maybe in another universe, i don't have to count the days since i've been clean
maybe in another universe, i don't constantly have to go to bed thinking about how i would kill myself
maybe in another universe, it's 1:44 in the afternoon, instead of me writing out my feelings when i'm exhausted at 1:44 in the morning

i look at the lives of people around me
i know i cannot see what they truly feel, but if they do feel helpless and depressed, they are great at hiding it
no matter how hard i try, my feelings always spill
just like a broken glass that had been attempted to be taped back together

maybe in another universe, my arms have always been unscathed
maybe in another universe, i don't have to live with the guilt of even thinking of grabbing scissors
maybe in another universe, tiny words don't hit me like a bullet train

maybe in another universe, i can stand completely naked in front of you without shame.

-december 10, 2024