I'm so hurt...

***

CHAPTER 36:

FREE FALL

Step, plant your foot firmly, lift your arm, hold tight, and when you're sure, step again. Repeat, repeat, repeat...

This is what I had been doing for minutes. I was following Mars' footsteps like I was following a trail of breadcrumbs. I must have only climbed a couple of meters, and my arms were already aching. Even though I noticed the gap between Mars and me widening, my body could only do so much.

Step, plant your foot firmly, lift your arm...

Come on, Olive! I encouraged myself. There was no getting off this course without reaching the top. Fueled by my self-motivation, I climbed a bit further. But eventually, my arms gave out, forcing me to stop. I glanced up, and any remaining energy drained from my muscles. The ground was terrifyingly far below, and the summit felt even further away. I wasn't going to make it. Not even a few more meters. I was completely spent. I pressed my forehead against the wall and groaned.

"Come on, Oliver," Mars called down from above. "The goal is to climb up, not to stop and wait."

I was about to shout a curse at him, but then I remembered his help so far and settled for cursing him inwardly instead. I forced myself to take another step. My hand reached for the nearest hold I could see. By the time I realized my mistake, it was too late. My foot slipped, and I was left dangling in the air. My stomach lurched. I was sliding down uncontrollably with the harness keeping me suspended. I closed my eyes and braced for impact. But the expected pain never came.

"Open your eyes, Oliver, I can't hold you forever."

Mars's voice came from impossibly close. My eyes snapped open. He was indeed right beside me. He must have let himself slide down to my level. One hand gripped a hold, the other held the harness at my waist. He was the reason I hadn't fallen.

"Grab onto something, come on," he said.

Despite my shock, I managed to plant my foot on one of the holds. Then my arms reached for different grips. A moment later, I was hanging on the wall by myself again.

"Th-thank you," I stammered.

"We're a team, right?" he said with a wink. Before I could process his words, he was climbing again.

I took a deep breath and resumed my climb, cursing my fate. Now, my steps were much more cautious. I triple-checked each hold before gripping it. Despite the instructor's - I mean, the commander's - shouts of commands and threats from below, I neither sped up nor attempted the harder routes. For the first time in my life, I didn't care about coming in first place.

My strategy seemed to be working. At least, I managed to climb the next few meters without falling. But as the height increased, the world started spinning faster around me. I made an extraordinary effort not to look down. I was secured by ropes to the ceiling. Even if I fell, nothing would happen. I was safe. But... But... But... God, I hated heights.

I looked up at the ceiling in hope. I hadn't reached the summit, but I had caught up to Mars. He must have been staying in the same place for a while, or I wouldn't have been able to catch up. It didn't take long to understand the strange expression on his face. Pam... She was a few meters above, staring directly at me. Like a wolf waiting for Little Red Riding Hood to arrive...

They say people can sense impending disaster moments before it happens. I guess it's true. I felt the approaching doom, but there was nothing I could do to prevent it. Before Pam's menacing smile completely took over her face, a single word slipped from her lips.

"Oops!"

What happened next took only a second. Pam reached for her soulmate's rope, the rope snapped, and the boy was suddenly airborne, falling towards me like a sack of potatoes...

"Olive!" Mars shouted.

At the same moment, he shoved me so hard that it knocked the wind out of my lungs. My hands and feet lost their grip on the wall, and I swung away with the rope as Mars pushed me. Pam's soulmate grazed my shoulder and hit the mat with a terrible sound. I slammed into the wall at the same time. One of the holds jabbed into my stomach, bending me double. I swung back the other way and hit the wall again. This time, my ribs took the blow.

After swinging back and forth like a pendulum twice more, I started a free fall. My body, overwhelmed by pain, went limp. Instead of landing on my feet, I crashed down on my shoulder. Ouch! I rolled over, fighting the urge to vomit. My head was spinning. My senses were scrambled. I felt someone fumbling with the harness at my waist, but I couldn't open my eyes. There were voices. Conversations. My ears were ringing, and all the sounds blended into meaningless noise.

"Make way! Clear a path!"

It was our instructor's voice, but it wasn't coming from right beside me. I forced my eyes open. The first thing I saw was Mars. He was on the ground with me, helping me sit up. He had probably freed me from the harness as well. Most of the class was gathered around the boy who had fallen. The angel was giving him first aid, and they watched in horror. Everyone except Pam... She was crying. Yes, as if... as if none of this was her fault. She was crying with those poisonous tears, whimpering, sobbing...

My stomach churned even more. This gym, this Dorm, this universe... it was all too much. I wanted to escape, hide, erase everything that had happened from my memory. I was trembling. My teeth were chattering. Yet I managed to break free from Mars's grasp and stand up. I groaned as I put weight on my injured side but didn't stop.

When I stumbled, Mars tried to reach out to steady me. I didn't let him. I couldn't stand to see him or anyone else. I had to get out of there. As I moved past the wall of souls, none of them seemed to notice me while one of their own lay motionless on the floor.

As soon as I stepped into the corridor, my pace quickened. I used the wall to steady myself. I took deep breaths to avoid throwing up. One breath, another breath... Reaching the main hall, I dashed for the garden. Despite my numb limbs, I started to run. Tears burning my eyes intensified with each step. The world turned pink after a while. Shapes blurred behind my wet eyelashes.

When I reached the greenhouse, my feet instinctively led me to my garden. I rushed through the beautiful flowers like a dark cloud that didn't belong there. Barely making it to the workshop, I collapsed against the farthest wall, utterly wrecked. Pulling my knees to my chest, I buried my head, wrapped my arms around myself, and cried, cried, cried.

My fear, anger, helplessness, and all the unnamed emotions were a giant balloon trapped in my chest. I sobbed so hard I could barely breathe, but I couldn't expel the pain from inside me. I sat there for what felt like minutes. Maybe hours. When I finally stopped, it was because I had no strength left. I lifted my head, wiped the tears from my face with the back of my hand, and realized I wasn't alone in the room.

Mars... He was here. In my workshop. Sitting on the floor near the table, his back against the wooden leg, his knees drawn up to his chest just like mine. I had no idea when he had arrived or how long he had been there. When our eyes met, his jaw tightened. It was like he wanted to say something but couldn't find the words.

"What do you want?" I asked. My throat felt like it was full of sand. My voice came out as a rasp. When Mars didn't answer, I pressed on. "Why are you here? What do you want?"

He just kept looking at me. For a moment, I thought he wouldn't say anything. But then he let out a troubled sigh and said, "I warned you, Oliver."

If I had been in a rational state of mind, I might have noticed the lack of mockery in his voice. Maybe he was even... sad. But I had never felt so far from rationality. Mars's words triggered the anger I had been holding back.

"Of course..." I laughed bitterly. "You're here to rub my stupidity in my face. Why else would you come?"

His frown deepened. "That's not why I'm here."

I laughed again, fresh tears mingling with my laughter. "Why not? You won't find a better moment than this... Everything you said came true. You were right. I'm an idiot!"

Fueled by anger, I got up. I paced back and forth, breathing heavily through my nose.

"I keep trying to fix things," I said through gritted teeth. "And I keep failing. Over and over and over again!" I grabbed a pot from the shelf and smashed it to the ground. It shattered with a loud crash. "I'm so naive, so foolish that no matter how many pieces I break into, I never give up." I grabbed another pot and threw it, smashing it as well. "You were right. There's no point in trying. I'll never get home. I'll never succeed!"

I reached for a third pot, but before I could add it to the wreckage on the floor, Mars caught my wrist.

"Let me go!" I shouted. He didn't. "Let go!" I cried, struggling against him. When he had trouble restraining me, he wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close and pressing me to his chest. I didn't stop. I kept shouting. "Let me go, damn it, let go, let go, let go!"

But he didn't. Why? Why didn't he push me away? Say things to hurt me again? That way, I could take my anger out on him. But no, he just held me, one hand gripping my wrist, the other on my back. I had no strength left to fight him. My body shook violently in his embrace. I was exhausted. My head fell against his chest. And like a drowning person clinging to a lifeline, I held on to Mars and cried, cried, cried.

What had brought me to this broken state? Facing death once again? Yes, I had been terrified. The images replayed in my mind over and over. Pam's expression, her soulmate, the sound of him hitting the ground, my own fall...

But no, that wasn't what broke me. Pam had slapped me with another truth. A truth about myself... I had been taught to fight fairly with textbooks, exams, and hard work. But in this strange realm, against the cruel games of these spirits, I stood no chance. My struggle was futile. I would never be more than a pawn on their chessboard.

This realization left me feeling completely empty. The fire burning in my chest seemed to have been extinguished. My trembling stopped, my tears finally dried up, and my voice went silent. Mars had patiently waited for me to calm down. Once he realized my breakdown had passed, he slowly loosened his arm and let me go. I couldn't bring myself to look up at him. I had crumbled in front of the last person I wanted to appear weak before. Then again, what did it matter now... I had already accepted defeat.

"Please just go," I said, turning away from him.

I crouched down to gather the broken pieces on the floor. Mars hadn't moved. He watched me aimlessly pick up the shards for a while. Then he stepped in front of me and knelt down. I didn't have the strength to fight him anymore. Weary and with aching eyes, I looked at his face. He looked as exhausted as I felt.

"Leave, Mars," I repeated.

He slowly shook his head. "Quitting the game doesn't suit you, Oliver," he said calmly.

No, it didn't. But for the first time, I was the one giving up. My gaze fell to the broken pieces on the floor. Mars watched me, waiting for me to say something. When I didn't respond, he reached into the back pocket of his sweatpants and pulled out a cigarette case. I had seen it before. It was the case Pam had given him. He placed it on the broken pieces right in front of me.

"You still want to go home, don't you, Oliver?" he asked. I looked at him without understanding. "You still want that perfect life, but you think you can't achieve it, right?" he pressed. When I stayed silent, he opened the case, took out one of the pink cigarettes, and held it out to me. "You're right, as long as Pam is in your way, you can't do it. You need to overcome that obstacle first. And for that, you need to start thinking like her." He broke the cigarette in half. "Luckily for you, the only person who can help you with that is your soulmate."

"Why?" I asked. I didn't understand. Why would Mars want to help me?

He smiled and said, "Because otherwise, I'll never get rid of you." Then he continued, "Now listen carefully, because what I'm about to tell you, you'll only hear from me once. If a third person asks, I don't know you, I'll deny what I said, and I'll deny this moment ever happened. Understood?"

I didn't understand, but Mars didn't care and began to explain.

***

Those who shed tears with Olive, please leave a broken heart here :'(

But... as you might guess, the bombshell of our episode was Mars and his words. Therefore, I'd like to wish Olive a speedy recovery and immediately switch to Mars. First, let me know your emotions about him. Then, I'm waiting for conspiracy theories. What could Mars possibly tell about Pam? Whoever has the most creative idea will be rewarded with the next episode :)

 I'm waiting for your comments and sending you a big kiss. EC.