i want to drink
i want to smoke
i want to get drunk, i want to get high
not so much to slowly kill myself, but more to make me feel something other than failure
kill my liver
darken my lungs
hurt me from the inside out

nicotine is a light
i'm a pesky moth, attracted to the one thing that could kill me
alcohol is my dreams
so far away, so hurtful

i'll take anything, i'll take the weakest drink
i'll have the strongest
i'll try the worst
i'll try the best
it'll kill me, it'll leave me hungover
but i want to experience life drunk

give me a vape
give me a cigarette
roll up marijuana and light the match
bake brownies, cheer me on as i snort the line of cocaine
let me be high, i want to roam the streets at night at risk of death

alcohol is the taste of death drinking like venom off the fangs of a snake
drugs is the smell of dead grass after the flames have engulfed it in its toxic environment
i want to try it
let me taste death, let me smell the danger
i want the feeling of greatness and the feeling of regret at the same time

let me be reckless
i barely have anything to lose

-november 30, 2024