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1:04 ───〇─── 3:29 ⇄

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𝐌𝐀𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍

‧₊˚⋅✎📃⋅˚₊‧

As a prefect, it is my responsibility to help younger pupils out. Which usually means showing herds of first years to the correct classroom and subsequently being late to my own class. I don't mind it though, it is however annoying that I get yelled at for punctuality. 

First period on a Monday morning and I'm stuck walking about five first years down to the dungeons. Despite still being tired from Saturday's late night party I blatantly ignore the poor children out of pure exhaustion as I daydream.

"Are you sure this is the right way?" A young Ravenclaw boy says arrogantly. "Mr Lockhart, was it?" I give a tight lipped smile at him. "That's correct." He nods sharply.

"Well Mr Lockhart. Someday when you are a little older you will be showing a first year to their class that they have been in for two weeks already yet still do not recall the location of and you will understand my frustration right now when I say: Yes, I am sure this is the right way." I hiss with a clenched jaw.

"We were told if we got lost and saw you then you were the one we should always ask." A little blonde girl with big beady eyes frowns up at me.

"Yes. That's right. I'm very sorry. Next time if you don't know where you're going though then let me know a little bit before the class begins so neither of us are late." I smile sweetly.

"But us finding our classes is a little more urgent than your classes i'm sure." The pesky Lockhart boy sneers.

"No." I warn, "I am older than you guys, so I have pretty serious exams and harder work upcoming." I grit out as calmly as I can.

"I have exams too. And I'll likely do better than you anyway so would you just show me to class." Lockhart barks.

"That you do, and if you don't get to class immediately then you won't do very well on them, will you." I smile, resisting the urge to hit him over the head with his ridiculously large books.

We continue walking down the staircase until I hear him mutter something under his breath. "You avoided the fact that I'll do better than you." 

My eyes bulge and I release my tongue that I was once biting, "Dear lord if you do not shut the fuck up I will hex you." I squeal in fury.

All the first years look up to me with fear of my unexpected outburst. 

Biggest mistake of my prefect career.

"Miss White, do you know why you are here today?" Professor Dumbledore asks me as I shift uncomfortably in the chair opposite him in his office.

"I'm so sorry professor." I sigh. 

"You cursed at a group of first years and told one that you would hex him if he did not shut up." Dumbledore recaps with a steady look.

"That is correct professor." I nod shamefully.

"Care to explain yourself?" He hints. "I am terribly sorry Professor, I simply snapped. I have been late to all my classes for the past two weeks in aid of helping first years find their classes, which is fine because I am dedicated to my role as prefect. However, my professors have been giving me a hard time, not understanding why i'm late.. And today a young boy was prodding me about my intelligence, and I value my intelligence. I assure you, I remained calm for as long as I could, but I just sort of snapped." I confess.

Dumbledore simply blinks.

"Please don't revoke my title of prefect." I plead.

"Miss White, I will not be revoking you of anything. If it had been any other pupil, prefect or not I assure you they would never have helped the pupils out in the first place. And if they were to be in your position, I'm sure they would have done a lot worse than threaten to hex a pupil." Dumbledore smirks a little, this wise look in his eyes.

"So that means.." I trail off. "That means, I will not be reducing your role as prefect. I do however intend to inform all your professors that any absences are to be blamed on prefect duties and it will not be an issue." Dumbledore informs me calmly.

My eyes widen with gratefulness. "Thank you so much Professor Dumbledore." I smile genuinely.

"That's quite alright. Now, Miss White, I suggest you make your way to class before you miss too much and have to hex me." He jokes. At least I think it was a joke, his facial expression barely changed, only a small smirk appearing on his lips.

I nod and scurry off to my class. I arrive outside my transfiguration class, attempting to slip inside but the door creaks and makes all heads dart towards me.

"Miss White. You're late. Why is that?" Professor McGonagall questions.

"Sorry Professor. I was talking to Professor Dumbledore." I say with shame, sliding into my seat at the very front next to Severus, not without walking past the entirety of the class and getting shunned.

Whispers commence, they've been like this since Saturday when James told everyone we never actually hooked up.

Speaking of James, here he is, a couple rows behind me. He tries to subtly get my attention, Sirius and Peter snickering at him as Remus tries to focus on taking notes, scolding them for distracting him.

"You? A run in with Professor Dumbledore? Might I ask why?" She asks with confusion.

"I threatened to hex a first year." I say with embarrassment. Her eyes bulge, the class erupts with laughter at my uncharacteristic outburst.

"It was an accident." I try to justify.

"Very well. I won't be asking follow up questions." McGonagall scorns.

I spend the whole class copying notes and relentlessly trying to understand each and every word.

After class, James Potter waits for me outside the door. He talks with the boys but the second I step out the class he ignores them and steps in time with me.

"Threatened a first year, yeah?" He scoffs.

"It was worse than that." I confess with great remorse. "Whatever you said I've done ten times worse." James shrugs off.

"I believe I said, 'dear lord if you do not shut the fuck up I will hex you'. Not my proudest moment." I grimace.

Him and his friends all burst out laughing. "Didn't know you had it in you White." Sirius snorts.

"He came for the one thing I have. My intelligence." I justify.

"That's your one thing?" Peter smirks teasingly. "Other than my clearly charming personality of course." I deadpan.

"What'd Dumbledore do?" Remus asks, curious to see if I was revoked.

"Let me off. He told me anyone else would have actually hexed him instead of just threatening to. He's also decided to help me out by telling my teachers i'll be late to class." I recap.

"A late pass? You could do so much damage with that." Sirius yelps. "I'll only use it when I need to. I'm not about to lie." I dismiss.

"Are you joking me? You're so boring!" Sirius groans.

"Well not all of us wish to abuse power and authority." I say factually.

"Why didn't Prongs choose one of the hot, hilarious, fun nerds to almost shag instead of her." Sirius jokes, though I can tell his 'mock-anger' is just internalised hatred for me.

I've never had anything against Sirius, but I'm well aware he despises me. I know all these boys hated me for 4 years straight. Now in fifth year, James has found a liking for me and they resent him for it because deep down they still don't like me. I mean Remus not so much, I don't think he ever did hate me, he never usually participates in the tormenting, so he had no issues with me joining them. James is the one who invited me, so I can't see why he'd befriend me if he still hated me. Peter is a little confusing, sometimes he seems like he actually finds me to be good company, smiling and teasing me playfully, other times I wouldn't be surprised if he personally handed me into Voldemort himself. He sort of just follows the crowd, somedays he's indifferent like Remus, other days he despises me as much as Sirius. Black honestly scares me, because he teases me playfully like the others but I can tell he hates me and means every word he says despite his tone. He doesn't have an issue with expressing his disliking for me.

"Well last time I checked, you weren't much of a looker yourself. And your humour is that of a child. And you may be fun, but that will get you nowhere in life. So I suggest you spend less time pulling pranks and more time studying." I say matter of factually, not letting him get a rise out of me.

"See that's why. Couldn't have chose one of the better girls. Poor taste mate." Sirius suppresses his anger.

"Maybe you should have included that in the bet." I frown sympathetically.

"You're such a bitch." He slits his eyes and hisses. 

"Can you even spell that?" I taunt menacingly.

"Yeah it's spelt k y s." Sirius yells at me.

"That's what I want to do every time you're asked to answer a question in class." I bark. "Maddison!" James scolds. 

"I'll have to answer some more questions then." Sirius claps back. "Sirius!" James scolds again.

I fold my arms furiously. We've stopped walking by now, both coming to a stop so we can focus solely on arguing.

"I lose ten years every time you do." I snap. "Hopefully you're gone by the time you're 21. Better yet just drop dead now." He shrugs carelessly.

"Fuck off Sirius. Go find some poor lass and fuck her like your usual Monday night. You slag." I grit.

"At least there are people who actually want me. Unlike the only guy who's ever showed interest in you who tells me your tits are tiny and you're simply unfuckable." He snaps back furiously.

That's when my hand takes control before my mind can stop it, slapping him straight across the cheek. He doesn't fight it, just taking it, understanding what he said was wrong.

I look over to James, teary eyes and an uncontrollably quivery lip. "Maddison that's not-"

"That's just fine Potter. I'll be taking my unfuckable self and my tiny tits out of your sight. I'm sorry I had the unpleasantry of ever associating with you." I fume as I turn and walk away.

He grabs my wrist. "Maddison don't be-"

I cut him off, "It's fine James. I was thinking the same thing, that's why I walked out." I say with fire in my voice.

"What?" He whispers sadly. "You're a painfully unattractive," liar. "stupid," liar. "arrogant," liar. "fuckwit who has no regards for anyones feelings except your own." 

I yell, getting louder with each word. The shock of my statement has loosened his grip on my wrist so much I can now slip away from him and run back to my room, where I spend the entirety of lunch.

It gives me a great chance to study, not that I don't spend every moment already studying, but that's what I'm telling myself so I feel productive.

I make it through a whole day of school, ignoring James every time he tried to get my attention by smiling or waving.

Back in my bedroom after school, I hear a gentle knocking on my door. There are about three plausible people that could be behind that door. One of my roommates boyfriends, looking for their girlfriend to either shag, apologise for an argument they had, or break up with them. Or a professor, looking for one of my roommates because they skipped a detention. Or finally, the most realistic outcome, James Potter outside, begging for my forgiveness.

I push the door open, on the odd chance it's a professor. 

Remus Lupin is standing there with a sheepish smile, holding a couple of his books.

"Hi." I say in disappointment. "Hi." He repeats. "Hoping for someone else?" Remus asks. "I'm hoping for an apology." I sigh.

"Well if that's what you're waiting for, you'll be waiting a while— not because he isn't sorry. Just because he's too much of an imbecile to realise that's how these things work." The boy rolls his eyes.

"If he's sent you to butter me up so I forgive him faster then you're not doing a great job." I scoff.

"He didn't send me. I just wanted to make sure you were alright. And ask if you wanted to do the potions homework with me?" He smiles carefully, holding up his books.

"I've done it. But I'll trade answers for information?" I suggest with a grin. "We have a deal." He nods proudly.

I step aside and tell him to step inside. I grab my childhood teddy bear and slip him off my bed and under my pillow.

Remus sits on the floor, sprawling his books out to face me as I flop onto my bed, looking down at him.

I hand him my potions book and allow him to view my answers, not that he needs to because he's already tying with me for top scores in our year, but it's a piece offering if you will.

"Ask away. You don't have to sit there and wait for the right time." He says, not taking his eyes off his work.

"What was the bet?" I start out heavy. "Sirius was teasing him about how we're all in relationships and he's not. I believe James said something about needing to get a girlfriend. Then it was Sirius who said if he managed to get a girlfriend before school started he would give him 20 galleons. So not exactly a bet, because James had his heart set on getting a girlfriend before money was even involved. But it was still awful, don't get me wrong." 

I sigh, playing with the ends of my hair, trying to distract myself from the memory of how much it hurt to find out he tried to sleep with me for a bet.

"Did Sirius give him the money?" I force the words out of my mouth, knowing I wouldn't forgive myself for not asking. "He tried to, James shouted at him and I had a chat about how demeaning the whole thing was. Hasn't spoke about it since really." Remus rolls his eyes.

"Did uhh.. did James actually say those things.. about me being unfuckable and having small.." I trail off, flushed red with embarrassment.

"If he did I wasn't there.. And based off his reaction earlier, I don't doubt that he did. But whatever he said, he probably didn't mean. They can be arseholes at times, but I guarantee if he said that he regrets it and probably didn't mean it. Just how you didn't mean it when you said he was a 'painfully unattractive, stupid, arrogant, fuckwit who has no regards for anyones feelings except your own'?" Remus smirks.

"I mean I may have exaggerated a little." I shrug with an eye roll. "Oh don't get me wrong, I admire your work. That mans been needing humbling since first year, I'm glad you did it so publicly as well, he's the talk of the common room — even more so than before." Remus applauds.

"That wasn't my intention." I frown at the thought of everyone talking about it.

"Now that I've answered a few of your questions, I reckon I deserve one of my own." Remus says.

"Depends what your question is." I shrug. "Just between the two of us.. why did you leave?" He asks. "What?" I furrow my brows with genuine confusion.

"James told us all the story. That you left and he had no clue why." Remus reminds me.

"Ohh." I shift uncomfortably. "I can imagine James' story is different to mine." I say.

"Well let's hear yours then." Remus encourages. "James didn't come on to me.. I came onto him." I confess. Remus' mouth falls open.

"He was just being weirdly nice I guess. And then he said something about him liking books, and I said 'my arse' and he said 'what about it' and then I was arguing about how degrading it was, he apologised and said he would never talk about my arse again and then I said something like 'i didn't say never talk about it again', then he said something about it being degrading and then i believe I said something about wanting him to degrade me." I ramble with shame.

Remus stares at me in shock, on the verge of bursting out laughing.

"Then he said something about showing me his book shelf at home and I agreed. And then at his house it got all weird and we were undressed but we never even kissed once. Then he was just on top of me ready to have sex with me.. and i was getting so many signs that something was off, then he said something that made me uncomfortable and I just flipped. I left and it was all awkward. And for the record, he never even saw my tits, so for him to say they're small is highly accurate but also unproven." I squeal.

At this point Remus does burst out laughing, "I'm sure they'll grow when you do pet." He taps my shoulder gently.

"Tell that to Potter... I mean weirdly I'm sort of glad we didn't end up hooking up." I acknowledge. "And why's that?" Remus closes his books to focus all his attention on me.

"Because what would have happened if we did? It would've been even more awkward than it already is." I shrug.

"I suppose that makes sense." He agrees. 

"Remus?" I ask, sliding off the bed so we're closer now as I lower my voice despite nobody being around. "Yeah?" He frowns at the fear in my eyes. 

"Did you see they've officially named this thing a war?" I say eerily quiet. "Yeah I saw. The Minister for Magic stepped down." Remus nods.

"I still don't know what that means for people like me." I explain. "People like you?.." Remus trails off with confusion. "Muggleborns. Am I safe or will he just come after me in London?" I expand. "White, I don't think you're a personal target of you know who himself." Remus laughs a little.

"I'm serious. I still barely know anything about this whole magic thing yet, I don't know what I'm dealing with." I stress.

"Maddison. I know they're advertising it as really bad in the papers but I swear to you it's not that bad. There have been a few attacks but the worst is yet to come. So don't lay awake at night thinking about it. I swear you'll be fine." He comforts me.

Despite his words, I do lay awake at night most days thinking about it. What does it mean for me? Will I be dead before I graduate?

...

I may or may not have just remembered during this chapter theres supposed to be a fucking war happening so I thought I'd mention it just so it's clear it's still canon. Thanks so much for reading!

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