Tw: anxiety, self harm, suicide.
The chapter's going to be a pretty triggering one so just read at your own risk and i'm here to talk always <3
*A month later*
Sophie pov

It was hard. So fucking hard. I could deal with the panic attacks earlier but now it was constant anxiety, overthinking.

I had begun self harm. Dad  didn't know. Parker didn't know. No one knew. I made the cuts on my thighs so one could see them.

Ever since the fire, I started hearing voices of mom, grandma saying horrible things and a strange voice which was kinda like my own to kill myself.

The self harm was an escape. I caused that fire. I deserve the pain.

I started school 2 weeks earlier. I had been distracted, not focusing in class. The voices never stopped. I didn't sleep. I went to school, came back and laid in bed.  I only ate when dad was there. He had been busy, claiming the insurance, work and everything.

We had a test in math two days ago. We were probably going to get it back today. Mr.Radford said we would.

"Sophie wake up already, you're going to be late." Dad said.

"I'm up." I said.

"Get ready fast. Yeah?" I nodded.

We had gotten a new house. It was a ten minute walk from my school and a twenty minute drive to the hospital. It was two floors. One for living, kitchen and all that and one basement.

I got ready fast, not really doing much just covering my dark circles and wearing a simple shirt and pants. I walked to the kitchen and dad was cooking.

"I'm making my special sandwich."

"Thank you."

"Of course."

I started thinking of an excuse. I didn't want to eat. I started putting books in my bag, checking my schedule seeing Maths was last.

Great. Just great. More anxiety.

"Come on let's eat." I walked to the table and sat down.

Dad made 4 sandwiches. I quickly took the smallest one and ate it. I stood up and he looked weird at me.

"I'm not that hungry dad, I'll eat at school don't worry."

"Alright have a great day. Also, I think I'll be late today."

"How late?"

"Around 9 I think."

"Okay, have a great day, i'll see you at night."

"I love you."

"I love you too"

I wore my shoes and started walking to school.

I entered through the gates, telling myself it's just another day and it'll be okay.

I started walking to English.

"Kill yourself."

"You don't deserve to live."

"You burnt the house you grew up in soph, you can't do anything right." That was mom's voice.

"Soph, soph." Parker said running to me

"I was calling you for a while."

"I'm sorry I was just thinking about something."

"It's alright. You haven't been talking much these days though. Everything good?"

"Oh yeah, i've just been kinda distracted you know cause of the fire."

"Alright. I'm always here to talk yeah?" I nodded.

I got through the day hearing those voices over and over again. Now it was Maths. I entered and saw a lot of people already sitting. Mr. Radford was sitting at his desk.

"Hey, Sophie meet me after class yeah? I wanna talk to you."

"Okay." I said and sat at my desk. Now I hated sitting in the front making eye contact with the teacher. I felt like they could hear what was going through my head.

Everyone came and he distributed the papers.

"What did you get soph?" Parker asked.

"He didn't give me mine. He asked me to meet him after class. I don't know why though."

"Sophie. Parker. Don't talk."

With his hands he told me he got a 46/50.

I spent the next 45 minutes wondering why he didn't give me my test and why he called me after class.

The bell rang. Everyone started leaving. When everyone left he walked to me.

"I have no idea what's been going on in your life but I do know it's really bad. You have been distracted in class lately and you did bad on the test. So Sophie what's going on?"

"I just didn't study. Everything's okay don't worry."

"You're not that type of student. You're the one who studies till they physically can't even for a small test."

"I couldn't."

"Sophie. You got a 3/50 on the test. Tell me what's wrong cause I have to report all bad grades to the principal and I also have to talk to those students' parents."

I wanted to cry. I knew I did bad on the test. But not that bad. This was an F. Dad would be so disappointed and angry.  He handed my test to me. I looked at it. All I could see were big crosses.

"I was shocked when I saw it was your paper. You're one of my brightest students Sophie and I would hate for you to get a bad grade over something we can prevent and it was a pretty easy test. The person higher than you got 26.

"I'm sorry. Can I retake it?"

"I'm afraid you can't. Just tell me a reason. I know your house burnt down and your grandma died but I know just that can't be it. You make studies your number one priority, not emotions. Tell me something Sophie."

"I was just sick that day, I wasn't feeling too well and had bad cramps." I lied.

"Okay. You can go."

"Thank you." I stood up and walked out. I put the paper in my bag and started walking home the tears threatening to fall anytime. 

I got home and started crying.

"You can't do anything right."

"You're so worthless."

"You make everything worse."

The voices. They never stopped.

I went to my room and just laid in bed.

*a few hours later* 

ASHTON POV

I was driving home when I got a call from an unknown number. I answered it hoping it wasn't anyone from the hospital I was tired and just wanted to go home.

"Hello am I talking to Sophie Walker's dad?"

"Yes, speaking."

"Hey Mr.Walker I'm her maths teacher at the school."

"Oh yeah hey Mr. Radford."

"Did she talk to you about anything that happened at school today?"

"Ah no, I'm just driving home actually. Is everything alright?"

"She got a 3/50 on a test."

That shocked me. Her maths was weak but she had never done that bad.

"I'll talk to her as soon as I get home."

"She's one of the brightest students in my class. Is everything okay?"

"Things have been kind of tough lately but I'll talk to her don't worry."

"Alright."

He hung up.

I pulled into the driveway and got out grabbing my things. I got into the house.

"SOPHIE GET HERE NOW. WE NEED TO TALK." I yelled.