ok hi, this isn't an actual chapter

i'm so sorry for the lack of updates, i'm really trying. i just can't push them out

i'm not trying to discontinue this, since this fic is my baby

but like

i made this so hard for myself. there are so many arcs that need to be finished, and i know that if i don't get it done soon, this won't ever be updated again. i don't want that to happen.

so, i guess i'm just saying to expect a decline in quality and length over these final chapters, because i am speedrunning to try and get this done. i wish i could just psuh them out like i used to but i can't

but i remember being in a rut, and then opening up song prompts and y'all would give me a song and then i'd be able tp make a 1,500 word chapter in 30 minutes.

now that taylor swift has a new album and Conan Gray has a new song, you guys have more inspiration to feed the goblin in my brain

so please give me prompts!

anyway, a lot of my old readers have retired wattpad (understandable) and now i have brand new readers! hi y'all!

i used to have these super long A/Ns after every single chapter and would overshare details about my life that you guys probably didn't want to know.

then t slowly started getting shorter and shorter and shorter

i feel like those A/Ns were how i bonded with my readers, because i became friends with pretty much all of them, so here is a full chapter of me ranting about shit

so like, i'm done with wattpad. it's not for me anymore and i don't really use it unless it's for this fic. i'm thinking of deleting ihbwyftbom on here, actually write, like, three chapters within the year, and then post it on Ao3.

i also need to edit that fic

like a lot.

it's bad.

i'm also working on two other fics rn. one is the multi-fic project i won't stfu about and the other is the shelper fic that i also won't stfu about. both of these are going on Ao3

i read tsats. it was interesting. i have many thoughts. but we don't have enough time or space to speak about all of them!

but, i did highlight and annotate the way i comment on wattpad, which should give you a pretty good idea of my thoughts

as for my mental health: i am black and hispanic and gay and i live in florida

i think that should suffice

i love it here! (in deep physical pain)

also: exams? why?

like, studies show they are fucking useless. we don't need them anymore

OH GUYS MY CREATIVE WRITING TEACHER THINKS I'M GOOD ENOUGH TO BE PUBLISHED

I HAVE NEVER FELT SO VALIDATED LIKE THE WAY I DID ON THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL

oh yeah, it was the last day a few days ago and now it's my summer break. we kicked it off strong with a conversation i had with my friend who just moved in with her white family members as a fellow hispanic:

my friend: HELP ME

I MISS FLAVOR

THESE WHITE PEOPLE HAVE ME EATING PLAIN ROTISSERIE CHICKEN FROM FUCKING KMART OR WHATEVER THE FUCK BUT THEY PEELED THE FUCKING SKIN OFF BECAUSE IT WAS TOO SPICY AND THEY GAVE ME BOXED MAC AND CHEESE BUT WOULDN'T EVEN LET ME ADD THE GARLIC AND HOT SAUCE

me: NOOOOO

THE FLAVOR

we then proceeded to exchange memes

the end

however, i did ask where she finds her immaculate memes and she said wattpad, which means maybe i won't completely leave this place

bro while i'm writing this i'm going back to grammarly (because i wrote this on grammarly, and now i fucking hate that site, but it has literally all of this saved on there)

and still nothing

like i want to write. like. so fucking bad i want to write

i just can't

but if i go to one of my docs for my other fics? hell yeah, i can write now.

LIKE WTF IS THIS SHIT

anyway, you want to see the memes i snet my friend that aren't funny without context (naturally, i won't give you context)

i hope you enjoyed that

ummm you wanna see a preview of my fic?

here i'll give you a whole section, because i feel bad for starving you of content!

warning: i wrote this at 2 am and i haven't edited it since because i think it's funny! it's also so stupid, and i love it!

-

Annabeth lay atop a purple blanket, running her hands along the soft, fuzzy fabric as she stared at the fan spinning rapidly above her, trying to track a specific blade with her eyes. She bundled herself deeper into the blanket burrito she had embedded herself in, as she was–somehow–warm and cold at the same time. Chills inched up her spine despite the comforting embrace of the blanket.

    She continued to stare up at the fan, now attempting to count the amount of times it spins in a minute. Onetwothreefour. Annabeth gave up on that almost instantly. It was almost impossible to tell when the fan made a full revolution when she literally couldn't see it moving since it was so fast. She swore it was the only thing in this "nice" and updated apartment that wasn't cheap minimalist garbage. Like, if you're gonna be boring, be boring while actually having shit that worked but who was Annabeth to judge?

    Ugh, it didn't matter. Annabeth was...bored.

    It was a horrific tragedy, she knew. What ever shall she do? Would Annabeth simply be stuck in an endless loop of staring at something completely and utterly dull for entertainment?

    No. No, she could not–would not–allow such a thing. She was Annabeth Fucking Chase, savior of the world twice. Deep down, she knew she could figure something out.

    However, that would require getting up. Did she really want to do that?

    Nah, Annabeth said to herself.

    Bitch, get the fuck up, says literally every other part of herself.

    Or, you could stay here and do nothing forever, said her executive dysfunction. Now, Annabeth had to admit, the executive dysfunction did have a good point. Would she feel like shit about it later? LMAO, duh. But, she always feels like shit, so what's a little more?

    Oh my gods, her executive dysfunction continued, being the life-ruining icon that it is. We could play around with that new modeling software instead of doing something productive, like that paper on the materials and methodology of Victorian architecture in Europe. That's boring but playing with new stuff is fun.

    One part of her (common sense), said How did we forget that? We should work on that paper right now.

    However, the rest of her wanted to play around with cool and new fun things. So...

    Annabeth rolled out of her burrito, promptly got freezing cold, put on her blanket-hoodie (best $30 she ever spent), and opened her computer. She squealed a bit as she clicked on 3DS Max.

-

hi i'm back and i watched a video essay on why everyone thinks that link is hot

i don't regret it

anyway, when i was writing that i eventually went onto to a tangent about what she misses about camp and then i realized, huh you were communists

and then i was like... why do they still live in cali?

like, i know they'd never leave the US because of Sally, but like. california???

bestie, the culture shock would be immaculate. the way it's literally more racist than the south, just masked under oH i JuSt DoNt ReAlLy LiKe (thing that invlives culture) a LoT aNd I tHiNk ThAt PeOpLe WhOsE cUlTuReS dIsAgReE wItH mY vAlUeS sUcK

OH BUT #SLAYYYY MY BLACK QUEEN YESS BITCH GO OFFF

like stfu.

and yes, this is a real conversation i've had

holy shit this is 1,500 words

let's keep going, i'm having fun

i'm also going to make more character analysis

"gabbers, didn't you already do that"

yes, indeedily, i did. and yes indeedily i am sleep deprived

i got a chai latte from starbucks, but my mom forgot to ask them to tone down the amount of sugar so i got nauseus and couldn't drink my caffiene

i will not go to sleep tho

aNyWaY

i did make quite a few character analyses, but i want to remake them. why?

they were trash

like, percy had so much content, but i was like MeH hIs TrAuMa JuSt DoEsN't MaNiFeSt

LIKE BITCH YES TF IT DOES

LIKE NUANCE FUCKING EXISTS

i was so excited going back into those docs because i was doing character work and figure they would help, and i was just put in a state of shock

like... i didn't even talk about the parallels

do you know how much i love talking about parallels?

A LOT

I FUCKING LOVE PARALLELS

I ALSO LOVE UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES OF PERFECTLY REASONABLE CHOICES

LIKE HOW PERCY ENCOURAGED NICO TO LEAVE AND EVERYONE WAS LIKE THAT'S SUCH A DICK MOVE

BUT WHEN PERCY CAME AS THE CHILD OF POSEIDON HE WAS TREATED LIKE SHIT AND HE WAS 12 AND THE ONLY REASON PEOPLE STARTED BEING NICE TO HIM WAS WHEN HE DID THAT QUEST

AND HE'S LOOKING AT NICO LIKE, HOLY SHIT THAT AFFECTED ME A LOT WHEN I WAS YOUNGER AND I WAS 12 AND A POSEIDON KID

THIS POOR CHILD IS 10, HIS SISTER JUST FUCKING DIED, AND IS A HADES KID AND PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY EXPRESSED IMMENSE DISCOMFORT FROM HIM, INCULDING MYSELF EVEN IF IT WAS UNINTENTIONAL AND I WAS JUST 13 AND STRESSED BECAUSE THE LOML WAS JUST KIDNAPPED AND I DIDN'T WANT TO BABYSIT

I BETTER TELL HIM TO FIND A PLACE HE THINKS HE BELONGS

AND THEN BECAUSE NICO LOOKED UP TO HIM IT SPIRLAED INTO HIS oH eVeRyOnE hAtEs Me MENTALITY

OH BUT DID I MENTION THAT IN MY ANALYSIS

NO

I DIDN'T

AND THAT WAS A SIN ON MY PART

like there is literally so much more that i can do because i finally thought of how he'd act as a parent (because you can't tell me he doesn't want to be a dad) and i was like he would be supportive, obviously. but i think that he would be much more sentimental about things than annabeth because he grew up in a place where the color blue had value. i also think he'd prioritize teaching creativity when his kids are younger and he'd probably emphasize family time by going out

then i was looking at hazel and frank

because in my fic i'm doing teen pregnancy to ease the telenovela lover part of my brain

so i know that these two have zero life skills!

so hazels here, 17 years old, not knowing how to do shit

so she's learning as she goes and also how does one parent because my mom sure as hell didn't do that

because of that i feel like she wouldn't be as sentimental until she starts to understand who she is as a mother and how she wants to raise her kid and also how one doesn't attempt to murder the child during the terrible twos phase of life (istg as the older sister, who was nicknames mama 2, it's so fucking bad. ohh my god--) i also think that hazel would emphasize family time with learning practical skills.

like, i'm imaging this three year old in the kithcen with frank and hazel, who finally got the hang of cooking. and they don't want their kid to ever feel stressed about learning life skills so fast, so this three year old helps them cook and make the bed and do the laundry

and yes, this would work with a kid. you just have to make it fun. my brother loves coming with me to do the laundry because i let him close the doors and push the button and it makes fun sounds (trademark) he also likes to throw away his diapers because of the wind the trash can makes when he closes the lid. he also likes to clean up his toys because it's a basketball game

kids enjoy doing that type of thing, the problem is that our parents didn't necessarily teach us how to do these things because to them it's basic cleaning and we associate it with negative emotions

at least that's me

but if we replace that with household chores being a familial occasion where they spend time with each other and have fun while doing these things, it'll be easier as they get older.

does that make sense to you? because i do want to make sure this actually has some sort of merit before i actually write this

also, i don't think that nico and will would have kids

i just don't think they like small children like that

i feel like they'd be that couple who don't have kids and say their nephew (yes, hazel and frank have a boy, no i still don't know his name, yes you should suggest some!) is their child and they spoil the shit out of him

and then one day they just stoll up with this skrunkly child they found on the streets because found family, and just say this child's mine now with literally no explanation

idk if i'll make that a plotline or not tho

as for my shelper fic, i'm vibing

like rn it's almost 15,000 words and i'm only halfway through chapter three and i am having so much fun

like, here have this scene because i'm still so sorry for starving you of content

-

Shel looked down at her and sighed. "What did your hair ever do to you?" she said, letting Lavinia's hair fall from the ponytail it was in.

    "It wasn't pretty," Lavinia reasoned.

    Shel blinked. "I–no. You can't–" She sighed. "I hate you. So much. Oh my god, and I do this for free."

    "This would be solved if you'd let me pay you."

    "No. Go over there, I need to wash your crusty hair." Shel grabbed a hydrating cleanser. "I swear, I'm the only nice person your hair has ever met."

    Lavinia rolled her eyes. "Okay, enough about my fucking hair. What's up with you?"

    Shel shrugged. "Not much."

    "Lies."

    "I'm so sorry to inform you that my life is not that interesting," Shel said. "Oh, my brother's getting married in... two-ish months. That's something."

    Lavinia scoffed. "Ugh, no. I'm talking about that one girl that Will was friends with at that bar. Oh my god, what was her name?"

    "Piper?"

    "Ha, you remember her name!"

    "That's not as badass as you think it is," Shel commented. "I might just remember her name. But, yes. I'm interested."

    Lavinia was silent for a second. "Sorry, I forgot that you had emotional maturity."

    Shel hummed in agreement. "Someone has to have it."

    "If only more people knew that," Lavinia sighed. "So, what's happening with it? Is she queer?"

    Shel snorted. "I fucking hope so. I mean, we've been talking and I've been flirty. She's coming in today."

    "Shut up! Nachelle, you didn't tell me any of this!" Lavinia groaned.

    Shel grinned. "Why do you need to know?"

    "Just because. And believe it or not asshole, I want you to be happy and shit. And I need to return the favor for you telling me to quote 'grow some fucking balls and ask them out because you aren't fucking five anymore. Be the grown-ass woman you keep pretending to be.' Besides, you're a fucking cunt. But you're my fucking cunt. I want to make sure that you're okay," Lavinia said.

    Shel sighed. "Okay. But only because I was going to tell you everything anyway."

    Lavinia squealed.

    "Alright, but we gotta wait until I blowdry your hair." She began massaging her friend's scalp. "But what's up with you?"

    Lavinia's face fell. "Bro, if my dad tells me one more fucking time that I should do ballet I am going to commit multiple crimes."

    "You say that like arson is a bad thing," Shel commented. "And how many times do I gotta tell you to give him a fucking ultimatum?"

    "I don't know, dude. I just feel bad–ow!" Lavinia exclaimed. "Girl, could you not?"

    "Sorry but there has to be an infestation with the amount of fucking rat nests in your hair right now."

    "I literally brushed it for you, dickwad. So dramatic and for what?"

    "Yeah, I know, but there is actually a knot here, probably from when you put it up," Shel said. "Anyway, your dad is kind of an asshole. Have you even, like, talked to him about everything that went on with ballet?" Lavinia was silent and Shel paused. "Dude."

    "I don't know how to!" Lavinia exclaimed.

    "Okay, and? You've had much harder conversations with him at this point," Shel reasoned. "You came out to him. You told him that you wanted to tap. You moved to New York. You can have a conversation regarding why your decision was made."

    "I didn't come out to him, actually. He walked in on me and a girl making out when I was 13," she said. "I wasn't even with the girl and we literally moved the next day."

    Shel blinked. "Fucking what?"

    "I never told you that?" Lavinia asked?

    "No," Shel stammered. "You whore, that's fucking traumatizing."

    Lavinia shrugged. "She wasn't that good of a kisser."

    "I mean, you were 13. What the fuck did you expect?"

    "She, like, ate my mouth. Like..." Lavinia mimed it with her hands. "Literally like in fucking movies when they aggressively kiss in a way that would be very uncomfortable to experience. She literally put her mouth entirely on the outside of mine."

    Shel cringed. "Ew."

    "She was fucking sucking my face off, I swear."

    Eventually, Shel and Lavinia made their way back to her station, where Shel was letting the hair air dry while she started on Lavinia's makeup.

    "So," Shel started. "What do you want to know?"

    "Everything."

    "Well, after she saved my ass at the bar, she DMed me on Instagram, and I thought it was amazing because I really liked her at the bar," Shel said, applying primer. "So we started talking, and I started flirting."

    "Like normal flirting or Nachelle flirting."

    "Nachelle flirting, because why would I flirt normally?" Shel asked. "Like, what's the point?"

    "Okay, yeah because Nachelle flirting says a lot about... you."

    "The fuck does that mean?"

    "Nothing, you're an angel," Lavinia said to save her ass.

    Shel jokingly scoffed. "Anyway, I started flirting while we were texting. We went back and forth for a few days and this morning I was texting her–"

    "Wait, wait, wait. Pause," Lavinia said, her eyes closed while Shel applied white concealer to her eyelids. "She woke up to talk to you at whatever ungodly hour you woke up? Because you were taking your niece to school, right?"

    "Yeah, I was," Shel said. "But I saw that she was active. She didn't, like, wake up for me."

    "Are you sure?"

    "I mean, I don't think she did," Shel confirmed. "But that doesn't matter. I was texting her this morning and she was trying very hard to make my coffee addiction go away and I asked her to tell me what face mask to use, and I ended up calling her and we were talking for hours. And literally, it was about nothing. Like, the only thing I can remember us talking about that was important was her hair, because it has cultural significance to her. Everything else was just... nothing. We were talking just to talk.

    "The weirdest thing was I wasn't really nervous to talk the way I normally do. You know how I kind of tone myself down a bit for new people because I don't want to... I don't know, scare them away? Yeah, I wasn't really nervous about her not liking me. I was just nervous to initiate, and it was that classic little butterflies thing. But afterwards, I was comfortable," Shel explained.

    Lavinia grinned. "Really?"

    "Yeah, stop smiling. You'll crease the base," Shel said. "But I told her I'd cut her hair, which wouldn't take me that long because it's just the haircut. I'm not dyeing or doing any, like, really glam makeup."

    Lavinia gasped. "Nachelle, you are incredibly talented. She should want to wear your makeup, even if it's just to sit around at home. She needs to understand that you are a beauty industry beast." Shel rolled her eyes. "Dude, I can't see you but I fucking felt that eye roll deep in my soul."

    "Yeah, that's what happens when you're an annoying bitch. You get a Latina eye roll."

    Lavinia scoffed and flipped her off. "Okay but how are we feeling about her actually being in your presence?"

    Shel glanced up at the clock trying to see how long until her next client arrived. But doing so made the ease she felt trickle away. That initial calm of being in the salon had faded and finally it hit her.

    She was going to see her again. Like, for real this time.

    Shel wasn't nervous. No, because Piper was coming to get her hair done and that didn't make Shel nervous.

    Okay, she was lying to herself and there was no point in doing that. Nachelle was nervous. Not for the haircut itself, but because before she got her hopes up, she wanted to see if they connected outside of a screen. The problem was that Shel had already gotten her hopes up and–for better or worse–she really, really liked Piper Mclean.

    She said as much to Lavinia. In Shel's opinion, there was no point in lying to someone who probably knows you better than yourself. "It's stupid of me, I know," Shel said after explaining. "I just... I don't know. I don't know."

    "It's not stupid of you," Lavinia said, her voice gentle. "You met this girl and you connected with her really well. I don't know how, but you did. And you've been sharing parts of each other that are really intimate, at least from your side." She sighed. "You're a lot better at knowing literally every single aspect of what happened to a person than I am. You're also a lot better at being generally comforting, so, sorry if it's shit. But, I think what you did was very... human."

    Shel paused for a moment before putting down her brush and pulling Lavinia into a hug. "You're pretty good at it too," she whispered.

    Lavinia comically gasped. "No snarky and out-of-pocket comment? Who are you? Where is Shel."

    Shel rolled her eyes, but didn't pull away. "You ruined the moment."

    Lavinia shrugged. "Yeah it felt weird to not make shitty jokes about you. Anyway, continue making my face sparkly and bronzed."

-

wow, that was like an entire thousand words

i did not realize this scene was that long, and i literally cut off half of it

wow

ok well

this rant chapter is suddenly 4,000 words long and i deeply apoligze for that

i really want to go into literally every little thing i wrote fro the little excerpt but i feel like that would be sinful seeing as i'm pretty sure this is the longest chapter i've published in this fic

and it isn't even a chapter

the thing is i literally have a whole ass rant book, but i just

didn't use it

and i don't really want to, because this is honestly kind of a vibe

anyway, i won't bother you any longer my dear readers

i shall go to sleep

good night babes

and i shall see your comments flood my inbox in the morning (god, it's been forever since i've said that)

love y'all!