november, four years ago
sacremento

Olivia had known one thing since she was 14 years old, the one constant in her life, no matter how much pain came from it: She was ridiculously, irreversibly in love with Ashton Irwin.

Unlike her sister, Liv discovered love fairly easily at a young age, when her mind didn't even comprehend what the feeling was yet. 

Ashton was her best friend before he ever met Sarah- who would go on to be his long-term girlfriend and first love. Everyone knew they were a perfect couple, destined to be high school sweethearts, get married, and have 400 little Irwins running around. Yes, Liv knew this as well, knew how good they were to each other, but that didn't stop her from coveting, from longing to have Ashton be hers. 

Then, somehow, by a miracle from God himself (and from Avery's tendency to ruin people's relationships) they started dating- Ashton and Olivia, Olivia and Ashton, just like many pages of her manifestation journal had predicted.

Maybe she was naive, too consumed with finally being with the boy she loved, to realize that their relationship was far from perfect. There were red flags from the very first day, maybe even before that, but when Liv put on rose-colored glasses, they just became normal-looking flags.

At first, everything was going perfectly. Ashton seemed to be getting over his breakup with Sarah, taking Liv on dates and kissing her in public, doing all his boyfriend duties.

Somewhere along the way, only a few months in, things started to shift. He never wanted to be official, but constantly told Liv how he always wanted to be with her, how in love he was. When she pressured him into finally putting a label on their relationship, Ashton was less than ecstatic.

Then the summer happened, an unfortunate mishap over texts where Ashton slipped up, confessing his still prominent love for his ex-girlfriend. Olivia was heartbroken, absolutely devastated, even when she was the one ignoring the signs all along.

They pretended to be fine throughout the vacation, though it only got worse for Liv when her sister left and she had no one to cry to. But, she stayed hopeful, sticking by Ash's side as he tried to get over his past relationship.

On the flip side, he felt smothered.

When they got back home, Liv expected things to fade into normalcy once again, although Ashton was going to college in a town two hours away, while Liv stayed in Sacramento. He promised to call, to visit whenever he could, but their schedules were tight, school and work and everything else taking up too much time.

But, after a few long, lonely weeks, Ashton was coming home.

After giving him time to catch up with his family, Liv drove across town, stomach twisting in nerves the entire drive to his house. In his bedroom, a place she'd been in a million times before, a loud silence settled between them, inches of uncomfortable space between their bodies.

"How have you been?" Ashton tried, rubbing Liv's knee softly. She shrugged, wishing he would do anything but be awkward, and give her the hug she desperately needed from him.

"Fine."

He licks his lips. She tugs her hair. "What are we doing, Ash-"

"We need to break up."

Liv felt her heart drop to her ass. She thought they could work this out, that one day, things would be perfect and her fantasy wouldn't crumble around her feet. "O-oh,"

"Fuck, I don't- I mean... no, we need to break up, we-we have to." Ashton stumbles over his words, tripping and falling over emotions he tried to contain, hiding his face in his hands.

"Can we talk about this?"

"No! I'm not- I don't, fuck Liv, I'm so sorry," Ashton cries out, Liv still trying to process her feelings. She only had one relationship before this, shitty and short, but that breakup didn't take a toll on her.

"I thought things were fine-"

"I'm just not in love with you."

She didn't know which words he meant to put emphasis on, if he wasn't in love with her, or if he wasn't in love with her. Either option felt equally shitty.

"I just need some time, Livy, you're still my best friend, but-"

"You wanted this." She cuts him off abruptly, tears welling in her eyes. "You said you wanted me," 

He shakes his head, messy curls falling loosely around his eyes. "Don't be like that, don't put this all on me like you haven't seen this coming,"

"I...I didn't," She lied as a single tear ran down her cheek, landing amongst all the pieces of her broken heart.

It was silent for a long time after that, just the two of them sitting on his twin bed, trying to figure out where the hell it all went wrong.

4:10 pm

When Avery opened the door, Luke nearly collapsed in her arms.

He was tired, so tired, and even though it was only Wednesday, his workload had been too much. So he went where he always did when anything went wrong in the slightest; straight into Avery's arms.

She was finally home after three excruciatingly long months in New York, and Luke wanted to spend every free minute he had with her. But with classes, the job he picked up in order to save up money for his own apartment, and trying to find time to sleep, his time with her was virtually impossible. Avery always brought him lunch at work and sometimes snuck into one of his lectures, but most of their time together was spent with Luke passed out on her bed.

"Hey, Lu, what's wrong?" She whispered, slowly guiding the tall boy into the porch swing, creaking loudly as they sat. Luke groans, trying to bury himself deeper into Avery's neck, the sweet smell of lavender swallowing him whole.

"Tired, wanna die,"

"Lay down, baby," Her hands found home in his hair, nails gently scratching at his scalp. Luke was a sucker for physical touch of any kind, and Avery always managed to know exactly what he needed; he was putty in her hands the second his skin touched hers. Like always, their bodies fitted together, all six foot four inches of Luke nestled against Avery's chest. 

November skies hung above them, blue fading into an array of orange and pink as the sun melted into the night. It put Avery at peace, but only for a moment- she still had things to do, things to talk to Luke about. She started off easy, a little nostalgia to ease him into the conversation they needed to have. "Remember when I said you were almost worth the suffering of staying in my dad's town- your hometown? The day we thought we'd never see each other again?"

Oh the irony. 

He barely raises his head. "Vaguely, yes."

"I lied. I asked my mom if I could stay longer and she said no, wouldn't budge even when I begged." Avery swallows hard. "You were always worth the suffering, Luke."

"Even now?" He asked, knowing the exact effect those words would have on Avery.

"Yeah," she answers sadly. "Even now,"

"So,"

"So?"

Luke sighs, exasperated. He wasn't stupid and no amount of sweet talk would soften the blow. "Spit it out, baby, just tell me straight,"

"I think I want to move," Avery murmurs, the gentle orange glow of the sunset illuminating the frown on her face. Luke didn't have to ask questions about where or why, he knew.

It was clear that Avery was happy away from California, and hadn't been able to reach that same level of serotonin since she returned. Luke didn't know what was in New York that drew in her the way it did, but he knew it upset him, as selfish as that was.

He was here. Why didn't she want to be?

Luke couldn't bring himself to be that cruel, to keep her here, even when it felt like she was asking him to. Telling him that story, reaffirming that the love was still there...Avery was ready to leave, but she wouldn't, not if Luke said no.

"When?"

Her voice shakes when she tries to talk, still that scared little girl who couldn't speak her mind. "I-I don't know...I still have to talk to mom but it's not like she can stop me, I'm 19 now," She pauses for a minute, and something Luke can't decipher flickers in her dark eyes. "Will you hate me if I do?"

"I could never hate you,"

"I wouldn't blame you if you did,"

"I know, sweet girl, but I can't be mad at you, much less hate you,"

"Promise?" She extends her pinkie in a childish but genuine gesture, and Luke wraps his own around it, kissing Avery's knuckle gently. He smiles for her.

"Promise."

4:54 pm

Typically, Liv would take her heartbreaks to resident Best Friend, Ada.

Unfortunately, Ada was Super Pregnant at the moment and wouldn't be the best support system for a hysterical, snotty, and sobbing Olivia. So, she turned to her second choice, the one who had had a surplus of messy breakups, shitty boyfriends, and overall horrendous love life: Avery.

Liv slumped out of her car, greeted by the sight of Avery and Luke cuddled up on the porch swing, glowing in the late afternoon sun. He was laid back on her chest as Avery stroked his hair, looking down with that lovesick expression she always wore around him. Olivia wondered if her sister knew she looked like that, pathetically in love with a hint of melodramatic sadness.

It was probably better that Avery had that level of sadness looming around her; it made her real, practical, while Liv slipped into fanasty land and got all dopey and mushy, like she was starring in her own rom-com. 

"Liv?" Avery called, pulling her hand from Luke's golden locks. "What's wrong?"

And, hearing her twin be just the tiniest compassionate, sent Olivia into a breakdown, collapsing in the middle of the lawn. "We-" She hiccups, clutching overgrown grass between her slender fingers. "B-broke up,"

Within seconds Avery was at her aide, wrapped in the same kind of hug she would give when their parents fought during their childhood, late-night screaming matches forever burned into her brain. But this heartbreak couldn't be bandaged with FanMail karaoke and cuddles. 

Luke, who was abandoned on the porch swing, observed the scene from a distance; Olivia, messy and sobbing and clinging to Avery's arm for dear life, and Avery, who more or less looked ready to commit a handful of crimes. 

She was never a fan of the relationship, mainly because she was well aware of two things; 1) Ashton wasn't ever going to get over his first love, and 2) Liv's fantasy version of him was nothing close to reality. Even after being best friends for years, she still hadn't broken down that ridiculous cliche in her head that they'd go from best friends to lovers without a single flaw. 

"We should kill him," Liv suggests as she collapses into her sister's lap. "I want his head on a stake, Avery, I want-" She chokes on a sudden sob. "I want him back," 

Avery turns to Luke, mouthing, "I'm going to murder him, like actually," and he takes that as his cue to get off the porch and join the pile of girls on the lawn.  

After a few more minutes of nonsense mumbling and the threatening of Ashton's life, Liv calmed down enough to tell Avery,  "I'm gonna miss this when you move," 

Luke gasps. "You told Liv before me?" 

"Obviously, she told me first, dipshit," 

"Hey, hey, hey," Avery interrupts their quarrel. "Neither of you matter, I told Mason first." She pauses for a beat. "And he's coming with me," 

Though obvious and inevitable, it still hurt Luke. For the past year and a half- for the most part- he and Avery were a dream team, partners in crime, ride or die, in sickness and in health. What if he wanted to go to New York with her? God knows there wasn't anything for him here if she wasn't. 

Reading his mind, Avery reaches out, caressing the tufts of hair at the nape of his neck. "I know that look, but, Luke, you just got into college! That's a huge deal and you need to stay here,"

"They have colleges everywhere-"

"Guys, can you have this conversation later?" Liv questions from Avery's lap, voice muffled and scratchy. "I'm still mourning."

"Mourn quietly," Luke snaps. "Anyway, I could apply somewhere in-state or- and hear me out- not go at all," 

"You have to go to college," 

"Why? You're not." 

Her face grew solemn at this, the hand cradling him suddenly dropping. "God, Luke, are you that ignorant? I'd give anything to be able to go to college or even have fucking graduated high school, do you realize that? That I have to live every day knowing if this stupid fucking opportunity doesn't work, I have no chance of a normal life, or that I'm just as stupid as every always likes to remind me-"

"Averymay, I-"

"Don't. Just..." She scratches at the skin on her wrist. "Just stay for 4 years to make a good life for yourself, then you can get the hell out of here." 

"I'm still down here!" Olivia cries, fisting the lawn in her hands. Avery rubs her back, a soft but half-assed soothing attempt. 

Luke sucks his cheek. There was no winning, not in the present moment at least; he held out hope that one day in the future, when Avery got over this craving and came home, they'd get back together and he'd be everything she wanted and more. The way it was always destined to be. "Promise you won't forget me?" 

She breaks out into a smile, finally getting the blessing she needed. Avery hooks her pinky around his.

"Never in a million years."