]Dovahkiin's POV[

So Cartman fucked things up. Big surprise there right? Yeah so apparently Timmy has like created this big extravagant plan to make sure everyone in "the franchise" was equal or something. Yeah so big waste of time because we are a bunch of 7th graders and Disney rules all.

But anyways someone suspiciously tore up all the plans via claws and obviously I was beyond passed out with a Kenny clinging to me all night so it wasn't me, despite the fact that Cartman is trying to say it was me.

"Okay okay maybe you didn't do it intentionally but maybe you lost cont-"

"Cartman I swear to God, if you try to blame this shit on my boyfriend when it was clearly you one more Fucking time-"

"Hey! I'm just saying the moon was pretty full last night and-"

"There was no moon last night! It was a new moon!" Kyle yells at him.

"Well maybe-"

"Cartman for fucks sake I was with Kenny all of last night, he would've fucking noticed if turned Wolf and went crazy! And besides if I'd of lost control why would I have gone all the way across town just to tear up the stupid board and nothing else?" I bark at him.

"Well who was it then if it wasn't you?"

"IT WAS FUCKING YOU!" We all yell at him.

"Cartman we all saw the news and your stupid handpuppet talking bullshit!" Kyle yells at him.

"I have nothing to do with that fiend! I was just as surprised as all of you wer-" Cartman's pointless plea gets cut off by a message notification.

"Siri play the video." Kenny says as we all turn to the screen.

And it's my parents tied up in a warehouse.

"What in the actual Fuck."

And then the hand. Cartman's stupid fat pudgy hand.

"Oh god dammit." Kyle curses. I imagine he's glaring at Cartman but I'm too focused on the screen to care.

Now are my parents pretty shitty at parenting? Oh definitely. Are they pretty shitty people in general? Yes. Do I think they should've ever had me with how shitty of an on off relationship they have and just how incompetent they are in general? Probably not. Do I love and care about them anyways? Of fucking course they're still my parents. Am I gonna kick Cartman's ass the second this stupid ransom video ends? Hell fucking yeah I am.

<-<- Kyle's POV->->

"Where are they fatass?" I asks as "Mitch Connor" finishes honking Dovahkiin's Mom's nose and the video ends.

"Where are who, Human Kite?"

"Eric Mother fucking Cartman." Dova says, eerily calm as he turns to face him with no emotion what so ever on his face. "I've put up with a lot of your shit over the last few years. I've also called you out on some of it, but this?"

At this point he's got Cartman by the collar of his shirt and has lifted him off the ground as a small smile slowly comes across his face. "This crosses the god damn fucking line farther than its ever been crossed before. Now drop your clueless facade, get your delusional head out of your fatass, and tell me where the hell my parents are before I chop off your pudgy little sausage fingers so that your stupid little hand puppet villain can never come back. No one is playing your stupid ass game. You've put all of us, all of this entire fucking town in  some real shit just so you can pretend to have a superhero franchise." Dovahkiin rants off, slowly sounding more and more insane and pissed as he talks but still keeping his voice at a normal volume.

Cartman is currently trying to wiggle out of his hold but Dova has an iron grip on him. "So where the fuck are my parents?"

"I am not going to sit here and listen to these accusations!" Cartman shouts as he pushes off of Dovahkiin, tearing his costume and running up the stairs, using Timmy as a blockade. "I will prove my innocence!"

"After the fat ass!" I shout.

"He will pay for his bullshit!" Craig yells as we all rush up the stairs to follow him.

We rush up the stairs and out of Token's house but Cartman is no where in site.

"Dammit, since when the hell has Cartman been able to run for more than 30 seconds? And quickly for that matter?" Stan questions.

"Since when has Cartman had the ability to become a legitimate evil mastermind." Dovahkiin growls out. He seems... well he seems pissed but he also looks kinda indifferent. Maybe because he's just beyond pissed off? I don't know but it's pretty scary.

"My question is why Dova's parents of all people?" Token asks.

"Yeah I mean my dad is the biggest dumbass of all our parents, it'd probably be easier to take him." Stan adds.

"I don't know about the biggest dumbass. My dad does exist after all." Kenny points out. "But he probably didn't take yours because even though he's a dumbass, he tends to be the one backing all the crazy, well crazy whatever is going on at the moment."

"Good point. Well whatever the reason we still-" Stan gets cut off by someone's phone ringing.

"Cartman where the fuck did you go." Dova growls.

"Hello to you too Dovahkiin. I'm afraid I don't know where Eric is. But I do know where you need to go. The first one is easy, go to the place where people get their coffee fix. Better Hurry. Tick tock tick tock."

"IM NOT GONNA- ARGH IM GONNA RIP HIS FUCKING HAND OFF HIS FAT LITTLE ARM!" Okay yup there's the terrifying rage machine we all know and love!

"Gah! Y-you guys d-don't think he t-t-took my parents too d-d-do you? GAH WHAT IF HE TOOK ALL OUR PARENTS! WHAT WILL WE DO THEN? I-I CANT RUN AN ENTIRE COFFEE SHOP ON MY OWN! I-I CANT PAY THE BILLS OR TAKE CARE OF MYSELF COMPLETELY YET! GAH THIS IS WAAAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE!" And now Tweek is freaking out.

"Okay both of you calm the fuck down. Dova, we're all gonna kick Cartman's ass but we're not going to rip off his limbs and get sent to jail for it." Craig says earning a growl and a huff from the very aggressive wolf boy. "And Tweek, Honey, we all saw our parents this morning right? That's probably why Cartman went after Dova's because he wasn't there and thus they were an easier target. Of course it could also just be Cartman's dickish tendencies to target Dov."

He seemed to add the last bit after Dova flinched. Probably blaming himself now. Great from angry to depressed. I know he can't help it and I don't blame him for what his life has been like and what it is like, But mood swings are just difficult for everyone to deal with in general.

I would suggest therapy but the only therapists in town is Mr.Mackey and well.... Apparently his couples counseling is to have the couple beat up a bunch of little kids.

"Okay now that we're a bit calmer we need to think of our options." Token suggests.

"We don't really have many options except maybe search the whole town." Kenny points out.

"Well it seems Cartman's trying to lead us somewhere, I'm assuming to Dova's parents so we might as well just play along with his fucked up goose chase for now." I sigh in annoyance.

"I'm sick and tired of Cartman's games. I was serious when I said I wasn't gonna put up with it anymore. I won't give him the satisfaction. He's probably just trying to buy time so that he can go hide away in whatever rat hole he crawled out of." Dovahkiin declares, walking off down the street.

"Hang on a minute D, where are you going?" Butters calls running after him along with Kenny.

"I'm going to my house. It'll be a lot easier to just sniff them out than to follow Cartman's stupid riddle scavenger hunt that'll send us all over town." He replies.

Just as we are passing by the movie theater a ninja pops up out of no where.

"So you think you can outsmart City Ninjas?" Is that Mr.Kim?

]Dovahkiin's POV[

"I do not have fucking time for this." I growl out as Mr.Kim rants off about all the enemies I've made. Great now we've gotta fight All the Dumbass Freshmen, MiniHooters, The "We're against everyone" Rednecks, Ninjas who are mostly Korean and Chinese, and Crabmen. Now if you told me 4 years ago I'd have to do this I probably would've thought you were insane. I wouldn't have been able to say anything but I definitely would've thought you were bat shit crazy.

What's equally batshit crazy is that I've just come to expect shit like this and I'm slowly learning to just kinda shrug it off like a mild nuisance. Now it's time to deal with these mild nuisances so that I can kick the giant pain in the ass, thorn in both my sides, and at this point seemingly world ending problem that is the overweight bastard Eric Theodore "The Coon" "Grand Wizard" "Fatass" Cartman.

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END OF CHAPTER 31
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An: I really need to stop saying "I should be able to do more things/ do things better." Because that just results in less shit getting done. And me not updating this for like a month.

Whoops. Honestly though you guys should probably expect this by now. For a while I did have a lot of spare time but then I started taking the bus home which with all the waiting and then walking home I don't get home till like 4:15ish. Aka I'm not at home for like 6-7 hours every other day and then I still got homework and my online class. And now my dad has broken his leg (again) so he's working at home everyday which means I get less computer time to do things on general, and switching from Wattpad to YouTube on my phone to make sure I'm keeping somewhat inline with the game's story and lines is a pain in the ass.

Also I've been binge watching One Piece because I've fallen back into that hole after waiting a year for new dubbed episodes and finally saying "fuck it we're going to sub." I've watched like 200 episodes in a week or two. Help.

Anyways enough of my excuses, I really am sorry it took this long. I would promise a second chapter today but that might just mean you'll have to wait longer for Ch 32. Idk we'll see. I've recently started playing Stick of truth myself and plan on playing Fractured but whole afterwards cause they were like $10 on steam so we'll see if I can catch up to this series and just go off of my own game play and cut scenes. Probably not.

One last thing before I bid you adieu, Should I make a separate book for all the raunchy scenes through out this series? So like the scene in chapter 7 and future Smut/Lemon/NSFW Scenes in the South Park High book?

Idk I thought about it but couldn't decide so if you actually made it through this Author's note let me know.

Anywho I hope you guys enjoyed this extremely late chapter and if you did boop that vote button with your nose and mayhaps cough up a comment.

I shall see you guys hopefully not too much later. Au revoir little biscuits!

🥚Cookie.... discovers new emojis every time she does this.... And Cookie is out.🥚