so uhhhhhhh i might have a crush?? on a guy??? who ive been talking to for like five days?? and it might be the worst crush ive ever had bc all the other ones (all two) i had like no chance with?? and like,, i don't really have a chance with him but *theoretically* i do. i get crushes like i do everything - i either get one right away (i admitted this one to myself after t w o d a y s) or i don't get one at all. he's like rly nice and we have a rly similar taste in music and he does art and it's s o f u c k i n g c o o l and ahh i really like him. 

this is like????? terrifying though??? like im really shit at just making friends let alone talking to someone i really like??? and i don't know if he likes me?? like what if he's just tolerating me and doesn't even rly want to be friends. honestly tho that would probably be the easiest situation to deal with - i know how to handle that. but like what if he just likes me as a friend??? or like????? what if he likes me back???? what does that even mean????? i literally have no clue what would happen bc like,, ive never been in any relationship even kinda like that? 

so ahh yeah i promised myself id give it a week and then decide what to do,, ill probably either ghost him bc im scared (shitty and ill regret it) just stay friends and not say anything (very likely and probably what will happen) or i'll wait a little longer and confess (very scary but honestly might be the best option bc then the ball is in his court and i can just know and that seems easier). 

im so terrified he doesn't rly like me (like even worse than just regular new friends bc they almost never stick around and im used to it) (and also i actually like him - not just cause i have a crush on him but like as a person which isn't super common (for the record i like all of you - i don't stay friends with people i don't like for long)) and like im also terrified he does and i rly like him but im like really bad at having conversations? so idk if he rly has any idea ngl. 

anyway so yeah idk if this is rly fast but here we are and obviously i kinda really like him bc how many other crushes have i written a wattpad chapter about? (one and it was like a paragraph and now it's drafted - she wasn't even the girl i had a major crush on she was just some girl in the year below who was rly pretty and had a tumblr). 

idk why i rly wrote this but here u go - when he inevitably moves on i can come back and read this and be sad ig