<-<- Kyle's POV->->

Kenny is finally able to get Dov to calm down after a few minutes. Once he's fully calm and both him and my mother have exchanged apologies, the others leave. However, as slight punishment  my mother is making me get my cousin's kite out of the tree. Thank god Dova has volunteered to help me.

"So how the fuck are we gonna get that?" I ask.

"I mean my first plan was to just climb up and get it but now I see how high it is." Dov replies.

"Well may- ew dude did you just fart?" I say plugging my nose.

"Sorry I'm not sorry." He says, snickering.

"Sheesh you have the worst farts ever. How are you able to- wait. I just had an idea. It's kinda gross but it might work."

"What is it?" Alpha Wolf tilts his head.

"Fartcour."

"Um Okay? Explain please." Alpha Wolf asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Okay so you've still got those really powerful farts right?" I ask.

"I mean they're not breaking down walls anymore but yeah. Where are you going with this?"

"If I get on your back and you fart really hard we can float a little and glide up into the tree."

"That's incredibly stupid and sounds like something Cartman would come up with."

"Hey! Don't compare me to Cartman!" I yell, insulted.

"No he literally suggested something like that for one of my moves. Instead of just jumping in the air he wanted me to fart upwards."

"Oh. Well that is stupid since you can just jump but with this you can't really do that." I argue pointing to the kite.

A. W. Still looks skeptical.

"Okay look how about we try it and if it works you can call on me if you ever need that! If it doesn't we'll figure something else out."

"Hmmm alright fine but if we can avoid me needing to fart in any situation I'm gonna just jump instead. Also, I'm gonna need your help getting roof cheese later."

"Alright. Wait roof cheese? Weren't you getting medication for Classi or something?"

"Yeah well the 'medication' is weed so I've gotta get shit that can get me into the damn place and that requires roof cheese."

"Ooookay? Sure." I say climbing onto Dovahkiin's back. "Let's just do this shit.

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]Dovahkiin's POV[

Okay well that's probably one of the least weird weirdest things that I've had to do. Still gross and weird and uncomfortable though. Ugh. At least I've got the stupid roof cheese. Now I need to go-

To the micro brew? When and how did PC principal get my cellphone number? Whatever guess he seriously wants to talk about race.

I walk in and he's yelling at some dude for calling his friend tiered. Aaaand he's beating both of them up. Veeeeery PC. Whatever this is fucking South Park. This is just the little things.

I clear my throat to get PC Principals attention. "Ah! Dovahkiin there you are. You're actually the first one I wanted to talk to because I've unfortunately failed to have trained you in how to properly identify and deal with microagressions and I apologize for that. Alright come at me." He rants off

"Um what?" I ask tilting my head.

"Come on you wanna learn about race right? Gimme your best shot. It's a nice day isn't it?"

"I don't really see what this has to do with race but okay. OW!" I try to hit him but he hits me first.

"What's wrong with you!? You can't just attack for no reason try again!" He yells at me.

"What? But you told me to!" I shout at him.

"Maybe I didn't make myself clear enough. Here this time I will use a microagression and you will see how it gives you a free shot." He kinda shitily explains. He then takes a microphone out of god damn no where and announces that he's about to use a microagression for training purposes.

"My friend Brian looks like a chick." After that I hit him cause I guess that's when I'm supposed to?

He then congratulates me and starts explaining why it's offensive? Okaaaay. He goes on stating a few more statements before I hit him again and he explains again why what he said was a microagression yadayada no one really gives a shit, myself included. I'm very tiered.

And we didn't even talk about what type of white ass I am. Great. Okay now to get back on track and buy some fucking shrimp from City Wok.

I buy the shit- I mean shrimp aaaaaaand Morgan Freeman is talking to me again. This is gonna be a regular thing isn't it?

"What do you think Dovahkiin? This has already happened several times."

Fair enough possible hallucination of Morgan Freeman. Whatever. I craft the thing and then head over to Medicinal chicken.

I eat the shrimparito and now according to Morgan I can now pause time. Wait what. First I can rewind time and now I can pause it because I made weird ass Mexican food that's not exactly Mexican?

Fucking sure why not! Alright whatever time to pause time and deactivate this shit I guess. Somehow. Oh just flip the switch duh. Pretty sure that if I was careful I'd be able to do that without pausing time but whatever.

"Ah Alpha Wolf there you are. I have come to assist you in assuring Classi's cooperation." The Coon says walking up to me.

"Okay whatever." I say with a shrug. We enter the shop and Cartman greets the cashier and asks for Classi's "medication."

He then asks what kind of feeling she's looking for to which neither of us have any idea. And now there's a talking towel asking if we want to get high. What the shit.

"Oh hey Eric!"

"Oh wow Towelie! I thought you went to rehab."

Of fucking course he knows the talking fucking towel running the weed shop. I'm definitely asking the others about this. And by that I mean I'm currently sending out a group text to Kyle, Kenny, Stan, Craig, and Butters cause I'm too lazy to do that individually.

D: Why is Cartman casually talking to a talking towel like they're old friends?

Ken: Towelie is back?  Wow haven't seen him in a while.

Ky: Oh is that who runs Medicinal Fried chicken? I thought he went sober.

S:Wait why are you in a weed shop?

D: 420 m8

C: Translation: Classified information

S: r00d

Ken: What in the actual Fuck is fatboi having you guys do?

Ky: Don't worry about it.

Ken:  Well now I'm worried

D: Shit gotta go. The towel got mad and now I have to fight him

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I'm not sure how we ourselves didn't get high but, me and Coon have managed to light up various weed piles around the shop and got the towel high. And now he's talking about what types of weed he's giving us and no one cares. Off to Classi!

"See, there's Dovahkiin now! Did you get Classi's prescription?"

"No shit I got her prescription what the fuck do you think I've been doing?"

"Well somebody's snappy. What took you so long anyways sugar?" She asks, taking the weed from me.

"Lots and lots of bullshit."

"And that's why I need this, to forget about the bullshit." She says rolling up a joint. "If I don't get my medication I near lose my mother fucking mind you know what I'm saying?" She then takes a hit from her blunt and leans back a little.

"Alright alright alright that's much fuckin' better. You want some?" She asks offering it to me.

"Nope no thank you. I stay away from all of that." I say backing away and crinkling my nose. Ugh I already smell like weed from the shop I don't want to smell like it anymore than that.

"Fair enough. We all got our own ways of dealing with shit. Alright listen...the place y'all fuckers need to go is the U-Stor-it. That's where they takin' the cats."

Jimmy then calls Cartman to let him know that we've got the info. He tells us to keep her safe. After that I tell them good bye and go off to rest somewhere and get the god damn weed scent off me.

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END OF CHAPTER 13
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An: I'm supposed to be reading Frankenstein right now but like I was kinda just doing that thing where you read it but you're also thinking about other stuff so you don't actually read it soooo.

Also college essays are gross and hard and I don't know how to brag about myself because I'm 99.99% self-deprecation.

Anyways I hope you guys had a awesome Halloween, cause I know I did. It was nice to go trick-or-treating one last time. As a child at least but you know. Also me and my friends got cussed out by like a 10 year old boy trying to scare us with a whistle thing. So that was a thing

Anyways I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and if you did boop that vote button with your nose and mayhaps cough up a comment. Also just want to say that all of  that^ is in my suggestion box thing except the word button.
It always wants be to say 🗳 and that's kinda very annoying.

Anywho I shall see you guys next time. Au revoir little biscuits!

🦎Cookie out🦎