Dad and I hadn't spoken since he'd confessed to me that he had fallen in love with Aunt Delancey. I was scheduled to leave for my train in about six hours and I'd just finished packing when I heard a knock at the door. 

"Come in!"

The door creaked open and a figure stepped into my room. 

"Dad?"

"Son," he sighed, shutting the door behind him. "Can we talk?"

I nodded.

 He took a seat behind me on my bed and leaned forward, watching me as I zipped up the last of my luggage. "You're still mad at me?"

"I was never mad at you."

"You haven't spoken to me in about three days."

"I needed time to process what you told me," I confessed before standing up and checking my room to make sure I hadn't left anything behind. "I'm done processing it now. Like I said, if she makes you happy then I'm fine with it. It's been thirty years since mom died anyway."

"Are you sure you're okay with it? I can call the entire thing off if you're still upset about it."

"Dad, I'm okay with it. You don't need my permission," I sighed before turning to face him. "And at least you won't be alone anymore after I leave for town."

"I assume you won't be coming back here again?"

"I'll still visit you whenever I can."

He was silent for a second, "Thank you, Juno."

I nodded at him before taking a seat on the bed beside him. I clasped my hands together on my lap and leaned forward, turning to get a look at him before looking away again.

I took in a deep breath.

I had to tell him now. 

"Dad, I have to tell you something too."

I could feel my heart beginning to pound in my chest like a bass drum, every molecule in my blood throbbing and tingling with each beat. 

"What is it?"

This was it. It's either now or never. 

"Remember when you told me that to love someone is to want to take care of them with strings attached?" I began. "And how you said every romantic relationship should have a woman and a man? Otherwise it just doesn't work?"

He shifted in his position. I could feel him looking at me. 

I waited for a response, but when he said nothing, I continued, "Remember when I told you I wanted to take care of Callum in that way and you said I was young and confused? Remember when you called it abnormal?"

My heart was beginning to ache. I thought about how Aunt Delancey had called me a freak for having autism and dad had said nothing. Maybe he had said nothing because he knew I liked boys. Maybe he had said nothing because this had led to him silently agreeing with her. Maybe they were right. 

Maybe I really was a freak.

"Juno, what are you trying to say?"

"Dad," I inhaled deeply. The secret in my heart had begun to rip a hole in my heart. I could almost feel it spilling out and plunging into my stomach, tearing it down into a deep pit. 

Why can't I be like everyone else?

"I'm gay."

He said nothing. Just stared.

"I'm gay. I think- no, I know that I want to take care of boys.. with strings attached. I don't want to be with a woman, I want to be with a man."

He said nothing again. I knew this was a bad sign. I was expecting him to furrow his brows and raise his voice at me any second then. Instead, he sunk his face into his palms. He rubbed his face, almost in disbelief, "I see.. I see."

I 'd been rejected many times. I don't mean this in a romantic sense. I've been rejected for my autism; for not understanding people well enough; for being obsessed with Kirby and colours; for having difficulty with making friends; for not being able to tolerate loud noises; for being black. I'd been rejected many times for things I couldn't control. However, this was the first time that it had actually managed to get to me. 

"Are you disappointed? Disgusted? Embarrassed, even?"

I made a note of how the emotions I'd listed had been listed in the alphabetical order.

Focus, Juno.

"No," he sighed, to my surprise. "I.. can't really be mad at you. I betrayed your trust and fell in love with your mother's sister. It would be stupid of me to get mad at you for liking boys."

"You said it's abnormal," I pointed out. "And called gay people 'mentally ill'."

"I know," he responded. "I'm going to have difficulty coming to terms with this.. but you came to terms with me marrying Delancey. I just need some time, that's all."

I nodded.

He stood up and made his way to the door silently.

"But, Juno," he started suddenly, turning around to face me. "I'm proud of you for telling me. Usually, you'd keep these things to yourself. I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me this.. and thank you for doing it in person."

With that, he left. 

I didn't know how to feel. I was having difficulty processing any of the emotions I was feeling in that moment. Perhaps this was because I was overwhelmed. Or perhaps this was because, for the first time in ages, instead of keeping something to myself, I'd actually opened up. I was proud of myself too. 

Dad's reaction had confused me. He didn't seem happy but he didn't seem sad either. I couldn't tell, but I knew he would come around eventually. Just like how I'd eventually come around to the idea of Aunt Delancey, legally, being my stepmother. 

I did not know when this would happen, but I knew it would. 

I hoped it would happen sooner rather than later.