- 89 - Let Me Live

The sun's rays had been shining on the dome of the Assembly for quite some time. Flavio diverted his eyes from the calculator monitor and set them on the projection of his alter ego. He felt his breath falter as, in a fraction of a second, he retraced the calculations he was making. A sudden anxiety burst forth, squeezing his throat.

«It might just work...» he whispered so softly that Sleeld could barely understand him.

In the middle of the area usually reserved for the Executives, Kidhe rose as if suddenly he had burning sand beneath him.

«Come on, computer, what are the chances of the Samādhi Plan succeeding?»

«Ninety-nine point nine nine nine...»

The computer's voice was drowned out by the shouts of joy that flooded the dome and became inaudible, lost amidst the noise.

Still seated, Clyella and Flavio looked into each other's eyes. Despite being shaken by the third mental resonance they were sharing with the other Flavio on Earth, they found the strength to smile, with a happiness stronger than the torrent of emotions spanning light-years of distance and millennia of experiences.

After the outburst of agitation, Kidhe collapsed into his seat with a blissful smile. The euphoria of the celebrations around him pleasantly stunned him. With closed eyes and head thrown back, he took a deep breath and felt an unbearable weight dissolve, lightening his chest.

He murmured for the computer to turn off the projection, which no one was paying attention to any longer. He had a strong wish to forget about Earth for at least a few decades. He had a strong wish not to bear such a responsibility with any other planet. He deserved it, he had no doubt about that.

He waited for the wild exuberance to give way to moderate commotion and called the Assembly's attention.

«Dear brothers and sisters,» he said beaming, «in light of recent events, I am sure that I am doing no injustice to anyone by tendering my resignation as president. The status of all the Assembly's projects at this point is such that it allows for a good level of relaxation in our activities and, as president, I could not aspire to anything greater than the result we achieved today. However, please bear in mind that it is not to me you should look every time you think of this success. I know I was not the best among the presidents that the Assembly remembers...»

Flavio, listening attentively to Kidhe, would have sworn he heard someone near him mutter a curse.

«But if I distinguished myself in any way during my presidency, I'd like to think that it was by allowing those more skilled among us to express their genius at the right times. With a heart full of gratitude for the great privilege I have lived thanks to all of you, I hereby call for the election of my successor.»

Within a few minutes, the computer collected the votes of all the Assembly members, including those who were not physically inside the dome. Kidhe received the result, managed to contain a smirk within a kindly smile, and set about appointing the new president, postponing ceremonies and formalities to another time.

«The voting has concluded» he announced, barely restraining a hasty note in his voice. «I must say I fully agree with the choice that has been expressed by an overwhelming majority. I offer my congratulations and hand over my role as President of the Interdimensional Assembly to our beloved Clyella.»

The new president had time just to exhale a sigh before finding herself at the center of attention. She brought it upon herself, she thought. Then she smiled amiably at the applause and her new, burdensome future.

No longer under the watchful eyes of the Assembly, at the Air Force Command, Doctor Flavio Mancini left the conference room. With discretion and haste, he slipped away from the meeting the first chance he saw. His heart was pounding in his throat, and for a moment, he feared that the agitation of its beat would be visible from the outside.

Once he reached the corridor and closed the door behind him, he allowed himself a smile, one born more from nerves than satisfaction. It was done; he had landed himself into trouble. The ambition to stay afloat seemed unreasonably audacious. But he had no other choice, and all in all, his position was still solid, so much so that he had managed to manipulate the military policies of half the planet, even if only for that night.

The dreams and happiness from the books Flavia had given him were both a simple and sophisticated element in the mathematical model of social predictability. His mathematical model — a model he had to try to keep as far away from the military's hands as possible — stated that bringing the armed forces among the civilians of their respective countries for a public order protection action would lead the citizenry to dismantle the aggressive ideology of the armies in favor of a pacifist attitude.

The celebration of intellectual qualities in government institutions would produce a political class finally intelligent enough to prioritize the common good over the shortsightedness of personal and corrupt interests, leading to an overthrow of the current power system.

The self-sufficient floating cities would have been the forge of a utopian and independent social model of community collaboration, capable of breaking down ethnic and nationalist barriers and promoting an environmentally exemplary and peaceful economic model.

If carried out according to his calculations, education and cultural exchange programs in the Middle East would inevitably lead to equal integration and the peaceful unification of the various peoples, finally driven by feelings of gratitude and acceptance.

Returning to local cultural traditions in Asia and Africa would be the most efficient means to escape Western economic subjugation and colonialism.

In the numbers, the idea was sound, and perhaps, he thought, it was worth risking his neck for, as he just had.

At the end of the day at the Assembly, Clyella had been continually held back by smiling faces wanting to congratulate her on her new position. Once inside Coral City, she freed herself from the last of her admirers and joined Flavio in one of the gardens. His thoughtful face lit up instantly.

«I'm happy to see you,» he greeted her.

«Happiness is a loyal and faithful lover, but also a demanding and jealous one: if you don't take care of it every day and neglect it to rely on someone else, it quickly disappears from your life...»

«What do you mean?» he asked, embracing her.

«Don't feel bad if you happen to be alone. Make the most of it... look at me, for instance. Do you know how long it will be before I can have some time to myself?»

Flavio chuckled, and Clyella tousled his hair.

«You're not even twenty-eight years old... I know that from your perspective, the time my presidency will take might seem long. But why am I telling you this now... we'll talk about it again in a couple of centuries. Remember, we have all eternity to make up for it.»

«Alright, I can make up for it. But what about the Flavio back on Earth? Call me self-centered, but I would have liked it if the other me had better luck. I...» Flavio hesitated for a moment, filled with memories older than seven years, «I know exactly what it feels like to experience that kind of... social inadequacy.»

«I think things aren't going so bad for him. Let's go to my quarters, and we can see what happened after the meeting with the military, what do you say?»

They settled in for a dinner on the bed, with their laps covered in the orange mist of the materializer, and they instructed the computer to project the recording.

***

With one hand holding his laptop and the other in his pocket, Flavio was heading down the corridor towards the guarded turnstiles at the entrance. He heard the sound of heels echoing behind him with a nervous rhythm.

«Listen, Clelia, I'm not in the mood for...»

Turning around, he stopped as soon as he saw Cristina's uniform. He found himself looking into her eyes for the first time in months. For a moment, the sight of the beauty of that proud and elegant face stunned him. He had missed it. Despite her features pulled tight with resentment, despite her eyes dried up with bitterness, she was a vision that enchanted him, one he would have wished to linger on even amidst the pain it caused him.

He was surprised to feel his heart beat faster and his fingertips lose their grip on the computer. That pain and that enchantment... they were too familiar for him not to realize they were the same feelings he had always had towards Flavia. He didn't want to think about it. Besides, he already noticed that his thoughts were becoming muddled and clouded by emotion.

«Doctor Mancini...»

Doctor Mancini? The harshness and coldness of those words seemed to come from an infinite distance. Distance... it's what I should have expected, he thought.

«I deem it important to tell you that your presentation left me quite perplexed. Disappointed. I had once hoped that you could keep alive the hopes of a certain humanitarian spirit and altruism within IUPITER.»

«Disappointed?»

«And I assure you I am not the only one in the project who believed in a higher moral integrity from you. Instead, we have seen that you preferred to align with the interests of certain management, with a cynical and cowardly attitude. Sure, following the path of personal interest must have been easy for you rather than risking something more noble and ambitious!»

He had seen her demonstrate her strong resolve and her somewhat masculine attitude at IUPITER before. Until that moment, however, he had never been its target. He felt his knees almost give out. They were alone in that corridor, and the captain's hiss struck him sharp as a saber.

He didn't know what to say. He would have done anything just to see her smile as kindly as she once did. He didn't know... months had passed and as if that weren't enough, he felt confused, with a mind as big as an elephant fumbling in the dark. He was never good at certain things, he self-pitied resignedly. The situation appeared as bad as it gets: Cristina had left the room and had chased after him with the clear intent to...

The light of a sudden realization dawned to put the situation into perspective. A light that allowed his mind to take a confident step. The elephant, no longer fumbling in the dark, could now stand tall and majestic. She had chased after him because, in her words, she "deemed it important to tell him". It was important to her and she chased after him. That was enough. He tried to smile, and immediately saw the captain blink in surprise.

«I'm glad for you, captain...» Speak more slowly! Don't let her see you're insecure, he told himself. Taking a breath, he resumed, deliberately pronouncing each syllable with calmness born of a titanic effort, «... that you were able to understand everything about my intentions and my months of work in just two hours of presentation, and — how remarkable on your part! — without asking me a single question or trying in the slightest to relate to me on a human level. You've saved yourself a lot of time, you know? All those people who waste hours talking and sharing... they must be really a bunch of fools.» Flavio flaunted a broader smile, hoping his facade would hold up against his fraying nerves. «But you, on the other hand, are no fool,» he continued. «It's much easier to pass judgments and assert oneself without considering the possibility of an explanation or allowing someone to defend themselves. Right? But why am I surprised, it's not the first time you've acted this way, and that's what you military people do...»

He saw the surprise and embarrassment on Cristina's face. That, too, was a an enchanting sight, even more beautiful, without a doubt.

«Why, is there really a possible explanation for what you just presented at the meeting?»

She thinks she can corner you with a presumptuous insinuation, don't justify yourself, don't let her win! «Yes,» he smiled again. «A very good one, in my opinion. I hope you'll forgive my arrogance as the world's leading expert on the matter.» Now don't cling to her, give her some space... «Goodbye, captain,» he cut off the conversation.

For a fleeting instant he contemplated taking his hand out of his pocket to shake hers, then changed his mind and turned around. Move slowly, give her a chance to follow you. He began to walk away, with every step battling against himself not to look back. Stay strong, keep walking, if she truly cares and she's truly worth it, she'll want to know more. Don't give in... I mustn't give in...

«Flavio...» Cristina swallowed a curse for letting familiarity take over. «Doctor, wait!»

Flavio stopped, with a maddening calm, giving the captain time to speak while he still faced away.

«Please... I really want to know what's going on...»

Now show her that you know your stuff and have the character to stand by your ideas. Flavio turned around, wearing the most serene expression he could muster, making sure his gestures looked relaxed.

«You see, captain... I'm not sure if it's appropriate. Despite the respect I owe you, I can't be sure of your sincerity. I'm certain you understand how important it is for me that IUPITER's leadership implements my proposals without second thoughts. I'm not sure if I can risk revealing the details to you, as you are member of the administrative committee. But if you wish, we could start seeing each other again; perhaps you can convince me.»

Flavio nodded in farewell and walked away without hesitation, sure as death that Cristina, not Captain Leanza, would soon be calling him.

***

«Hey... look at how he's handling it!» Flavio commented as the normal lighting returned to Clyella's lodging. «So, I really would have been able to make a move with women if I hadn't died. Did you see that? I've never managed to be that attractive.» He sighed. «And who knows when I'll manage it myself... don't get me wrong, I'm truly lucky to have you by my side. If you've been interested in me up to this point, it's because you're incredibly special.»

Clyella brushed her lips against his in a kiss. «You are special. You still don't realize what's happened to you over these years, how much you've changed... you have no idea how attractive you've become, do you?»

«I genuinely appreciate the compliment, President... even if you're biased, I'm not bothered. I value the fortune I've had.»

Clyella burst into laughter. «It's unbelievable! You truly don't see it... that's so funny! Just because I'm biased doesn't mean I can't recognize something as elementary as this. You really are attractive, Flavio,» a spark of genius flashed in Clyella's eyes for a moment, «but perhaps the only way for you to realize it would be to return to Earth as a man.»

«Oh well, of course. If I returned to Earth with this body, I'd already have an advantage. I'm not sure if it would be enough, though. I mean, I've never gotten the hang of this thing...»

«You no longer need to learn anything about women, nor do you need a particular body. You would be a huge success regardless.»

«I find it hard to believe, but thank you all the same; you're sweet to insist.»

«I don't expect you to believe me. Go to Earth; now you can do it if you wish. See for yourself, it wouldn't even take a week for you to find yourself surrounded by beautiful women.»

«You're joking...»

«Not at all, the Samādhi Plan has succeeded now.»

«And you think I could just go back there, out of nowhere, and seduce an unknown woman within a week? What are you going to do, make me rich and famous?»

«No, seriously. Start from scratch, poor and unknown if you wish. You shouldn't lack the courage to do it.»

«Not courage. Nor the ability to find a place in society, although it would take me more than a week. But women... that's impossible. I would spend a decade on Earth just to prove you wrong.»

«Try it; I say you'll get an offer from at least one beautiful and attractive woman before you get a job offer... even using your old body!»

«Want to bet? If I win, will you stop insisting that I take back my old body?»

«Agreed, when you lose, you'll keep your original body here as well. Are you in?»

Flavio looked at her amused, trying to figure out where the catch was. He was sure he could find a job in a very short time. The idea of besting the woman he loved, who also happened to be the President of the most powerful Assembly in the nearby universe, was incredibly tempting.

«I'm in!»

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