Thanks A-E-I-O-ew-U for the Butterflies song prompt!

Magnus didn't know what to do.

    He expected this; he knew that today was going to come. It happens every year without fail. It was a date. An actual date that was written on his calendar. And every year, without fail, he would cross out that date, thinking, I'll be over it by next year. And every year, without fail, he was wrong.

    Though he supposes, that's what happens when you lose someone you loved more than you could have ever loved yourself. When you lose someone whose love for you was more incredible than anything Magnus had experienced before.

    And today would have been her birthday. She would have just turned 40.

    When Magnus woke up, crossed out the date, and walked into the kitchen, Hearth already had flowers for him to bring, and Blitz was already making breakfast.

-

seaweed brain: can we start planning now

~gay~: Perseus

~gay~: i love you

~gay~: but it's 5 am

~gay~: give me a moment to feel alive again

seaweed brain: she's my girlfriend now

~gay~: AND WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT I'M ALIVE

~gay~: WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN

seaweed brain: yesterday

~gay~: HOLY SHIT MAN

~gay~: I'M HAPPY FOR YOU

-

Shel dragged herself out of her bed, drawn to the aroma of onions and lime and garlic. It could have been literally any Latin dish ever, but Shel was excited nonetheless because if Shel's mother was cooking this early, it meant this was a slow meal. Like, this dish takes all day, maybe even night, to make.

    Shel gave herself three guesses: vaca frita, ropa vieja, filling for an arepa, empanada, or tamale.

    She picked up Goblin, who tried to sit on her head, and walked into the kitchen. She went into the pantry to get some wet food while Goblin scratched her arms to get down, so Shel let her down. The cat then began to beg to be picked up again.

    "No, you little shit," Shel muttered so only Goblin could hear. Then Shel felt bad for calling her cat a little shit and pet her before draining the food.

    "Shelbita," her mother said, "when you get home, I need you to check the slow cooker to see if it's done. Then you need to sauté onions and fry...we'll do one clove of garlic."

    "Vaca frita?" Shel asked, dumping the disgusting much that was cat food into a bowl while Goblin loudly mewed. "Jesus, I'm coming. Calm down." She set down the bowl.

    "Yeah, I'm going to start seasoning in a little." Jackie turned to face her daughter. "Are you taking the car or the subway?"

    "Subway. I don't want to put in gas." Shel paused for a moment. "Ma, can you put gas in the car soon?"

    Jackie glared at her child. "I hate getting gas."

    "Yeah, but because you love me--"

    "No."

-

Magnus' morning was going fine. Well, as fine as one could be when it's your dead mom's birthday. Then school, which already had a stick up its ass, decided to push it up further and throw its head in its ass as well because Magnus had a fucking geometry test today.

    Fine, he'd just retake it. Right? Wrong.

    Mrs. Dodds was a very common species known as a piece of shit. While you may not see this specimen outside of its natural state of harassing minimum wage workers at a Taco Bell, being stupid on Facebook, and yelling at all minorities for existing, Mrs. Dodds was a rare deviant. Mrs. Dodds took her pride in torturing her students. One of these methods of torture included not allowing rescheduling tests.

    Was that allowed at the school? Probably not. But that didn't matter because Magnus didn't have the energy to report that.

    "Okay," Blitz said. "Just text me if you change your mind. Either way, the odds of you doing good on this test are very low."

    "Thanks for the confidence!" Magnus said.

    He is serious, Hearth signed. Remember what I told you about the grading system?

    "Grading's a scam and motivation's a myth."

    Hearth nodded. The American education system is terrible, and I do not care for it.

    You are a teacher, Blitz reminded his husband.

    Because the students didn't do anything wrong.

    But you are a part of the system.

    In a way that makes it better because my class has a different grading policy, and my students have the best test scores.

    As much as Magnus found his dads' bickering entertaining, he really wanted to get the day over with. So he shoved a Pop-Tart down his throat. Blitz then got dressed--an ordeal that could take hours--so Magnus wrote a letter.

Alex,

I'm sure you already know that eloquence is not a skill I will ever possess. So, when it comes to grief, I have no words to describe it. No words to describe how hard it is to live.

Thankfully, Mark Rickerby is much better with words than I.

If we are fortunate,

we are given a warning.

If not,

there is only the sudden horror,

the wrench of being torn apart;

of being reminded

that nothing is permanent,

not even the ones we love,

the ones our lives revolve around.

Life is a fragile affair.

We are all dancing

on the edge of a precipice,

a dizzying cliff so high

we can't see the bottom.

One by one,

we lose those we love most

into the dark ravine.

So we must cherish them

without reservation.

Now.

Today.

This minute.

We will lose them

or they will lose us

someday.

This is certain.

There is no time for bickering.

And their loss

will leave a great pit in our hearts;

a pit we struggle to avoid

during the day

and fall into at night.

Some,

unable to accept this loss,

unable to determine

the worth of life without them,

jump into that black pit

spiritually or physically,

hoping to find them there.

And some survive

the shock,

the denial,

the horror,

the bargaining,

the barren, empty aching,

the unanswered prayers,

the sleepless nights

when their breath is crushed

under the weight of silence

and all that it means.

Somehow, some survive all that and,

like a flower opening after a storm,

they slowly begin to remember

the one they lost

in a different way...

The laughter,

the irrepressible spirit,

the generous heart,

the way their smile made them feel,

the encouragement they gave

even as their own dreams were dying.

And in time, they fill the pit

with other memories

the only memories that really matter.

We will still cry.

We will always cry.

But with loving reflection

more than hopeless longing.

And that is how we survive.

That is how the story should end.

That is how they would want it to be.

I suppose I only really related to the parts about grief, not about survival. I don't usually survive these days. It's impossible to when she would have turned 40 and would have said, "Pumpkin, get up! We're going to go hike Blue Hills today." She loved Blue Hills.

I guess Mark Rickerby's poem wasn't the best representation for my feelings. Take Suzanne M. Painter's poem instead:

I lost you all those years ago,

But memories don't fade; they grow.

Your special day will always be

One that means so much to me.

A special wish to show I care,

A card, a gift, and time to share.

That special day that marked your birth,

Also the day you left this Earth.

I celebrate on that day still.

I always have and always will.

I know that you are always there,

For now I speak with you in prayer.

I still have yet to associate this day with something other than my mother's death, but you get the idea.

Either way, because Mrs. Dodds is an absolute bitch I need to go to school instead of curling up in a fetal position and dying.

So, it's safe to say that today will not be a good day.

Love,

Magnus

-

Jason watched as Leo was the first to turn in his test in 3rd period. After a moment, Leo looked back at him.

    It's an odd feeling when Leo looks at Jason. His body shakes until there's blood on his face. It makes him awkward, smile, and turn around. One look from Leo, it's as if everything is written marker on his face.

    How does he hold these emotions if Leo spins his world out of place?

    Leo just raised a brow but said nothing as he sat back down.

    It took too long for Jason to turn in the test, with only five minutes left of class. He opened his phone to a text from Leo.

a literal elf: do you ever die inside

gay guy in netflix movies: yes, daily

a literal elf: yeah I figured because you fucking perished 15 minutes ago.

Jason wanted to respond with: yeah, no shit. I'm a moth to your flame, burning when I look in your eyes. Do you feel the same when I look in your eyes? Do you catch butterflies?

    But he didn't say that because what if Jason raised all of Leo's red flags. What if the green lights were all in his head? But mostly because Jason knows there's something there that they can't explain, and he's terrified to lose Leo.

gay guy in netflix movies: yeah that was me wondering how tf you did that in 10 minutes

a literal elf: that's a jgood question

a literal elf: good*

-

Leo didn't understand why he was so disappointed with Jason's response. What had he been expecting?

    He glanced over at Jason, who was still hunched over on his phone. Leo never took Jason as a thief, but Jason managed to steal the breath from Leo's lungs.

    What did that mean?

    Leo was intelligent. Really, he was. But emotions were difficult. There was no explanation for it. In machines, there was an explanation for everything. He supposed that's why he loved them so much. Everything had a logical answer.

    However, Leo's heart beating too fast, blood rushing to his cheeks, and absolute longing didn't. At least not in his mind. Though, he did know someone who knew more about emotions than him.

a literal elf: shel

a literal elf: shel

a literal elf: shel

a literal elf: shel

a literal elf: shel

~gay~: bestie I'm literally two seats away from you

a literal elf: whatever

a literal elf: what does it mean when my stomach does weird things when I look at someone?

~gay~: context??

a literal elf: like

a literal elf: I looked at him and he made me happy and my stomach was like let's do weird shit

~gay~: does anything else happen when you look at him

a literal elf: ye I blush and get super happy

~gay~: ok

~gay~: I need you to really think about this

~gay~: If you were to tell me what to say to this person from the bottom of your heart  and he wouldn't know it was you what would it be

a literal elf: bestie wtf does that mean

~gay~: if you could say something to him anonymously what would you say

a literal elf: I don't know what I'd do without you, but i'm scared to lose what we already have by telling you i need you

a literal elf: shel, I may have a slight massive crush on Jason Grace

~gay~: yea I gathered

a literal elf: what do I do with this information

~gay~: that depends on what you want to do

a literal elf: i wanna date him

~gay~: then ask him out

a literal elf: how do that

~gay~: just ask him

a literal elf: but what if he doesn't like me

~gay~: the lack of an obscene amount of confidence is terrifying what is Jason doing to you

a literal elf: I DON'T KNOW THAT'S WHY I'M ASKING YOU

~gay~: lmao ok do you think he likes you back

a literal elf: idk

~gay~: ok this is gonna take some work.

okok hi violation beans welcome to fandoms tangents with gabby

so sorry this took so long i was out of state and i just got back at 2 am this morning. i woke up at 9 and wrote 2000 words as fast as i could, which wasn't really that fast. usually i can get 1000 done in 30 minutes but this took three hours lmao

anyway, you obviously care so much about my vacation so i'm gonna talk about it with you

but only the bad parts ofc

so i go on a three hour flight and that flight has a fuck ton of turbulence and then the hotel we go to has mold everywhere and then the flight back was delayed

five

hours

and we got ✨nothing✨

and then the flight wasn't smooth at all at the end there was so much turbulence that we had to turn around and circle back in for the landing

mind you i have anxiety about planes and instead of just turning around

the plane dips down almost lands and then shoots back up

NEVER GOING ON A PLANE AGAIN

anyways i was stuck in an airport for six hours because i got there early and i got two new fic ideas a few days ago

so i started writing the drunk fic in my notes app and there are too many grammatical errors it's so bad lmao

i will try to update all of my works within the next two days

ALSO HAPPY PRIDE

normally i would make a whole chapter for it

but i was on a plane

but i hope you guys have been gay and doing crime and i hope you continue to do so

now for the chapter i did some magnus thing

i've never really written grief before so this is really new to me and probably not the best. if you have any feedback, please share!

you finally got the lesbian and jock solidarity and percy and shel will be a running thing in this fic how dare you think otherwise

butterflies was actually very hard to write

the song is by abe parker, not the other 2736283 songs called butterflies. this song is more niche

you can tell by listening to the song that it's more beat and vibes based rather than lyric based.

it isn't a bad thing it just makes writing it as a prompt more interesting

because there isn't as many lyrics as i'm used to i tried to spread it out between jason and leo rather than just making it jason like i originally planned

either way i think it turned out ok

and i think that's it

please comment btw i really like reading all of them and i don't like seeing people discouraged from commenting on this fic

like no

comments are the thing i love most. i don't really care about votes or bookmarks just comment

i mean you can vote and bookmark too, i just like it when you comment more

especially the sarcastic ones they make me laugh

don't ever stop commenting on my works

ok that's all

love y'all