08 | im just done
letting go is so hard.
i can't say goodbye, even though i know they're probably gone. or that they're gone.
caring about people more than the care about you is hard.
you always have to be the one to text, call, whatever first.
they say they're your sister, but where are they when you're breaking down. when you need them most.
it isn't they're fault, they have a life. i should call first, tell them what i feel.
i just wish they called me every once in a while.
they say they're your best friend but the next day they're saying that to someone else.
it isn't they're fault, they're allowed to have more than one friend. i should just suck it up.
i just wish they appreciated me as much as they appreciate the other.
they say you're the best but then leave as soon as they get the help they want.
it isn't they're fault, they have to pass somehow. so i should just keep helping. that i can do.
i just wish they actually spoke to me once, once besides that.
they say they're always there for me. but they aren't.
they say that they love me and that they understand me but don't realise when i can take no more. it's fine, there's not much one can do when i keep up my facade.
they say that they're feeling pain or betrayal and losing friends. all of them. but at least they have some friends. someone to hang onto.
they say that i should dump the toxic ones but sometimes the toxic ones are all you have.
sometimes i just can't stand it. sometimes i just can't stand them. but i can't bring myself to hate them, any of them.
i do so much for them, i try my hardest to comfort them, try my hardest to be there for them always, but maybe i should just give up. because when are they there for me.
i think i've become heartless. there was a time i would cry myself to sleep every night. now i can't. i do occasionally, but most times, i just feel nothing.
i only have my family. my mom, dad and brother. i only have them. i have them. i should be content with that.
i'm going to sleep.
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