I'm sorry, so sorry

That I was such a fool

***

CHAPTER 73:

THE BALL

I just stood there, staring after Mars. Ever since I'd landed in the Dorm, that was my routine anyway: Mars saying something outrageous, Mars overreacting, Mars pulling some stunt, and me... just watching him. In just a few minutes, he'd managed to scramble my thoughts, mess with my emotions, and throw me off balance—again. My mind was racing with questions.

Was he really here by himself? Was he just reading? Did he genuinely come to the library to help us? What about the girl from the lake? Was he with her until just now? Or...

I brushed aside these useless thoughts as my eyes landed on the book he'd handed me. The title, The End of the World, was stamped in gilded, embossed letters—not exactly the kind of title you'd expect for a children's book. It would be smarter to read it back in my room, away from prying eyes. Yet, curiosity won out, and I sank to the floor, rapidly turning the pages.

I blitzed through the first chapter and then the next. Chapters three, four, five flew by—I lost track of time until the noises of the library brought me back to reality. It was morning, and the Dorm was stirring. I quickly got up and rushed back to my room, ignoring the knowing glances from the souls I passed. They probably thought I'd spent the night with someone. I didn't care—I had bigger things to worry about.

Back in my bed, I continued devouring the book. Mars's motives for giving me this tale eluded me. It was about a boy convinced that finding the end of the world would reunite him with his dead mother. He had fled his home and embarked on a journey, soon joined by other kids. Together, they hurdled from one daring escapade to another, facing off against monsters, unwavering in their quest. At some point, I felt like Mars was taunting me, perhaps seeing us as those children naively pursuing the unattainable.

Then, I hit chapter twenty-one. The children attempted to sneak into a clandestine hotel guarded by three menacing dogs stationed at the stairs. Leaping out of bed, I paced my room as I read on. Despite their cunning attempts to dodge the guard dogs, the youngest girl was captured. In that critical moment, the boy pulled out his violin—a gift from his mother he believed to be enchanted. True to fairy tale magic, it worked. The music soothed the ferocious wolves, lulling them into sleep. As he played on, his companions slipped into the hotel and secured the chest they sought.

I closed the book, having understood Mars's hint. In a rush, I scribbled notes to my friends, hurriedly got ready, and raced back to the library. I paced the aisles as I waited, and thankfully, my friends arrived quickly, sharing my eagerness.

I briefed them about the book Mars had given me, omitting specifics like time or my attire and focusing on the critical details about the dogs. Blue praised the idea as ingenious; Ursa and Diego were excited. However, Tarben was hesitant, wary because the suggestion had come from Mars. Despite his reservations, we couldn't afford to dismiss our only clue just because of his feelings toward Mars.

We quickly revised our plan. Unfortunately, Blue didn't know how to play the violin, and recruiting an outsider was too risky. Diego proposed using a cassette player, and Blue agreed to find a suitable tape in the music department. Tarben took on the task of preparing ropes to secure the wolves, while Ursa and I would collect silver items from the history room.

Ideally, Ursa should have assisted Tarben with the ropes, given her expertise with horses—she was an award-winning rider, a fact she rarely discussed, but Diego occasionally mentioned. However, when I suggested it, Ursa visibly paled, swiftly diverted the conversation, and took up a different task. I didn't push the issue, attributing her unusual response to stress.

We agreed to stash everything in Ursa's room since she was least likely to get caught. Naturally, we'd keep up our research, but I doubted we'd find anything more crucial than the clue Mars had given us. From that point, it was down to luck and patience. We toiled away, surviving on little sleep, scarce food, and enduring constant headaches from all the reading, while Ursa's room gradually transformed into a storage area.

I had considered thanking Mars for the book and even attempted it a few times. If he hadn't always been surrounded by people, I may have succeeded. But whether it was girls, boys, friends, or spirits, Mars was perpetually occupied. He seemed changed—more reserved, contemplative, not the playful flirt he once was. Yet, he was acting to cling to his former self. Each time our eyes met, he quickly looked away, as though worried I might trigger some unwanted memory or lead him astray.

I had stopped trying to convince myself not to feel sad. Accepting the pain made it a little more bearable. Just a little... Fortunately, the upcoming ball and its attendant preparations, coupled with the looming threat, served as useful distractions. When the announcement came that the ball was just three days away, my panic wasn't about dresses or dates—my fear centered on whether we'd successfully breach the Archive and, if so, whether we'd make it out alive.

I barely made it to the morning of the ball. I'd heard rumors that everyone found their ball outfits magically arranged in their closets upon waking. That was hardly my concern, though. We'd show up at the party just long enough to be seen by the angels, and once Diego swiped the key from Jinx, we'd slip away and gear up for the Archive. Given the risky mission ahead and what was at stake, fussing over a dress felt trivial. Yet, instinctively, the first thing I did upon waking was to swing open my closet door.

And there it was.

I paused, staring at the dress. It was a genuine ball gown, layers upon layers of soft yellow tulle, adorned with flowers and shimmering gems, and trimmed with the finest lace I'd ever seen. Unexpected tears prickled my eyes. Maybe because I wasn't just any girl heading to a ball, or maybe... it was the thought of that one person I wished would see and admire me in it, yet who would never be there to take my hand.

I snapped out of that daydream quickly. Choosing the Archive over the ball was my decision and the right one. I could pretend to enjoy another splendid night. Perhaps Mars might notice me, offer a smile, or whisper words that sparked a little hope. But that would be it. The ball would end, I'd wake up lonely, Mars would still be Mars, and I'd remain trapped in the same loop unless I took action to break free.

No!

I grabbed random clothes from the closet and got ready quickly. My first stop was Ursa's room. Diego and Tarben had already brought some snacks from the cafeteria, so we could skip breakfast downstairs and dive straight into planning. We spread out on the carpet, placed the food between us, and got down to business.

We spent the entire day refining our plans, reviewing them over and over. No matter how many times we went over them, it felt like something was missing. After all, our entire strategy was based on assumptions: we might fail to snag the key, might not unlock the library door, our musical attempt might not soothe the wolves, the silver might prove ineffective, or additional security might have been added to the Archive.

Tarben, usually the epitome of calm, was visibly anxious today. He made Diego practice repeatedly, ensuring he could reliably steal the necklace from my neck and then from Ursa's and Blue's. Next, it was Blue's turn. She replayed the tape countless times, confirming we knew every tune. Tarben taught us the correct knots for restraining the wolves, which we practiced tying and untying relentlessly. He then demonstrated lassoing techniques using the bedposts as targets while we watched. Despite my urging, Ursa stubbornly refused to handle the ropes. I decided to let it go again.

Unquestionably, our biggest challenge was handling the weapons. None of us, except Tarben, knew how to wield a sword properly. Diego had some knack for knives, thanks to his rough upbringing. Blue and Ursa struggled to lift the heavy shields while I was left trying to maneuver with a spear. So, just like the days before, we spent the entire afternoon practicing with our weapons.

By five o'clock, I was completely worn out when I trudged back to my room. My head throbbed, my stomach upset, and my muscles ached. Dressing up was the last thing on my mind, but the show must go on. Today was the day we'd see the results of our long days of preparation. I took a long, hot shower to try to relax.

Returning to my closet, the yellow gown was waiting—still as breathtaking as the first time I saw it. Slipping it on, the gown felt enchanted, as if sewn by magical hands, tailored specifically for me. The fabric was unlike any dress I'd ever worn, akin to being draped in clouds. The corset left my shoulders bare, sitting just right, not a millimeter too high or low. I turned around in front of the mirror a couple of times. The ruffles lifted, the gems sparkled, and the tulle danced between my legs, each sway making the flowers embroidered on it seem to flutter.

Despite my hesitancy, I sat at the vanity, styling my hair into a half-updo. The closet had thoughtfully included diamond daisy clips that matched my dress perfectly. I clipped them into my hair and let the rest tumble freely. Once my makeup was done, the girl staring back from the mirror seemed more like a fairy tale princess than the everyday me. I had never looked this way before. Feeling a wave of sentimentality, I quickly shook it off and focused on Trouble. Since pets were welcome at the ball, he, too, was decked out with a daisy-adorned collar that matched my gown.

And then it was time to go.

Our rendezvous point was Ursa's room, which had become our operation center. We planned to head down to the ballroom together. However, Trouble had other ideas, darting away just three steps out the door. I chased after him, calling his name through a corridor filled with girls in flowing gowns and boys in sharp suits—it felt like stepping back into a bygone era. Spotting a small cat amidst all the bustling skirts was no small feat, but luckily, I managed to grab Trouble's fluffy tail.

"Trouble!" I called, hoping he'd stop.

Instead, I came to a halt. Because Trouble was making a beeline for Luck, as always. And Luck wasn't alone. Mars was right behind her, now locking eyes with me. All the resolutions I had made to myself dissipated. Logical explanations faded. Reality mingled with fantasy.

Mars wore a dark grey suit with a vest, a crisp white shirt underneath, and a black bow tie. A pale-yellow rose pinned to his lapel mirrored the color of my dress. I might not have been a genuine princess, but he looked every bit a prince. Like every other girl in the corridor, I caught myself gawking at him, my eyes betraying me. My throat tightened, and I struggled even to swallow.

For a long moment, Mars watched me, his face unreadable. Was he surprised to see me? Unhappy, maybe? Then, he bent down, scooped up Trouble, and walked towards me. Standing close, he held out my mischievous cat.

"No one looking as beautiful as you should have to chase a cat," he said.

My arms automatically reached out to take Trouble, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from Mars. The compliment must have colored my cheeks red. To him, it might have been just a casual, throwaway line. As for me... I had lost my footing in the world.

"I... I'm sorry," I managed, looking away. "Trouble never listens when he spots Luck."

"Just as stubborn as his owner," Mars quipped, pulling my attention back to him. Before I could reply, he continued, "You're leaving tonight, right?" He was referring to our plan to break into the Archive, probably having heard from Blue.

I nodded. "If everything goes as planned..."

"If everything goes as planned..." he repeated, his jaw tightening. "And if it doesn't?"

I bit my lip. "Then this might be the last time you see me." I forced a smile. "Not so bad, right? Isn't that what you wanted? For me to vanish from your life?"

Mars's expression remained serious. He stepped closer, reducing the space between us to mere inches, and my heart skipped. His nearness was overwhelming. Leaning in, his breath tickled my ear, sending a chill down my spine.

"If you think that's what I want," he said softly, "then you've never really understood me, Olive."

***