"I cannot lose you, Y/N."

He only realised that he was crying when he finally felt your steady heartbeat, and he buried himself in your hair, crying even harder as it dawned to him that you were safe now. Severus' heart was at ease, but the fear of losing you was overwhelming him and he did not care about anything else as he held you close to him, tears rolled down upon his cheeks.

It had been such a long time since he last cried, and now he could not hold his tears anymore. The thought of you dying in his arms was painful, and it rang through his head that he was the cause of your devastation. The pain was unbearable, and to see you lying in your pool of blood was something that he despised.

Severus carried you to your bed, attending to your wound and cleaned you up a bit. He did all of those things with his mind cruelly reminding him that you were trying to take your own life because of him, and he was the cause of every pain you had felt.

He wanted to leave, thinking that you would hate to see him when you wake up but his heart was telling him to stay as he wanted to apologise as soon as you open your eyes. His apologies was long overdue and he knew he needed to tell you how sorry he was, and that he wanted you in his life.  

He dragged a chair to the side of your bed, sitting down next to you and his eyes never left your figure. The fear was haunting him, and he did not know if he could ever forget how terrifying it was to feel your weakened heartbeat, thinking that he almost lost you if he was not there quick enough.

His heart spiralled in guilt and regret, staring at you who was still unconscious. You looked so fragile and vulnerable, so different than the first time he had met you. It was as if the light had seeped away from your body and it was grudgingly replaced with agony.

Severus did not know how long it had been, but when your eyes fluttered open, tears welled up in his eyes. His soulmate was safe and sound, and he would do anything to ask for your forgiveness.

Your eyebrows knitted in confusion when you realised you were in your bed, and your eyes grew wide when you saw Severus sitting next to you, his dark eyes were brimming with tears and his hair was dishevelled like he had pulled on it in a fit of rage.

The last thing you remembered was you being so deep in devastation and self loathe that you were in the bathroom, not in bed. Everything came to you and you winced slightly, your head pounded as you tore your gaze away from him. You remembered what you did, but you did not want to believe the reason of him being in your room, when you were very much alive.

"How— Did you...?"

You were not sure what to say, and you flinched when Severus put his hand on top of yours. It did not go unnoticed by Potions Master but he did not pull away, letting his hand warmed up your cold one, his thumb ran over your knuckles softly.

"Why did you save me?"

Your voice was shaking, as your breath hooked onto the lump of your throat. He saved you, when he said that he wanted you gone. He saved you, when he told you that it would be better if you never existed in his life. He saved you, when you thought you had no reason to live anymore. He saved you, but for what reason?

"Because you're my soulmate, and I cannot lose you."

He said, and you stared at him, unable to comprehend what game was he playing with you this time. It almost felt like he was trying to toy with your feelings, wanting to see how far you could drown yourself in his lies, when it was clear that he did not care about you. But you had never seen him in such a vulnerable state that you almost believed his words, that he was afraid of losing you. Almost.

"Tell me the truth. Is it because you pity me?"

You scoffed, thinking that in the condition that you were in, Severus must thought about how pathetic you were. He had reminded you for so many times about how lowly he thought about you, and it was possible for him to only feel sorry for you now.

"Is it because you pity me?"

Your question stabbed him in the heart, realising that you did not trust him anymore, and you were in denial that he could ever save you because you were his soulmate. Severus looked you in the eyes and gave you a small smile, something that surprised you even more.

You were ready for him to say that he was going to make your life a living hell, and he was just playing with you. It was hard to believe that he was in your room and saving your life instead of asking you to leave him alone. But Severus was genuine when he said he could not lose you, and your heart fluttered when he squeezed your hand gently.

"No. Because I was wrong and I'm sorry." 

His voice broke, and the mere sound of it reached into the depths of your chest, tearing your palpitating heart out of your ribcage. You could feel the trembling of his hand as he brought your hand to his lips, kissing your knuckles gently, his gaze was on you as he wanted you to see how genuine he was.

"I'm sorry for hurting you when I was supposed to protect you. I'm sorry for breaking your heart when I was supposed to love you. I'm sorry for pretending as if you meant nothing to me, when you truly mean everything to me. Everything, Y/N."

You could not believe your ears, and Severus was shocked that he was able to say all of those things without breaking into tears, and without letting his pride stop him and ruin everything again for both of you. Severus would not let anything get in the way of you forgiving him, including his ego and pride. 

"I want to believe you, I really do but I'm afraid I can't do that."

You whispered, feeling the impending affliction of your heartbreaking words churning in the back of your throat. Hearing you, Severus' hope was crushed and his lips turned into a melancholy frown. 

"Please believe me, Y/N. I was wrong and I know I hurt you, but I promise you that if you give me a chance, I will not take it for granted."

His words were rushed, as if he was struggling to find the right thing to say to make you stay, afraid if you were determined to forget your bond with him. He was terrified to know if you had already gave up on him, just like everyone else did because he knew you were not one of them; You were his soulmate, the one he needed in his life.   

"I know it will be tough for you to look at me the same way after all that has happened, but I want to start all over again with you. Perhaps we can start off as friends?"

You felt his grip on your hand tighten, and at the moment, you really hated yourself for still loving your soulmate even after what he had done to you. You could not make the effort to kick him out of your room, let alone to kick him out of your life forever because despite the growing hatred in your chest, you knew your love for him was still blooming, and your bond with him was as strong as ever. 

"Be true to your word."

You said, astonished to see how much your decision was affecting him, as Severus' frown broke into a huge smile, sending a plethora of feelings bursting in your chest to see him showing his true emotions in front of you for the first time. It was such a sudden change, and it was hard for him, but he was learning to do it slowly to make it work. 

"I'll stand by my promise, Y/N. I will not let you down."

You nodded, a small smile found its way on your face. You had your doubt, but you wanted to trust him, and you knew he was regretting what he had done and said. Hence, you wanted to be friends with him too, starting everything all over again and forgiving his flaws. After all, you had the unbreakable bond with him that you could never betray.

"I think we can be friends, Professor Snape."

You saw a hint of hurt flashing through his eyes, and you wondered what did you say wrong. He opened his mouth to say something but then he decided not to, thinking that it was absurd. But you looked him in the eyes, pleading him silently to tell you what was on his mind.

"Please don't call me Professor Snape. It's hurting me."

He opened up, looking everywhere but you when he thought that he was being foolish. But it was true, he felt sick every time his title rolled out of your tongue instead of his name, reminding him that he was the one who turned you to become so cold towards him.

"I'm Severus to you, not Professor Snape."

He added, and you could not fight back a smile that was growing on your face. You never knew such a small thing that you did would have a huge effect on him, and you stopped calling him Severus since what he said to you in the rain, thinking that you had enough of him.

"I'm your Severus."

He said under his breath, but loud enough for you to hear him that it sent butterflies fluttering in your stomach. Severus was avoiding your eyes but when you squeezed his hand, his eyes landed on you. There was a glint of hope, that you and him could be friends now, and perhaps time would tell if anything more than just a friendship could happen.

"We will make this work, Severus."