]Dovahkiin's POV[

Okay so I still feel like complete shit and everything still really fucking hurts but I can actually kinda think now and like move. Oh and the world isn't spinning so that's a plus. Question is, what the fuck did Morgan Freeman do to me to help me?

Now he's telling me to eat some disgusting looking Mexican food hybrid(again) so I can fuck around with time (again). He's also saying something about needing to believe in myself in order for it to work.

"I mean this won't be the weirdest shit I've seen or done so sure why not?" I say as I devour the hybrid Tex Mex abomination. It's surprisingly not completely disgusting. It's not anywhere close to being good but it's not terrible.

"Okay so now I- urp" I cover my mouth as the shit tries to come right back up. Or maybe it's just a burp, no idea.

"Dovahkiin, whatever you do, do not burp. Burping will send you for-"

Time burps, oddly enough, are even stranger and more jarring than time farts. Also fuck. I did the clique of accidentally doing the thing I'm not supposed to do without knowing why it's bad yet.

I push myself off the ground-dunno how I got there- and look around and realize I'm all alone in the dark. "Um, guys?" Dunno why I even bothered asking that when all I can hear is a strange ringing sound. Did I just destroy the universe by burping? Please tell me I didn't destroy the universe by burping. Fuck I totally just destroyed the entire universe except for myself and- is that a cactus? Wait....

I'm still in the taco shop. The lights are just all off and I'm.... still alone. What the fuck? Ah hello hearing, welcome back. Did I just hear someone say Merry Christmas? It's literally March. Unless.... did I super jump through time? Fuck.

I scramble to get outside and I'm met by Stan, Craig, Kyle, and Kenny standing there confused. It's snowing and there are Christmas decorations every where. Tons of shit is destroyed, all the adults are drunk as shit and.... and something is just odd about everyone else.

It's almost like... shit he really did genetically modify everyone. But also made it Christmas everyday as well? What the fucks the point of that?

"What.... the fuck- agh.... happened?" I gasp out. Okay maybe that time burp took even more out of me than I realize because now Stan and Craig are holding me upright again. "Where are...."

"We don't know. I think only us five were transported. I think you accidentally burped us forward instead of farting us back." Kenny explains.

Who the fuck decided that's how this would work? Shouldn't it be fart forward and burp back?

"Dovahkiin you're gonna need to fart us back in time, like even further now." Kyle says turning to look at me. "Think you can do that?"

"Only *huff* one way to.... find out." I reply, pushing off of Stan's and Craig's shoulders to try and stand properly only to fall backwards. Oh boy looks like I'm fainting again. How many times is this now? Like seriously what the fuck kind of trope is this?

"Okay nope no nope. You're not going down again. We can afford to spend a few minutes in this fucked up future to let you rest a bit before going back. So let's just like, chill for a bit alright?" Craig says as he and Stan pull me forwards again.

"Mmhmm sounds good to me." I say letting my eyes fall closed only for Stan and Craig to start shaking me.

"Nope! Nuh Uh no way dude! You are not passing out on us again. Come on man just keep your eyes open." Stan instructs.

"But you said I could rest!" I slur out as I turn to glare at him. Or am I just pouting? I dunno but I'm not happy.

"You can rest Dov, you just can't sleep okay? I dunno how whatever it is Morgan Freeman did worked in the first place but it clearly didn't fix everything. Hell I'm starting to think it fixed nothing, which honestly makes more sense than-"

"Kyle." Kenny cuts him off from ranting further.

"Right sorry. Let's just get him to a hospital to try and get him fixed up a bit. If he's feeling better then he's more likely gonna be able to concentrate and help us fix everything." Kyle says walking past me and the two holding me up.

"Jus' cause I feelin' shitty, doesn't mean I can't 'ear you. Mmm' still 'ere"

"That's debatable." Craig says looking at me.

"Da fuck does that-"

"Oh, hey boys! Merry Christmas, Mkay. I'm so fucked up! I feel like it's been Christmas for a year. What'd they put in these drinks?" Mr. MmKay greets as he comes out of nowhere.

"Probably Cat Pisscuses" I reply.

<-<- Kyle's POV->->

"Oh wow looks like I'm not the only one fucked. Hey wait you shouldn't be drinking yet."

"He's not drunk Mr. Mackey, just... concussed probably. But you shouldn't be drinking either, there's cheese in the alcohol. You have to stop!" I reply to our drunk as shit councilor.

"Oh but it's the holidays boys, mkay, there's nothing wrong with a little drinking on the hol-" and his head just exploded. I cover my mouth in horror and disgust.

"Hurp-" evidently I'm not the only one who feels sick at the sight of our headless councilor.

"No no no Dova do not throw up on us! I might be used to having puke on me, but I still don't like it! Plus we might be stuck if you do!" Stan shouts at the very green looking Dovahkiin. The wolf boy merely whimpers in response as he continues to gag.

"I don't care how disgusting it is, swallow that shit! If you barf up the seven layer whatever then we might not be able to get back!" Craig shouts too, as he covers Dov's eyes so he doesn't have to look at it.

"Ah shit not these things again." I hear Kenny curse behind me. While we were focused on Dova everyone else started screaming and running away from.... fuck.

"Now don't be scared y'all, We're simply here to celebrate the coming of our Lord and Savior!" Mother fucking Squirrely the god damn Squirrel and the rest of his fucked up crew of Woodland Critters.

Beary wishes everyone a merry Christmas and then lasers someone else's head off as they're running.

Rabbity then points at Dovahkiin and says in that false cheery voice that they all have "Hey look! It's the vigilante the mayor told us about!"

Beavery then adds "If we murder him, we get a prize!" All of them then start cheering.

"Stan, Craig, and Kyle, get Dova the fuck out of here. I'll hold them off." Kenny orders as he pulls out his pocket knife.

I make eye contact with Stan and we exchange a small smile and nod. Him and Craig turn to begin hauling Dov away while I step forward to face off the satanic critter cult with Kenny.

"If you think I'm leaving you to face these little shits alone, then you've lost your damn mind."

"I'm not gonna be able to convince you otherwise am I?"

"Nope." I reply.

Just as we're about to engage, something comes crashing down from above.

"All right! Who the fuck called Santa down from the sky!? You killed my reindeer!" And it's slightly burnt, torn clothing, pissed off, bat wielding Santa Claus.

"Hey look, it's Santy Claus!" Beary says happily.

"Santy Claus? Well now maybe we can eat his flesh! Hail Satan!" Squirrely suggests. What is wrong with these things?

"Oh, you little fuck critters again huh? Santa's gonna kick the shit out of you!"

You know things get pretty weird in South Park but this long ass series of events? This is just bat shit crazy.

First we find out Cartman in being possessed by his own hand puppet, then we find out that said hand puppet was paying Dr.Methfists to genetically modify freshmen, Dova was pushed to ripped off his dad's leg, my cousin was turned into a gigantic mutant monstrosity, Dovahkiin can bark, fart, and burp through time, and now Santa is about to fight a satanic cult made of adorable but deadly woodland creatures. Not to mention all the crazy shit before all of that! How the hell is this our lives?

"Well shucks, we weren't expecting Santa to show up! Whatever will we do? We're in a bit of a bind Rabbity!"

"Don't be sad Beary. Shucks, I can just sacrifice myself!" And he does just that. Santa responds by batting Deery, Foxy, and Beavery into a car.

"Guess we're fighting alongside Santa now." Kenny comments as he drop kicks Squirrely, flinging him a significant ways down the street.

"Seems like it." I nod, kicking Raccoony away from me.

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END OF CHAPTER 40
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An: Haha! Not late! Right? I uh, I do update on Sunday's right? That's what my schedule was supposed to be? I don't even know any more but that's what it's gonna be.

Or at leasts that's what I'm gonna try and shoot for. No promises, y'all know I'm bad. Definitely didn't write this last night or anything.... definitely didn't start writing the next chapter last night until my mother came in to say goodnight and notify me that it was 1:40am. Nooo not at all.

I also definitely wasn't awake till like 3:30am.

ANYWAYS I hope you guys enjoyed and if you did, boop that vote button with your nose and mayhaps cough up a comment. Holy shit it actually suggested "button with" after I typed in vote, fucking finally. Only took my phone 4 years or so to get it right.

Anywho, I shall see you guys later. Au revoir little biscuits.
🧜🏻‍♀️Cookie out🧜🏻‍♀️