dear diary,

it's like 10 o'clock but i would just like to say this simple thing;

my recent emojis are crack

😍💀❤️🙅🏼‍♀️😃😩😔🕊🥳😭🤚💕🤪💅🏻😀😠🥰😋🤷🏼‍♀️💃🧍‍♀️🤠🤩🙌❤️‍🔥👀🙃👻😛🤡

okay first of all; where's the gay flag?

lemme- 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻💅🏻

bam!

wait lemme change everything to only non face and non hand emojis! 😃 shoot-

but like as crack as possible

🦦🦦🦦🦦🍃🍃🍃🍃🌾🌾🪨🪨🥀🥀🥀🌚🌚🌚🌚🌝🌝🌝🌝⛄️⛄️⛄️🍆🍆🍆🫑🫑🫑🫒🫒🫒🍑🍑🍑🍒🍒🍒🍒🍻🍻🍻🏸🏸🏸🤿🤿🤿🤿🥁🥁🥁🎻🎻🎻🪗🪗🪗🪗🏎🏎🏎🛵🛵🛵🦼🦼🦼🚞🚞🚞🗿🗿🗿🚏🚏🚏🚏🛖🛖🛖🪛🪛🪛📟📟📟🪜🪜🪜⚙️⚙️⚙️⚰️⚰️⚰️🔭🔭🔭⚗️⚗️⚗️🧬🧬🧬🪥🪥🪥🛒🛒🛒🛒🛒🛒🛒🛒🛒🛒🛒🪆🪆🪆📜📜📜🖇🖇🖇🤎🤎🤎🤎💔💔💔🛐🛐🛐♓️♓️♓️♐️♐️♐️☢️☢️☢️💮💮💮💮🔞🔞🔞🚳🚳🚳🚳(sad dutch noises) 🔆🔆🔆⚜️⚜️⚜️🚸🚸🚸💠💠💠🛅🛅🛅™️™️™️🔝🔝🔝🔺🔺🔺🔻🔻🔹🔹🔶🔷▪️▫️◾️🔳🔲🔸◼️◽️🕐🕟🕣🕕🕢🕚🕣🕒🕡🕚🕔🇦🇺🇧🇾🇧🇯🇦🇮🇧🇴🇦🇺🇧🇫🇧🇳🇦🇼🇦🇼🇨🇼🇪🇪🇫🇮

wait now it's only the boring last ones:'(

🇦🇼🇦🇺🇫🇮🇪🇪🇨🇼🕚🇧🇳🇧🇫🕣🇧🇴🇦🇮🇧🇯🇧🇾🕔🕡🕒🔺🕢🕕🕟🕐🔹🔝◽️◼️🔻™️🛅🔸🔲

lemme try again-

🦦🦦🍃🍃🍃🌚🌚🌝🌝🍒🍒🍑🍑🍻🍻🧃🧃🧉🧉🤿🤿🪗🪗🏟🏟🚏🚏🛖🛖⚰️⚰️🛒🛒🪑🪑🗑🗑🛐🛐🚾🚾™️™️™️🔝🔝🔺🔺🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️🏳️

yeahhhh

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🏳️™️🔺🔝🚾🛐🛒🗑🪑⚰️🛖🚏☯️🏟🪗🤿🧉🧃🍻🍑🍒🍃🌝🌚🦦🛅🔲🔸

crack crack crackerdy crack crack

:)))

do ya'll know that tik tok trend thing where it's like 🎶when i grow up i wanna be famous i wanna be a star i wanna be in movies🎶 and then like lgbt creators do like "are you a part of the LGBTQ+ community?" and then they act like they're h0m0ph0bic and all?

i did that. and i posted in on my private acc with like my friends...

who are v much straight

and my caption was "y'all i'm kinda scared to say this... but i'm coming out as super straight, i hope you will all still see me the same😔❤️"

and i SWEAR if they're gonna comment smt like "omg sophie are you homophobic?!" i'm gonNA SCREAM BAHAHAHAH

2 friends already liked it and said nothing, guess they don't care i just came out to them🤚

(22:52)

i just scrolled through tik tok and this person was like "questions for people with anger issues or social anxiety in the comments" so i was like "whatever i'm just gonna answer them"

a lot of them i could relate but not that much, i'm not gonna self diagnose here. where my point is going tho, they asked "how are you doing right now?" and my first response was "my head, neck and back hurts" ....ma'am... how are you feeling? .... i don't know..?

i genuinely don't know what emotions are going through me rn...

and i wanted to ask for advise because i low-key wanna talk to my childhood therapist again... but she always tells my mom what we talked about and i honestly don't like it very much

(quick explanation; i'm high sensitive, if you don't know what it means, idk either, kidding. i'm just very sensitive and not only sadness but also anger and happiness and confusion (if that's an emotion lmfao) so i went to a therapist to help me with that when i was 8, that took me a year where we did the 'i'm okay' cursus, i went back a year later coz i was not doing so great again, went back another year later because i lost my childhood "stuffed animal" (wasn't an animal) and it made me fucking sad, obviously. now i haven't gone in like 2 years and i'm not doing so great again! :D)

for the sake of privacy let's call her anna

i know anna, anna knows me, though in 2 years a lot has changed and i honestly don't know what she looks like anymore but i feel more comfortable around her than a stranger which a new therapist will be (also she's not technically a therapist i think but honestly i don't give 2 shits)

and i'll have to find the courage to tell my mom i wanna talk to anna

so let me know what i should do💀

(23:17)