all get up and start signing with Haverbrook.

[Imagine by Haverbrook and New Directions]

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Violet walks up to Kurt at his locker, having seen Rachel upset just moments ago. She was dressed scantily, and Violet had an inkling as to who would encourage Rachel to get a makeover.

"Do you know why Rachel looks like Sandy from the end of Grease?" She asks, knowing good and well he had something to do with it.

Kurt exhales and looks at Violet. "Quinn asked me to distract Rachel for her yesterday. So I went over to your house and gave her a makeover. I made her look like the exact opposite of the type of girls Finn likes." He explains.

Violet exhales loudly. "I know all about Quinn babysitting with Puck the other night. Turns out he was sexting Santana the entire time. Kurt, I know you don't like Rachel — I don't either — but you can't do things like that to her. Rachel's always known who she is and who she's meant to be, okay? And misinforming her to impress Finn — who's having a baby with his girlfriend — is nothing short of being shallow and selfish." She explains.

Kurt hangs his head down. "I'm sorry. It's just... I loathed spending time with Rachel, especially since I wanted to scream at her for how she treats you. I knew you'd be upset, and I'm sorry. I'll never do anything like that again." He promises.

Violet smiles. "It's okay Kurt. I forgive you. Now come on, we're gonna be late for glee practice."

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The New Directions are onstage in the auditorium. Tina is (finally!) taking lead on Cyndi Lahore's 'True Colors.'

[True Colors by New Directions]

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1628 words

Songs Mentioned/Performed
1. Bootylicious - Jane Addams girls
2. Hair/Crazy in Love - New Directions minus Violet
3. Imagine - Haverbrook and New Directions
4. True Colors - New Directions

Woohoo! Guys, we're halfway through the first season. I'm so happy that a lot of you are enjoying my writing. Thanks for reading! Next up is Mattress.