If I had nine lives, I'd spend them all as if I was a millionaire
Maybe in my first life, I would experience old age
I'd live with crippling back pain
I'd deal with my husband's death before me
I'd finally have my last breath in the bright white hospital room.

My second life, I would spend all my time trying everything
I'd make friends, try new sports, take the risks I didn't dare to the first life
I'd wake up every day and I'd make mistakes
I'd keep going, being athletic and feel good about myself.

Third chance of living, I would be a hopeless romantic, third time's the charm
I'd fall in love, over and over again
I'd settle for a bad relationship, a toxic one, one that will haunt my other six lives
I'd be beaten and killed by my so-called "lover".

My fourth life, I would want to feel the pressure of popularity
I'd be the hot, rich girl in school who everyone wanted but no one got
I'd be famous, a pretty girl that everyone loved
I'd die on stage, the hand of jealousy gripping my throat, forcing all the air away from my lungs.

In my fifth life, I'm more than halfway, I'll live a boring life
I'd be the traditional woman society wants me to be
I'd bear three children that my husband wanted
I'd die with a stretched stomach, bags under my eyes, and sagging tits.

My sixth life is reckless, creeping close to the end
I'd be a troubled kid in school, trying the drugs I never dared to before
I'd get to school hungover from the party the night before
I'd be a disappointment, but all my problems would be washed away with intoxication.

Living my seventh life, I'm trying to make up for what I did last time
I'd find everyone I hurt and apologize
I'd be a people pleaser, draining my own energy for someone else's happiness
I'd give everyone the love they deserve except for myself.

I had wasted seven lives, in my eighth, I am depressed
I'd have no more spark to ignite other people's fire
I'd push everyone away, resulting in the lonely, empty, dark crater that formed in my heart
I'd die of malnourished, dehydration, lack of movement.

It's my last life, my ninth and final, I just want to die
I'd be so skinny you can see my bones, counting all 206 of them
I'd be alone, living on the streets
I'd kill myself if I ever got to nine lives, one is enough.

-december 10, 2024