|•|Kenny's POV|•|

"Well here's all the bodies that Dova was smelling" I comment as I look around at all the corpses, all of which are wrapped in cult robes and bandages.

"Gah. Y-You guys d-d-DONT actually th-think there's a m-m-monster down here do you?" Tweek asks as we look around the room for anything to help us open the gate.

"Of course there's not Tweek don't be ridiculous. I'm sure it's probably just a bunch of guys dressed up or something like that. You know, all Scooby-Doo style and shit?" I respond.

"I'm not so sure about that Kenny. You know Dova, he's usually the first to call out that kind of bullshit."

"Th-that's what I'm afraid of! Gah! If Dovahkiin is freaked out then s-surely I-it's gotta b-b-be the real deal. GAAAH WHY ARE WE DOING THIS? WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE DOWN HERE!"

"Tweek chill out we aren't gonna die. Dov is under a lot of stress right now and is still pretty fucking sleep deprived. A few hours of sleep can't really completely fix what was basically days without. I'm sure he's probably just overthinking things and is a bit paranoid because of all the shit we've been through in the past." I reason.

"Yeah but-" Kyle starts but I cut him off with a glare. "Right whatever. Have you guys found anything, because I sure as hell haven't?"

I notice something hanging off of one of the robes that's draped on a body and pluck it out. "As a matter of fact yes. For-For-en-sics. What the hell is that?"

"I-I think it's like h-how they f-figure o-out who d-did the c-crime and h-how." Tweek responds. Me and Kyle just stare at him in surprise and confusion. "M-Me and Craig have s-stared watching a l-lot of the Flash okay? Th-that's what B-Barry Allen d-does."

"Oookaaayyy... well whatever let's head over there and see what we can find. Hopefully something that can actually open the gate we need opened." Kyle says leading the way out of the room.

"Find anything?" Token asks as we leave.

"Yeah. A key to the Forensics room." I say pointing at it. I turn over to look at Dovahkiin in the corner but he's not there. "Where did-" and there are arms wrapped around my waist now.

" 'm sorry for being an ass." Dova mumbles into my shoulder. He is very tense and is holding me very tightly. Jesus he's really fucking spooked. Maybe he's not just paranoid after all?

"I'm sorry for being a bitch" I reply softly, leaning back in his embrace and ruffling his hair a little.

"You guys are sickeningly cute and all but can we get a move on? The sooner we deal with all this the faster you two can go home and fuck or cuddle or both. Whatever you feel like doing just don't do it here." Craig comments from behind us.

"Fuck you too boo." Is Dovy's simple response as he turns around to face Craig, blowing him a kiss with his middle finger.

"No Craig's got a point. Even if he was unnecessarily salty about it and probably just listed the activities he wishes to do with Tweek...." I say taking the key out of my pocket and unlocking the door.

"E-Eh?" Evidently I broke Tweek. An unfortunate casualty, but an expected one.

"S-STOP PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH MCCORMICK!"

"Words aren't the only thing that's getting put in your mouth tonight." Dovahkiin responds slyly.

"Okay that makes it sound like Craig is gonna give you a blow job. Or rather you're gonna force Craig to give you a blow job." Cartman points out.

"Yeah I didn't really think that one through." Dovahkiin admits. "Anyways what's this room? Foreskin sex?"

"Oh my- Forensics Dovahkiin FOR-EN- SICS" Craig corrects him, pronouncing each syllable slowly.

"Ah yes foreign sex."

"Why are you one of my best friends? Hell why are we friends in general?"

"Because you love me and I love you."

"You know sometimes I forget which of us is dating who." I comment as I open the door and Creek, Kyle, Dova, and I enter the room. We are met with a shit load of darkness and apparently a guy who heard us enter but dismissed it immediately because we "would've responded if we were here."

"It's just me and you kitty." I already don't like where this is going.

"No one's gonna find us here. Come on, give me that good stuff." Yup I definitely don't like this, and judging by the faces of the others they don't either.

"Hey stop it! Hold still!"

"That is not a happy cat." Dova whispers.

"W-What do you th-think he's doing to it?" Tweek whispers back.

"I don't really want to think about that." Kyle responds quietly.

There's a crash followed by the guy complaining that the cat got away. "I can't see a thing in here." There's then a lot more crashing and a lot of unhappy cat noises. 
"Sounds like the cat's getting into the toxic chemicals. Darnit that's not good at all."

"Why is he narrating everything that's happening, to himself?" Dovahkiin questions. I simply shrug in response.

There's another crash followed by the sound of liquid spilling onto the floor. "I hope those weren't the toxic chemicals I was just talking about that broke on the floor just now"

"Why do I get the feeling that those were the chemicals?" Craig asks quietly.

"Cause they probably were." I respond just as quietly.

"Well sniffing the air to check definitely isn't following lab safety rules." Dovy comments.

"I-is that what he's doing?" Tweek questions.

"Oh no, I think they were! Drat! If those chemicals mix together on the floor they'll turn into a gas that'll kill me in seconds."

"Why doesn't this guy just leave the room and why the hell isnt he cussing? Bananas, Darnit, and Drat. What's next? Fiddlesticks?" Dova questions.

"He'll fuck a cat but he'd rather be caught dead than curse." Craig adds.

"Blast it There's the gas!"

"'Blast it'" Dova and Craig say at the same time.

"Uh g-guys shouldn't we h-help him?"

"I'm not sure we can Tweek. We can't see shit and have no idea where he even is." Kyle responds.

"Even if we could see I'm not sure we'd be able to without dying ourselves." I add.

"Yes... it's definitely killing me now." He says coughing. A robotic voice then announces a fire hazard and something starts beeping.

"Oh thank god! The exhaust fan is sucking out the toxic gas. I'm not gonna die! Now where's that blasted cat?"

"Well he seems perfectly fine. See Tweek nothing to-" Aggressive meowing followed by a crash cuts Dova off.

"Oh no, I think the cat just jumped into the exhaust fan and jammed it. The gas is filling up the room and it's killing me again. I'm dying again!"

"Was he seriously looking to do whatever it is he wanted to do with the cat before  the toxic gas was all gone? What an idiot." Kyle comments.

"Y-Yeah nevermind. A-at this point this is just natural selection at w-work." Tweek says.

"Cleaning up the gene pool." Dovahkiin quips.

"Sounds like the emergency door closed. Yup the emergency door closed. I'm trapped in here."

"You know for some seconds away from death he sure is talkative." I comment.

"Does trash talking a dying idiot make us assholes?" Kyle asks.

"Yeah but what else is new? Besides he's dying of his own idiocy." Craig says with a shrug.

"I need to get out of here. I just need to feel around for the door knob. Here! Here it is! Yes! I'm saved! Oh Blast it! The doors locked. I'm stuck in here!"

"'Blast it'"

"Would you two shut up?" Kyle says glaring at the two dorky idiots.

"Somebody help me! The gas is killing me! I'm really dying this time!"

"This is a long couple of seconds." Dova comments. I reply by elbowing him in the side.

"Seriously I can feel myself dying! It's so painful! Help! For the love of everything if you're there and you can hear me right now help! It's killing me! It's killing me! It's.. Wait!"

"Oh for fucks sake." I groan.

"How the hell has this guy not died yet? Also how hasn't he heard us?" Kyle points out.

"Y-Yeah we kinda stopped whispering a while a-ago." Tweek agrees.

"Hang on I think I found the light switch! With my last breath, I'll. Just. Turn it. On..."

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0•0Cartman's POV0•0

"They sure as hell are taking they're sweet ass time in there. Don't they know we are in a hurry to save the city?" I complain after nearly 5 minutes of us sitting and waiting for the 5 in the for-foren- the whatever the fuck it is room.

"For once I actually agree with you. They are taking a long time." Tupperware replies.

"You think that they're all right?" Professor Chaos asks.

"I'm sure they're fine." Mosquito says with a wave of his hand. "I mean they do have Alpha Wolf with them.

"Yeah I guess your right. But hasn't Dova-"

Butters is cut of by five screams coming from the fucking fuckery fuck room.

We all leap into action and rush into the room to see a cultist all fucked up and dead against the glass door. The room he's in is also a disaster and seems to be filled with some sort of gas.

"Jesus Christ what did you guys do?" Tool Shed questions.

"Sat here in the dark and listened to an idiot narrate himself slowly dying to his own idiotic actions." Super Craig responds, seeming to be the first to recover from the shock.

"Do I need to-"

"DONT YOU FUCKING EVEN THINK OF STABBING ANY OF US WITH THE WEIRD SHIT YOU GOT ON THE INTERNET!" Alpha Wolf yells at me, seeming to jerk back to life.

"Sheesh sorry for trying to offer help and make sure you're all stable.

"Cartman you can't just fucking- ugh never mind. I think I see the key that we need in there." Human kite points out.

"G-great! H-how the hell are we supposed to get th-that? I-If we go i-in there we'll be k-killed by the gas l-like that moron!" Wonder Tweek points out.

"Maybe we can- is that a cat in the exhaust fan?" Tool Shed points out.

"Yeah we aren't completely sure what he wanted to do with it cause I mean everyone else just has them piss in their face but he sounded like he wanted to fuck it." Craig replies.

"Eww." All of us who weren't in the room cringe.

"Yup. Oi Butters gimme your hamster again. Nobody make another fucking hamster touching comment you nasty freaks." Chaos hands Wolf one of his minions and Alpha W Just chucks his shoe at an electric box before tossing the minion into it.

"When did you even t-t-ta-t-take your shoe off?" Fast Past asks.

"Yes."

"Uh huh riiight. Did that even do anything?" Tool Shed asks.

"Well I assume it unlocked the door, which means- that I could get the key." Alpha Wolf says holding up the key, and walking over to the locked thing with a pipe inside.

"Does anyone else find it really fucking weird that he can just do that so casually?" I ask.

"Well yeah kinda but then also it's Dovahkiin sooo..." Clyde says with a shrug.

"Stan come help me kill my lungs so we can go in there without killing our lungs and then ourselves so that we can actually find the shit we need." Alpha Wolf beckons Tool Shed over.

They do the whole Huff and Puff thing and it shoots the cat out of the fan. The fan then begins to suck up all of the poisonous gas from the room. A robotic voice then announces that the threats have been neutralized and that it's safe to enter the room.

"Alright now what exactly are we meant to be looking for in here?" Mosquito asks as we all pile into the room.

"Look around for any sign of a key that looks like it could open the gate out there." Mysterion.

"Well it looks like there might be stuff under this thing. Looks kinda like a mixture between a trap door and a safe." I point towards the metal door with a skull on it. "Captain Diabetes break this open."

"Well I'm not sure I'll be able to open it on my own and I don't really wanna have to use my diabetes unless I absolutely have to. We'll have to wait for Alpha Wolf to catch his breath."

"Pussy."

"Friendly reminder that Scott literally died a few days ago because he ran out of insulin and the only reason he's alive is because Dova turned back time." Kahle says glaring at me.

"Shut up you Fucking Jew! We're already low on time because you fuckers decided to just hide in the dark and let this man die."

"Can we not do this? If you want to save time then just shut the fuck up and bicker like the bitches you are later." Alpha Wolf growls out returning to the room.

"You still sound like shit." I comment.

"Yeah well I've had to do that twice today so. Also really appreciate your concern Cartman." He snarkily responds with an eye roll to boot.

Him and Captain D. then break open the floor safe, revealing a bunch of money.

"Aren't the cops supposed to give the money back to the bank after a bank robbery?" Chaos asks.

"Of all the corrupt shit we've seen the cops do and all the shit that's down here, that is what you're questioning Butters?" Tupperware raises a brow at him.

"Well I mean-"

"Don't worry about it Butters. We've got the key now let's get out of here before I stop being indifferent to the body and have a panic attack." Dovahkiin says holding up a key with a skull on it and speed walking out the door.

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END IF CHAPTER 27
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An: I didn't forget to update, I just forgot to write a chapter and then got distracted by the final Splatfest and Pokémon Reborn.

I hate Fern with a passion and absolutely love Cain. I'm sure that sentence makes absolutely no sense to any of you.

Basically it's a very difficult Pokémon game with a very dark storyline. You can choose from any of the starters(Gen 1-7) and I'm pretty sure every single Pokémon is in the game.

There's a gym for every type in the game and each gym leader has 6 Pokémon. Also a handful of them are children a few of which are trapped in an orphanage run by an evil Psychopath.

You've got three rivals one of which is the mom friend, another which is an innuendo making singer, and another that needs to die in a fire because he's an obnoxious assholey douche bag with zero redeeming qualities.

Oh yeah and there's a lot of death in the game and I haven't even gotten half way through it. Technically this is my second time playing it because I got a new computer awhile back and I low key forgot about it but yeah.

On another note I'm stressing out about getting my Permit and then my licenses because if I don't then I'm gonna have to hope that an Uber will be able to get me to my College before 8am. Why did I have to choose to go into Architecture? I'm gonna have to stay in college for a minimum of 5years. Which supposedly most people stay longer than 4yrs anyways because college classes are bitches but still I'm gonna do my best! And I still have a month before school starts! And the day that classes starts I only have one class so that's a plus! Or it would be if it weren't for the fact that the class starts at 8...pm

I'm so gonna die. Unless I can get that class changed. Which I can! IF THEY'D FIGURE OUT A FUCKING TIME AND DAY FOR THE 4 OTHER OPEN LIFE SCIENCE CLASSES! Seriously there's like 7 of them on only 3 of them have a set time and day. Of course the other two would clash with my Architecture classes which don't have any other time slots. I haven't even actually started and College is already stressing me out. Kms

Oh well.

Anyways I'm just gonna post this and then go through it later for grammatical errors because typing 2000+ words in a couple hours has fried my brain.

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and if you did boop that vote button with your nose and mayhaps cough up a comment!

I shall see you all later. Au revoir little biscuits!

👽Don't Raid Area 51 you're gonna fucking die👽

💟Cookie out💟