Chapter Thirty-Five
Elle POV
*Two months later*

The trees howled in the wind, and the long, wide branches danced. The canopy knitted together to cast shadows across the forest floor, and it reminded me of Kaden. The howling, the forest, everything. It was so familiar, except it wasn't. Everything had changed. I could no longer call it my sanctuary. And no matter how hard I tried, it was hard to remember that it was the same land I had spent my childhood exploring.

He was Kaden. Kaden Delossa. He wasn't a nobody, at least not like I was. The soon-to-be alpha of the Vermiculo pack. The biggest pack on the continent and the fourth in the world. Everyone knew he was brilliant, kind, and gorgeous, but was it enough? Was it enough to hide the fact that I was a nobody, someone who didn't deserve the man described? Had the goddess laughed as she had bonded our souls, shook her head with pity? Had she forgotten us as soon as she had forged our soul-line, an unforgettable love that was never destined to go anywhere? Was this our end?

Kaden deserved better.

'You know, if you wait long enough, the forest might reach out for you.'

I snorted, squinting through the sun to Jacobi, 'I might have turned to dust by that point.'

A sad smile tilted his lips, and he settled down beside me. I wasn't surprised that he was here. I hadn't gone a day without seeing him, without him needing to see for himself that I was okay. 'That's a possibility.'

'I could do the maths for you if you'd like. By the time that forest,' I jabbed a finger in the direction of the trees, 'gets to me, I'll be long gone.'

'Well then, I guess the only solution is to go to it.'

I couldn't look at him. His eyes were always too careful, too guarded, holding back words as if I were made of glass. 'And what if that scares me?'

He sighed, his shoulders narrowing as he curled inward. 'The trees have never harmed you.'

I nodded solemnly. 'You're right, but the boy within them has.'

I could see the lines of Jacobi's face from the corner of my eye. The worry, the fear, and the inadequacy washed upon his face like an artwork that should only be viewed by the artist. 'He didn't mean to.'

'I know.' I picked a loose thread on my sleeve, wondering how far I could pull it before it pulled free. 'But that doesn't mean it didn't hurt.'

His hand hovered mid-air, his chest risen, mid-breath, but he had learnt early on that I didn't like touch, and since then, he hadn't cared to rediscover if that had changed. It had been the same with everyone. Ever since I had broken down at the funeral, when I had held onto Kaden with all the fibres of my soul, people had realised touch made me nervous.

But it had been over two months without touch, which could make even the loneliest person crave a physical connection.

'We miss you, you know.'

I rubbed the thread between my fingers. 'I haven't gone anywhere.'

'It feels like you have.'

I tucked my hands under my arms and rested my chin against my knee. 'I don't feel so sad anymore.'

'That's good,' but his brow still furrowed, and he turned away, his words almost lost in the wind. 'He asks about you.'

'Don't.' I flung myself to my feet, almost tripping down the stairs. 'Stop pressuring me to talk to him. Whenever someone tells me I should, I feel like I shouldn't, and it isn't supposed to be like that. I'm supposed to want to be with him because I want to, not because everyone else is telling me to.'

He was silent like he couldn't think of the words to express his thoughts, and as he stared back at me, his mouth gaping in the wind, I was relieved, because the first time since I had escaped, I had room to speak, to say what was on my mind.

'He can ask about me, but you must stop telling me. Whenever you talk about him, it pushes me further away.'

'I just want to see you happy.'

'And I will be, on my own terms, but a guy isn't going to make me any happier. I thought that was the case with Lachlan, and look what he did.'

'Kaden is different.'

'I don't care how different he is.' I cried, shouting it into the forest, my back to Jacobi. 'If all of my happiness relies on him, what do I have when he is gone.'

'He won't go anywhere.'

'Right,' I spun back, my face pinched, 'because you can see the future, can you? I understand he won't leave me because he has the choice to. I get that. I've had enough reminders, but sometimes things happen, things we can't control. If I place all of my happiness on Kaden, and he dies, or the fates take our bond away, what do I have?'

'Your courage.' Jacobi stood to his feet. 'Your strength. Kendra. Your family. Me. You have so many things to bring you happiness.'

'I don't want to rely on others to bring me happiness. I want to be happy with myself.'

It had taken me this long to realise why I had hesitated to fall into Kaden's arms. I had loved Lachlan, but it was a fleeting love, and by the time I had realised the lies, I didn't feel the same overwhelming emotions as I had in the start. But I still loved him all that time ago, and his lies had taken him from me. I'd known what it felt like to invest my happiness in someone else, to hand over the control. I wasn't so willing to blindly hand over my happiness to Kaden because I now understood how much worth it held. And maybe that wasn't fair. Maybe Kaden deserved someone willing to give him everything, but I couldn't. I couldn't compromise my happiness.

'I was planning on talking to him today, but on my terms and conditions.' I declared, studying him for his reaction. 'I refuse to give up on my life just to be a trophy to him. I may not have the blood of a werewolf, but I'm not weak, and I'm not a sheep. I am Elliot Clarke. I will not be used again. I will find my happiness. And I will live my life.'

'If you think that's how Kaden would treat you, then you don't know him.'

'You're right. I don't know him.'

***

I sat alone on the steps until something about the forest changed. It wasn't anything visible or a sound that I had heard. It was more of a feeling, a knowledge that he was waiting.

Whether he was waiting for me, or the silence that the forest promised, I didn't know, but he waited, and I found him by the river. It was always meant to be our meeting spot, where we would find each other. Our place. I hadn't had to think twice about searching for him there.

He sat facing away from me, his thoughts taken by the trees, his back bowed, and his hands tangled into his hair. He didn't look up as I approached.

As I dropped a hand to his shoulder, he jumped to his feet and spun until he had me tangled in his arms. He pressed his head to mine, his brows threading together as he stared, his hand snaking up my sleeve to cup my cheeks. He sucked in a shuddering breath. 'Is this another dream?'

'Do I usually lie in your dreams?'

He let the air go with a tearless sob, running his hands through my hair before stepping back. 'You don't usually respond.'

'I guess that only makes you half delusional then.'

He snorted, lifting his eyes to the sky as he sunk back onto the log. 'I guess so.' He paused and inhaled deeply, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. 'How are you?'

'I'm alright. Is it possible to feel lonely when people constantly surround you?'

His head bobbled, and his eyes tracked over my body, taking in every detail as though it were the first time he was seeing me. 'I think it's the hardest kind of loneliness.'

'Is it weird that I don't even know you, and I miss you?'

It brought a brief smile to his eyes but didn't last long. 'It's not weird. You don't know me, but you know parts of me. We had a familiar routine, which we shared, and it may feel like we'll never get that back, right?'

'Something like that.'

'We don't have to do or be anything, not if you don't want to.'

'I know. I want to try, though.'

'Really?'

I nodded, feeling odd, standing before the boy I once thought of as unreachable. 'I need you to understand some things before anything changes.'

'Anything.'

I hated standing above him, so I knelt so we were eye to eye. 'I can't lose myself. I can't do it again.'

'I like your independence. I like that you are searching for your identity, and I would never take that away. You come first; I won't mould you into something you are not.'

'I know, but what if your lifestyle does that for you?'

'I am your mate first, alpha second. We make the choices, and we shape our futures. We do it together. Elle, I saw you at that meeting. I heard the things you had to say. You would thrive in the position of Luna, but if you don't want that side of it, I won't force you. You could improve the pack, but it won't crumble without you.'

'So if I don't want to be Luna...'

'Then you don't have to be.'

'And if I do?'

'The position will always be yours.'

'Can I think about it.'

'Of course.'

I rolled my lip between my teeth, gnawing on the inside of my cheek as I bounced my finger against my arm. 'This might sound bad, and I understand if it changes things, but I don't love you, not like I thought I would. The bond is there. It's just...'

He leant forward, slipping from the log so he was kneeling before me. 'You're not meant to love your soulmate straight away. I can't remember when I first realised I loved you. I'd been watching you for years, and one day, it just came to me, knowing I couldn't live without you. At first, this need to protect you drove me to do what I did.' He reached out to me, and he didn't hesitate. He cupped my hand with his and traced the lines on my palm with the edge of his thumb. 'The fates don't make us love. They create the bond based on qualities and experiences they know we will have. Some are just flames, matches struck but never used to light anything, and others create a fire that burns the forest to ashes.'

'And which do you think we'll be?'

'The kind that lights up the world.'