Lapis's eyebrows were furrowed, and she was staring down at the floor, saying nothing. "I-I...didn't mean it like that, Lapis..." I added, holding my hands up in defense. "I don't have much going for me anyways...it doesn't really matter." Lapis muttered, running her fingers through her hair. Uh oh. I tugged a string. "B-but aren't you gonna become an art director?! That's a very impressive position, Lazuli." I assured her. Lapis only shrugged, and closed her tired eyes. "I mean at the moment. I burn myself out all the time on all of these assignments...and sometimes it doesn't feel worth it anymore." she explained glumly.

I felt a slight ache in my chest, and I sighed. I approached the bed hesitantly, and sat beside her. "I can guarantee you it will be worth it. I promise." I told her in a softer tone, looking her straight in the eyes. Lapis's cheeks began to flush into a dark shade of pink, and her lips were slightly parted. There was that intense eye contact again. The type that always drew me in, and I never knew how to escape it. Her pupils were large, and I could even spot a small sparkle in them. However, as soon as I was captivated by her eyes, her pupils shrank again and she quickly looked away. She broke it. Again. She had a slightly hurt expression on her face, and I tilted my head in confusion.

"Hey...stop doing that." I finally said without thinking. Lapis then tensed up, looking back up at me with surprise. "S-stop doing what?" she asked nervously. "You know what I'm talking about. You do it every single time." I stated, furrowing my eyebrows. "Every single time? Wh-what?" she still played dumb, and I grunted lowly. "Every single time you make eye contact with me, you cut it short harshly and just look...hurt right afterwards. Like as though I just told you something hurtful." I explained, clutching the bed beneath me tighter. The bluenette then quickly looked away after I said, and I noticed her face flush even worse than before.

"I-I...s-sorry, just a small habit, I guess." she murmured, shrugging it off. "I never say anything to hurt you on purpose, Lapis...you always have that same pained expression on your face. If just making eye contact with me is that painful then why do..." I trailed off, beginning to hurt my own feelings. I looked down at the floor, folding my hands together. God, Lapis was supposed to leave already. Why aren't you kicking her out yet? She was only supposed to be here to drop off my goddamn glasses! "H-hey hey, it's not that, Peridot..." Lapis said in a sympathetic tone of voice, shakily raising her hand up.

My eyes were glued to her hand, but I didn't move. She gently placed her hand on my shoulder, and the pace of my heartbeat picked up drastically. For some reason, I felt a lump form in my throat...I had no idea why. "I-it's just that...honestly...s-sometimes it hurts me to look at you." she said, and I scrunched up my eyebrows in surprise. ouCh?! Lapis then widened her eyes as she probably realized how that sounded, and she intensely frowned. "N-not like THAT! Not like that at all! I-I mean y-you're beautiful, Peridot, I-I jus-I-I MEAN!" Lapis was a mess at this point, and the previous hurt I was feeling dissipated and turned into pure surprise. My face began to heat up rapidly.

"I-it hurts me to look too intensely at you b-because sometimes I just o-overthink!" Lapis tried again, tangling her fingers into her hair. "O-overthink about what?" I asked. "U-uhm...n-nothing you'd care too much about, Peridot." she said in a quieter tone, appearing to be more hurt when she said this aloud. "Why wouldn't I care?" I mindlessly leaned closer to her as my curiosity grew. Lapis then looked at me, and stared into my eyes again. Except this time, instead of a slight sparkle in her eye, it felt as though a dark shadow cast upon her ocean blue eyes...and they seemed more gloomy and solemn than anything else. Normally her eyes were like a bright, beautiful sparkling ocean on a sunny day...but this time those orbs reminded me of a harsh, stormy night in the middle of the ocean.

"You don't ever overthink?" Lapis then asked, and it caught me off guard once again. "W-well...of course I do! Who doesn't overthink, Lapis?" I replied anxiously, shaking my head. "Then you shouldn't be so curious about it. People overthink all the time. It's no sudden surprise, now, is it?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. This sudden change of mood made me shift, and my shoulders tensed up more. "I'm sorry I've caused you so much stress lately...I really don't mean to..." Lapis muttered, wrapping her arms tightly around herself.

I then began to loosen my tie once again, and I huffed. "You haven't caused me that much stress, Lapis...I've already been stressed." I replied. I was lying about the first part, but unfortunately not the second part. "I bet it's because of work, isn't it?" Lapis said, eyeing my tie. "Well...I'd be lying if I said it wasn't." I simply stated, closing my eyes and stopping for a second. "But it means everything to me...so I can handle the moderate stress." I assured. "Moderate?" Lapis asked, sounding unconvinced. She reached over, and I was taken aback as she began to fiddle with my loose tie in between her fingers. "Y-yes, moderate." I stuttered, furrowing my eyebrows and glancing to the side.

"I don't think working an overwhelming, prestigious job 24/7 will only cause moderate stress." Lapis said, further loosening my tie until it was completely undone. A blush began to spread across my cheeks for some reason, perhaps due to the fact that she was undoing my tie for me - when I was completely functional enough to do so on my own...yet I didn't stop her. I admit with the utmost honesty (and loss of respect for myself-) I genuinely wanted to see what she would do next if I just didn't move.

"O-okay...maybe a little more intense stress than I'd like to admit." I said, not reacting as harshly as I wanted to to Lapis even touching me in general. She slipped the tie off, and held it in her hands tightly. She stared down at it, and began to trace her finger over the silky tie with a soft sigh. She then laid her back down on the bed, tie still in hand. She closed her eyes, and huffed loudly with no response after that. I looked away, and my heartbeat slowed. "I'll be back. I'm going to change out of my work clothes." I stated, giving up on trying to manage my formal appearance in front of her. She didn't seem to care anyways.

. . . .

I exited the bathroom, and to my surprise, I heard the sound of light snoring as Lapis remained laying across my bed. Her grip on my tie was now a bit looser, and she looked like she was exhausted. I groaned, rolling my eyes as I realized that I would have to wake her up due to me not having a place to sleep now. I approached my bed slowly, and raised my hand reluctantly to place it on Lapis and shake her awake. However, I hesitated as I watched her continue her peaceful sleep...her chest rose and fell rhythmically. Come on, just wake her up, Peridot. JUST WAKE HER UP. IT'S NOT THAT HARD.

I balled my fist, and clenched my teeth, trying to force myself to wake her up...

I couldn't.

I couldn't do it. I almost kicked my desk and threw a temper tantrum at how fucking weak and lenient I was becoming, but that would also...wake Lapis up. So for now, I just puffed my cheeks out and screamed at the top of my lungs internally. I flipped all of the tables I wanted in my imagination, and quickly walked out of my bedroom. I did have a couch in the living room...I wish Lapis could have passed out on there instead. But the past is the past, and now I have to pay for being such a pushover.

I groaned as I slumped into the couch, snatching a blanket up to cover myself with. I draped it over myself and stared at the ceiling angrily. God dammit.

God dammit.

GOD DAMMIT.

GOD DAMMIT.