The pamphlet in my hands felt heavy like the weight in my chest. The picture of the happy family on the cover haunted me: a mother holding her teenage daughter and the father laughing and smiling in the background. Cut out the mother and the papers would be perfectly personalized for me.

My eyes read over the title on the cover again, my stomach still clenching up the same way from nerves. I wiped my sweaty hands on the hospital bedsheets, leaning back against the pillows as I dropped the booklet onto my lap.

'Choosing an ICD for Your Teen'.

ICD's were implantable cardioverter defibrillators, pacemakers to keep hearts pumping.

I didn't want one.

The doctor kept talking to Dad about options for me, going over a possible procedure that could possibly fix my problem altogether or at least extend my lifespan. Dad politely listened and asked questions, but I knew deep down he wouldn't agree to the surgery. Dad knew there was nothing I dreaded more than the thought of being cut open, and he also knew there was nothing I was scared of more than being cut open and dying on the surgical table without being able to spend my last moments with him or Louis.

We had had an agreement a long time ago: no surgery.

My doctor, Dr. Ellington, seemed to think otherwise.

"Since she did survive an episode of cardiac arrest, she would be a candidate for this operation. The ICD would help regulate her heartbeat and prevent another episode from happening again." He said, Dad sighing in his hospital chair before standing up and picking up the unopened pamphlet on my lap. He flipped through the pages quietly, sighing again before addressing Dr. Ellington.

"May we have time to consider this?" He asked politely, the doctor nodding and excusing himself to check on other patients. As soon as he closed the door behind him, Dad walked over to the nearest trash can and dropped the booklet into it.

"No one's cutting me open?" I asked hopefully, Dad walking over to me and nodding.

"We had a pinky promise a long time ago, didn't we? No surgeries." He reassured me, making me sigh in relief. My head fell back to the soft pillows, my eyes closing as relief washed over me.

"You'll be fine after a little bit of time. You don't need surgery." Dad said confidently, making me nod.

I had never spent more than a few days in the hospital, doctors often being amazed at my body's miraculous ability to heal quickly almost overnight. Every time Dad would sign the discharge papers, the nurses and doctors would joke I must have some special healing ability, and Dad would only chuckle at their comments.

Thinking about healing abilities made me wonder about Louis.

As if on cue, the door to my hospital room opened and Louis walked in, small bags of treats and snacks in his arms.

"Finally, now I can go to the bathroom." Dad groaned, getting up and heading for the door.

"Why didn't you just go earlier?" I asked, watching as my father slapped hands with Louis.

"'Cause Louis and I are a tag team to watch over you." Dad joked as he stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him.

I only rolled my eyes and tried reaching for the remote control to the television that hung from the wall, my fingers not quite reaching it. Louis quickly walked over and handed it to me, sitting down in his usual chair to the left of my bedside as he watched me aimlessly flip through channels. Once he would finish a bag of chips or a granola bar, he would discard the wrappers on my bedsheets until I glared at him to throw them away. Louis held his hands up in surrender before getting up and going to the same trash can Dad threw the pamphlet in.

I watched on as Louis reached in and pulled the medical booklet out, glancing it over for a bit before throwing away his wrappers and returning to his seat. His long fingers flipped through the pages of information easily, azure eyes scanning over them before flicking to me.

"Why was this in the trash?" He asked, eyebrows furrowed as he read over more information. My hands threaded my fingers together in worry before I attempted to change the subject. I knew Louis wouldn't understand my fear of surgery, and would probably argue that I get the ICD.

"Because I don't want it." I quickly said as I scrolled through more channels. "Wow, there's a lot of sports games on today."

The television remote was taken from my hands and used to turn the screen off, Louis' attention now completely focused on the ICD packet and what it was doing in the garbage in the first place.

"Mira." He spoke, reminding me of a parent scolding a child. "Why was this in the trash? The doctors gave this to you to help, didn't they?"

"Well, yeah..." I started, not really sure how to approach this issue. "But I'm not getting an ICD so there's no point in having the booklet."

"And why aren't you getting one? It says in here it could help keep your heart beating normally, why wouldn't you want that?"

"I just don't." I weakly said, unconsciously shrinking into the covers like they would just swallow me up and take me away from Louis' interrogation.

"That's not a good reason. Why won't you have the surgery? This thing could seriously help you." Louis argued, making me shake my head.

"I don't want the surgery. I don't want to be put under and cut open..." I trailed off, my voice growing softer. "A-and what if it doesn't even work when they try it?"

Louis saw it then, he saw how afraid I was. His lips parted slightly as he realized how scared the very idea of surgery made me, and he intertwined my fingers with his before speaking again.

"It'll be fine, you won't feel a thing." He assured me, but I only shook my head.

"Exactly. W-what if I die and I don't get t-to be with y-you...I'll n-never know because I w-won't feel anything..." My voice kept cracking and stuttering, and I felt a pinching in the corners of my eyes like I was going to cry. Louis immediately started hushing me and wiping away the small tears with his thumb, my hand gripping his left arm tightly as I closed my eyes in fear. I felt Louis' lips kiss my cheek, begging me to open my eyes again. Louis' face was blurry from my tears when I did, my grip on his arm getting slightly tighter as I ached for his comfort.

"Shh, don't cry, Butterfly. You're much prettier when you smile and you're happy." Louis whispered, offering me a small smile before he moved to sit on my bed, the mattress sinking a little with his weight. He opened his arms for me to hug him, and I gratefully wrapped my arms around his middle, my face becoming buried in the small space between his neck and shoulder and he held me tight. I felt Louis' hands on my back where the hospital gown opened a bit, warm and soothing.

"Please don't make me get it..." I weakly whispered into the crease of his neck, Louis sighing before releasing
me and tilting my chin up to stare at him.

"I just want to keep you safe." He told me quietly. "And if getting this surgery means that I don't have to worry about another incident like yesterday's happening again, then I'm fine with it."

"I'm scared, Louis." I admitted, Louis cupping my cheek with his palm and offering me a small smile. I leaned into his touch on my cheek, my eyes closing before opening to look him straight in his breathtaking eyes.

"If I could be in that room to get rid of that fear, I would. I wouldn't let anything happen to you." He told me, which made me get an idea.

"What if you were the only one in the room?" I asked rhetorically, Louis becoming confused as my fear became forgotten. His touch left my skin as he sat straight up, face scrunched up into a frown.

"What do you mean?"

"What if you were the one healing me? Isn't healing a talent?" I asked, excitement making my tears stop and hope blossom within me. "You said you can learn any talent, what if you learned to heal?"

Louis blinked in astonishment a few times before staring at me. "Learning a new talent takes time, Mira."

"But still," I insisted. "You could learn and then eventually heal me! I wouldn't need to get an ICD or surgery or anything because I'll be healed!"

Louis didn't seem to share my excitement though, his mouth setting into a frown as his eyes became cast down to the sheets.

"I can't. I don't want to hurt you." He mumbled, my hand reaching up to his face to get him to look at me. He quickly grasped my hand with his own, bringing it again to his lips to kiss over the knuckles.

"You won't hurt me. You can heal me." I told him, Louis shaking his head as he released my hand, his warm touch no longer being felt on my skin.

"I don't want to. It's too great of a risk." He sighed, his grip on the covers now tight. "I don't want to risk me doing something worse to your heart."

"I trust you." I whispered. It was true. There was no one in the world, not even the greatest cardiovascular surgeon alive, that I would rather have fix me than Louis. Call me foolish, but that's how I felt. "Nothing bad will happen, I trust you."

"Mira you don't understand. I can't do it, it would be like doing open heart surgery with my mind." Louis' voice raised slightly as he tried to reason with me. "Even a minor lapse in concentration would cause huge collateral damage."

"I'm dying." I whispered as I stared up at Louis, who winced at the sound of my harsh words. "Everyday I get closer to the moment when my heart will stop working again, only this time for good."

"Which is exactly why you need to have the surgery. I don't want to risk your life by using Luxien magic when Terran technology could fix everything perfectly fine." Louis mumbled painfully.

"I don't want Terran technology when you could fix me." I argued, Louis becoming frustrated with my stubbornness.

"Mira, you don't understand." Louis started.

"I do understa-"

"No, you don't."

"Louis, I do-"

"Mira, I could kill you." Louis delivered his ultimatum, his pretty eyes scrunching shut again as the depth of the words he said silenced the entire room. When he opened his eyes again, the crackles and sparks they displayed surprised me.

"If I'm not careful, I could kill you. Do you know what that would be like? Knowing that you were responsible for the death of someone you knew? Someone you cared about?" Louis started rambling, but that wasn't what I was focused on. Small electrical sparks began to dance on the skin of his arms and between his fingers, and my eyes were drawn to the dangerous voltage I was witnessing running through Louis' body.

"Louis-" I attempted to alert him of the electricity he was generating, but he wouldn't have it.

"No, Mira, listen to me. That would be the worst form of torture, me waking up everyday knowing that it was my fault that you took your last breath, especially when you placed so much trust in me."

My eyes were still watching the dangerous sparks.

"Louis!" I exclaimed, finally succeeding in getting him to pay attention to me. "The sparks on your arms."

His eyes grew impossibly wide as he stared at his hands and arms, immediately reaching into his pocket for a battery to control the electricity he didn't notice he was generating. As soon as his fingers touched the battery, the sparks died down and his eyes returned to their normal shade of blue.

But Louis still wasn't my usual Louis. His eyes were still wide as he realized just how much he could've hurt me had he touched even my pinky finger. His gaze flicked to the various heart monitors and machines I was connected to, my heart sinking as I saw him hurry to get off the bed and get as far away from me as possible. His palm pressed against an outlet in the corner of the hospital room to relieve himself of the high voltage in his body, his slouched figure still upset with himself as he kept his back turned to me.

"Louis." I called out for him, but he only turned his head, his eyes showing an impossible amount of hurt. He was so close to hurting me, and it was killing him.

"I-I'm sorry...I need to...I'll just go..." He mumbled, rushing out of my hospital room before I had the chance to stop him.

---

It was eight o'clock at night in the Seattle hospital and Louis still hadn't returned. His guilt was probably eating him up, and it made my heart ache to know he was only keeping his distance to try and keep me safe. Dad had asked where Louis went, and I had only answered with a vague "Out, I guess."

By eight-thirty, I had accepted that Louis probably wasn't coming back, and prepared myself to get ready for bed, when a small knock sounded on the door.

I had turned my head to find Louis holding a gigantic teddy bear in his arms and a red heart balloon in his hand. Dad seemed to realize that was his cue to get up and leave, raising his eyebrows in a silly manner at me before hurrying out and closing the door behind him.

He got you a balloon and bear...he likes youuuuu... Dad seemed to mentally tease, which I shook off as he left the room with a silly smile.

Louis was silent as he walked over to my bedside, sitting at his usual place next to my bed. He only gave me a small smile as he tied the heart balloon to one of the heart monitors, handing me the huge bear next.

He leaned over and kissed me as he tucked me in with the bear, brushing some of my hair back as he sighed.

"I'm sorry." He simply said, but I didn't care if he had prepared a long speech or only said those two words. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close to kiss him again, my lips lingering on his longer than before.

"I missed you." I mumbled, Louis looking hurt before he saw me smile at the huge teddy bear he had gotten me. He had a plaid bow tied around his neck and I thought it was just about the most adorable thing ever.

"Will you stay the night?" I asked Louis, who seemed a bit relieved at my lack of anger towards him.

"Anything for my Butterfly." He said before sitting back down and smiling that wonderful grin I loved. My arms wrapped around the plush teddy bear as I closed my eyes and prepared to go to sleep, Louis' hand running through my wavy hair as he softly sang me to sleep.

My dreams that night had no men in scary black coats or dead parents. No, my dreams that night were of Louis and me slow dancing in our meadow, with no heart problems or worries to bother us.

A/N: Dedication goes to niallsgirl2002 for her multiple comments on every chapter. You are a truly dedicated reader worthy of a dedication :)