Chapter Twenty
Elle's POV

Finally, two hours after Nanna had returned inside, I forced myself to leave the veranda.

The forest had always offered me a form of peace that I'd never found anywhere else. A place where I was welcome to be myself, where I could put myself first for once. It was a place that wasn't supposed to scare me. My skin wasn't meant to pinch at the thought of walking under the canopy of trees. I wasn't meant to stand before the forest with ashen skin, clammy hands and a heart that had been knocked from my chest.

But I was.

I'd had nightmares and recollections of those fifteen minutes in the forest. I'd had terrors which I was sure had come to life, now stalking the forest, just waiting for me to brave my fears.

I reached for the rail, gripping it tightly. I wanted to go in, but holding myself back was the only thing that felt safe. I rocked forward, catching myself on the railing, then again, and twice more. The fourth time I rocked forward, I let go, following my feet as they dove into the forest.

I didn't watch where I was going. Too focused on my surroundings, I glanced around wildly, looking for signs that he was nearby. I talked to myself, muttering, to fill the silence as I trekked through the forest.

A feather-light touch tickled my neck, and I skimmed across the mud like ice for a heart-clenching moment before catching myself low-hanging branch. It was still too warm for snow to stick, but last night, the first snow of winter had fallen, turning Aucteraden into a thick, grimy marshland.

Mud squelched under my cherry blossom gumboots while my heart drummed and fire seared my veins. A winter haze had settled over the trees, painted over the earth; the golden blaze of autumn leaves was now gone, buried beneath the rotten decay of winter.

Without snow, to purify the lands in a blanket of white, the forest looked bare, a yearly reminder that we were not infallible.

I was looking over my shoulder to the right. What was that? I squinted up ahead, to the right again, to the left this time. Was that a noise?

I tripped, scrambling over a fallen log. As I tried to catch my breath, I scanned my surroundings, my lungs wheezing like a motor turning over. Images of what could happen flashed through my mind, and my heartbeat raced erratically.

I knew, in my head, that I was allowed to be in the forest, but I searched for the border watch as though they were following after me, getting ready to attack. I had never been so aware of my surrounding in the forest. I'd always trusted him to protect me.

What if he doesn't show up?

The thought looped through my mind until my blood filled with ice. What if he never came back? I could see myself searching the forest for hours, searching, the cold seeping under my skin until all I could do was give up.

My hand stung, a relieving distraction from my thoughts, and I rubbed the dots of drying blood with my thumb. This time, when I fell, I didn't have anything to catch, and the bones in my body rattled as I slammed into the dirt.

I groaned, glaring at the trees like an unseen force was messing with me.

My sanctuary was slowly slipping between my fingers.

It was colder than it should have been, and I knew, as I wrapped my jacket tighter around my body, the snow tonight would settle on the ground, the first proper snowfall of the season. The sun didn't provide enough warmth to challenge the winter chill as it trickled through the foilage, projecting the hatching patterns upon the forest floor.

I was close.

I could see the forest open up at the riverbed and hear the gentle water bubble as it moved downstream. The river had narrowed over the years into a shallow trickle of water, bubbling between rocks that could be used as stepping stones. A weathered tree had fallen over the river, and its branches dipped into the water, vibrating with the current.

The last time I had been by the riverbank, the tree had stood tall, and even now, its roots still crisscrossed the soil, jutting out at odd angles. They climbed over each other, rising and falling on the surface, creating an alluring appearance of a spider's web in the dirt.

It was colder by the water, and as the sun set further behind the mountains, my breath crystallised, clouding in the air as I took in the clearing.

I waited, wondering if I was misguided and if I would be left empty-handed. The sun was dipping on the horizon, finding a hiding spot at the top of the mountains. It cast long shadows across the forest, and the temperature dropped even more. I would have to walk back in the dark if I didn't leave soon.

I still waited, trying to push through to the last possible minute, sending prayers and wishes to the gods, pleading with them that he would show up.

I waited too long, and the sun continued to sink; icicles buried into the fabric of my being, piercing my skin, the cold wrapping its frozen fingers around my body. 'This is stupid.' I muttered, muffled by my hands as I searched for warmth. I scuffed the edge of my gumboots into the dirt, 'Why am I even here? I don't even know who he is!'

I raked my hands through my hair, tugging at the roots, stifling a scream, 'God!' I groaned, angling my chin skyward, turning hooded eyes towards the darkening sky. 'I'm going crazy.'

I sniffled. The tip of my nose was frozen, the numbness slowly spreading across my cheeks. They turned to stone as the cold pierced my ears with a frostbitten pain. I gnawed on the inside of my cheek before stomping my foot like a petulant child and turned, scowlingly, to hike home.

The air left my lungs with a whoosh, stolen from my chest with frozen hands.

Sweetness. He came.

He stayed in the shadows, his eyes glinting in the fading light as he watched me from a distance. His ears were flat, pressed against his head, and his tail was tucked under his body; he didn't move nor make a sound. He just stared.

I couldn't find the strength in my bones to put one foot in front of the other, my feet rooted in place, caught in the spider web. I could leave or stay, but at least grounded in the web, I knew what was coming. I could see when he started to approach.

For too long, we watched each other, unmoving. The stone in my cheeks had seeped like poison, spreading through my body, my mind screaming at me to do something, and then, finally, he lowered onto his belly and crept along the ground.

Slinking towards me, he stopped just out of reach, bowing his head between his paws. A long whine was drawn from his throat, and as the lump in my throat grew tenfold and tingles spread across my tongue and around my jawline, he wriggled closer.

It took minutes, but slowly, he wriggled close enough that I could lace my fingers through his fur. The sensation was so natural to me that I didn't have to think about it as I dropped shakily to my knees, inhaling sharply as though it were my first breath of a new life.

I had missed him, and he had missed me.

I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close, but it wasn't close enough for him. He pressed himself so close that his bones melded against mine, and I could feel the ragged way the air left his lungs.

I loosened my grip, letting his fur glide through my fingertips, and pulled back reluctantly. He tried following me, pressing himself against my chest, but I caught his muzzle with both my hands and caressed the sides of his face.

The sun had set, and through the trees, I could see stars peeking out behind clouds. A fog had risen, and I could no longer see the trees where he had first appeared. They were hidden behind the haze.

I had questions.

Lots of questions.

Questions he couldn't answer if he stayed in the body of a wolf.

Who was he? Why did he do what he had done? Why did he always wait for me?

But the ache of missing him was too much of a reminder that he had kept his secrets for thirteen years. He could keep them for another thirteen. I wouldn't push him if not knowing was the only reason he still came. I wouldn't beg.

We didn't have to talk. He rose with me when I decided to head home and walked alongside me, knocking against my legs with each step. I didn't complain because I understood it. His warmth was an addiction that I kept coming back to, like hot chocolate on winter days or the cold rush of water when the sun was blistering in summer. He was unavoidable in the best way possible.

He bumped against my legs harder, and I fell, pain searing up my leg as the ground seemed to collapse under me. As I slammed against the ground, the forest erupted in a silvery gold, white-hot pain.

I couldn't think of doing anything else but marvel at the light as it faded, and I regained thought. When I could drag air back into my lungs, I scrambled to my feet, ignoring the throbbing pain which tore through my ankle. It felt like my flesh was shredded under the skin. I had to find him to ensure he was okay because he couldn't be, not if I had fallen without him by my side.

I could only just see my hand in front of me, like walking through clouds, the fog had thickened, and each step was uncertain. I knew I would fall again, so I crawled towards him instead, blindly following the heavy pants along the forest floor.

He let out a strangled groan that tore at my chest.

My hand was bleeding. I could feel the thin ribbons of blood oozing on my skin, but I pushed the pain away, scurrying forwards until my fingers caught on his knotted fur. Smoothing my hands over his body, searching for his point of pain, my hands slid across the bite of metal jaws, and I tumbled backwards, clasping my hands to my chest.

The metal winked menacingly in the night. The clamp had wrapped its teeth around his hind legs like handcuffs, pinning him to the ground. The silver was slicken with blood, the red liquid pulsing from the wound, pooling, dark and thick, for a second on his skin before dribbling onto the ground.

I couldn't breathe, my lungs collapsing as my chest folded inwards. I could taste the acidic bile burn my throat, and my head spun like I'd ridden the Thunderbolt one too many times. 'Oh, god.' I choked, dry heaving, trying to catch my breath.

I turned away, pressing shaking hands to my mouth, as blackness filled my chest.

When I turned back, I lost all feeling in my limbs, black spots blinking in my vision.

His body roiled, his flesh bubbling like boiling water.

I had seen a shift before, but this one was different.

A typical shift looked painful enough, their whole bodies cracking like walnuts as they remoulded into their new form, the sickening crunch would haunt my dreams occasionally, but they were quick and relatively painless after the first year once they built up a tolerance.

This was drawn out, slow, like frozen molasses. His bones cracked, shifting under the bubbling skin as he became a half-human, half-wolf terror of nightmares.

'Elle.' His voice was like gravel, grinding together, a wretched growl rumbling low in his throat. 'Get it off. Please!'

My hands were shaking, and my fingers were suddenly numb, 'How?' I gasped, trembling as I studied the trap.

The words gargled in his throat. 'Your parents.'

My stomach churned, and I dropped my hands until they hovered over the bear trap. 'I... my parents... they're missionaries, they don't hunt bears, I don't-'

'Ell-' He groaned, his teeth grinding in pain.

My voice was small and quivering, but he still heard me as I whimpered, 'I don't know how?'

His eyes rolled back, his nails tearing into the ground. 'Didn't they teach you?'

'Who?'

His back arched as sweat matted his hair to his skin, and he roared, pain gorging his legs. He bit it back and pierced me with gentle eyes. 'Your parents, Elle.'

'Are you not listening!' I cried, my hands flailing over the trap. I didn't know where to start. 'They're missionaries.'

'What?'

His face twitched, and the closer he got to human form, the more recognition flared in my mind. His eyes flickered, the amber gold settling back into his brown irises, and the fur over his body shrunk back, revealing a sharp jawline that I would have sworn I could draw from memory.

I shook my head, focusing on what was important. 'What do I do?'

He grunted, the words barricaded by clenched teeth. I tried to help, but as I placed a gentle hand on his back to explore the trap, he ripped away from my touch, a guttural cry splitting his chest as he rolled away, a pool of blood smeared in his path.

He gripped the trap with both hands, tight enough that his skin puckered with force. I tried to help, scrambling after him, but he snarled, barking orders, 'STAY BACK.'

As he gripped the trap, the pain lacing my ankle worsened, searing my leg. I hissed through my teeth, my head rolling back as I was floored.

'Elle?'

'Let me help.' I groaned, fighting through the pain. 'Just tell me how.'

'No.' he snarled, 'Don't you dare come near me, Elle. You could hurt yourself.'

I didn't know what to do as he slowly wedged his fingers between the trap's jaws. Sweat slickened his fingers, and they slipped. I cried, and with a groaning scream, he tore it apart.

The springs pinged free, flying into the darkness, the metal claws shattered as he threw them against a tree, and his hand glowed in the moonlight. Angry red welts branded his palm, and his body snapped back into human form.

He fell to the ground, his breathing rough, and his eyes quivered.

The thought of running for help had only just solidified in my mind as his eyes shot open, and he jerked upward, his eyes wild as he turned around to find me.

My voice broke, and I trembled as recognition floored me. 'Who are you?'  I needed him to say the words aloud.

His face was pale, and he stumbled towards me. He faltered as I flinched and stood there, swaying, just watching as I curled my arms around my body protectively. 'Elle.' My name was filled with desperation, like a silent plea for a saviour, his leg crumbled beneath him, and he crashed to the ground. 'I'm sorry. I am so sorry.'