My alarm sounded that familiar guitar-strumming sound that I had begun to get tired of. This time, however, it hadn't woken me up from a pleasant dream. I was already awake beforehand. I had been engaged with recalling the events of the day prior all night that I barely managed to get a wink of rest, if any at all. I slammed my hand on the digital clock and let out a frustrated sigh. 

"Or with a person."

"What person?" I laughed. "I can't really practice on my other two friends. They're dating. That would be weird."

"It would," he nodded, grinning at me. "Or you could just try with me."

I froze. 

Why was my heart beating so fast?

"I.. I don't think that's a good idea," I laughed awkwardly. "I'm not ready for that yet. Plus, this is a really weird way to lose my first kiss."

"Yeah, I agree," he nodded, shifting away a little. "I understand completely. I wouldn't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with."

I assumed that that incident would result in a very awkward ride back home, but he went back to being his usual self right after. He wasn't hurt, he wasn't angry, nothing. He even let me play my favourite song on the ride back to my place. I was grateful for this.

However, I still couldn't seem to get it off my mind. Every single time I recalled what had happened, my heart would begin to pound all over again and my head would start to spin. I couldn't tell why. I was aware that he hadn't offered to kiss me because he potentially harboured feelings for me. He had offered to teach me. 

I found myself laughing at the thought of Warren having feelings for me. 

Did I have feelings for Warren?

I shook my head. No, I didn't.

Dad would often emphasize the importance of distinguishing between platonic and romantic feelings. He would tell me that sometimes, people can make you feel like you have feelings for them, like you want to take care of them with strings attached - but this needn't be the case. He said that sometimes, you care for a person so much in a friendly way, that you can't tell if it's romantic or friendly. I wondered if this was what had happened with him and Aunt Delancey. Maybe he had confused feelings of friendship for love. 

I concluded that what I felt for Warren was platonic and not romantic. I hadn't felt romantically for anyone except Callum. Things couldn't possibly change now when I'm in my thirties. Or maybe that was another thing I'd been made to believe.

Today was Aunt Delancey's birthday. Dad had told me the night before that they were to celebrate by going out for dinner to a fancy restaurant. Dad had never taken me out to a fancy restaurant for my birthday. In fact, we didn't celebrate my birthday at all. On one hand, I was thankful for this because I didn't like being under the spotlight. On the other hand, I wondered what it felt like to have one day reserved for you - to celebrate you.

Elsa and Tyrone would get me cupcakes or cookies for my birthday because that was the most they could do. I'd refuse any offer to throwing a party. I'd refuse letting them pay for a meal. I wondered when Warren's birthday was and how he celebrated it.

I slapped myself for thinking about him again. I couldn't seem to get him off my mind.

I sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed my face with my hands, thinking about how it would've gone if I'd said yes. I wondered how the kiss would have felt. I wondered if we would be.. dating right now.

I shook my head to pull myself out of this pointless daydream.

He was offering to teach me how to kiss. That was as far as it went. It wasn't a romantic gesture and it wasn't a proclamation of his feelings for me. He probably thought of me in a platonic way too. He probably just wanted to teach his thirty-year old friend how to kiss someone.. just in case.

I wondered why I found myself wishing that it had been more than just him wanting to teach me how to kiss.