"I'm staying by her side!" I argued back on the phone. Harlee was on the other side. She insisted that I would leave my friend alone in her time of need and comfort. Helping her meant staying up all night, but I was willing.
"GRACIE. YOU ARE BEING RIDICULOUS!!!" Harlee screeched. "STAYING UP ALL NIGHT FOR SOMEONE YOU DONT EVEN KNOW, A NOBODY THATS IS ALL IN MY MIND!" She poorly described. Grammar Harlee, grammar. She wasn't normally like this; she had a bad day, so she is grumpy.
Oh she is soooooo going down. I growled in my mind.
"NOBODY?! NOBODY. SHE IS NOT A NOBODY SHE IS MY FRIEND. AND IM WILLING TO DO THIS FOR HER. I ALREADY SAID IM DOING ALRIGHT IN SCHOOL SO IF I MISS SOMETHING I CAN AFFORD IT. WHAT I CANT AFFORD IS LETTING WHO I THOUGHT WAS ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS CRITICIZE MY OTHER BEST FRIEND." I yelled, holding my phone out in front of me. I angrily punched the red "end" button. I threw my phone across the room into the wall.
Surprisingly, it didn't shatter, but it was pretty shaken up.
I am not special.
I don't wanna be special. I don't.
I want everyone to have their chance before me.
My phone went off with the text sound, a choo choo train, and I gazed at it over the edge of my mattress. It was her. The one that I was staying up with.

The night went fast surprisingly. My phone went off again.
"I'll go to sleep if you will?"
I sighed.
"Yeah, if you want to that is." I texted back.
"As long as you're getting the rest you deserve." I scoffed.
"The rest I deserve can wait. I just wanna help you.

I'm here for them and nobody else.

I'm not selfish enough to let my friends go.

I can't be..."
Tears came to my eyes. I can't be selfish I just can't....
"If you wanna help me then go to sleep." I bit my lip out of pure refusal to scream and wake my parents up. It was like 1:00 or something like that.
"I'm ordering you to power your phone off and sleep.

At least mute me."
I started shaking.
I hate this. I HATE IT.
Not being able to be there! Not being able to make that one person smile because I'm. Not. There.
I just...
"Priorities"
But I made this my number on priori-
"I'm not special."

...

...

...................

The tears started spilling. I grabbed the nearest thing and brought it to my mouth to muffle everything.
"WHY CANT I BE THERE?! WHY?! ALL I WANT TO DO IS HELP AND I FEEL LIKE IM DRIVING PEOPLE AWAY!!!! WHY DO PEOPLE HATE ME?! WHAT HAVE I DONE?! Why...why am I here..." I brought my head up and started typing rapidly hoping I could save it. Hoping I could save he situation. I kept muttering prayers.
"Why God...why...I don't mind saving a soul...BUT THREE AT A TIME?!" Tears kept coming.
"The least I can do is go to sleep. I can't leave my phone off for several reasons. 1.Nina, 2.You, 3, a whole bunch of others that's need my help.

And you are special. You have a gift. You have everything that people seek. They just have to realize it." I sniffed. My hands were shaking like mad. My fingers kept typing words I didn't even know I could put together.
"I am a servant, which means I'm loyal to the ones who command me.

If you want me to sleep, then I'll do as you wish, but that won't stop me from being concerned for you, and that certainly won't stop the burning fear I have that tells me in going to let everyone down.

Heh...in a way I guess I'm just like Aaron..." I smiled a little at my small remark but it quickly faded away.
"But I'll go to sleep if you want. Just DO NOT hesitate to text me...okay? I REALLY don't mind. Rest always comes to those who do good."
Instantly after that text,
"Goodnight." I tried as I promised, to go to sleep.
But ever dream turned into a nightmare.
Screams.
Death.
Suicide
Tears
Violence
All the. Same. Girl.
I tried everything. From playing minecraft, to reading, to childish efforts of counting sheep.
But. Nothing. Worked.
Soon enough, as I was about to attempt again, I heard a knock at my door. I looked out my window for the first time in what felt like thirty minutes. But the sun was coming up.
"I-I'm up..." I called and my dads voice faded away.
Did I stay up all night?

Gym sucked. We played ping pong as per usual this week, but because of lack of sleep, instead of my kick-butt self, I might as well have been playing with a chicken instead of a paddle.
I sat down in my normal spot on the stairs.
I sighed. Loudly.
"Happeny? You okay?" I looked up, facing the teacher, Mr. Peters. I plastered a fake smile on my face.
"Yeah! I'm fine!"
He looked at me suspiciously but walked away when he didn't get anything.
I sighed again, as another person came up to me. He sat down next to me.
"Hey Seth Buddy." I smiled. Seth was special needs. I wasn't exactly sure what was wrong with him, but I didn't need to know.
Luckily the gym kids were nice enough to walk out of the way when he tried to make a goal in soccer when they were the goalie, and let him bend the rules a little to get a point.
"Hey." He responded as normal.
"So I got a coloring book of MLP and they didn't put all the characters in it!" He complained. "When I got the TMNT one it had all of them but MLP..." He paused. "You know." He growled. I giggled. But it faded way too fast.
"S-Seth, can I ask you something?" I asked. He laughed a little.
"Yeah!"
"What do you say to your friend when they're...depre-sad?"
He thought for little bit.
"I'd say cheer up! It can't be that bad, can it?"
"It kind is bad..." I whispered.
"Oh. Then I'd say cheer up. H-have you ever seen the sound of music or whatever it's called?" He asked. I nodded.
"It like that song! Like...um...when the dog bites...favorite things!" He made up a melody. I laughed.

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens..." I started. He nodded his head.
"Yeah that one!"
"Bright copper kettles and warm woollen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things."
I started thinking about it.
"Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things."
I started singing a little louder and a little better.
"Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things
When the dog bites, when the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad!" I smiled, lost in my own world.
"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things
Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things."
Then I started thinking of my...past.
"Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things
When the dog bites, when the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad."
I ended off quiet.
I don't know what came over me, but when I exited Lala land, I noticed everyone was staring at me.
"What?" I asked, my stomach flipping. Did they hear me?! Nononononononononoooooonono. I began to feel sick.
"They liked it!" Seth smiled.
I stared back at them.

What did I just do?!
I'm not special.

"Wow Gracie! You have such a special talent!"
"Wow! You must feel so special!"
"I wonder why a guy hasn't noticed a special girl like you!"

I couldn't take it anymore.
"No! I'm not special!" I shouted. I snapped lie a twig.
"I don't want to be!" I started crying, then ran into the locker room.

Why
Is
This
Happening

Where
Am
I

Why
Can't
This
All
Be
Over

"Gracie..." I heard a small voice. It was Mikeala; one of my friends.
I heard the bell ring.
"Go to class. I'll bear the punishment later." I growled.
"No. You are special-"
"I. AM. NOT." I grew stern.
I'm just glad that Mr.Peters doesn't have a third period.
"How can I be special when I can't even be there for another?!" I started sobbing.
"How can I live with myself when they're gone?! When I've failed?! You know my biggest fear?! It's letting everyone down!!! Not only that, but doing that, and letting someone die under my watch! I can't do it!" I yelled. Mikeala only watched me from under the stall.
"HOW CAN I LOVE MYSELF?! It's not like I can comfort them! Texts are emotionless! How can I tell them that everything is okay when-....

I let everybody down?"
I

Am

Not

Special.

Am

Not

Special

Not

Special.

Special

I am not special.

"You are special. You know why?" Mikeala asked.
"Because you're unique. Nobody else can be you. No matter how useless you think you are, you can't act the same way others do. That's what makes you special. That's what makes everyone their own kind of special."

______________
I'm not gonna lie. This actually happened.
Thanks for reading. Bye.