Oh, it's too late

Come watch the waste

***

CHAPTER 61:

TOMORROW IS CLOSED

Lark's words hit me like a slap in the face at the most unexpected moment. Even though we hadn't spoken on the way back, her words echoed in my head all night, replaying like a looped tape. By morning, I had memorized them as if they were poems I'd learned in childhood. The stone she'd given me was in my pocket as I went to breakfast. The moment I mingled with the crowd, my hand instinctively reached for it, clutching it tightly. Don't trust anyone but yourself, I repeated. Don't let them speak. Crush their heads. No one can make me feel worthless. No one!

But...

Putting theory into practice wasn't so easy. I hadn't yet had to face Mars, but I had seen his girlfriend. I barely managed to return her waving hand with a smile. The next obstacle was the girls from class who had gossiped about me the previous day. I continued filling my plate while avoiding their stares, but I could feel their eyes on me. Their snickers echoed in my ears again. I quickly moved away from them to preserve the fragile sanity I had fought hard to regain. When I reached the table, Ursa dropped her fork in excitement.

"Where have you been, Olive? You had us worried."

"Sorry," I mumbled guiltily. "I must have fallen asleep early. I guess I'm not fully recovered yet."

I perched nervously on the edge of my chair. Our eyes met for a moment with Lark. She could have exposed my lie, but she smiled and looked down at her cards instead. I did the same, stuffing a large bite into my mouth and keeping my eyes away from the table. Unaware of my internal battle, my friends discussed topics I hadn't followed. I ate my meal in silence.

When breakfast ended, Diego had a bunch of suggestions for spending the day. Ursa agreed with some, Helene approved the most sensible ones, and Lark remained neutral. I had excused myself, claiming I had work in the greenhouse and citing my lingering illness as a reason to leave them. When I walked out to the garden, I felt lucky not to have run into Mars. Otherwise, my anger might have swallowed all of Lark's wise words.

Fortunately, I reached my flowers without incident. I sought refuge in their healing power, finding the compassion I couldn't grant myself in their soft leaves. Their sweet scents numbed my sorrow. I buried my unhealthy thoughts in the soil. There was no project I was working on; my hands moved on their own, watering the flowers, tilling the soil, planting, harvesting, pulling weeds.

As the light that had filled the greenhouse slowly gave way to the dark purple sky, I was still in the same place, in the same state. The lights had turned on automatically, and shadows stretched like little monsters to and fro. Working in the greenhouse at night might have been scary for someone else. But I couldn't imagine a place more peaceful than my garden. At least here, the venomous whispers of malicious people couldn't harm me.

But I couldn't hide in my secret garden forever. Tarben appeared at the workshop's entrance when I was struggling with a large pot of a plant. Without a word, he came over, held the pot, and helped me remove the plant. It was as if he had been here all day with me. His presence had seamlessly blended into my world.

"Thanks," I said.

"I never thought I'd meet someone more workaholic than my mom. But next to you, she seems quite lazy."

I laughed because that's what Tarben did. He sliced through the darkness, softened the air, dispelled the gloom, and lightened burdens.

"I saw your friends," he said. "They were heading to the lake. I noticed you weren't with them, so I guessed you'd be here."

"Not much surprise in my life, it seems," I said, turning back to the flower in front of me. If Tarben caught the bitter tone in my voice, he didn't show it.

"So... are you going to keep wearing yourself out here all night, or are you thinking of taking a break?"

Honestly, I wasn't considering a break. The thought of mingling with all those know-it-all peers was horrifying. Thinking about encountering Mars was even worse... Maybe hiding here till the end of my limbo life was the safest option.

"But if I leave now, I'd be handing my title over to your mom," I joked, using humor to mask my real feelings, but it made Tarben smile.

"If you don't tell anyone you ditched, I won't either," he said, winking playfully. "Don't get me wrong, I don't have any wild suggestions, but if you want, we could go to the lake together. You'd add some color to my unsurprisingly dull life."

He raised his eyebrows, waiting for my response. His goodwill was melting the ice inside me. I didn't want to say no to him. I really didn't, but...

"I'm not up for the lake today," I said, almost apologetically.

He pouted. "Neither am I, really, but I promised a certain troublemaker. They're singing a new song tonight. I'll never escape Blue's wrath if I'm not there front and center clapping."

A new song? What new song? Had they written another one?

"Come on, don't let me down," Tarben urged. "We'll eat something and listen to some music. If you get bored, I'll bring you right back. And I promise I'll be at your beck and call for any chores you need afterward." He leaned forward, serenading me in an old-fashioned way.

This time, my laughter was genuine. "Are you sure you want to be seen with me looking like this?" I gestured to myself, spreading my arms wide. Despite wearing an apron, I was covered in dirt and dust. My hair was in a messy bun on top of my head. My face was probably still puffy from the crying fit the day before. Strangely, I couldn't see any of this reflected in Tarben's attentive gaze.

"I'm all in to be seen with you in any state, Olive," he said, squinting his eyes. "But of course, if you don't want to feel alone in your mess, I could roll in the dirt too."

I was grateful he ended his unexpected compliment with humor. I still hadn't figured out what to say. Refusing him now would be not just rude but downright cruel.

"Let's skip the dirt," I said. "But if you're willing to lend me that cool jacket of yours, I won't say no. I need to elevate our average look somehow."

He laughed and didn't think twice. Before I could even untie my apron, his jacket was in his hands. He waited as I washed my hands and face, then held the jacket out for me to put on. I untied my hair bun, letting my hair fall over my shoulders. There wasn't much else I could do. I turned back to Tarben.

"What do you think?"

He didn't need to speak; his eyes said it all. He sighed. Then his fingers reached for the strands of hair obstructing my view and tucked them behind my ear. "Now, I'm the one who looks underdressed," he said.

His words were like medicine. I knew he wasn't just throwing compliments around. His excitement was spilling from his eyes. It was as if the universe had sent him to heal the wounds others had opened. I just stood there and looked into his eyes, trying to feel the vibrations his touch sent through my skin. I searched for the butterflies in my stomach. I tried to hear the palpitations in my heart.

I tried.

I tried.

They weren't there.

I panicked and forced myself to feel something. I knew Tarben was good for me. Together, we would make a great team. He could clear my confusion, end the internal battle, and defeat the chaos with peace. He... he could heal me. If only I could see a tiny spark... feel a slight buzz... Why wasn't it happening? Was I that poisoned? Was my heart that damaged?

"Are you... okay, Olive?"

I snapped out of my deep thoughts only when Tarben wiped a tear from my cheek. I was crying again. My emotional state must have been more fragile than I thought.

"I'm sorry," I said hastily, turning away. "I just... had a moment... got emotional." I wiped my face, put on a forced smile, and turned back to him. "I guess I've been alone here too long. Let's go eat something."

It was clear Tarben wanted to ask questions. Yet, when I took his arm, he silently walked me to the door. I managed to control my tears; no more came, but I was still on edge. The grief that I couldn't dispel was tightening around my chest. As we approached the lake, the pressure increased. I clenched Lark's stone like a magical talisman that could protect me.

After a short walk, we reached the statue, then the twinkling lanterns, lively sounds, and enticing smells followed. Another weekend, souls gathered at the lake to savor their second lives. In that life, I floundered. Who knew death could be harder than life? I plunged into the crowd beside Tarben like a ghost, shrinking even more inside the oversized jacket. I wanted to escape from all the probing eyes, the implications in those glances, the whispers those lips made—everything and everyone.

"Look, there are your friends," Tarben said, probably seeking support after numerous failed attempts to cheer me up. Without questioning, I followed him.

"You're the only one who could drag Olive out of that greenhouse," Ursa greeted us joyfully.

Even though Tarben smiled at Ursa's words, it was clear by now that something was wrong with the girl next to him. His face was filled with question marks, and he couldn't take his worried eyes off me. "Would you like something to eat?" he asked hesitantly. The boy who had come to the greenhouse to lighten my night with his jokes wasn't there anymore. I think I had tainted his spirit, too.

We got some food together and returned to the others. I couldn't stop my eyes from wandering. I knew who I was looking for, and being unable to control this feeling made me sicker. Thankfully, the person I was involuntarily searching for was not around. Safely enclosed in a cocoon formed by my friends' bodies, I listened to the music for a while. I occasionally joined the conversation, though my comments were brief and my laughter forced. I was managing well enough. How well I managed became apparent when the groups ended, and it was time for the final act, Blue and Mars, as usual.

Blue, in her glittery top, took the stage first to a burst of applause. But the chaos that erupted with Mars's arrival was incomparable. The moment he stepped onto the first rung, it was as if a meteor had struck among us. Still, I could hear the rumbling of my quickening heart. Seeing him was like walking through a glass wall—I was shattered. The pain took my breath away. It seemed Mars had appropriated the confidence he'd stolen from me and draped it over his shoulders. Once again, he was an unreachable star. The screams doubled when his lips rewarded his fans with a roguish smile.

And then they began to play. I knew most of their songs by now. Their stage show, where they would pause, how they would excite the audience... What I hadn't foreseen was that today, among those spectators, would be the rockstar's girlfriend. Amid her friends, Lea raised her arms, shouting her boyfriend's name. When Mars blew a kiss toward her, the crowd went wild. The whistles deafened me. It felt as if lightning had struck me. The world spun around me. The ground shook.

"I'm going to the bathroom," I blurted out suddenly. No one understood.

"You'll miss the last song," Ursa said, astonished.

I knew, but sobs had once again assaulted my throat. They wanted to burst out of me like a dam breaking. Stumbling through the hypnotized crowd watching the stage, I made it to the lodge where the bathrooms were. Instead of going in, I went behind it. My knees gave out. I leaned my back against the wooden wall, slid down to the ground, and buried my head between my knees, crying. It all felt senseless. These emotions, this sorrow, this... this suffocating desperation. But I couldn't stop.

Mars's voice echoed through the microphone. He was announcing a song they'd perform for the first time. I pressed my palms against my ears. I didn't want to hear it. But like the emotions I couldn't escape, the words seeped into my brain. Tomorrow's Closed, Mars said. It was our song. He was singing the song we wrote together. He hadn't played it at the carnival. He hadn't because he was with me then.

I wish he hadn't been. I wish he'd never helped me. I wish he'd never shown me he could be good. I wish he hadn't made me think he cared. I wish he hadn't deceived me. I wish I hadn't fallen for it. I should have let go. I should have forgotten. But I couldn't. The pain cut through me like a knife.

"Olive..."

I lifted my head. Lark was there, her hand on my shoulder. She already knew I was a building about to collapse. She had come again to prevent my downfall. She hugged me tightly. As I cried on her shoulder, her grip never loosened.

Meanwhile, Mars was finishing the song. Blue joined him: La la la la... La la la la... I felt as spent as the song. Tomorrow's closed... La la la la... La la la la...

"I can't do it, Lark," I moaned. "I can't control it. It's not working."

"I know."

"I don't want to think about him. I don't want to hurt over him. I don't want to break because of him."

"I know, Olive."

She knew. Just like she knew, no stone she could give me this time would solve my problem. Because this sickness had no cure. I had learned it when Ursa crashed and burned. I was sure of it with every disappointment Diego experienced. And now, I was the sick one. The sparks I couldn't find while looking at Tarben, the thunders I couldn't hear, the palpitations I couldn't feel were all part of the storm in my chest.

I... had fallen in love. With possibly the worst person I could. Tomorrow was closed. There was no future. Hope was exhausted. Everything was over.

La la la la... La la la la...

***