KONGPOB

You know that feeling when you get put on hold by a company and there's no music or endless repeating self-promotion to let you know that you are, in fact, still on hold with them?

P'?

There's just this absolute silence and you don't know if you are still in fact connected or if the call has been dropped?

Hello P'?

You can just calmly wait all the while hoping for the person to return but instead, you hesitantly call out multiple times, paranoid that the line was picked up and you just didn't hear it?

P'Arthit??

You can't help but sound like an idiot for speaking aloud when you know damn well that you won't get an answer but there's this tiny hope that the other party will respond this time?

P'Arthit, P'Arthit, P'Arthit!

Well, that's the current situation with my soulmate right now. Repeatedly calling out into the endless silence hoping that one of these times, his voice will echo back.

Come on, I know you can hear me.

Actually I have no clue if he can hear me or not as he has given no indication either way based on the utter silence echoing in my head the last several hours as I try repeatedly to reach him.

Please don't ignore me.

Is it even possible to block incoming messages? We've never even had a chance to experiment with our connection yet.

Can we please just talk? Give me a chance to explain.

The person you are trying to reach is unavailable. Please leave a message after the beep or better yet, leave another fucking post-it note.

I fall off the bed as his wonderfully sarcastic voice rings out unexpectedly, startling me out of my reverie.

After the way I fucked everything up between us, I truly hadn't thought he would reply to my pleas to talk. I expected radio silence for several days before he would finally deem to speak to me.

Rubbing my hip bone where it took the impact of my fall, I can feel the bruise already forming but it's no less than what I deserve. I deserved that and so much more considering the way I had left him after our incredible, mind-blowing night together.

So I'll take the not-so-subtle shade from Arthit if it means that he is willing to talk to me again.

Okay, I admit that was a major fuckup on my part.

You don't say?!

I'm sorry. So so goddamn sorry!

Hmmmm.

Uhhh...I...umm...also swear to throw out all post-it notepads out of the apartment?

YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY?!

Shit. Fuck. I'll go do it right now. Just please P', give me a few minutes to try and explain first na?

He goes quiet then and I am scared that I have pushed him too far too fast. Just because he finally responded to me doesn't mean he's ready to talk about that night. It's been two days since I left him in my bed alone with just a shitty note as I ran away from all the questions swirling in my head, drowning me in confusion. Maybe he only answered me so I would stop badgering him as I have been ever since I left Prae's house, trying to get his attention.

Okay. Talk quickly before I change my mind.

Taking a deep breath, the words start tumbling out in a rush, practically piled upon each other till it's hard to distinguish one from the other. But it's as if I pause for even a fraction of a second, I will lose my nerve so I push ahead nevertheless.

I panicked. Like...heart pounding, lightheaded, can't breathe, absolutely sure I was dying...full-on panic. I've never had a panic attack in my life but my friend Prae - I'll tell you more about her later P' - anyways, she said that I probably had one of those. I saw you lying in the bed and I swear to you P'Arthit, you have no idea how badly I wanted to join you. What happened that night...I don't regret it. Not a single thing that happened between us except the part where I left. But I...

I hesitate, finding myself absentmindedly pacing the floor as I try to gather my thoughts, the words stuck in my throat and refusing to budge. Chewing on my lower lip, I try to find a way to phrase what I am feeling so he'll understand but I must have taken too long because I hear Arthit's slightly impatient voice reverberate in my head.

But you...?

But I just...I just couldn't get past my own damn thoughts! They were suffocating me. I had to get out before they consumed me. I needed answers P'!

Answers to what?

Well for one, I don't know about you but I was a virgin until that night. Not to mention that until recently, I was under the very real impression that I was straight. But now...

Pausing yet again, I know that this next part is not even my biggest concern about what happened that morning but it's an important one that I still haven't come to terms with it and if I haven't, how can I expect him to understand everything else on my mind? Worry gnaws at me that my explanation won't be enough or that I might somehow offend him.

Now....?

Now I don't know anything anymore! I'm very clearly attracted to you or I wouldn't have...you-know...uhh...

Had sex with me?

Err, yeah. That.

I wonder if he can tell that I'm beet red at just the mere mention of what happened between us that night or can feel the streak of desire shooting through my veins as images try to crowd my thoughts of our naked bodies sliding together.

Slapping my cheeks, I try to redirect my attention back to the topic at hand as this is neither the time nor the place to act like either the blushing virgin or the horny pervert. Thankfully if he's aware of my thoughts, he keeps it to himself.

My point is...does what happened between us mean that I'm gay? Do I like guys now or is it just you? What about all the times I was attracted to girls before? Was I just lying to myself or does this mean I'm bisexual? Except you're my soulmate so why would I be attracted to anyone else but you?

Woah, calm down Kong. That's a hellva lot of gay panic you got going on there. But seriously, you're whatever you want to be. I mean, do you have to label it?

Arthit's voice is surprisingly gentle and it makes me feel so damned ashamed that I ran instead of trying to talk to him before. Here he is trying to tread carefully with me when he should be yelling at me for the way I bailed.

Isn't that what people are supposed to do? Give clear definitions of where they stand in the world? Male or female. Straight, gay, or bi. Poor or rich. Young or old.

I say fuck labels. They are stupid and too strict in their definitions. There's no exceptions to the rules or grey areas but life is full of 'em.

What he's saying hits hard and while I'm not sure I'm ready to just throw out society's rules like it's yesterday's trash as Prae and Arthit are encouraging me to do, it does however give me serious food for thought. I need to take time to think about everything that's happened and what I want to do about it going forward to avoid any more hurt feelings or misunderstandings. If I want to seriously pursue a relationship with Arthit and if it's because of the soulmark pushing us together or because I genuinely want him. About whether I am willing to break from tradition and face my parent's disapproval and possibly his own.

So what now Kong? What exactly do you want from me after all is said and done?

I-I don't know. I know what you are to me but I don't know what that exactly means to me.

Do you want to try dating? Just remain friends?

I mean, do we have to label it?

A chuckle reverberates in my head at my callback to his earlier comment.

Touché. How about...let's take it slowly and see what happens? No terms or labels. Just spending time together, talking and hanging out. We'll take it at your pace, one day at a time.

I'd like that. I'd like that very much P'.

⚙~⚙~⚙~⚙

It was awkward as fuck.

If I had any illusions about it being simple to slip back into our easy back-and-forth, I was cleared of those misconceptions straight away because, despite our talk, there was still a layer of hurt and tension between us.

It was nothing in what we said; it was what wasn't said.

And by that, I mean that nothing was said.

At all.

We went about our days without communicating and I tried to give Arthit his space but then the next weekend came and went with no sign of Arthit. To say I was disappointed was a massive understatement. I had thought we had come to a mutual understanding but the more time that passed, I wondered if I had imagined the whole conversation based on my desperate need to reconnect with my soulmate and that he was in reality still ignoring me.

Except, at times, I could feel Arthit silently checking in on me.

I don't think he realized that I knew but I did. Perhaps I had been so keen to hear even the smallest detail or word that may come from him that that my perception was razor-sharp the day that I first noticed it.

It was a stressful day, filled with an overwhelming amount of homework and projects as well as obsessing over the fact that I hadn't heard from Arthit still. I felt ready to break under the pressure of it all when it happened.

Subtle at first, it grew in strength as the feeling lingered - an unseen warmth that eased the burdens in my heart and mind until I was able to focus on my schoolwork.

At the time, I thought it was slightly odd but a welcomed respite from my troubles and it was gone shortly after so it didn't cross my mind again. It was just a passing curiosity after all.

Until it happened again.

Another difficult day, another sensation of comforting warmth. I noticed a pattern after a few days and put the clues together fairly quickly to come to the realization that while Arthit may not be reaching out to me directly, he was not indifferent and was supporting me in his own way.

I may not know his reasons for being incommunicado but as the saying goes, actions speak louder than words and Arthit's actions are what give me courage to act.

Which is how I came to be standing in front of his apartment door now.

After manipulating Em into giving me his brother's address and phone number by claiming that it was for in case of an emergency, he handed it over without any resistance. It took everything in me to not rush out the door the moment I had the information in hand but that seemed a tad bit suspicious so I impatiently waited until Friday evening after my classes had ended to head over to Arthit's place.

Palms sweating, heart palpitating, I pace in front of the door trying to calm myself down enough to confront Arthit about his absence in both my head and the apartment. I'm out there for several minutes, having already made several aborted attempts at knocking on his door, when said door suddenly opens and the man I most wanted to see is standing in the entryway.

"'About time you showed up."

"Huh?"

⚙~⚙~⚙~⚙

A/N: How many saw the title of the chapter and freaked out thinking this was an author's note about the story was being put on hold? It's okay, be honest. I mean, I did purposefully do it because I'm evil like that. Now, this may still be put official hold but for now, I hope you enjoyed the new chapter! Love you guys! ❤