Severus stared blankly at the ceiling, his body sunk into the bed and his heart was heavy with guilt. A part of him was relieved to finally got everything out of his chest, while another part of him was conscious about how much pain he was putting you in.

Shutting his eyes, Severus wanted nothing more but to fall asleep. He was not the one who seek comfort through sleep, and he never had a healthy schedule for his sleeping habits, but after he talked with you until you broke into tears, he just wanted to let go of everything. He needed to rest his mind which was actively reminding him of your tears stained face.

He knew it was bound to happen with everything he did to you, someday you would break and give up on him, but he never intended for that day to come so soon and he never expected himself to be in so much pain after seeing your heartbroken gaze on him.

His heart ached, and his eyes fluttered open. It was impossible for him to sleep when he could still see your face, your beautiful smile that used to be on your face was replaced with a frown, tears welled up in your eyes and your body was shivering from both the cold and your sobs. You looked so broken and vulnerable, and he was the reason behind it.

He started to question his heart, if he really hated you or he was just protecting himself from your feelings, so that no one could hurt him again. Minerva was right; he did not know how it felt to be loved, and he was not ready to let himself feel it now. 

He was not brave enough, but he would never tell you that.

But now he wished he did tell you, as he was lying in his bed, the agonising sound of your cries was ringing through his head like a broken record. Severus wanted to forget it and continue hurting you, but the thought of you loathing him after what happened was tormenting his soul, and it was hurtful to think that he had pushed everyone away from him, including his soulmate. 

Severus was put in a position where he had to show how cold his heart could get, and now he was bathing himself in guilt upon realising he should not be so harsh towards you. 

Getting out of the bed, he knew there was no way of getting some sleep when he realised half of his soul was on the other side of the castle, alone and heartbroken, probably still in tears after what he said mindlessly.

"Now you're thinking about your soulmate."

He muttered under his breath, cursing himself for changing his opinion on you just when he had realised how bad he was shattering your heart. It was foolish to think that his hatred was vanishing once he saw your tears, but he swore any other person would also have their heart broken if they ever saw the disappointment in your eyes, let alone him who was your soulmate.

It was still fresh on his mind, the look in your eyes and the aching of his heart. His heart was clawed in pain as he saw a torrent of tears on your face, the way your lips trembled when you told him that your soul longed for his, and your gut-wrenching sobs when he left, too afraid to face his own reality.  

Severus regretted what he did, and he was not going to deny it.

He knew he went too far, having your fragile heart in his hands and carelessly crushing them, betraying the bond that you had with him.

His regret was far too heavy for him to carry this time, and it was killing him, as he knew you would distance yourself from him. This feeling was so foreign to him, it was as if there was a hollow space in his heart, his soul was dragged into a sorrowful place that he had never been before.

He had hurt his soulmate, the only person who truly appreciated him and waited for him for years, and now he had to find a way to fix his mistakes and gain your trust again.

But he knew it was tough for him because his pride was too big, and perhaps when the sun rises, his ego would pull him back from the reality and he would continue to hurt you again until you were no longer there with him.

- - - -

Severus had never felt this way before.

He was used to people hating on him and sending glares towards his way instead of smiles, but when he walked into the Great Hall on the next day, suddenly his chest tightened at the thought of seeing you after what he said. He was worried if you were the one who was hating on him and not smiling at him like usual, and his mind became a complete mess when you were not there during breakfast.  

Severus was sure the teachers were aware with what was happening, considering how close they were with you, and he was expecting to be scolded and glared at, but surprisingly, nothing happened.   

It wrecked him to see them acting like nothing was wrong, when you were not there, and even Minerva has stopped asking him about you when he knew by the way she looked at him, she wanted to scream at him so bad for hurting you. But she did not, and that morning, only Hagrid who was glaring at him, and for a moment, he prepared himself to be confronted about you, but it baffled him when Hagrid did not say anything too.

They were extremely protective of you and yet when he really screwed up and hurt you, they did not even care, or perhaps they did care but you wanted them to stop.

But then a wave of realisation washed over him, that the teachers cared so much for you, that they stopped pestering him about you. They must had known about him saying that you were asking the teachers to pick your side, and you had told them to stop siding on you, and now everything was changing.

They were angry at him for breaking your heart, but they did not say it right at his face for your sake. Somehow it was even more painful to know that they were furious at him silently, and you were somewhere in the castle, putting the blame on yourself because of his foolish words.

Something was tugging painfully on his heartstrings, and he found himself walking towards your office, ignoring the confusion on the teachers' faces when he left the hall. Surely, they were not expecting the cold hearted professor to see you when he was the one who pushed you away. 

Severus knew he had to talk to you, and he needed to do it right this time after he let his rage blinded his conscience the last time and he ended up hurting you. He had to find the right way to fix everything, and he hoped his heart would take over everything, as his mind was fogged with guilt.

Knocking on your office door, Severus breathed in sharply, his heart almost stopped when you opened the door. You were not smiling at him, and he could tell you spent your night crying yourself to sleep when he saw your swollen eyes, and your fatigue expression pained him.

"Can I talk to you?"

He asked, watching as your face did not change at his question. You remained calm and emotionless, but he knew there was a plethora of emotions was lying in your heart.

"I'm quite busy right now, Professor Snape."

Your voice was thick with anger, and he was taken aback upon hearing his last name coming out of your mouth instead of Severus. Such a small thing that would be considered petty to him was beginning to become so meaningful, and when you changed it, it offended him. He never knew, but he cared about you long before he could realise it now.  

"I need to talk to you—"

"Talk about what, Professor Snape? You want to tell me about how useless I am in your life and how much you want me gone?"

You cut him off, venom was dripping from your voice as you looked him in the eyes. Severus was silenced, and he did not know what to say, he was too busy looking into your eyes and finding devastation in them, all because of him. 

"I have something to tell you, Snape. You are destroying my life."  

Your finger was pointed on his chest, and you were holding back from shoving him out of your way to let go of your anger. You wanted to punch him on the face, but it was not enough to make him feel how hurt you were when he was there.

"You destroyed everything for me!"

Rage was bubbling in your chest as you wanted to tell him everything you felt, and you needed him to see how cruel he was acting towards you.

"You ruined my dreams, Snape. When I first discovered about soulmates, I was hopeful. Every day I told myself that one day I would meet my soulmate, and we would be reunited in such a magical way, and we would be so happy together!"

You did not hold yourself back as you raised your voice, and Severus felt a pang of guilt hit him hard, realising how much he had ruined your dreams.

"I was in love with my soulmate even before I know it was you. It didn't matter to me who my soulmate is because I used to believe my soulmate would appreciate me and love me endlessly no matter who I am." 

It turned out you were wrong, and now you knew you were a fool for having faith in your soulmate before you even knew him.

"I gave myself away, only to be given back."

You whispered, piercing the Potions Master's heart, and he knew now that you meant so much to him, that your agony was affecting him too, and he just wanted to apologise. But nothing came out of his mouth, as he stared at you, knowing that you thought he did not have a heart for you.

"My existence is hurting you, but did it ever occur to you that I'm hurt too?"

Your cold gaze was on him, and he started to miss your warmth, that he once took for granted.

"If I could do something about this, I would beg our fate to break our bond because I know you deserve a better soulmate."

You said, raising your eyebrows when Severus shook his head, but he was not bold enough to say anything, everything was too much for him to take in at one time and he knew you were deeply hurt. There was nothing he could say at the time that could ease your heart.

"If I could choose, I would choose to never be born if it will make you happier with your life."  

You muttered under your breath, but loud enough for the wizard to hear you. He was the worst soulmate, he admitted that, and now he was facing the consequences. It was unbearable to see the disgust in your eyes as you looked at him, like he was a stranger that you wanted to avoid at all costs.

"You ruined everything for me, Professor Snape."

You scoffed, and before he could say anything else you slammed the door on his face, leaving him stunned in front of your office. He stared at the huge door for a moment, feeling as if he was slapped across his face, but it was even more tormenting than a physical pain as his heart was breaking. 

His heart was breaking, and it was as if he just realised that his heart was not cold anymore, and he just needed you to warm it up. 

It was only fair for you to treat him that way, regarding of what he had done and said to you, but it did not help the sharp pain in his chest when he realised that perhaps he would lose his soulmate forever, the only person he had been waiting for his whole life. 

For the first time in years, Severus did not know what to do, and he was not sure where he was heading in his life, but all he knew that he wanted you to be a part of his life and he was not losing you because of his fear to leave his past.