TW: SA, UNDERAGE DRINKING, ROOFIES, MENTION OF SUICIDE, AMERICA'S BS JUSTICS SYSTEM

listen

i go into the full shel situation this chapter

it isn't super detailed, i'm not going to go all know my name on you

but it's detailed enough

trust me when i say that if you need to skip this chapter, skip it

you do not need to stay just because it's a fic you like or whatever

take care of yourself and i love you

Piper and Shel had left together from Sadie's house. It was calming. The Camry was just a bit warmer than the cooling, fall air. Small yet necessary comfort as they held hands while Shel drove. She'd mastered the art of driving one-handed almost as soon as she'd learned to drive. It would have been impossible to drink coffee if she hadn't. They listened to the songs Shel had on her slow playlist. Young and Beautiful, champagne problems, we fell in love in october, Michelle.

    They were in comfortable silence with the sounds of the songs playing softly as Piper checked her phone.

    "Oh shit," she said.

    Shel glanced at her. "What?"

    "PSAT scores are out. I got a 1110." Piper sighed. "Fuck."

    Shel raised a brow. "What are you talking about? That's a good score. I think it's, like, 70th percentile."

    "Yeah, college doesn't really care about the 70th percentile, Shel," Piper snapped.

    "Um, no. And 70th percentile is still above average, Pipes. Besides, it's just the PSAT." Shel loosened her grip on Piper's hand at her tone.

    "Yeah and the PSAT is a direct comparison to your SAT score."

    "So study." Shel laughed. "I know it seems like a big deal now, but trust me. Colleges care more about your admission essays and improvement than a PSAT score. Besides," Shel added, "you really don't need to worry about SAT scores."

    Piper turned to her. "What does that mean?"

    "It means that if you were to completely fail the SAT and ACT, you still have a pretty good chance of getting into college. Hell, you don't really need to go to college."

    "What? No."

    "Um, yeah."

    "How?"

    "Piper, you have money," Shel said. "Your dad has the money to afford you different opportunities. You could start your own brand with the beadwork you make. College isn't the end all be all, especially for you."

    There were many things people adored about Shel: her motherly instinct, her voice. But there was always something that drew people away. She was blunt. Too blunt.

    Piper pulled her hand away. "What do you mean by that, Shel?"

    "I mean colleges like rich people, Piper. And you have a fuck ton of resources at your disposal to give yourself better chances," Shel explained. "It's not meant to be a bad thing, Piper. It's just a fact."

    "I don't need my dad's money to get into a good school."

    "Woah, when did I say that? I just told you you have resources. I don't have those. All I have are some sob stories and a prayer. These things are harder for me. You have an advantage with a more rich lifestyle and diversity points. Your dad might give the college money. My family doesn't have that luxury of a diversity advantage in New York; everyone here is Spanish."

    "What the fuck does that have to do with anything?" Piper yelled.

    "I'm just saying that this shit does not matter in the long run for you."

    Piper crossed her arms. "No, why do you feel the need to put me down because of my dad? You aren't better than me because you don't have a lot of money."

    Shel loudly scoffed. "First of all, I wasn't fucking attacking you. And I, of all people, know that you will always be seen as better than me, Piper," she yelled. "Okay, don't act like because you wear simpler clothes, you still don't buy them all name brand. You are rich without liking the luxuries, but when I point out that you have them, you go crazy. It's simply a fact. You are rich and so fucking obsessed with being seen as 'down-to-earth' or as 'one of the good ones' you forget that no matter how simple you seem, you are privileged. It's exhausting from my point of view to see you take everything that I need to get into a good school, and you refuse to use them. You have the money, Piper. Stop wallowing about how nothing can be done about a PSAT score. I can't stress this enough, this isn't even the real SAT. Stop complaining about the money you should be grateful to have, and fucking use it. And don't turn this shit on me." Shel pulled up at Piper's house and didn't say anything as she left.

-

Annabeth draped the fuzzy blanket on top of her. She hated those... panic attacks? Anxiety attacks? Uncontrollable and panic-inducing spiral? She didn't fucking know or care anymore. She just wanted it to be over.

    She hugged herself, reveling in the warmth of the blanket. It's okay. Annabeth was here now and it was okay. It was a small and comforting moment of clarity. She didn't know how long the moment lasted. However, it still passed. Her face now dry, and her eyes puffy.

    Annabeth didn't know what to do in these situations. She'd always had her step-mom here to help her. But she wasn't here, and Annabeth didn't want to bother her. Annabeth would 100% not talk to her dad. Her brothers were too young, Malcolm too far away to provide any real comfort.

    So she called Percy.

    A little cheery voice answered the call. "Hi-hi!"

    Annabeth smiled. Estelle could make anyone feel better with that voice. "Hey. How are you?"

    "I'm thiiis good!" Estelle didn't understand that Annabeth could not see her. But based on her excited tone Annabeth guessed "thiiis" meant really good.

    "Woah!"

    "Do you wan' tal to Perthy?" Estelle asked.

    "I would love to, yes."

    "Otay!" There was shuffling before a loud. "Perthy!"

    "Hi, wise girl," said Percy.

    "Hello seaweed brain," Annabeth responded, her smile growing despite her still tear-stained face and aching throat.

    "Are you okay?"

    "Um, am I on speaker?"

    "No."

    "Okay, then no I am most definitely not okay," Annabeth said. "I just had either a panic attack or anxiety attack. I'm not sure which. I mean, I'm fine now, but I wasn't, like, five minutes ago."

    "Shit."

    "Yep." Annabeth smoothed the blanket.

    "Okay, I have a chart pulled up," Percy said. Annabeth laughed. "Shush. Now, was this triggered or was there a build up?"

    "Yes?" Annabeth said. "My dad triggered a spiral which triggered the attack."

    Percy was silent for a moment. "What do you mean your dad triggered it."

    "Oh, you know how my dad's an asshole?" Annabeth said, her tone too casual. "So I asked him to help me out by reading something for me. He said no, called me dumb, worthless, yadda yadda. Triggered my magical little imposter syndrome spiral."

    She knew it wasn't the healthiest way to show me emotions, but she needed something light now. Besides, it is hard enough to call someone to be a clutch. The fact that Percy cared enough to answer made her want to cry again, which showed in her voice. She knew it did. But Annabeth didn't like to cry.

    "Annabeth..." Percy's voice was soft. "Do you need me to pick you up?"

    And it all broke down. Her slight smile faded as her lip trembled. Never had anyone tried to take her away from a trigger. Not even her stepmother. Tears fell on her pillowcase as Annabeth--vision blurry, throat aching, unevenly breathing--said, "Yeah."

    "Okay. Mom, I'm going out."

    "Imagine being white," Annabeth sniffled.

    Percy snorted. "Yeah, I'll be back by 5," he called.

    Annabeth made her way down the stairs. "Dad, I have to meet my friend to study."

    Her dad turned toward her. "When?"

    Annabeth looked down at her purse and keys. "Now?"

    "You didn't tell me about this."

    "Yeah, I did," Annabeth lied. "Or maybe it was Helen. Either way one of you gave me permission."

    "Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss," Percy muttered.

    Annabeth did her best to not smile. "It's for a really important physics quiz on Tuesday."

    Her dad sighed. "Fine."

-

Fuck. That was all Piper could think of. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

    It didn't take too long to realize that Shel was right. About everything.

    And now Piper felt like shit.

    She didn't know what to do in these situations; this was her first real relationship. Every other time she had an argument with a boyfriend, it ended in a breakup, which she got over in less than an hour.

    Piper wanted to call Shel, apologize, and make up. But did Shel need more time?

    Piper didn't know, and so did the logical thing: slammed her head on her desk. It hurt like hell 1/10; Piper did not recommend.

    Drew popped her head into the doorway. "Can you do me a favor and shut the fuck up?"

    "Drew!" Piper exclaimed. "Oh my God, I've never actually been happy to know you."

    "Oh my God, the feeling is not mutual. I've never been happy to know you!" Drew joked.

    Piper snorted. "Seriously, though. Me and Shel had an argument and I want to know if I should apologize now or later."

    "Uhm, context." Drew plopped on Piper's bed as she said everything. "Oh my God, Pipes. Call her. Now."

    "Okay, now leave."

    Drew flipped her off as she went.

    Shel picked up after a few rings. "Hi," she said drily.

    "Hey. Um..."

    "I'm sorry," Shel blurted. "I shouldn't have said that. It wasn't helping you and I threw my stress onto you and--"

    "No, don't be," Piper said. "You were right, and I'm sorry I reacted the way I did."

    "No, I know I was right," Shel said. "I just meant I shouldn't have said it at that moment. It was...bad. This week is going to suck for me, and I projected that onto you. I shouldn't have done that."

    "Why is this week going to suck?"

    Shel was silent for a moment. "Um. It's a lot of things. But, i'll tell you the main one." She paused for a moment. "You like Jagged Little Pill, right? You know the song Predator?"

-

The party wasn't meant to be a lot. But, in classic Luke fashion, it was. She didn't even know why she was there. Luke was turning 18, and Shel was hardly 15.

    But there she stood, Sprite in hand as a teen offered her a shot. She kindly declined. I don't drink. No, thank you. I'm not into that sort of thing. I'm a freshman.

    A boy from across the room. It was the first time she was spotted. Sussed out to the degree of naïveté. Then Shel made the cut, and it was all systems go. Shel didn't know that at the time.

    Luke had walked up to her just in time. Shel needed to pee. I'll guard your drink Luke had said, giving her a quick hug.

    A twisted system of madness made to mimic connection. Distraction from discretion. Keep her in the dark. Then he engendered her trust, helping the man across the room. A pill was slipped into her Sprite. Roofies.

    Shel came back, had gotten her drink. She finished it.

    The man across the room closed in on her. His odd side-hug like a pounce.

    She would have said no. But she wasn't feeling like herself.

    And the man took an opportunity. The opportunity he created.

    He brought her to Luke's room. Isolation. Shel's state diverted her attention. It had kept her distracted. She couldn't pick this apart.

    To him, this was union. It was perfect to see Shel frozen, to tear off her clothes, to penetrate without even wearing a condom. To Shel it was isolation.

    But it didn't matter. For he was obsessed with his prey.

    She couldn't say no. Or maybe she could. It wouldn't have made a difference either way.

    She reported it, but according to the man, Her eyes were invitations. Her welcome sign was bright. And not Her armor was porous enough to be worked by his design

    The cop had said You shouldn't give your drink to men

    Shel's trust was commendable but won't pull your heartstrings.

    Shel tried to speak out, but her goodness was commendable but won't pull your heartstrings.

    The cop had said he said sorry.

    So she went to Luke.

    He said she deserved it.

    So, the magnet for predators was learning to be discerning. She kept on smiling despite one day writing a note and buying some rope. She never went through with it.

    And no one was there to keep her sane enough to not try it again.

hey my violation beans

if you are going through any of this, please know that you can talk to me. it isn't much, i know. but, still

anyway

i know none of you are doing good after reading that

gabby, why? you ask

1- because inspo striked

2- because relationships aren't perfect

3- i like this girl, because of course i do

so i casually mention the fact that i'm gay

and she says

slay bestie

i will be taking donations in the form of your tears

on a more serious note. this was quite hard to write. not just because of the content but because i needed to balance it out.

i know the percabeth scene feels out of place. it is out of place

however, it's the best way for me to balance out angst like this

i don't have much to say though

so i want to reiterate that i love you guys

if something that shel went through is similar to what you went through or are going through, it is not your fault and i love you.

okay, my violation beans

love y'all