Loving him is heaven, leaving him would be hell. But I'm a demon anyways

Serina POV

Lorenzos grey eyes that entranced me now stared at me like Suddenly I had become different.

This is what I was scared of.

He sucked in a breath, or he wasn't even breathing. I couldn't tell.

My lip trembled as he stood not even an inch away, hands holding me. His eyes racking mine with such uncertainty that I could barely even read him.

I was terrified to tell him, because I knew it would change everything.

His eyes studied mine, deeply and with shock, and he tightened his grip on me as he lowered his eyes to my stomach.

"Say it again." Lorenzo demanded again, His voice sharp and demanding. his eyes stared down at the space between us.

"I'm pregnant." I cried again, with a lump in my throat, Saying those words for the first time aloud since I'd found out, as I tried to ignore the Nausea and shortness of breath.

His eyes shooting to my face once again, his eyes turning wicked and dark. They burned with thoughts and questions. They blurred with confusion and recklessness.

"How long have you known?" He asked me, his voice tight. His eyes carefully shifting over my figure, observing me entirely.

"Lorenzo I'm sorry I—" I tried to say, but my words were cut off as he placed his hand under my knees and shoulders and lifted me up, holding me against his chest like treasure as he walked down the hallway.

Despite how upset he was, He still held me so lightly.

Marco and two other men came walking our direction, Marcos eyes looking at the two of us he tried to speak "Lorenzo what—"

"Don't disturb us." Lorenzo growled with the type of voice he hasn't used since Satan was alive. 

The three men pushed their backs against the wall, as Lorenzo walked us past them.

"You are pregnant." He cut me off, as he pulled me up further onto him, holding me tighter then he ever has before.

"Yes." I said, as he entered our old base room and
set me down on the bed.

His phone blaring with a handful of chimes, and He reached into his pocket, his hands shaking slightly as he typed out something on his phone

"Lorenzo. Talk to me." I said, as I swung my legs off the bed. "Don't shut me out." I argued, as I watched him look up from his screen.

"What am I supposed to say serina?" He asked.

I don't know.

Yet I said "Are you kidding me?"

"How could you keep something like this from me?" He growled right back, as he threw his hands into his hair and ran his fingers into it.  His eyes looking down my body, avoiding my eyes.

"Because now that You know Lorenzo you won't even look into my eyes." I said, as I wrapped my arm tighter around my abdomen. "Because I was scared you'd look at me exactly as you are right now." I said with tears welding in my eyes.

He didn't answer for a few seconds, as his phone chimed once more but he simply ignored it.

"How do you know."Lorenzo said, "that you are—"

"I took a test." I said as I rubbed my palms down my face. "When I left the house the other night." I admitted, and his eyes narrowed at the admissions to yet another one of my lies.

"How did this happen?" He growled, his eyes looking at me daringly.

"How do you think Lorenzo. Sex." I uttered angrily. "Hot, nasty sex. Which we have a lot. Babies come from sex."

"I know that." He blew out a hot breath, as his hands clenched and unclenched Anxiously. "But you are on birth control."

"I know." I sighed. As he stepped closer to me.

"You're pregnant." He said once again, almost like he couldn't believe it. "with my fucking baby?" He said, almost to himself. He knew it was, he knew—but by the way he trembled before me like a paper man I knew he almost could process it.

"Of course it's yours you dick." I hissed, his eyes lightening as he knew I knew he didn't mean it that way,

But they hardened again, at some sort of realization. "Fuck." He then growled as he once again ran his hands threw his hair. "Do you realize what this means?" He continued

"That you got me pregnant...?" I whispered sarcastically.

"this makes you a target Serina. An even bigger one then before." Lorenzo said. "If my enemies find out—it will become a problem to keep them away."

Since the beginning he has tried to protect me. In ways that end up hurting me more then saving me.

"Well I'm sorry this is an inconvenience for you." I said, eyes sharp like knives. But I wouldn't dare cut him.

"I never said that." Lorenzo growled right back, his hands clenched, his rings digging into his skin, and his knuckles turning a ghostly white.

"Lorenzo do you think you are the only one who is terrified by this?" I asked sincerely "the only only who knows how imperfect the timing and the place is for this?"

"No. Of course I don't. But now...now Serina this life—this life isn't safe for you—" he began, with bullshit filled words

"It has never been safe. And it never will be!" I cried. "For either of us. But that didn't matter before now." I said, because it didn't and it doesn't.

This is our life, our world.

"Because you weren't carrying my fucking child before now Serina!" Lorenzo growled as he raised his one hand, his chest heaving like he couldn't breath,

"What if I'm not ready for this?" He said finally, after a brief moment of our silence. And those couple words made my heart sink. "What if I can't be the father you want me to be?" He admitted, like he was asking me to answer his questions.

Lorenzo mother chose His father over him, even after everything he did to them, she would never have chosen Lorenzo.

His father hated him. beat him. Made him into nothing.

I think Lorenzo was scared, that he would be like his father. I think I've known that fear of his since the beginning.

He was terrified of this kind of life, and the struggle it took both of us to get this far in our relationship destroyed us in some way or another.

He was terrified of love. And what it meant.

He was terrified that loving people made him weak, put them in danger, and he was terrified he'd lose them because of it.

Lorenzo thought he was poison.

"Then I'll do this myself." My words came out in an instant, as I drove myself into the reality of this situation. "I won't make you chose if you really think you can't do this."

"What is that supposed to mean?" He said, his eyes focusing into mine. "What are you saying?"

"I love you Lorenzo. I love you more then anything." I said with crying, my body shaking.

"But?" He growled interrupting a sentence I probably wouldn't have finished anyways. "You're making this a choice? Me or the baby?" His words were so terrifying, as I watched tears form in his eyes.

"I don't want to choose Lorenzo. I don't." I said as I stood, but despite me physically getting closer to my lover—I don't think I have even felt further from him, "But if you make me I will."

Please Lorenzo, I need you.

"Because that is what a mother does." I screamed, while looking a mess in front of the man who held my heart in his hands.

His mother didn't chose him. Mine never got a choice.

My throat constricted and I could barely get words out now. I felt like I was dying As we stood before each other,

as I stood before him and watched his eyes and how they looked like we knew we were both killing each other

"We never got the parents We deserved." I said, as he stiffened before me like a wall. "So I will make damn sure that this child gets at least one." My voice was full of tears, but it was truthful. "Even if that means that you're not a part of my life anymore."

I love him. I love him. Without him I'm nothing

"You're not fucking leaving."he snapped, "ever." He yelled, with his eyes brimming with wetness. His body shook, his jaw was tight and clenched.

I have seen Lorenzo fearful, but right now he looked terrified.

"Do you think I want to?!" I screamed back, as I came face to face with him. Despite the feeling that made me want to turn away from his gaze.

"What happened to you can't live without me?" He said. "Fuck Serina, you know that I can't live without you."

Lorenzo Is the reason for my existence.

"A baby happened." I answered. I can't live without him, but I'd have to. I can't live without him, but I will.

"So that's it? you'd just leave?" He said. "And Take our baby with you?"

I just blew out a breath, as I wiped tears away from my eyes swiping my hands over my reddened cheeks.

I didn't answer him, as I just wrapped my arms around myself as I turned around.

No longer being able to face him.

No longer being able to look at the monsters we could become.

But it's been this way since the beginning, where we used words to hurt each other because we couldn't do it with our actions.

Where we tried to make each other bleed,

just because we could.

We were toxic, but yet we loved each other. Why? I don't know.

our obsession with each other is not natural, and despite how much we want each other. It's fucked it,

I knew loving him would destroy me, I knew it would happen—so then why am I so surprised about how much it hurts?

"Serina." He said my name, with his voice in pieces.
Pieces. I have never heard him sound so—

"I'm sorry that this isn't what you want." I whispered.

"I want you." He said.

"I know. But right now Lorenzo, I don't think that that's enough." I whispered,