IV. Guilt.

I already had tears in my eyes when I entered my house. My heart was pounding inside my chest. I walked into the living room where my mom was sitting on the couch. She shot up when she saw me, the angriest look on her face. Angrier than I had ever seen her before.

"Mom..." I whispered with an apologetic tone of voice as I shook my head, my lips parting as I struggled with how to begin my apology.

"Ana, where the hell have you been!?" She yelled before I could even get another word out, staring at me with a stern look in her eyes, her eyebrows furrowed and a frown tugging at her lips.

I took in a shaky breath as I stared at her, my chest aching and a lump forming in the back of my throat. "Edward was in trouble-" I begin to explain as I shake my head, running a hand through my hair.

"So you just left?"She snapped as she cut me off, quirking an eyebrow in disbelief. She yanked a paper from her pocket and showed it to me. The note I had left. "You just leave a note and go off to Italy!?" She questioned as her eyebrows furrowed. "What has been going on with you recently? Jake said you two had a big fight because he didn't want you to just fly off to Italy!" She yelled again.

I stared at her, scoffing at the mention of Jacob. "He shouldn't act like he had no part in this!" I huffed as I shook my head. He was just as to blame for this as Rosalie was.

My mom silently stared at me for a second. I hated the look in her eyes, like she couldn't trust me anymore. I knew she had right, but it still hurt because this was a fate out of my hands. I couldn't tell her the truth. "What's with all the secrecy, Ana?" She asked softly as she shook her head in disappointment.

I stared back at her, my eyebrows furrowing. I was silent for a second before huffing and shaking my head. "What about your secrets?" I asked her accusingly as I quirked an eyebrow, crossing my arms over my chest.

My mother looked taken aback for a second as she raised her eyebrows. "Mine?" She repeated as her head tilted to the side and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

I nodded my head in confirmation. "What's going on with you and Charlie?" I asked her without hesitation, raising both my eyebrows at her.

My mother's face fell and she lowered her head, squeezing her eyes shut for a second. That only confirmed all that Alice had said. Even after her promise, she kept this from me. "Ana-" She whispered as she began shaking her head.

I cut her off with a huff. She promised, and still, she kept this from me. Edward promised to stay with me and he left. Jacob promised to never be like Edward and stay and he left. Both Edward and Jacob left so much of themselves a secret from me. They lied to me. Just like my mother.

"I'm so tired of everyone's secrets and lies! I'm so tired of people I love, betraying me! Of being kept in the dark and being pushed away!" I screamed as tears burned in my eyes. I screamed, but not at my mother. Not at her directly at least. My harsh words were meant for her, for Jacob, for Edward. For all of them.

Her face fell once more and she took a hesitant step towards me. "Ana..." She whispered but I turned around and stormed up to my room.

No surprise, Edward was waiting for me up there, standing near my window with a solemn look on his face. With a huff I threw my bag onto the ground, staring at him through my teary vision. He took a step closer to me. "Ana," he whispered as he reached out to touch me.

I stepped out of his reach as I shook my head. "No, you need to go," I demanded, my voice cracking as I pointed towards the window. "I don't want you here right now, Edward," I whispered as I shook my head again.

"Ana-" he tried to touch me again, desperation in his voice. The look in his eyes was one I had seen before. If he could cry, he would be. My coldness was hurting him, it was hurting us both.

I shook my head as I let out a soft cry. "You left. You made me a promise and you broke it." I accused him as I lowered my head, placing a hand over my aching heart.

"I know." He whispered as he hesitantly stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me flush against his chest. His hold on me wasn't strong, allowing me to pull away if I wanted to. But I didn't, I laid my head against his chest as the tears began running down my cheeks.

"How is it that I'm the only human, but I'm the only one willing to face danger and fight for the people I love?" I asked softly, referring to him, his family, and Jacob. I sniffed as more tears ran down my cheeks.

Edward pulled me away at arm's length and cupped my wet cheeks, forcing me to look up at him. "I did fight for you," he whispered with a pained look on his face. "I had to leave, to keep you safe." He insisted softly.

"Whole lot of good that did me." I scoffed bitterly as I pulled away from his touch and wiped at my face. I shook my head. "No, you were just scared. But so was I." I muttered softly as I looked at him. "I am so happy you're alive and I love you, Edward," I whispered, my face scrunching up in pain. "But I'm not ready to forgive you."

"Ana please." He begged as he tried to reach out for me again but I pushed his hands away before he could touch me.

"You left, you abandoned me," I whispered, shaking my head once more. "You don't get to just come back like you didn't do that," I told him firmly.

Edward lowered his head for a second, eyebrows deeply furrowed. Then he nodded and slowly turned around to my window. I silently watched him climb out. My heart screamed for me to stop him but my brain was stubborn and watched him leave without a word.

When he was gone, I broke down crying as I climbed onto my bed. After a few minutes of softly sobbing onto my pillow, my door creaked open and my mom stood there, her eyes red and teary. "Ana, can we talk?" She asked softly.

I immediately sat up, wiping my eyes. "I'm sorry for yelling at you," I whispered as my eyebrows furrowed and my lips pouted out. I was fighting hard to not break down crying again. This mess had managed to even affect my relationship with my mother. And I hated that. I hated myself for allowing it.

She approached my bed and sat down next to me. "It's okay baby." She whispered as she reached out and wiped away the hair sticking to my face. "What happened?" She asked softly as her eyebrows furrowed.

I took a shaky breath as I lowered my head and began fiddling with my fingers. "Edward went to Italy, to get away," I whispered, fabricating the truth a little. "He was going to kill himself," I added softly as I closed my eyes.

"Oh my God." My mom gasped as her eyes widened and I lifted my head to look at her. She looked horrified.

"His parents couldn't get to him, and Alice thought I was the only one who could talk him out of it." I fabricated more of the truth as my eyes returned to my lap and I wiped at my runny nose as I let out a shaky sigh.

My mom silently stared at me for a second, her eyes squinting. For a second, I was scared she didn't believe me as I stared up at her through my lashes. "What does Jake have to do with this?" She asked, referring to my previous comment about Jacob's part in this.

I sighed again. "Edward called here, but Jake wouldn't let me take the call and he hung up on him." I vaguely explained as I shook my head, pushing my tongue around the inside of my cheek.

My mom's eyebrows furrowed as she nodded her head. "But Edward's okay?" She asked softly as she raised her eyebrows at me. She seemed concerned for his well-being. Of course, she did; there was, after all, a time when she did like him.

"Yeah," I confirmed with a nod of my head as I wiped at my nose again. "They're back." I informed her hesitantly. Both the Mercedes and the Jeep drove into Forks. I wasn't sure what their plan was. They could have let me take a cab if they were planning on catching another flight somewhere else. But now, all of them came here.

"Oh, they're back?" My mom questioned as she raised her eyebrows in surprise and I couldn't fully tell if the news thrilled her. It was a hard time for me when they left and I just knew she'd be concerned for what their return meant.

"I don't know if they're staying," I replied with a shrug of my shoulders as I shook my head. None of them mentioned staying or going but I guess I'd find out soon enough.

My mom slowly nodded her head as she took in my words. "How do you feel about it?" She asked softly as her head tilted to the side and her eyebrows furrowed.

"I don't know." I sighed as I lowered my head once again, fiddling with my fingers as my eyebrows furrowed. "I don't forgive Edward for leaving, or trying to kill himself," I muttered as I shook my head.

My mom nodded again, silently staring at me for a few seconds. She reached out, placing one of her hands over mine. "You know I have to ground you, right?" She questioned as she raised her eyebrows.

I lifted my head and looked at her, blinking a few times before nodding. "Yeah..." I muttered softly in agreement. I knew it was coming. Her leniency only went so far. Not as far as Italy, that was for damn sure.

I was grounded for over a month and had two weeks with no Edward if I did choose to let him back into my life, that is to say, if the Cullens stayed in Forks. She was only this lenient with Edward because she felt sorry about the fact that he tried to kill himself. She didn't want to crumble his fragile state any further.

The next morning I was home alone. I had barely gotten any sleep. I had continuous nightmares of Edward leaving me again. Because he didn't want to be with me, he didn't want me to be like him. One nightmare even included the Volturi coming for me because Edward refused to change me.

I was sitting alone on the couch, staring blankly at the turned-off TV. My mom had left early for Harry Clearwater's funeral. She wanted me to come with her but I was sure I was still banned from the reservation. Jacob hadn't reached out yet. There was not a single call or text from him since I left that day for Italy. I didn't blame him.

There was a knock at the front door and my eyebrows furrowed. I wasn't allowed to visit anyone, no friends, no Edward. Was I allowed visitors? I didn't ponder over it long as I got up to my feet and went to open the door.

My eyebrows furrowed when I saw Edward standing on my front porch, carrying a big plastic bag in one hand and white tulips in his other hand. "What are you doing here?" I asked as I crossed my arms over my chest, "I told you last night, I don't want you here." I reminded with a shake of my head.

"I brought back the things I took from you when we left." He said shamefully as he held up the bag and I raised my eyebrows, feeling an ache in my heart as I stared at the bag. "And I brought flowers," he added as he held out the flowers. Hesitantly I reached out and took both the bag and flowers from him. "You look tired," he whispered.

I silently stared at him for a second before slowly nodding my head as I pursed my lips. "I am," I replied softly as I turned around and walked back into the house. "I can't sleep," I added, placing the bag and flowers down on the couch, and hesitantly, Edward followed me into the house, closing the door behind him.

"You should try." He insisted as he looked at me and I turned around to stare at him blankly. I couldn't get it over my heart to tell him to leave. I was still so angry with him but after almost three months of not seeing him, I couldn't turn him away. "I...I can sit with you if you want." He hesitantly suggested.

I silently stared at him, my eyebrows furrowing. We both knew Edward had a knack for keeping my nightmares away. I always managed to get actual sleep when I was with him. I was about to decline but was cut off by a stifled yawn.

I sighed, staring at Edward with a blank look, crossing my arms over my chest. Without a word, I turned around and headed up the stairs. Edward had to stifle a small smile as he watched his oh-so-very stubborn girlfriend stalk up the stairs. He grabbed my bag and flowers from the couch and followed after me.

We entered my room and I sat down on the bed. I watched as Edward took everything out of the bag and placed them exactly where he had found them three months ago. When he was done, he slowly turned towards me, sitting down next to me on the bed.

Instead of laying down in his arms, my head on his chest, I laid arm's length away from him. He respected my space and didn't reach out to touch me or pull me closer. I closed my eyes and hesitantly reached out, brushing my fingers against his before hesitantly taking his hand. That was all touch I allowed and he accepted it.

I drifted off into sleep. This dream wasn't all that different from all the rest. I was in the Cullen house, sitting at the piano with Edward. We were playing Esme's lullaby together when suddenly he stopped and turned to me, telling me he was leaving. He was going away and never coming back. I cried and pleaded for him to stay.

He got up and stormed out of the house, slamming the door in my face. I gasped as I shot up in my bed, my eyes wide. I breathed heavily my eyes darting around my bed. It was just me. For a second, I thought I dreamed of Edward returning home until I saw him move from my bookshelf, approaching my bed with a concerned look in his eyes.

Without thinking I reached out to grab onto his hand, tears pooling in my eyes as he sat down next to me. I had to feel his icy cold skin, I needed to know he was really there. "It... wasn't a dream," I whispered to myself as I closed my eyes.

Edward hesitantly reached out, hand hovering for a second before he tugged a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Go back to sleep." he insisted, even though it was already almost noon. "You've been through a lot," he muttered and my eyes opened, turning to him. "I'll be here when you wake up," he assured.

My eyebrows furrowed as I stared at him, nibbling on my bottom lip for a second. "Why?" I asked as I shrugged my shoulders. He couldn't be here for me for three months, so why did it matter now? Yes, I was still rightfully bitter at him. "Out of guilt?" I asked as I quirked an eyebrow.

Edward's eyebrows furrowed as he stared at me. "You... think I asked the Volturi to kill me because I felt guilty?" he asked in disbelief before shaking his head. "I went to them because I thought I'd lost you," he said before I had a chance to even reply to him.

I scoffed softly as I shook my head before looking away from Edward. "You didn't even want me," I whispered, my voice cracking painfully as I sniffed, fighting back hard against the tears that burned in my eyes.

"Ana," Edward muttered in an almost disappointed scolding manner, in disbelief that I would ever suggest that. He took my face between his hands and turned my head so that I would look at him. "The only reason I left was to protect you. I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy life," he whispered as his eyebrows furrowed.

"Yet it was so easy for you to leave," I whispered as a tear slipped down my cheek and my lips pouted, my eyebrows furrowed and my nose scrunched up. The tears were lining up in my eyes before running down my cheeks.

Edward's eyebrows furrowed as he shook his head. "I had to be convincing. But easy?" he muttered, letting out a sigh before resting his forehead against mine. "In my hundred years, I've never had a harder time than what I just went through." He whispered.

I sniffed, closing my eyes as I reached up and placed my hand over his. We stayed like that for a second before I pulled away. I silently stared at Edward for a second, my eyebrows furrowing. My mind raced through everything that had happened in the last few days.

"If you knew what was going on...and you really wanted to protect me, why didn't you come when you knew Victoria was after me?" I asked softly as my eyebrows furrowed. If he saw me on the cliff and in the meadow, he should have known Victoria was after me.

Edward shifted, looking upset by the mention of Victoria and the fact that she was after me. "Because I knew she wouldn't get any satisfaction out of killing you if I wasn't there to witness." He replied softly as his hands dropped from my face. "Me coming back has put you in more danger Ana." He whispered and my heart sank. Was he going to abandon me again? "She wants me to witness, to see. She won't kill you otherwise. She wants my reaction, my anger, and heartbreak." He explained softly. "That's why she's gotten so close to you at the cliff and didn't attack."

I slowly nodded along to his words, taking in everything. My gaze diverted down to my lap and I began picking at my nails. "Does that mean you're leaving again?" I asked softly.

Edward reached out, taking my hands in his. "No," he assured me softly, and hesitantly, my eyes lifted to look at him, and something inside my chest fluttered.

For the first time in three months, I was actually happy again.