]Dovahkiin's POV[

"Alright, is everyone prepared to finally end this? Because this is definitely the big final boss level." Cartman says as we all gather in front of the big skull gate.

"I don't know. The police chief made it sound like they were being lead by some one higher up. This might only be the beginning of all of this."

"Kenny, honey, sweetheart, my love, my entire world, why the fuck did you have to say that?" I ask with a glare. "Now this for sure isn't gonna be the end of this bullshit."

"Sorry but I mean-"

I cut him off with a groan before turning to face the gate once more. "No no damage has been done. It's whatever. Let's just get this shit over with." I then proceed to unlock and open the gate. Damn that shits creepy. And creaky.

Please don't let there be an Eldritch god over here. Please don't let there be an Eldritch god over here. Please don't let there be an Eldritch god over here. Please don't let there be an Eldritch god over here.

God dammit there's definitely an Eldritch god over here isn't there. I mean there's a bunch of Police officers in cultist robes, a giant blood filled hole that's releasing a smell that makes me want to vomit, they've got a shit load of black people that they seem to plan to sacrifice, and the police chief is chanting random gibberish.

"Destroyers of the light?" Kenny whispers next to me, clearly confused by the nonsense being chanted.

"Extinguish the sun?" Kyle repeats more of the nonsense.

"Alright let him go." The Police Chief says. They then push in the guy at the top and- Alright What the fuck is that thing?

"Uh sir?" One of the cultist cops gestures to us.

"Oh, I see. I guess because cops feed African Americans to an Elder God they're... racist."

"YOURE A LOT MORE THAN FUCKING RACIST AT THIS POINT! YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING INSANE!" I shout at him. I may or may not be totally terrified.

I can deal with or at least somewhat tolerate a lot of crazy shit after living in South Park for over 3 years. But this? This is where I draw the god damn line! Hell this is fucking 20 miles past the line!

"Shub-Niggurath is an Outer God, kids, who must be appeased and whose coming was foretold by the great H.P. Lovecraft. But I suppose H.P Lovecraft was a racist too!"

I'm pretty sure H.P. Lovecraft was a giant racist. Especially if he came up with this beast.

Another cultist cop comes up to the chief and begins whispering in his ear about how Lovecraft was indeed very racist.

"Oh, fuck was he really? Like- Like how racist? Really, really?"

"Yo! It's my Homeboys! Get me the fuck up out of here, these assholes be completely cray!" Holy shit why is Classi here?

"I leave and you guys immediately lost the one person you promised to protect?" I question, sending a combination of a quirked eyebrow and a glare towards Coon and friends.

"Uh woops?" Is Clyde's shrugged response.

"Why'd you want them protecting a stripper?" Kenny questions, giving me a stern look. Seriously? He knows how gay I am.

"Oh no it's not like that Mysterion. We all promised to protect her in exchange for information." Scott explains.

"Oh well okay then. Fine job you did there. Whatever. Let's end this here and get these people back to safety!"

"Alright, you kids want to battle? Let's do this." Cultist Chief says shoving his face in Scrambles' ass. "Alright chuck another one in."

And of course Classi would be next. Then again she did kinda shove her way to the front to see us. "Awww, fuckin' hell no!" Classi then shoulders one of the Cultist cops into the hole instead, and falls off to the side.

"Ow! Shit!" She then runs away from the gross tentacle hole. Like seriously that shits skipped right over hentai and gone straight for the horror factor. Though considering it's an Elder god that makes sense.

"No! The All- Mother can't stand white meat!"

"First off, what the hell man you've gotta be joking. Second off you've called that thing like 5 different names in the past- AAAAHHHH WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING!?!?" WHAT THE HELL IS THAT WHAT THE SHIT WHAT THE SHIT!?!?

CAN I JUST GO BACK TO THE MOOING ALIENS AND FUCKING GNOMES PLEASE CAUSE I'D RATHER RELIVE THAT SHIT THAN DEAL WITH THIS!

"GAAAH WE'VE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!" Tweek shouts backing up.

"We can't just leave this thing down here and let it keep killing people!" Kenny points out.

"Kenny, babe, that is a mother fucking Elder God. I realize you can't technically die but I bet you dying to that thing would be painful. Oh yeah AND THE REST OF US WOULDN'T COME BACK!" I'm not hysterical you're hysterical.

"So? I'm not afraid." You know I would've thought that right next to Tweek, Token would be the most freaked out. You know cause it's kinda his people being fed to this thing.

"Good. We'll let you go first." Cartman says.

"Yeah I'm pretty sure the white meat thing he was talking about was for real now so I'm not sure that's a good idea." I respond.

How the flying Fuck are we supposed to defeat this thing? It's an Elder God! Like I don't know if it's full on Cthulhu level but it's still pretty damn tough!

"Hey wait a min-"

Jesus we are so fucked. We really are all gonna die. I'd like to say at least it's been good but it's been pretty fucking shitty.

"Maybe if we can shove the-"

Why are they even trying to discuss anything. We should all either be saying our goodbyes or trying to figure out how the fuck to get past the Cultists in front of us.

"Dova you need to-"

God there's so much I haven't gotten to do. Hell I haven't even gotten a proper nights rest in days. I'm not gonna be able to go to college. Hell I didn't even make it to High school. I'm gonna die a virgin.

"Dovahkiin, seriously you need to move or-"

Holy crap the last thing I said to my mom was that I loved her but not how she is now. I'm a horrible son. I mean they're kinda terrible parents but still. I'm never gonna see them again. I'm never gonna see anyone again. I won't see Craig, Butters, Stan, Okay well I might see them if Heaven and Hell are real but still. I won't ever see my parents, Annie, Wendy, Henrietta, Michael, or Pete. I'm never going to see Kenny again. Wait shit we can't all die here! We'd be leaving Kenny Alone! We have to find some way through this. I don't want to just abandon my boyfriend and leave him with the memory of all his closest friends and his boyfriend dying in front of him!

"DOVAHKIIN FUCKING MOVE!"

"Huh?" Why's everyone so persistent on getting me to- "OH FUCK!" AND I JUST NEARLY GOT SMACKED BY A TENTACLE! "NOPE NOPETY NOPE OKAY MOVING NOW! ADADOTTOTTO I THINK THE FUCK NOT YOU SLIMY FUCK! GO FUCK SOMEONE ELSE WITH YOUR NASTY ASS RACIST TENTACLES AND FIFTY PAPER SHREDDER TEETH ™ STYLE VAGINA MOUTHS!" Once I'm away from the reach of the nasty and terrifying creature I turn to see everyone with mixed facial expressions. I also see Craig holding back Kenny. Good Cause is rather not allow my boyfriend to die a painful death for me even if he would end up coming back.

"Did.... Did you just say Teeth style vagina mouth?" The Police Chief is the first to recover from the shock of that situation.

"I'm just trying to figure out how he said the trade mark symbol without actually saying trade mark or tm." Another cultist cop replies.

"And I'm wondering why a gay boy whose only in 7th grade know what the movie Teeth is about." Classi adds.

"I'm surprised I actually said all of that out loud. I'm also surprised that I'm still alive despite the fact that it feels like I've simultaneously had a stroke and a heart attack all while also pissing and shitting myself.... though I think I actually did piss myself..."

"You didn't mean to say that last part out loud did you?" Craig asks.

"I didn't mean to say any of that out loud."

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END IF CHAPTER 28
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An: Fun fact me and one of my then best friends found the trailer for that movie in like 4th grade on YouTube and would constantly go back to watch it just so we could be confused and disturbed by it.

I gained a lot of "interesting" knowledge through that friend and her brother. We were really close until she moved and basically dropped all connections with me despite the resources being there but you know.

Shit happens.

On a completely unrelated and funnier note my puppy Fergie for some unknown reason often just pushes my blanket off the bed. Not really sure what exactly compels her to do this but yeah. What's equally odd is that sometimes she'll push it around a bit before burying herself underneath them which is something she did yesterday morning. (Please I got my rainbow zebra pants that definitely don't match my blankets in any way)

Anyways now that you guys have had your... semiweekly? Whatever. Now that you've had your dose of chaotic gays along with a dose of adorable puppy I shall bid you all farewell.

I do hope you enjoyed this chapter or at least the puppy picture and if you did boop that vote button (it actually suggested vote and button in one thing I'm so proud) with your nose and mayhaps cough up a comment.

I shall see you all later. Au revoir little biscuits.

🧿Cookie out🧿<—no idea what that is. Definitely didn't discover another 50 emojis ive never seen before🧼🧽🧺🧫⚗️🛌 okay bye

Edit from 5seconds later- one last thing, ON TIME MOTHER FUCKERS!

🧲Editor cookie out🧲