(Katrina)
   

   When you get married, it is expected that you pledge everything you have to your significant other. Your love, your life, your health, your home, all to one person. And after, that's it. No going back without fear of paperwork, anger, hurt, and financial strife.

    I wasn't afraid of a lot, but I can tell you what I thought when I thought "commitment". It scared me shitless. Who knows what could destroy a relationship? A family secret? A death? Sudden wealth from unorthodox circumstances? No thank you. Too much could go wrong too quickly, and I knew I was too weak to handle that. Far too weak.

   Now, this isn't the thing a sixteen year old single girl is supposed to be thinking about on a Thursday morning, two days before Christmas Break. That would be true, except for the fact that I had hugged James Potter three days ago, and now he was on my mind 24/7. This isn't good. Not at all.

    I stood in front of the mirror in my dorm bathroom, raking a brush through my hair. It was a warm auburn color to reflect the season, but it was also the only decent looking thing on my head. I looked like shit. Eye bags from all the worrying I'd been doing about James, dry skin from forgetting moisturizer, and I was pasty. All over a boy.

   I pinned my hair back from my face to try and slap some make up on, just enough to bring some life back to me. It's not like I'm in love with him, right? I've just become attached. But isn't that just as dangerous? Caring for someone this much, even if it was mostly platonic, was bound to cause issues. I love Lily, but even she isn't my every waking thought. What was going on? An addiction?

   I audibly gasped. "That's it!" I murmured to my reflection. I was addicted. To his smile, his laugh, and his eyes. And how do are addictions treated? Distance. Just enough to curb this thing before the break. It'll be smooth sailing afterwards. Finishing up with my face, I smiled to myself. I should write a book.

✧

   My first class of the day was Transfiguration with Professor McGonagall. The stern woman stood at the front of the class, surveying my class as we filed in. I heard some commotion in the back, and I made the mistake of turning around. Pettigrew, Potter, and Black were arguing, quite loudly. I noticed Remus was following behind them. He was gaunt, mostly likely due to the full moon tonight.

   "Katrina!" James called to me above the chatter from the rest of the class. He and his entourage took the seats next to me in the back of the class. "We have a question for you. Peter has been arguing it all day."

   I composed myself before looking at him, making sure to seem uninterested and avoid his eyes. "What is it?"

   "Well, we have a project we are working on that doesn't quite work perfectly yet. He thinks we should just scrap it!" James nudged Pettigrew, who had a look on his face that was an odd mixture of defiance and shame. "Don't you think we should continue to modify it? After all our hard work?" James finished, looking at me expectantly.

Every nerve in my body was telling me to agree with him wholeheartedly and tell Pettigrew off for daring to disagree. But, I am distancing myself.

"I think that this is a personal matter that I do not get to have a say in. Work it out yourself," I looked him in the eye, "Potter."

James' face fell immediately. He looked at me like I just murdered Yaga in cold blood. "Right... Thanks Kitty..." He muttered, turning to sit a few rows away from me. His posse followed him, looking confused by my curtness. I'm sorry...

✧

The rest of the day dragged on, with Potter either avoiding me or tossing worried glances my way. I did my best to keep my poker face on. I knew I was being mean. I knew that I probably wouldn't be welcomed at his home after this stunt. I knew that what I was doing was selfish. That's okay. It's all okay. I just need to save myself the heartbreak, that's all.

Finally, the universe granted me some peace with lunchtime finally arriving. I gathered my things and met up with Lily outside of her last class.

"Hey Lils." I greeted her.

"Hey Kat," She looked at me as we began our trek to the Great Hall. "Something wrong?"

She can read me too well. "I-," I wanted to spill my guts to her right there and then, but I stopped myself. It's better this way, right? "No! I'm fine. Just hungry is all..." I tried my best to sound chipper. Emphasis on "tried".

I could feel her intelligent eyes bore holes in my head. "Right... Well, if you wanna talk, I'm here. As always."

"I appreciate it, Lily."

With that, we entered the Great Hall. The long tables were filled with students and various plates of different foods. Lily and I took our usual space next to Alice and her new boyfriend, Frank. He was a sixth year Gryffindor, like us. He was handsome too, with warm brown hair and kind eyes. Kind eyes that were currently ogling Alice, who was blushing. They didn't speak, just stared at one another.

Lily sat next to her, waving her hand in front of their faces. "Alice? Frank? Hellooooo?"

Alice suddenly seemed to realize her surroundings and snapped out of her mile-long stare. "Oh! Hey girls! What's going on?"

Lily laughed. "Oh nothing, just watching our friend visualize making out with her boyfriend."

Alive blushed. "Hey! Frank and I are just in our honeymoon phase, right Darling?" She reached her hand across the table to grasp his.

"Absolutely right, Pookie." He traced little shapes on her palm with his thumb. This is disgustingly cute.

"Oh!" Alice looked at me suddenly, her eyes alight with gossip. "I'm not the only one with a beau! You and Potter have been hanging out recently, haven't you, Kat?"

Lily gasped. "I knew something was off! No wonder he's off the hit list. Are you two together? And why didn't you tell us? We're your best friends!"

"Woah, woah, woah! Everyone slow down." I took a deep breath to explain myself. "Potter and I are not together, we have been hanging out more because we enjoy each other's company, I guess. And, we keep hurting ourselves, making it necessary for the other to take us to the Hospital Wing. It's forced bonding time, basically. He also asked me to come to his house for Christmas-," Lily and Alice screamed, cutting me off.

"He WHAT?! Are you guys going to kiss under the mistletoe? You better!" Alice began, ripping her hand from Frank, who looked betrayed.

"When's the wedding? I get to be a bridesmaid right? Where is he? Where is that man?! I have to threaten him so he won't hurt you!" Lily continued, her eyes wild and manic.

"You guys!" I yelled too loudly, drawing attention from other students. I gave them an apologetic look before turning back to my friends. "We aren't together. We aren't going to be together. I don't even think I'm going to go home with him anymore."

"What? Why?!" Alice cried, standing up from her seat and smacking her hands down on the table. The other students were staring again.

"We don't get along very well, and I don't want to ruin his family's holiday with our bickering." I lied, practically feeling my nose grow like Pinocchio's. I'm such a bad person. Why do I even have such wonderful friends? "Can we talk about something else now? What about Lily's obvious crush on Remus?"

Alice finally turned her attack on Lily. "Remus? Remus Lupin?! Lily!"

"Okay, okay!" She laughed. "I'm not going to deny it, he's really cute... and smart." She blushed while Alice and I went cackled. "I'd ask him out, but I'm not sure he's in a good place for a relationship right now. I'm worried about him, really."

"What's there to be worried about? He seems perfectly fine to me." Alice said.

Frank piped up, scaring me and nearly making me pee myself. "The only worrisome thing about him is his intelligence. That guy is way too smart." Alice nodded in agreement.

"Haven't you seen the scars? His wounds that open up right after he has bouts of exhaustion and weight loss?" She searches our faces for some understanding, and apparently she found it in mine. "Katrina? Do you know something about it?" Shit.

"I-," They were all looking at me intently. "I do. But you all have to promise not to ever say anything about this. Ever. Especially not to James, Sirius, or Pettigrew. Promise?" They nodded quickly.

Right as I was about to explain, Alice looked just above my head and chirped "Hi James!"

"Hi..." Came a very familiar voice from directly behind me. "May I speak to Katrina for a moment?" He didn't wait for confirmation, grabbing my arm and dragging me from my seat and out of the Great Hall.

He let go of me in front of a broom closet. My hand flew to my wrist, which was aching from his grip. "Ow! Bloody hell, you just bruised me!"

He didn't apologize, instead he looked me dead in the eye. "Are you fucking stupid?"

"Excuse me?"

"Are. You. Fucking. Stupid?"

"What the hell? No, of course not! What are you going on about?!" I was getting angry and flustered. I knew he probably heard what I said, but I really needed to buy time to think of a way to explain myself.

"You almost gave away Remus' secret to the entire student body! Do you know how dangerous and dumb that was? You could've gotten him killed!" I could see the anger masking every single one of his handsome features, making him look intimidating and evil.

"Look, James, I'm-,"

"Save it, Rose." Ouch. "First you're a bitch to me this morning, after I offered my home to you for the break no less! And now this? What happened? I thought we were friends..." He began to pace back and forth like a starved animal.

"We are! I just-,"

"I said save it! You need to do some serious work on those ethics of yours, they're all mucked up." He stopped pacing, leaning in close to my face. Once his nose was about an inch from mine, he growled, "If you ever endanger Remus again, you better get used to living in a waking nightmare." He leaned back. "The only reason you're still invited to my home is because my parents have already made a room up for you, and I wouldn't want them to go to all that trouble for nothing. You see, I know where my loyalties lie. Be packed by 9am on Saturday morning. I'll meet you on the train. Goodbye, Rose." And with that, he stalked off.

I was left standing there, mouth agape, my face burning with embarrassment, and my eyes filled with tears.

I fucked up. I fucked up bad.

✧

Mwahaha!

No good story gets off without just a tiny sprinkling of angst! That was very fun to write- is that twisted to say?

Anyway, you may have noticed that I switched my update day from Tuesday to Thursday. Thursday just seems to be working better for me, so that's the day to look out for new chapters! This one is kinda late just because I needed to set up our next little conflict and do some story/plot setup for the next few chapters!

I hope you enjoyed! Remember to vote, comment questions or criticisms (or just random thoughts ;D), and maybe follow me if you like my ~vibe~. I love you all, see you next week!