He has left you long ago, but still I am haunted by the time when you thought he was in love with you when he was in love with me. 

Happenstance threw us together although there was no reason for us to be at the same event or the same crowd, because the circles we ran in differed in worlds. I saw you there and I saw him and all at once I was thrown back into the past where him and I stole touches under tables and out of your sight. Sharing secret smiles and fleeting glances when you were beautifully oblivious. Hiding in plain sight. Sharing a love that didn't belong to me. 

Your eyes found me and you saw the truth written there plain as day, but still you approached me. Maybe for an explanation, for closure. Or maybe, just for the truth. 

I smiled tentatively, drawing my gaze away from him. 

The question you asked was lined with blades, but I didn't take to heart. After all, the last time we met, you were the one with a stable relationship and now our roles have reversed. I am engaged to another man while yours has another girl dangling, giggling by his arm. 

My smile became self-depreciating and shrewd as I snapped back into this moment, the past slipping away. Every passing moment filled with sincerity and I let everything go as I looked you full in the face, trying to roll my guilt and apology into one look. 

I think it threw you off guard, because for a split second, that doe-like innocence slips from your face and your expression darkens. But you say nothing and I'm not sure if that's what returns the uneasiness. 

You turn to go and I make up my mind, calling out for you. Wait. You turn back to me with apprehension, as though expecting me to shrink away. 

I don't. 

You turn around fully now. 

I say four words I hope can ease your heart. 

Acceptance dawns and you nod. A weight lifted. 

See, when a man runs off with another, you start doubting yourself. What did she have that you didn't? Perhaps you weren't pretty or talented enough. Maybe you talked to loud or was too independent. 

There's an insecurity that nothing and nobody else can take away, except with knowing that she isn't special; that she wasn't the only one. 

Then... You can nod and live your life with the relief that it was his problem all along. 

"She wasn't the first."