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𝐌𝐀𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍

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"Shit! I just remembered I have to be home!" I squeal all of a sudden, wriggling out of James Potter's bed in my underwear, my short body helping to squeeze out from beneath him.

"What?" He asks with concern in his voice. Throwing my clothes back on, no more than a minute after taking them off.

"Mum told me to be home by 8pm. She needs my help with something." I lie, getting out of this interaction by the skin of my teeth.

He opens his mouth to say more but clamps it shut immediately. "Gotta go. I'll see you on the other side!" I hurry as I head out.

"Woah.. Maddison, wait." He beckons me back.

I look at him worriedly, expecting him to not let me go. "Be quiet. I don't know when my parents are back and I don't want them knowing I had some girl over... Actually, would you mind using floo?"

I nod reluctantly and head out through his fireplace saying the leaky cauldron. Then from there I sprint home. I climb through my window I had left open a crack and the second I get dressed into my pyjamas, I collapse on my bed i'm out for the count.

Thankfully my parents were collapsed on drug induced slumber, likely a lot more peaceful than I feel with my heart still hammering up against my rib cage. 

My brown hair loosely flailing over my rough worn pillows that i've had since I was 7. These sheets are the same sheets from when I was a child. 

The same splatters of blood from when my Father broke my nose and had me go to sleep bleeding. 

The same wet patch on my pillow from where I had cried every night for the past 8 years. 

The same brown burnt patch from my Father trying to literally set my room alight. He was drunk one night when I was 9 and I guess I must have pissed him off because that night he took a lighter to my pale pink sheets. That was before he realised the bed wouldn't just magically erupt into flames without some kind of ignition. Instead he settled for throwing the lighter at my cowering body. I tried to steal the sheets at Hogwarts in first year but Dad ultimately burned them in the garden. I've noticed a reoccurring theme of him burning bedsheets. So i've had to sleep with the thought for the past 6 years.

It feels like I was barely asleep, despite the nearly 12 hour slumber. Dreaming of absolutely nothing but another life. Every outcome was the same, I ended up with this fucked up family.

"Get your shit. We'll need to run if we want to make it." Olivia barks over my bed, startling me awake.

I hurry to get ready and grab my pre-packed stuff and hurry out the door. Thankfully, as predicted by myself, my parents were still zonked, passed out in competitive snores. We run to the station with no time and have to bolt through the wall, practically jumping on the train.

When I get on the train I can barely breathe at first, Olivia is gone already. She finds Black's brother in their carriage and sits with him. I find the first unoccupied carriage that I can and plop down by the window.

I take my book out and start reading.

To my dismay, I find four boys arguing outside the carriage, fighting to see who has to ask me if they can come in.

Remus Lupin catches me looking and nudges all his friends to make them stop.

"Can we sit here? There's no other carriages." Remus says as kindly as he can.

I nod quietly and bury myself deeper into the corner of this small room. Sirius Black looks unhappy to be sitting here, Remus looks grateful, Peter Pettigrew looks completely unbothered and James Potter looks uncomfortable.

They sit down and stay quiet at first, probably hesitant to talk with me here, but I zone them out to read.

"How were your holidays, White?" Sirius asks me awkwardly over the silence, probably making a joke based off the way Peter and James snicker.

"You don't have to talk to me." I tell him firmly, knowing it'll just make things even more awkward. He nods appreciatively and looks back to his friends, three of them erupting in muffled laughter as Remus shook his head with embarrassment.

They eventually start talking when they realise i'm zoned out reading. And i'm not listening. That is until I hear a topic of conversation that intrigues me.

Half way through the train ride of completely blocking out everything they'd said, one thing just made my ears perk up.

"How'd things go finding yourself a bird?" Sirius asks James. 

He was at the bookshop 'looking for a girl to sleep with' as he told me. 

"Shut up." James says, realising i'm in this cart. "Aww come on Potter you can tell us. If not you owe me 20 galleons." Sirius laughs.

I look up from my book now, finding James already staring at me with apologetic eyes.

My body was worth £100 to him. I mean fair enough, a hundred quid is a hundred quid, but still.

Well thank fuck I didn't give it to him, because I'm not playing prostitute in their misogynistic schemes.

"Oh shit he's blushing! You found someone didn't you?" Sirius continues pointing out.

"Your glowing James, better throw in an extra 5 galleons for getting her to bang him." Peter butts in.

Sirius takes a moment to assess the way James is glowing even redder at the statement. "You're right!" Sirius laughs, making all the others explode into laughter.

I bite my tongue to stop myself saying something to them and gather my stuff quickly.

As I reach out for the door James gets up and stops me. "Maddison.." He sighs.

"I'll give you guys some space." I smile as much as I can.

"Stop it, you know that's not—" he begs.

"No it's alright. I heard it all myself, £100 to get me, then £25 to sleep with me. Well with your money you can buy yourself a better personality because you as a person are vile and your ego is prodigious." I say with a smile.

He can't really argue with that as all his mates burst out laughing, ripping him for it as I walk out.

I don't let myself cry over this, though I may feel like it. I knew what he was like when I got with him and that's why I ended things before I did things with that wanker, it's not right to be upset when I knew the consequences.

I find Liv sitting with her friends and see no other choice but to sit with her.

"Can I sit?" I sigh as I step inside. I notice Black's younger brother sitting opposite her, their knees touching.

"Yeah." A brunette boy chirps a little too quickly. 

"Shut up Caius." My sister slaps him angrily, clearly not wanting me here.

"Oh i'm sorry, is my presence annoying you?" I jab. She and the Black boy make eye contact, he seems unbothered by me being here.

"Where were you sitting before?" Olivia sighs. "With your arse of a brother." I gesture to the unfazed Black brother.

"What? Why were you with Sirius?" Olivia snorts.

"There were no other carts so they came into mine. I had to leave cause they were talking about me." I roll my eyes, dropping my bags and sitting down in the corner.

"That's so rude. Want me to teach them a lesson?" The brunette from earlier says boldly. 

"That's alright kid I think I can handle some rude men." I reply with a kind smile to the slightly younger boy.

"Well if you need someone you know you can always talk to me." He tells me affectionately.

I almost laugh thinking it's a joke because i've never met this kid in my life, but he looks at me genuinely. "Right.. thanks." I force a smile.

"Know what. I think I'm gonna find some new people to sit with." I say suddenly. 

I gather my stuff and head out, darting down the corridor towards anywhere but here.

I find some first years who look too scared of me to interject with me taking a seat in the corner, most of them fall asleep after 10 minutes, the others eat snacks and whisper quietly about how excited they are.

I read my book until I arrive, completely unaware of my surroundings until the train stops and i'm met with the dark skies and familiar view.

I let the first years leave first, knowing they're seeing all of this for the first time. I head off the train once i've finished my chapter, unfortunately being forced to ride a carriage pulled by invisible creatures with some girls in my year.

They're all whispering about me, and I know that James' mates must've spread the word quick. "You ask her." Lily Evans hisses. "I'm not asking her. You ask." Marlene McKinnon replies.

"Hey, is it true what they're saying?" Dorcas Meadows interjects, the others sighing in relief when their friend asked before they could.

"What exactly are they saying?" I reply sheepishly.

"You and James Potter shagged over the holidays." Meadows replies boldly, my eyes bulging at her forwardness.

I splutter some things i'm not entirely sure is even English.

"Oi! Wait for us." James Potter yells, his friends and him racing to catch up with our carriage that is about to leave. 

I sigh and my body physically recoils at his voice. "This'll be good." One of the girls mutters with a smirk.

The four of them jump onto the carriage, James squeezing right up to me to make space for the others. I push myself as close to the edge as I can.

"I'm just gonna get the next one. Too many people in the one." I say excusing myself.

"This is the last one. That's why we were running." Remus informs me, panting to catch his breath.

"It's okay. I'll just walk." I say standing up and trying to leave. "Just stay, White. It'd take ages to walk." Sirius dismisses, I know he doesn't particularly like me so him saying this makes me stay because if even he thinks I should just stay then I obviously should.

I grit my teeth and sit back down in my spot between James and the side of the carriage. 

20 minutes. That's all I need to last. I pull my book out in attempts to isolate myself from the others.

"So what we were just asking Maddison here was if you two really shagged." Dorcas says bubbly. 

Sirius snorts, choking on the air. I can tell my face is red with embarrassment and there are probably tears in my eyes. I look down to my book to hide my reaction.

I look up to James, waiting for him to deny it, knowing that we didn't. But he stays silent, letting these rumours be spread and exaggerated. 

"Why's it matter to you? You jealous?" Sirius changes the topic, sensing neither of us want to discuss this.

"I'm just wondering how much you paid him." She looks right at me and all her friends laugh. "Shut it would you?" Sirius raises his voice now.

"You know what. I'm gonna walk." James sighs, pushing himself off the moving carriage and starting to walk, getting further and further into the distance.

I start gnawing on my nail, the words on my book blend and blur with tears.

"How drunk was he? Must've been pretty drunk to get with you." Marlene McKinnon scoffs.

Sirius Black is getting fed up with this himself. "Fuck's sake! Do yous have nothing better to talk about." He defends.

This seems to make them silent. The rest of the way, the boys talk between them and I get the chance to read. The girls soon enough get over it and start whispering again.

I like it better when people whisper about me. I know most people would rather they just said that stuff to your face, but when it's behind your back you can't hear it. You're not expected to respond. And when someone raises their voice at me I usually end up crying, purely out of reflex.

The second we get off the carriage I push ahead of the others and jog inside. I head to the bathroom to get changed. When I eventually get into the great hall, heads turn because i'm so late, adjusting my tie and fixing my hair. I take a seat at the Ravenclaw table. 

Not even a minute after my entry, James Potter enters too, sweating and jogging to where his friends are.

Everyone in our year start cheering and drumrolling on the table. Girls whisper and point. I now realise how that looks, I come in fixing my clothes, James comes in moments later out of breath, both of us late, right after rumours had spread that we hooked up.

"Silence!" Dumbledore thankfully booms. I sink into my seat, watching as James' friends explain what happened and how it looks. 

Dumbledore goes off on a speech he makes yearly when a girl in my year grabs my attention. "Is it true then?" She whispers. "If it was why would it be your business?" I bark.

This only makes them giggle more. My eyes well with tears when I meet James' eyes, he looks at me with guilt and sympathy.

And the moment people are distracted with the feast at hand I slip out of the hall and head to bed early. 

I collapse my body in the warm and comforting sheets of Hogwarts, fluffy and a perfect royal blue colour, always somehow smelling like vanilla.

I kick my shoes off, my trunk simply being shoved under the bed and ignored. I place my pajama's on and go straight to sleep.

𝐉𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒

𓃢𖠐𓄃☾

"You not glad to be back James?" Sirius shakes my shoulder with a laugh, the four of us unpacking and getting ready for the first night.

I know I'm depressing to be around like this but I can't help it. I made a mistake. I didn't say a thing, but she didn't either so it's not entirely my fault. Now everyone thinks we shagged, which would be a bad enough thing if we actually had, but we didn't get that far before she walked out. 

So now she hates me for not telling everyone it wasn't true. Now I hate myself for letting this happen. And now everyone thinks we slept together. First night back and my year's already been ruined.

"So glad. Tell me again why the welcome back party isn't on our first night back?" I try to catch up with the conversation.

"Cause it's a Sunday. Nobody wants to party on a Sunday." Peter explains as he rolls his tie up and packs it in a drawer.

"Right so we're doing it.." I trail off trying to remember what they just said. "Next Friday. Keep up." Sirius rolls his eyes.

"Wonderful." I reply, flopping back onto my bed and blocking out the rest of what's said involving the party.

As I stare at the ceiling I can't help but let my mind stroll back to the girl with mysterious bruising and a keen fascination for books. And I knew I had made several big mistakes to lead to this point.

...

I absolutely love writing this story, so thanks so much for a hundred reads already, it means a lot!! Hope you enjoy. 

word count: 2571