Are you lonesome tonight?

***

CHAPTER 89: 

FULL OF DOUBTS

Lea looked like she had seen a monster, which wasn't far from the truth, given Mars's intense, animal-like stare that seemed ready to devour her in one bite.

"What are you doing here?" Mars asked, his voice chilling the air further. Even I shuddered with fear. Lea looked like she might collapse at any moment.

"I... just... wanted... to talk," she stammered.

I shouldn't have felt sorry for her, but how could anyone not feel pity seeing her like this? Mars obviously didn't share my sentiments; his face was stone-cold. He shook his head.

"Don't push me, Lea. Don't push your luck. If I see you bothering Olive, you know what I told you would happen. Do you want to end up like James?"

Now Lea was shaking her head frantically, backing away. "No, no, no... I wasn't bothering her, I swear! It won't happen again. I won't... I won't even speak to her again! I promise!"

"This is your last warning," Mars said, his voice compressing what little patience he had left.

Lea turned away even before Mars finished his sentence. Her eyes, once filled with malice enough to push me off a cliff, were now wet with the fear of falling off that very cliff herself. She fled from us as if escaping a ticking bomb and dived among the trees.

I watched her until Mars stood in front of me. He lifted my chin, shifting my focus from Lea's retreating figure to himself. "Are you okay?" he asked.

I nodded. Shaken but unharmed. "What did you say to them?" I asked. "What scared Lea so much? What happened to James?"

Mars offered a faint smile at my rapid-fire questions and caressed my cheek. "You don't need to worry about that," he reassured. "I told you I would handle it, and I have. Don't think about them anymore. No one will bother you again."

I believed him. But despite the confidence in his voice, he was here. He had miraculously appeared at just the right moment and intervened. He must still be worried that something might happen to me.

The answer was obvious, but I asked anyway. "How did you know we were here? You were following me, weren't you?"

He tugged at the hair at the back of his neck. "Maybe."

I bit my lower lip to stop myself from laughing as he averted his eyes like a guilty child. "Why didn't you come to me sooner then?"

He sighed heavily. "I thought you wanted to be alone. I figured you were heading to the greenhouse. It looked like you needed some time to yourself. I... I promised I'd give you space. I would have stayed hidden if I hadn't seen Lea."

His words melted my heart. My love for him flooded my soul, warming every fiber of my being. This time, I reached out and caressed his cheek. "For the record, if you see me again, don't hide. Come to me. I'll always choose to be with you over being alone."

His dimple appeared instantly. He turned his head to kiss my fingers. "Noted. Hopefully, you won't regret that later."

I smiled, though it was bittersweet. "I'm sorry for how I left things in class," I said. I didn't want to leave like that. It wasn't you I was running from. I just... didn't know what to do."

"I know," he said, his eyes filled with genuine compassion.

"I thought I'd see you at dinner. I looked for you in the cafeteria, but you weren't there."

He pursed his lips. "I was there. I just didn't come over."

It dawned on me then. "You've been following me from the cafeteria," I realized. "You saw Dav, that's why you stayed away."

He tried to smile. "Me and that guy in the same frame is not a good idea, Olive. I think we all agree on that."

Indeed, we agreed. But Mars having thought that through and showing that maturity... I hadn't expected it. Suddenly, I threw my arms around his neck. Mars was taken aback, but he responded to my embrace after a moment's hesitation. He chuckled. "If I'd known this would be my reward, I would've shown up sooner."

I pulled back to see his face but didn't let go of his neck. "Thank you," I said. "I know this is hard for you. Seeing me around him..."

As someone who had deeply experienced jealousy, I knew the pain it could bring to Mars's heart, and he didn't deny it.

"You know me, Olive. I'm a selfish man. And when it comes to you... logic doesn't exactly hold sway. Just thinking about that guy makes my blood boil."

"Yet you're still giving me the space I asked for," I said tentatively. "You came to the library, didn't you? You heard us. You saw that I couldn't handle the conversation. You're not mad, why?"

He took a deep breath, touched my hair, and played with the strands near my face. His gaze wandered over my eyes, cheeks, lips. "Yes," he said quietly. I watched you—how you looked at him, how you talked to him. Do you know what I saw?"

When he caressed my cheek, my head naturally tilted into his hand. He smiled.

"You don't react like this when he touches you," he murmured. His other hand tightened around my waist, pulling me closer. I sighed. "When he touches you, your lips don't part like this. Your eyes don't close like this." His thumb traced my lower lip, and indeed, my eyes fluttered shut. His hand moved from my waist up my back, sending shivers under my thin dress. He whispered in my ear, "When he's near, your skin doesn't shiver like this; you don't lose yourself like this."

Each word, each touch, melted me further into his arms. My legs nearly gave out from under me, and Mars was well aware of the effect he had on me. He pulled back just enough to see my face and smiled contentedly.

"That's how I keep my promise," he said. "Because I know all these things. Because I know you love me. And..." He pressed his forehead against mine. "Because I love you so much."

My heart, already overwhelmed with tumultuous emotions, felt like it might burst at any moment. Mars had said he loved me! He—loved—me! Those words alone were mind-blowing, but then his lips met mine, kissing me until my thoughts dwindled to nothing more than a speck.

"Mars," I gasped when we finally stopped.

His smile wasn't just on his lips; it reached his eyes, too. He brushed his nose against my undoubtedly blushing cheeks. "Let me walk you to the greenhouse, or I might just carry you straight to my room instead."

His insinuation made my face heat up even more. Thankfully, he took my hand, and we started walking. I hoped the darkness concealed my flushed excitement.

"How's your shoulder?" I ventured, aiming to divert the conversation, but his dimples appeared as he shot me a mischievous look.

"Why? Are you reconsidering—maybe you'd prefer heading to my room instead?"

I froze. My steps faltered, my words tangled, and a jumble of sounds tumbled out. "No... I didn't mean... That's not what I..."

Mars pulled me close, tucked me under his arm, and silenced my babbling with a kiss on my head. His laughter vibrated through my hair. "I'm just kidding, Olive. This night is yours. I'm merely here to accompany you on your journey."

He was joking, obviously dodging the real issue. That meant there was a truth he wasn't sharing.

"Really, Mars," I said, looking up at him. "Is your shoulder still bothering you?"

"It doesn't hurt right now," he said, implying it was because of me, but my frown made him reconsider evading the question. "At other times... it's manageable," he admitted.

His casual dismissal worried me. "Are you sure you don't want to check into the infirmary?" I pressed, troubled by his casual dismissal. "It's been a while since the incident. If they had anything on us, they would have acted by now. We could always concoct another accident. If an angel sees..."

"Shh..." he soothed, dropping another kiss into my hair. "Relax. I'm fine. The wound is healing. I could prove it right now, but... with your permission, I'll maintain my chivalry a bit longer."

I jabbed his stomach playfully, and we continued to joke around until we reached my garden. Even then, he didn't leave my side—and I didn't want him to. He observed as I worked, lent a hand when necessary, and rewarded each new creation with kisses, treating our shared efforts like treasured artwork. In stark contrast to Davon, who had mocked my garden and laughed at me, Mars didn't hesitate to join in the dirt, admiring my flowers as if they were masterpieces.

With Mars, I was not the person others expected me to be; I was simply myself—how I felt and who I wanted to be. Mars didn't attempt to change me; he accepted every part of me, differences and all. Surely, this must be what true love is. Unlike Davon, who had loved only the idea of me—the girlfriend he envisioned. I realized now that I could never be that girl because I had no desire to transform into someone else.

Walking back to the Dorm, hand in hand with Mars in the middle of the night, I felt at peace, a smile lingering on my lips. I could hardly be happier and was ready to do everything to keep this happiness intact. Tomorrow, I would talk to Davon and end this. The truths would come out, misunderstandings would end, and only love would remain.

"Suddenly, Mars halted. I paused as well, my thoughts abruptly returning to the present. I traced his gaze and squinted to discern a shadow on a rock. Now that I was focused, I could also hear faint whimpers. It was crying. The shadow's outline merged with a voice in my mind to form a familiar image. Simultaneously, Mars and I whispered, "Helene..."

"Why is she crying?" Mars asked quietly.

Helene hadn't recovered from what she had witnessed in the Archive; we all knew that. But, it seemed there was a deeper pain in her heart than the sadness her eyes betrayed. It pained me to see her this way.

"I should go to her," I said, gently letting go of Mars's hand.

He smiled kindly. "Of course, you should." Then he leaned in and gave me a quick kiss. "Because you're the kindest person I know."

Before I could respond to his compliment, he wished me good night and turned away. I walked slowly towards the rock and sat down beside Helene. She stiffened when she sensed me, then relaxed when she saw it was me and stopped trying to wipe her eyes. Another night, with tearful eyes, we had already shared everything.

"The confrontation didn't go as I expected," she murmured.

"Or maybe," I replied gently, "it went exactly as it should have."

She looked at me, surprised. A faint smile flickered across her lips. "This Dorm has corrupted you."

It probably had. I had begun to echo the Principal I had initially resisted. I chuckled softly. "I guess that's why we're here—to change, to grow, to see life from a new perspective. "

She nodded slightly. "To see things differently..." she repeated, her gaze drifting to the branches swaying in the wind. After a silent moment, she sighed. "But what if I'm scared of changing?"

"That's completely natural," I shrugged. Her hopeful eyes met mine, and I offered a reassuring smile. "But I've learned that change is inescapable no matter how scared I am. The first rule of growth is to keep moving forward."

"Even if it might hurt at the end of that road?"

"Isn't it hurting to stand still?" I posed softly, not expecting an answer. Helene smiled sadly. "I get it," I continued. "The uncertainty of the future is frightening. But living in constant doubt isn't really living, Helene. Even if... technically, we're all dead..."

"And I am full of doubts..." she whispered, her voice trembling. I'm terrified yet consumed with wanting to know the truth. I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I do nothing but think. If I stay here, will I forever be doubting? Will I always be stuck in limbo?"

Her tear-filled eyes searched mine for a resolution. But I couldn't make this decision for her. Whether she stayed or returned to life was a choice Helene had to make for herself. So, I placed my hand over my heart and offered her the only advice I could.

"Maybe you should stop thinking, Helene. Block out the noise and really listen to your soul. The answer you're looking for is already there."

***