They had arrived. After almost a month of waiting, Flavio was there and Claudia was waiting for him. They got out of the car still wrapped in the warmth of the interior, collected their bags from the trunk and headed up the stone staircase that led from the parking lot among the pilings to the entrance. Flavio, his nerves tense with emotion and impatience, preceded the others with long strides that he hoped did not appear hurried.

His knees were trembling a little. He could have said it was because of the cold, but it wouldn't have been true. When he reached the top of the stairs and a few steps from the entrance, he saw the door open projecting out the warm inner glow. Claudia leaned out to peer at the night frost with a curious expression. As she turned to meet Flavio's gaze, her face lit up with a smile full of warmth.

«Hey...» she whispered as she approached to wrap her arms around his neck.

Flavio carefully pulled her close as he felt her kiss press on his cheek. Claudia's hugs always thrilled him, and her gestures of affection rewarded him, every time, for the wait between their sporadic meetings.

«Captain!» she then said going to greet the other two. «Hi, Franco! Come on, everyone, hurry up! Dinner is ready.»

Claudia seated the newly arrived guests at the table and introduced Flavio to her friends who were already there. Michela, Alessia and Gianluca shook his hand with smiling faces.

Michela seemed like a rather reserved girl, although she had very kind manners. Long dark curls framed her fair face, on which a sprinkling of freckles was exposed without the slightest veil of makeup.

Alessia, on the other hand, chatted more than anyone else, giving the clear impression of talking more than she could think. With her sophisticated makeup and a brown bob that she shook constantly, she managed to attract attention enough to more than compensate for her short stature.

During the evening Gianluca was polite and helpful, with a laugh that was always ready but never intrusive. His good-boy face with clear eyes was crowned by short blond curls in perpetual and incorruptible order.

They lingered in conversation until late.

«Yes, tomorrow morning we can go for a moment to see the lake up close» Claudia suggested, «if you don't wake up too late.»

«Why, does it go somewhere else in the afternoon?» Franco teased her.

Claudia and Flavio were the only ones who didn't laugh.

«In the afternoon we have things to do, we have to receive the others who are coming and prepare the house if we want to have a party» explained the hostess. «Too bad it's cloudy tonight, otherwise you can see it well with the moon from here.»

«Let's hope tomorrow there's good weather, then» Alessia said.

«Yes, tomorrow there should be sun» Claudia reassured her. «But now it's really late, better go to bed.»

«Franco, you go ahead. Claudia, I'll clean the dishes» Cristina offered.

«Don't worry, I'll take care of it» Claudia said, «you must be tired from the trip...»

«Tired you say? Not at all! Flavio drove all the time, he was amazing.»

Flavio smiled embarrassed as he was bringing his own cutlery to the sink.

«No, absolutely not! You are on vacation» Claudia stopped him. «Cristina, we wash them together. You guys go to bed, when the others arrive you'll want to be rested. Good night, Flavio.»

Taking another kiss from Claudia, Flavio went to bed with the impression of having lived more than he had in other days. He had eaten and spent the whole evening with Claudia and had met her friends. He hadn't talked much but he didn't care: the only thing he could think of was that in the same house, a few meters from him there was his Claudia.

The following morning something happened that hadn't happened to him in years: he was awakened by someone who knocked gently on the bedroom door.

«Can I?» Claudia asked as she opened a crack in the door. She closed it behind her without making any noise and, in pyjamas and slippers, sat on the bed where Flavio was still lying. «Good morning» she said after kissing him on the cheek.

«Hi, Claudia» he answered sleepily. Without his glasses, her contours appeared blurred and ethereal to him. A streak of sunlight illuminated the room, coming in obliquely from the window, and made her light curls shine.

«You didn't talk much last night. You didn't get along badly with the others, did you?»

«No, don't worry. It's just... I'm not used to dinners with friends.»

Claudia tightened her lips as she gently stroked Flavio's hair with one hand.

«Okay, I guess you'll get to know them better,» she winked at him. «You're coming to the lake with us, right?»

«Sure, gladly.»

«All right, then. Hurry down. Cristina made breakfast for everyone. She's always spending herself for others, she's a sweetheart!»

Flavio caught how special was the admiration with which Claudia spoke of her friend. He was about to let her go, but relented just before his host got out of bed.

«You are very close friends, it seems to me.»

«She's like an older sister... or younger, sometimes» Claudia laughed. «What do you think of her?»

«She's a very nice girl, she's smart... she has a good personality» Flavio acknowledged. However, he tried to keep an indifferent tone so as not to appear interested in someone else.

«Yes! She is really amazing, I adore her. Yesterday we stayed up late talking for quite a while. She is worried, apparently she has some problems with Franco...»

«I had noticed something. To tell you the truth, Franco doesn't seem like a great guy to me. But he has a nice car...»

Claudia laughed louder than before.

«Yes, he has a nice car. Actually, his father has a nice car. But it doesn't mean much for Cristina. Her father also has a nice car. He is an important general, that's why she is working with the university. Maybe she can help you find a job.»

«Do you think?» Flavio asked unconvinced.

He had never talked to Claudia about the Defense project or his interest in the military's research. The girl's remark seemed terribly naïve to him. Flavio had experienced firsthand the rigidity of that academic environment, he had faced it and came out soundly defeated. However, he appreciated Claudia's candid and generous thought of being helpful to him.

«Well, I think so» she confirmed. «You told me that you hoped to get some scholarships and maybe continue working in the faculty after graduation. Cristina is just a step away from living there, in the Statistics department. Maybe she can give you some advice.»

«Yes, maybe...» Flavio smiled at her.

«Come on, let's go down now, they will be waiting for us.»

The kitchen table was laden with fruit juices, jams, freshly toasted bread, cold cuts, eggs, hot coffee, milk, sweets... It was the first time that Flavio took part in such an inviting and rich breakfast.

«Isn't Franco coming down?» Gianluca asked puzzled.

«He sleeps...» Claudia and Cristina answered in chorus.

«He just can't make it during the holidays. It was already exceptional to get him out of the door yesterday morning. If he doesn't have classes at university, he lives at night and sleeps during the day» explained Cristina, who, before they went out, left something to eat on the table covered with a napkin along with a note that said: "Tidy up when you're done, please".

The sky was clear and the sun shone behind them as they walked towards the grove by the lake. In daylight, even from the house they could see its smooth and shiny expanse, dotted with white slabs of ice. The layer of fresh snow that covered the path creaked under their feet, but it was thin enough to allow them to walk on it without slipping, as long as they were careful. Flavio, the only one with glasses instead of sunglasses, shielded his eyes with his hands from the sun's glare.

In a couple of minutes of walking they passed beyond the conifer grove and found themselves on the shore of a bright frozen expanse.

«It's wonderful!» Michela sighed, bewitched. «It's so peaceful and bright».

Gianluca and Alessia ventured a few steps onto the ice sheet.

«How thick is it? Does it hold?» Alessia asked.

«It probably does for you, we who are taller I don't know...» Gianluca joked.

«Oh, how mean...» Alessia complained, «you're not a giant either!» she snapped back, clinging to his arm.

«Be careful, here it holds, but towards the center the sheet is thinner, don't stray from the edge» Claudia warned.

«Sorry if I don't follow you, I prefer to stay on solid ground» Cristina confessed.

«It looks solid: look, there's no snow on the ice down there, it means it formed after the snowfall,» Flavio said as he walked away.

«No! Stop!» Claudia shouted in fear.

Flavio stopped instantly, surprised by her reaction.

«Gosh, Cla'! You scared me» Michela exclaimed.

«The lake is very deep already here. If for any unforeseen reason the slab breaks, you end up in the freezing water,» Claudia warned him as she went to get him back.

She took his hand and held it tight.

«Don't worry, what kind unforeseen event do you think could happen?» Flavio downplayed.

«If I knew it wouldn't be an unforeseen event anymore... anyway, it's dangerous.»

«Yes, come on, let's go back to land... I'm starting to feel cold with this ice under my feet,» Alessia said.

«Yes, better go,» Claudia agreed, «let's go back inside because we have everything to prepare for tonight.»

As she started walking, she pulled Flavio along.

«You come with me, I'm not giving you up...» she said holding his hand tight.

In the middle of the afternoon, when a guitarist friend of Claudia and four other girls arrived, snacks, sandwiches, pizzas and drinks were ready on trays distributed between the kitchen, dining room and living room. Claudia introduced those who still didn't know each other and soon conversations, music and cigarettes were ignited.

Later, the arrival of other guests fueled music and laughter, which ate up once and for all the little silence that remained. Feeling out of place, Flavio listened to Alessia tell a group of friends her stories with boys. He moved among them enough to be able to eavesdrop on the conversation that Claudia and Cristina were having apart. Flavio had the two girls behind him, far enough away that they didn't suspect him of eavesdropping.

«I can't stand him anymore, I'm tired of his lies,» Cristina said.

«You have to decide to do something, then...» Claudia suggested.

They spoke in a low voice and between the music, Alessia's chatter and the loud exclamations of the other guys, Flavio had a hard time hearing.

«I want to get rid of him for good, and I don't want to look stupid or like someone who behaves badly, before dumping him I want to force him to feel ashamed...»

«Of what in particular?»

«Of a lot of things, for example of the fact that he acts like an idiot with you, that he wants to take you to bed...»

Claudia's cell phone vibrated and the hostess apologized to her friend before answering.

«Have you arrived?» she shouted into the phone trying to drown out the music. «Yes, I'll open right away!»

She then motioned to Cristina to wait for her and headed for the door.

«Claudia...» Flavio looked for her as she passed by him.

«Hey, Flavio, are you okay? Come with me, the last guests have arrived.»

Claudia had him follow her through the house. The noise and smoke were suffocating the environment. Flavio noticed that that was enough to make everyone behave as if they were drunk. He was reassured by not seeing any alcohol around. Claudia opened the door.

«The keg and the six-packs are here!» shouted the stocky guy at the entrance.

Everyone who heard him in the living room reacted with an ovation.

«The six-pack can as well go home, just leave us the beer!» Franco quipped at him across the living room. The newcomer replied by raising a sturdy hand as a sign of greeting.

He greeted Claudia by wrapping his big right arm around her, while carrying a twenty-litre keg over his shoulder with the other. He had short red hair and a large sweatshirt that he wore, despite the cold outside, rolled up above his elbows. The forearm that held the bulky container was covered with dense geometric tattoos. He took a few steps in and reached out his hand to Flavio.

«I'm Giuseppe...» his grip was strong but not excessive.

«Flavio.»

«Where do I take this to hook it up?» he asked, pointing to the keg.

Flavio pointed him to the kitchen.

«Can you give me a hand, Flavio?»

He reluctantly preceded him to the kitchen while Claudia at the entrance welcomed a couple of guys who accompanied Giuseppe.

«That's my brother Paolo with his girlfriend. Don't worry, you can greet them later, because he's a chatterbox and if he starts talking to you, you have to listen to him for hours, but now I need you here» Giuseppe said as he immediately started fiddling with the tap. «This comes straight from Rome, but we tried to keep it cool. Are you from Rome too?»

«Yes, I live in San Lorenzo...»

«We live in Testaccio, near the pub.»

«Do you work in a pub?»

«Yes, my brother and I run it. Look at him there! He can't keep quiet for even five seconds in a row» Giuseppe pointed to the living room beyond the counter of the American-style kitchen. «Can you get me a couple of trays, please?»

Flavio took them from a cabinet while Giuseppe had found glasses and tankards on his own.

«If you want some right away, go ahead and drink. Don't be shy» he said as he filled the glasses and passed them to him to arrange them on the trays.

Flavio saw Claudia come back to Cristina, but from there he couldn't hear anything they were saying. Dance music over three decades old enveloped the lower floor of the house and Flavio felt more and more lonely and distant.

He wanted to talk to Claudia. He knew she had invited him because she liked him and, moreover, Cristina had confirmed how interested Claudia was in him. He felt frustrated by being there without doing anything that could develop their relationship.

«No... thank you, really» he replied to Giuseppe.

«Don't tell me you don't drink: it's heresy!»

«Actually, I drink very little.»

Flavio glanced at Claudia and Cristina from time to time. The two continued to talk in a corner.

«Ah... I see, that's why I've never seen you. You've never been to the pub, have you?»

«No, in fact... I don't even know where it is. Claudia never took me there.»

«Well, we'll have to give her a good dressing-down, then» Giuseppe said, pointing to Claudia. The hostess and Cristina had joined in dancing with other guys. «But before it gets warm, you have to drink a glass too, okay?»

«Okay, fine» Flavio agreed with a smile.

Claudia was now up on an armchair. He had already seen her dance before and this time too she seemed irresistible, so sensual as to leave anyone stunned. Flavio wished he could follow the music, he wished he could move a little bit to dance with her. But he was aware of being hopeless.

Dancing was something that couldn't be learned with theory. He experienced a sense of envy for the other guys so intense that he felt sick to his stomach. Watching Claudia on the armchair and moving and grooving around her was also Franco.

«That's twelve» Giuseppe said, placing a glass on the tray. «Shall I pour yours too?»

«Sure... go ahead!» Flavio cheered up.

«That's more like it!» Giuseppe encouraged him, filling another glass.

«Come on, let's take them to the others. I'll take this one because it's heavier» he said, taking the tray with the tankards.

As they served the beer, Giuseppe received warm greetings and hugs. Flavio couldn't ignore the abyssal contrast with the cold and automatic thanks, mostly unnoticed under the music, that went to him.

When almost everyone had a beer in their hand, he saw Claudia in a corner drinking with Franco. They whispered and laughed in each other's ear. He went to offer the penultimate glass to Michela, the only one left to serve, and put the tray down, taking the last beer for himself.

«You're a very quiet guy, aren't you?» Michela observed.

«Why, is it that obvious?» Flavio joked.

«Actually, I feel more comfortable in quiet places too, like at the lake this morning. It's spectacular, frozen like that.»

«It's true, it's a special place» he agreed. With the corner of his eye he followed Claudia. She was going upstairs alone. He wanted to follow her. Go to her and talk to her, but he couldn't find the courage.

«But every now and then you have to make some noise too, like Claudia. Have you seen how she dances?» Michela asked admiringly.

«She's amazing, I wish I had a hundredth of her skill.»

Flavio saw that Franco was also going up the stairs. He felt a pang in his stomach. He wanted to kick Franco. Cristina was sitting, talking with Alessia and Gianluca.

«Look, you're not the only one» Michela reassured him.

«Don't you dance either?»

«Actually yes, but certainly not like Claudia. You know she worked in discos, right?»

«Yes» Flavio remembered.

He remembered the summer, when Claudia had insisted on taking him with her to the disco. «I saw her on the dance podium, she's amazing.»

He had been able to admire Claudia's last performance on the dance podium before she decided to quit the discos to dedicate herself to her second year of university. It had been the only positive note of the evening. Not only had it been a failed experience for him, of course; not only had he felt humiliated for his appearance by the bouncers at the entrance; but on the way out they had even been attacked. Good for them that Claudia was also good at sports and martial arts, but Flavio still couldn't get over it. He blamed himself for not being strong and confident enough to defend himself, aware that, if he had been that kind of person, they wouldn't have targeted them in the first place.

He was feeling nauseous. His own insecurity was making him feel bad. Why was it so hard for him to open up? Couldn't he just go to Claudia and make it clear to her that he liked her? Probably Franco was making proposals to her and maybe he didn't care about the friendship between her and his girlfriend.

«You should ask her for private lessons, if she agrees I'll sign up for the course too...» Michela laughed.

Flavio was starting to feel blurred, more blurred than he usually felt, that is, every time he had to deal with Claudia. Not seeing her come down the stairs was a drip that drained his spirit minute by minute.

«Michela... as you know her, what is Claudia like? I mean, as a friend...»

«What do you mean? I'm sure she wouldn't have any problem giving you lessons if you asked her. Seriously, she's very helpful with friends.»

«Yes, but...» he tried to be more explicit, «Does Claudia care a lot about her friends? Or do you think she might sometimes... disappoint them, mislead them a little, maybe without meaning to...»

The worm of doubt had begun to torment him. What if Claudia was capable of betraying her best friend? She had told him she adored her. Did she really love her or did she just want to make him like her? She had spoken well of him to Cristina to the point that she had shown him admiration when they met at the D.S. SEAD. Could it be that Claudia just wanted to have a clear path with Franco? That she had invited him so that he could get Cristina out of her way?

«Claudia is a very honest girl. I can assure you of that» Michela said gravely. «Why? Did you have an argument?»

«No, it's just that sometimes she's... a bit strange. I don't know... maybe she doesn't realize what she's doing...»

«Look, it's definitely because you don't know her well, from what I understand you don't hang out very often. It's true that Claudia is a bit crazy... very crazy, sometimes. but she's a reliable friend, absolutely. I would bet my life on her loyalty.»

Despite the tender and naïve look that the dark curls around her freckled cheekbones gave her, Michela had managed to stiffen her face into a mask of conviction and firmness.

Flavio realized he had allowed paranoia to take foothold. How stupid, doubting Claudia for those friendly and spontaneous ways that he liked so much!

«Yes, you're right, I don't know how it came to my mind, it must be all this noise. I'm sorry» he apologized.

«No problem, don't worry» Michela reassured him.

In fact, that environment was torturing him. That's why it had come to his mind. The smoke, the noise. Couples of boyfriends and friends courting each other while Flavio was oppressed by his own lack of courage to make a move, by not being able to bond with new people, by not knowing how to dance. By being, in the end, the only one who had never entered Claudia's social circle.

He had to change things. He had to open up. He already had so many signs that Claudia was waiting for nothing else. He just had to thank her for wanting him there, tell her that she was really nice and pretty, that he was happy when he could be with her... without being more daring or direct than that, that should have been enough or, at least, it should have been a step in the right direction.

He was in that house enduring that party for that reason, to improve things, to take advantage of an opportunity with Claudia. He felt like an insecure child. He was tense and trembling. He was really trembling, not like the night he arrived. It was hot in there, the cold wouldn't have been an excuse. He had adrenaline in his body that was putting his heart to the whip. All these sensations forced him to recognize how much he was in love.

«Thank you, Michela. I'm sorry if I leave you, I have to talk to Claudia.»

Michela gave him an encouraging smile.

Flavio slipped away to go up the stairs. He would have asked Franco to leave him a minute with Claudia. He reached the dimness of the corridor of the bedrooms, the cloak of noise became less violent beneath him. The door of Claudia's room was ajar and the light from inside filtered into the corridor. He approached and, immediately, he stopped.

Claudia was inside, he could smell her. And there was also Franco's smell, he could perceive it even more clear and distinct than when they had travelled by car. And there was also an intense smell, of stuffy, of sweat.

Of hormones.

Of sex.

Flavio approached again and from there he could see part of the floor of the bedroom. He had his stomach clutched in a merciless grip and he was even dizzy. On the floor was Franco's shirt, he could also see a piece of his trousers, thrown there in disorder, along with Claudia's clothes. He heard rustles and heavy breaths. Caresses. Kisses. And then Claudia's voice, woven with a moving passion and a tenderness, such as he had never heard her express.

«It's my first time, you don't know how long I've been waiting for this moment, how much I wanted to be like this with you. Even if it was wrong and we couldn't. But now I want to give in, even knowing that it must remain secret. I can't keep...» Claudia whispered before returning to silence. Then more caresses, more kisses.

Flavio was breathless, he was suffocating. He left quickly. He felt hell clawing at him with all its scorching coldness. He went down the stairs without hardly hearing the noise, took the door and swallowed desperately the icy air of the winter night that lapped at the Alps.

He ran away from the house; after a few steps he fell on his knees bent by nausea and cramps.

He vomited.