hi guys, i've missed you all so much, i'm so sorry i took forever. i've worked very hard on this chapter so please don't be silent readers, i'd love to hear your thoughts! <3

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"jeongguk?"

a distant voice beckoned.

it felt light and airy, foreign
in the atmosphere that
he stood lifelessly in, body
transfixed in a sullen halt,
stately and rigid.

in front of him was a frail, pale woman
who lay in her bed, as
fragile as a winter's flower.

body broken, unmoving, withering like
wilting petals. aged beauty in
her skin's tender caress.
linen wrapped her frame in
arms of a calm embrace, a singular,
translucent tube hanging
down the side of her face.

a lifeline.

that's what it was.

the normality of the
situation was what struck
him to the core. just how normal it was for a woman her age

to be in this state. to be so isolated from strength, withdrawn from power.

this was not the power he had envisioned her to possess,
this was not what jeongguk 
had envisioned her to look like. 

to be like. 
to present herself as. 

in the paintings, he saw a bold woman.

physique antique, confident and rigid-
frozen in time with an authority and 
triumph in every message conveyed.
in the painting, in the paint 
she bore on her lifeless body that hung upon
the dull walls of the gallery... she was strong. 

she was lifeless here too.

though her soul still resided in her,
her body betrayed nothing about her
living, breathing, thinking as a mortal.
she seemed inhumane and detached,
weak and helpless. detestable. jeongguk 
hated it.

time, it seemed, was her immortal enemy.

jeongguk was so sure in that second that 
she had nothing left to physically fight for,
to stay for. To hope for. it 
simply would not change. 
she wouldn't let it.

as though she would allow the
life to be sucked  from her.
she would allow the time to 
ruin her, to betray her, to engulf her into a
sullen oblivion. she'd welcome
deaths embrace.
but not without a compromise
in her final moments.

her final seconds.

it was her eyes that knocked the breath from him.

they were fierce like the ocean,
the oldest generation of strength,
lily had them, that very confidence
and cruelty. sweet, sinning comfort
milled about in her iris, you would
be lost in them like a shipwreck
in a ferocious storm.

here, time had betrayed her body. 

that was contagious,
her body was her weapon.

the voice that called out to him 
was what drew him back to reality. 
his name, it had said. 

had 
jeongguk so embarrassingly forgotten
his very own name in these few 
unbelievable moments he had stood 
in front of this woman?

his name, the voice had reminded
him of it. it had helped him
remember it. had told him,
had voiced it.

his own name but

jeongguk... jeongguk couldn't hear it.

he couldn't remember his name. he couldn't 
remember lily's name or taehyung's name 
or register that he was stood in this room.
he couldn't remember where he was 
or what time of day it seemed to be. 
he couldn't remember every breath he 
breathed or every thought he thought,
or action he'd ever taken in his life.

but he held his breath with the
belief that he knew one thing for sure.

he knew that anne was living.

anne was weak and sick and so
gone.

she was the withered petals
on a fiery, autumnal flower, waiting for 
the maternal arms of the breeze to 
whisk them away to the heavens.
a seasonal death. she was awaiting that 
cycle, that very death on her death bed, 
the tube that hung from her nose
was a river of hope, feeding her with life, 
cheating the nature of the wind that threatened
to knock her from her feet any second.
with that tube, she cheated death, with 
that tube, the petals remained attached.
and with that tube,
the fragile flower withstood the wind.
she was the petals that held on for dear life,
fighting for something.

waiting.
for a ray of hope.

his name, that spilled so 
freely from his tongue, rang out again. the owner
of the voice was sat across from the 
crumpling flower that lay 
helplessly weakened in the bed. a man. the 
man was youthful. and powerful.
he was a man. he was not the woman in the 
bed.

he was taehyung.
he was everything that anne wasn't.

it sickened him to the core to 
see her deteriorating so. he wanted her 
strong. he wanted her 
to be a warrior. he wanted to see
her dictate her message,
to crush opposition and foes. 
he wanted her to stand, no, he 
wanted to help her, to support her.
to ask her to get up and sit like she had 
so defiantly sat in her window that day she
had drawn her portrait.

or had she even sat there to begin with?

had she even sat so boldly and told the 
world her story? told jeongguk her 
thoughts, her cries, her tears.

surely not.

it couldn't be.

it wouldn't be.

for this was not the woman he had spied
through the paint and he wouldn't
accept it to be...

but it was.

age.

age was a fickle thing.

age was the rivers of wrinkles
on her face that caressed the 
corners of her eyes and lips. 
age was the glacier of ice that 
was her hair, that cascaded down her 
thin body. age was her fairness,
her freckled complexion, her half-moon eyes
and inevitably gentle smile.
age was her lameness,
her muteness and her slowness, her 
weariness and tiredness and 
hopelessness that clouded her,
swallowed her till death did her apart
from the world that she had so confidently 
roamed so not long ago.

jeongguk wished to give her youth.

to give her back what she was stolen of.

but when his gaze met taehyung's,
he knew that it was an impossible 
task to even ponder, to even 
wish for.

she was near her end and she 
had accomplished so much.

perhaps jeongguk in that age would 
too.

he hoped he would not be
regretful.

taehyung cleared his throat.

jeongguk's absent gaze finally 
registered his stance, how stupidly he'd
stood like a statue in the door frame,
watching anne's fiery ocean eyes 
from afar, too afraid to step across the
threshold and be devoured by that 
youth that she had been so feverishly 
robbed of.

a foolish thing.

he was youth.

and as youth, he had come to 
pay his respects.

he had come to pay his respects
to the dying flower that 
had so silently battled the world.

taehyung's eyes beckoned him
forward, told him it was safe.
encouraged him closer. 

jeongguk's breath hitched in his throat 
as he moved forward. he avoided her
gaze then, ducking his head,
face on fire, till he was seated at her
bedside on a small stool that lily must have 
kindly placed out for him. 

he wasn't breathing.

he didn't dare.

he didn't dare lift his head and look her
in the eye again either, he'd been a fool
to do that to anyone older than him.
had been a fool to do it to taehyung and 
had a been a fool to do it here.

jeongguk, you fool. he thought.

he didn't dare speak either, he didn't 
know if he could talk or if and when he 
started, whether he'd be able to keep his 
mouth shut. so he shut it whilst he could keep
it shut, locked up and out of harm's way.

anne seemed mute, perhaps it was 
best if he was too.

only... anne wasn't mute.

"taehyung." she croaked, her voice 
was soft but clad with a weight that only 
medicine could bring. jeongguk wondered 
whether it was the life they were feeding 
her from the tube. jeongguk didn't want to
sound like that when he was older. he'd rather
choose death than cheat it.

she sounded too defeated.

"taehyung." she spoke again.

taehyung was at her side in a heartbeat.
his strong hand had found her own thin
one, had picked it up like it weighed nothing 
and had clasped is as though they were
untimely friends. ageless friendship 
blossomed before jeongguk's eyes.

taehyung's eyes were filled with a
certain longing. deep and meaningful 
and true.
he had only ever seen it once before.

when he stared at jeongguk.

"anne." he whispered back, bringing her
broken hand up to his lips to kiss. he held 
it there, mouth lingering for an eternal second
before he gently placed it down beside 
her hip.

"taehyung, love." anne gave him a
similar, longing smile. 
"taehyung i haven't seen you in so
long, my boy." she sounded like she 
was about to cry. jeongguk didn't 
quite know how much she remembered.
whether they were actually that close
or whether she was mistaking him for 
someone else. it had to be the case.
she was a dementia patient and her 
mind may be betraying her. 
but the emotion in her eyes stayed raw.

she remembered him.

"i'm here now anne."
taehyung promised, 
thick lips pursed into a soft smile.
she let out a soft sob of 
happiness. it sounded familiarly 
like heartbreak.

"i've missed you,
you've changed so much."
her voice wavered, taking in 
taehyung's evident growth.

jeongguk wondered what 
taehyung looked like two 
years ago.

whether he had the same
masculine gaze, the same 
glimmering eyes. the boyish 
grin and subtle stubble adorning
his jaw.

anne couldn't have changed much
in these two years of his absence.

"i have." he admitted.
jeongguk wanted to see it.
"you haven't, though." he added
heartily, though his voice 
knew nothing but an evident sorrow 
that broke him. a sorrow only 
expressed you felt the 
life slipping from the hand in his grasp.

"i hope you're looking after yourself,
my love." she squeezed that very hand
on his knee, remining him that 
she had not left yet.

jeongguk took this as an 
opportunity to gaze around her 
room. he didn't know if she'd 
notice him, or what he'd say when 
she did.

what would taehyung say?
what was jeongguk thinking 
of in the first place? fuck, he'd 
rehearsed this, he'd prepared for 
this. where did it go? that 
terrible preparation that he'd so
adamantly revised?

those terrible thoughts of his 
misconceptions dawned on him,
made his cheeks burn with 
embarrassment that he was thinking 
these things without having the 
pleasure of opening his mouth.

the pleasure of enlightening her 
with his viewpoints and perceptions,
who was he to voice his thoughts? 
no, he had every right. taehyung had 
told him so and he little to be afraid of 
in this moment. right?

instead of focusing on that 
terrifying situation, 
he marveled at the paintings 
that littered her walls, at how
neatly kept her belongings were.
on the table, were some pills and 
her half-eaten breakfast, a frail
trickle of orange juice and a scarf.
jeongguk wondered what that scarf
smelled like. did it smell like war? of 
home? of the nineteen- twenties? he 
wouldn't know. probably never.
but it looked like it smelled of 
comfort.

comfort.

taehyung was comfortable here.

he had so much that meant a lot to 
him, jeongguk felt like he lacked that.
wanted more of it, wanted what 
taehyung had.

they were chattering among
themselves like taehyung was her 
long lost son, jeongguk awkwardly 
fiddled with the strap on his backpack,
trying not to intervene on their conversation.

a difficult task, they were the 
only three in the room and 
anne's attention would soon shift.
what then, jeongguk panicked. 

"and..." she began. the river of 
hair on her head shifting as she turned 
slowly to face the trembling teen.
her voice lowered to a soft murmur of 
surprise. taehyung's heavy gaze rose too,
to meet his very own. jeongguk tried 
not to blush, he really did. 
"who's this little one?"

taehyung smiled.
"this is jeongguk, anne."

he clasped her hand again,
beckoning her cobalt eyes to return 
to him.
"i..." he trailed off.

what would he say?
what he needed to say and 
what did he want to say, they were two
different things and taehyung 
was wise enough to keep the truth.

"he is my student."
he finished curtly, avoiding jeongguk's
gaze.

the teen was surprised that he felt
very little, surely he should have felt
something at the remark. but... nothing.
he had nothing to feel besides the belief 
that he was special to taehyung.

he didn't need him to voice it to the
world for reassurance.

"anne..." taehyung began again.
"anne... i... i found him." the man
sighed.

anne tilted her head with 
curiosity. he could feel her 
blue eyes on him like the ocean.
they were vast and endless
and threatening.

jeongguk felt helpless against them.

"you told me to look." taehyung spoke. quietly.
"you told me to look and I found the answer,
and i..." taehyung hesitated before reaching out his
hand across the woman's chest. a hand that 
hovered, awaiting the teen's own.
"i found him."

anne was silent, watching as their 
hands intertwined above her.

she watched their entangled fingers
and the corners of her mouth shifted upwards
into the weakest of smiles, the happiest of
laughs. it broke jeongguk's heart. 

"i am happy for you, taehyung."

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i love space kookie sm :(