You know you make me wanna (shout)

***

CHAPTER 90:

GANDALF TO GOLLUM

When I returned to my room that night, I felt as wise as Gandalf. How had I, Olive, managed to choose not only the right path for myself but also grown enough to impart life lessons to someone else? Indeed, the Dorm was a school like no other. I was proud. I leaned down to pet my cat with a dignified smile, even though he responded by biting me. I kept smiling, though; that was what maturity was all about.

Of course, the lessons life had to teach were never-ending. For instance, despite all my newfound wisdom and maturity, the moment I read the letter in my mailbox, I started jumping around like a child. I tugged at the paper as if ripping a bedsheet, and when it tore in half, I flung the pieces to the floor and stomped on them. My hands were clenched as if I were confronting the letter's writer. I bit my lower lip, imagining tearing him apart while animalistic growls escaped my throat. To an attentive listener, these growls would reveal a name.

"Davon!"

Yes, it was he who had turned me from Gandalf into Gollum in mere seconds. As if his annoying manner in the library wasn't enough, he had concocted something new to infuriate me the moment he returned to his room. I didn't even know when he'd learned to write letters, but he had, and the unlucky recipient was me. The letter listed things like the time I should wake up, what I should eat, physical exercises, study topics, where I should be at what time, how I should conduct my research, and the limited breaks he deemed acceptable for me.

I didn't read everything in detail. The first item was enough to dictate my next steps. Davon wanted to see me at the pool at dawn. Clearly, we were going to train. Yes, we would, I thought. But it wouldn't be the kind of training he imagined. My well-meaning heart that had tried to give him time was damned. Maturity was damned. I was going to finish this in the morning at that pool. Unless, in my anger, I drowned him first.

I barely slept. When I woke up, my anger hadn't subsided at all. The first victim of my rage was my wardrobe.

"I'm not going there to swim!" I yelled for the third time when it suggested the same swimsuit in a different color.

But if I was stubborn, the wardrobe was even more so. On the fifth try, it won the battle, and I meekly slipped into the pink swimsuit and flip-flops. Thankfully, it had the sense to give me a robe to wear over it. I shot a threatening look at Trouble, who was watching me from the corner of the room, and stepped out into the corridor.

As expected, the place was quiet. The other souls probably had no training sessions or ex-lovers to speak to. Irritated, I stomped down the stairs three at a time. When I burst into the pool area, I looked more like a dark rain cloud than a soul. Lightning flashed in my hands, fury within me. My eyes, catching the movement in the water, darkened. Davon had started training without waiting for me, of course. He always had to be the best.

But after a few steps, I realized that something was wrong. Davon couldn't be stirring the water like this on his own, nor could he be swimming in two lanes at once. So, he must have brought someone else to train with us, as if he wasn't annoying enough by himself.

My hands clenched again in fury as I marched to the end of the pool. But before I could call out to Davon, I stopped abruptly. My gaze shifted from Davon swimming towards me to his competitor in the next lane. There was no mistaking those golden locks, now darkened by the water."

"Mars?"

He couldn't respond, of course. He was desperately trying to finish the race. But why was he racing Davon? Why was he here? Had his shoulder healed enough to swim?

Davon's laughter silenced my flurry of questions. He had reached the edge, pulled himself up, and was now sitting on the corner, watching Mars. It didn't matter that Mars reached him in just a few more strokes; both boys knew who the winner was.

Mars emerged from the water, seething with rage. As he pulled himself up, his face immediately creased in pain. It was clear his poor performance today was due to that pain. I hadn't noticed at first, but now I could see his wound was bleeding.

"Mars, your shoulder," I said, ignoring Davon's mocking.

But Mars pulled away, not looking at me but at the boy in front of him as if he could bury him at the bottom of the pool at any moment. When Davon reached out his hand in congratulations, Mars didn't shake it. Instead, Davon brushed his hair back from his forehead, adjusting his red bangs.

"I'd say let's go another round, but... Lili and I need to train. She hasn't been doing well without me. We'll pick this up with you another time."

Mars's face flushed even more. Only God knew what else Davon had said to provoke him into racing despite his injury. I wanted to kick Davon. I wanted to stomp on him. Maybe even yank on those much-admired locks of his. But as Mars moved, all these thoughts vanished from my mind.

"Mars, wait!" I immediately chased after him.

Dav caught my arm right away. "Where are you going, Lili?"

"I didn't come here to train," I snarled, pulling my arm free. "I came here because I had things to say to you."

"Then say them."

I would have, but it was impossible to focus on the topic with Mars walking away in that condition. My eyes shifted to my boyfriend. He had wrapped a towel around his neck and was about to reach the door. I wanted to go to him, to tend to his wound, to clear up all the misunderstandings between us, but...

"Lili!" Davon tugged at me again.

I took a deep breath through my nose and turned to face him. It was clear that as long as Davon was standing between us, I wouldn't be able to sort things out with Mars. I freed my arm from his grip, took another deep breath, and faced him squarely.

"Listen, Dav... you need to stop acting like this."

"Like what?"

"Like everything is normal... Like that accident never happened, like we never died, like we can pick up where we left off..." I exhaled heavily. "I've been here a long time, Dav. I've seen a lot. I've changed. I'm not the same Olive you left behind."

"That much is clear," he said with a condescending smile. "This world has dazzled you as it has others. You've forgotten who you are."

"I know who I am," I said through clenched teeth. "In fact, I've never known myself better."

"Is that so?" he retorted with the same arrogant tone. "All dressed up, with pointless hobbies, wasting nights in the name of fun, surrounded by friends who add nothing to your life... Is this really who you are?"

If my heart were made of glass, it would be full of cracks. Any good feelings I had for Davon, considering our past, were now buried beneath the ruins of my shattered faith. I stepped away from him, then another step, and another...

"Is this really you?" I asked, disappointment coloring my voice. "Have you always been this heartless, thoughtless, and merciless?"

He raised an eyebrow. "You mean logical, thoughtful, and realistic? The qualities you once valued most..."

"Once upon a time..." I clenched my teeth. "Before I died and saw the truth."

Now, I wasn't even sure if those values were really mine. It felt like I had accepted someone else's truths, played a role in pleasing them, and lived a fake life. My death was like the birth of the real Olive. And Davon was stubbornly refusing to understand this. He twisted his lips as if bored.

"Really, no need to be so dramatic. You're just a bit confused. Don't worry—once I rescue you from this mess, you'll remember everything."

I felt like I was about to burst. "Who says I need rescuing?" I shot back.

His smug smile returned. "Oh dear, Lili, it seems you've forgotten not only who you are but also who I am. You've forgotten that there was my intelligence behind every success you've had. You need me to escape from here!"

Inside me, a deadly monster howled. With the echo of that sound in my head, I screamed, "Is that why you're here? Is that why you broke divine order to transfer to this Dorm to find me? Why didn't you use that brilliant mind to save yourself, huh?" I didn't let him answer, pressing my finger against his chest. "Because, as you said, there was your intelligence behind every success I've had. But let's not forget that behind every success you've had, there was mine too." I laughed bitterly. "We both know you're here because you need my help. If you could have handled this alone, you would have left long ago. That's how selfish you are!"

I moved away from him, breathless. My outburst clearly got through to Davon. His lips parted in horror as he stared at me. Good! I thought. He was finally listening. So, he had things to hear.

"Throughout our relationship, you always made me feel small," I continued. "I did everything to please you. Yet, no matter what I tried, it was never enough. You even criticized the things I was best at."

"It was for your own good," he defended himself.

"No!" I interrupted immediately. He couldn't feed me that lie anymore. "You were terrified of me being better than you, of me drawing more attention than you. You tried to elevate yourself by diminishing me. You built walls, drew lines, and tried to fit me into the mold in your mind. And stupidly, I thought all this was what I wanted. Without understanding, without knowing, I did whatever you said. I was the perfect girlfriend: unnoticed by your side, agreeing to everything. How wonderful!"

"Lili, please, don't be ridiculous. You've misunderstood everything."

But I hadn't. The unease settling in Davon's voice told me he knew it, too. When he reached out to me, I dodged and moved further away.

"I'm not being ridiculous," I asserted. "My mind isn't confused. It took more than one brush with death for me to find myself. That's why I know what I want."

"Lili... Listen to me!"

"No, you listen to me, Davon!" I paused to take a deep breath. "I don't need your intelligence. If I leave here one day, I'll do it myself! And..." I lifted my chin proudly. "You and I are no longer together. We never really were, anyway!"

Andthen I left him stammering and walked away.

***